


Unanswered Questions

by theonewhereimacompletemess



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-07-10 21:45:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 97,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7009303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonewhereimacompletemess/pseuds/theonewhereimacompletemess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Tobin unexpectedly meets a person that flips her world upside down while home for the summer from college and working at DQ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kit Kats and Busch Light

September 2015

To say Tobin was a mess would be an understatement. She longed for the days that hardly anything could elicit an emotional reaction from her. As the credits to the 25th episode of House she had watched in the last two days played, she continued to cry over someone that more than likely was in the arms of someone else that night. As she ate the last Kit Kat mini from the pouch, she wanted to laugh at how ridiculous the whole weekend had been. When the plan had been made for her to dog sit for her sister while she went on vacation with her girlfriend, she jumped at the opportunity. After all, it would have been the perfect excuse to spend a weekend at home and a way for her to spend a weekend with her girlfriend Alex, whom she had been dating for around a year. Thinking back on things now, she should have known never to make plans that far ahead. What was that rule again? Never make plans further out than half the time you have been together? She never was one to follow rules though. 

Instead of a blissful weekend of sex and Netflix, she instead has spent the last two days consuming two packs of Kit Kat minis and drinking a 30 rack of Busch Light. Why not buy trash beer when you feel like trash on the inside? As the credits continue to roll in the background, she gets a random notification on her phone. Alex Morgan is in a relationship. Just when she thought she had already hit bottom, a whole new low is reached. She thinks this has to be some sort of sick joke. After all, she and Alex had broken up maybe three weeks ago and as far as she knew Alex was still “trying to get her head out of her ass so that they could have a real shot at making things work and please just wait for me to figure things out”. Tobin awoke the next morning to see her phone completely blank of any texts. She internally groans knowing whatever she had texted Alex last night was probably a drunken mess of yelling and silently thanks drunk Tobin for always deleting the evidence before falling asleep. She rolls over cuddling up to her 100-pound dog nephew that seems to know just how much she’s hurting as he’s barely left her side all weekend and she begins to reflect for the millionth time on how the hell she could be so wrong about things.

Flashback to Summer 2014

Tobin parks her piece of shit car in the usual spot in front of the small town DQ. Quickly, she grabs her visor and polo and rushes in the door. As she clocks in, she begins to look over the schedule noticing several new names on the list. The day passes quickly with bitchy old people and trashy assholes yelling about no longer offering Pepsi products (because god forbid they don’t get a large mountain dew for their already obese 10-year-old). As much as she hates dealing with the people, she would much rather be here than at home with her judgmental parents. Over the years, the DQ has become her second home or maybe first home to be honest. She began working there in high school and over time the owner, Tom, and his two daughters, Allie and Ashlyn, have informally adopted her in a way. Now that she is only back during college breaks, she realizes just how much they have taken care of her emotionally and not just financially over the years. When she had nervously told Ashlyn that she slept with her long time best friend, Christen, earlier this year and thought she was gay, Ashlyn had laughed and said did you expect me to be surprised you used to drunkenly make out with her every time you invited her over. From then on, Tobin had spent almost every day of the summer day drinking while working at the DQ with Ashlyn in the mornings and then staying on Ashlyn’s couch at nights after drinking absurd amounts of Cherry Burnett’s and Red Bull. 

As 4:30pm approaches, Tobin has a decent buzz from the Crown and Coke she has stashed in the 32-ounce DQ cup below the cash register. Finally, at 4:35pm, she sees a beat up green s-10 pull-up and a girl get out with her visor and work polo. Tobin is nervous as the ridiculously beautiful blue-eyed girl walks in. It should be sin to be so attractive that you make a DQ uniform look hot. She internally scolds herself as she thinks of Christen and there yet to be determined relationship status. Quickly, she removes the drive thru headset and wordlessly tosses it to the beautiful new girl and in classic Tobin fashion awkwardly leaves before she even gets the girl’s name. Little did she know, the blue-eyed girl would eventually turn her entire life upside down.


	2. Warning: Hot Tub May increase the Effects of Drugs and Alcohol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen/Tobin relationship background.

**Summer 2014**

Tobin stirred awake at the noise of footsteps near her head. She groaned out loud and looked at her phone.

“It’s 5am Ali, why are you even awake?”

Ali laughs and heads towards Ashlyn’s bedroom attempting to hide something behind her back. Tobin jumps off the couch and quickly reaches behind her to see what she is sneaking around for.

“Wait, why the hell do you need vegetable oil? Oh my god, wait--I take that back never tell me why you need this!”

Tobin hears Ashlyn cackling from the bedroom and Tobin takes that as her cue to go back to sleep until work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later on at work, Ashlyn is busy cooking some burgers in the back when she calls for Tobin to come hang out in the back.

“So…how are things going with Christen?” Ashlyn Asks.

“They have been amazing actually. We haven’t really talked about what we are, but you know how she is about commitment. I don’t want to force her to define things before she is ready.”

“How exactly did it all begin again? I know we talked when you were at school, but I never got the details.”

“Well it all kind of started when…”

 

**_Flashback to Christmas Break 2014_ **

Tobin checks her phone to see a text from Christen. _Hey, Scott and I will be there soon. Get ready for family night number two._ Tobin quickly chugs a beer to calm her nerves before they arrive and heads into the hot tub where her sister and girlfriend are.

Christen and Tobin have been best friends since 8th grade when Christen started public school for the first time.

Tobin had walked up to her the second week of class and said, “So I’ve heard you are the stuck up girl from Carmel or the badass from Ben Davis, which is it?”

Luckily, Christen shared her strange sense of humor and laughed saying, “Wow. I’m impressed with these rumors, but I’m the adopted kid that had been homeschooled until now.”

After that day, they became somewhat inseparable. Even when they both ended up spending time with different groups a lot in high school, they always considered the other their best friend. They barely had any classes together after 8th grade, but soccer and basketball had kept them close. They had rarely seen each other in person the last several years due to Christen going to Argentina for her first year of college and the 6 month stint she had spent in a rehab program their last year of high school. In some ways, the distance had strengthened their relationship and for Tobin, distance had definitely made the heart grow fonder. They had hung out several times over Christmas break so far and although drunkenly kissing in high school had seemed like no big deal at the time. Tobin couldn’t deny that she had always harbored feelings for Christen throughout most of high school, but she had only recognized them now that she had moved to college and realized her sexuality. Christen seemed to share the same attraction to her as the make out sessions seemed to be more frequent, but it was hard telling as she continually invited Scott along to hang out with them and insisting the 3 of them were a like a family now (apparently not realizing that them being a family also made them a pretty incestuous family).

Tobin’s thoughts of the past were broken up as Scott and Christen rounded the corner of the house. You laugh as Kelley whispers to Ann saying, “What kind of douchebag brings a Smirnoff Ice party pack?”

The night passes and you find yourself in the hot tub next to Christen. Kelley and Ann had snuck off to the pool claiming they were “too hot”, and you try not to question it since you don’t particularly like thinking about what your sister is really sneaking off to do. Honestly, the fact that Ann was living with you this summer and your parents still hadn’t caught on to them being together was somewhat ridiculous. You find yourself increasingly aware of how good Christen’s brown skin looks and how your skin tingles under the hand she has on your shoulder.

“So Tobin, you never told me how exactly you realized you were into girls?”

“Well, long story short having to get drunk to even be around John when we were dating first semester was a red flag, and after spending second semester drunk off my ass and depressed it just kind of clicked and my head and I decided that I needed to accept it because fighting it was miserable. What about you what is going on with Scott?”

“Ugh god. He is pissing me off. I’ve been very clear that it is just a friends with sometimes benefits thing but he keeps getting insanely jealous anytime I am around other people. I just need something that is simple. I need something that understands that I just need fun right now. I don’t know. After Travis, I just can’t do complicated.”

Tobin laughs and draws on her liquid courage to say, “Hi Christen, I’m fun I hear you are looking for me.”

They both laugh but soon the atmosphere shifts as Tobin feels Christen’s hand slide between her thighs under the water. Tobin glances at her lips and leans in to softly brush her lips against her own. Christen kissing never gets old. All of her senses seem intensified as Christen slides her hand down the front of Tobin’s bathing suit bottoms and slides her tongue into her mouth. A line seems to have been crossed. Although they have made out many times, this is the only time that either has ventured to touch under any clothing. The noise of someone climbing out of the pool causes Tobin to break the kiss and back away from Christen as Kelley and Ann rejoin them in the hot tub.

If Kelley has any idea what her little sister was just doing, she doesn’t let on as her and Ann easily strike up conversation with Christen. Kelley’s relationship with Christen is one of your favorite things about your friendship. While most of your other friends are afraid of Kelley due to her no bullshit attitude and brutal honesty at times, Christen has always been able to easily get along with her. You find it hard to focus on their conversation of how Ann had found out Kelley was into her after drunkenly making out with Kelley’s college roommate one night and Kelley getting pissed when you feel Christen put her hand on your thigh under the water. Thank god, you didn’t turn the hot tub lights on. The rest of the night is a blur of stories about how Kelley and Ann got together and how you had finally gotten the balls to just ask Ann if she was dating your sister after drinking a considerable amount of beer at your mom’s birthday party. Something about watching your mom blow out candles on a penis cake had led to you getting especially wasted that night. As you ate the last of the frozen pizza, your mind wandered back to the kiss earlier in the night and you found yourself leaning into Christen’s ear and saying, “Let’s go to bed”.

Once in bed, you immediately climb on top of Christen and begin to kiss her desperately. Your entire body is on fire as she flips you over to take control. You tug at the hem of her shirt until she sits up briefly to rip it off. Brief glimpses of her in the locker room have done nothing to prepare you for how hot her defined abs are up close and how wet you are just looking at her small, perky breasts. You moan as she leans down to kiss you again and you feel her breasts against your chest. As your hands slide underneath the back of her running shorts to grab her ass, you can hardly contain yourself and whisper “fuck me” at just how turned on you are. Five hours ago, you did not expect Christen to be on top of you in bed, and you definitely did not expect what happens next. Apparently, Christen took “fuck me” literally as she sits up and simply states “okay” as she begins to remove your clothing. Forming coherent thoughts is a futile attempt as you feel her slowly kiss down your body until her head is between your thighs. When her tongue meets your center for the first time, you moan loudly hoping to god that Kelley and Ann are still outside and passed out Scott doesn’t wake up and wander in. The rest of the night is spent exploring each other until neither one of you can support your own weight without shaking. The next morning you wake up cuddled in bed still naked and sigh heavily remembering the events. Christen wakes up and states she has to get her morning run in. She kisses you briefly and walks out your door.

As you drive to work with Ellie Goulding’s “Anything can happen” blasting the entire way, you know two things for certain. For one, you fucked your best friend last night, and for two, you definitely had romantic feelings for her.

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ashlyn is in near hysterics from laughing so hard after you finish telling her the story of how you and Christen had sex for the first time. You slap her telling her to quit making fun of you.

“It’s not funny Ash. We seriously have been flirting so much ever since, but I have no idea how to talk to her about it. You know I’m bad with communicating feelings. Hell, I’m bad at feelings in general.”

“I know you are. I’m sorry, Tobs. But seriously you may be the only person I know that could mutter “fuck me” to themselves and it result in the girl just saying “okay” and fucking you.”

“Hey, maybe that was part of my plan all along. I have game some times. Okay, don’t answer that I knew that was bullshit the minute I said it. I still can’t believe it happened.”

The rest of the shift passes uneventfully. You haven’t crossed paths with the blue-eyed new girl again since the day you threw the headset at her. However, you have learned that her name is Alex and she is friend with Ashlyn’s sister Allie. According to Ashlyn, “You and Alex seem like you’d be really both friends, because you’re both weird as fuck.”

That night, as you lay on Ashlyn’s couch unable to sleep, you find yourself creeping on Alex on social media just to see why Ashlyn had said that. It turns out Ashlyn may have been write. The next several days you find yourself watching all of Alex’s vines with Ashlyn during downtimes at work. This girl is exactly your type of weird and it pretty hilarious based on the 15 second videos of her doing ridiculous things around town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're thinking something is too ridiculous to be true, it probably actually happened to me at one point. i.e. my mom having penis cake on her birthday.


	3. Scotty Doesn't Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Tobin become friends. Christen and Tobin DTR kind of. Scott's birthday.

**Summer 2014**

Tobin checks the schedule the next week at work and is pleasantly surprised to see that she and Alex are finally scheduled to work together at night. They have hardly said two words to each other, but she has become increasingly intrigued about her over the weeks. Nearly everyone at work watches her vines religiously and Allie and Ashlyn both keep insisting that you would get along really well. It is a strange feeling to be so drawn to a stranger. Usually, she takes months to warm up to be people, but she is drawn to Alex having barely met her.

Over the weeks, Christen and Tobin have continued to sleep together, but they still haven’t defined their relationship at all. Tobin knows that Christen continues to hang out with Scott, but according to Christen, she told Scott that they are only friends and nothing more. Still, Tobin finds herself increasingly questioning what is happening, but she never seems to want to bring it up when her and Christen hang out. She is so happy around the girl in person that serious questions become forgotten quickly. With July quickly approaching, Tobin is hoping she will find the courage to talk about what is going on with Christen more seriously.

The night has arrived for Tobin and Alex to work together and Tobin finds herself nervous as she puts on the drive thru headset. Alex has the other headset and so far the two have barely used the button that you can use to talk only to the other person with a headset, except when Tobin needs her to grab something from the stock room. It’s odd for Tobin since usually she spends most of her shift making sarcastic comments to whomever is wearing the other headset. The tension is broken when a man in the drive thru pulls up to the window and isn’t wearing pants. All she sees is tighty whiteys and bare legs and she struggles to collect his money without laughing or staring. Immediately, she presses the A2 button to talk to Alex through the headset and signals for her to not make it obvious but come look at the guy in drive thru. Apparently, an old man half naked in drive thru is a bonding moment because Tobin and Alex spend the rest of the night talking about anything and everything. Ashlyn and Allie had been right. Alex is exactly her type of weird. They spend the rest of the shift making up ridiculous theories about the old couple that always comes in really being ghosts and only DQ workers can see them like the sixth sense or they joke about the owner Tom being pissed off all morning if he doesn’t get a chance to smoke a joint before they open. Eventually, they shift to more serious topics. Tobin finds herself admitting her fears about her friendship/quasi-relationship with Christen to Alex. Alex seems skeptical of Christen’s treatment of her, but she is polite enough to not talk too poorly of Tobin’s best friend.

After barely seeing each other the beginning of summer, Tobin and Alex suddenly find themselves working together nearly every shift. They have become annoyingly close according to Ashlyn. She states that they barely even speak to anyone else that works there, because they are too wrapped up in talking back and forth on the headset. Tobin doesn’t deny how close they have gotten. Their relationship had significantly grown one night when Tobin had accidentally seen Alex’s text messages. Her phone had been left unlocked by the register and Tobin noticed that an unsaved contact had sent her several lengthy messages. After noticing Alex was also visibly upset, she asked her what was going on. Alex had confided in Tobin that a girl she used to be friends with had been harassing her. According to Alex, they had been friends for several years but recently quit talking after the girl tried to force herself on her one night when they were drinking. The girl was so upset about her not talking to her that she had started rumors at school that Alex was a lesbian. In a small town, that had quickly gotten Alex ostracized with many of her friends, except Allie, no longer talking to her. After that night, Tobin had texted Alex to let her know she could always talk to her about anything. From that point on, they were either at work together talking or they were texting. Kelley and Ann had started to become suspicious as they would always find Tobin smiling at her phone while they were watching movies in the basement.

While Tobin’s relationship with Alex had grown, her relationship with Christen was still as muddled as ever. The 4th of July was approaching and they had plans to go to the lake with Scott and his friend for Scott’s birthday on the 2nd. Tobin was hoping this time together would be an opportunity to figure out what was going on.

Tobin wakes up the morning of their lake day excited to day drink on the lake and see Christen. Fuck Scott’s birthday, it is going to be a good day she thinks. Her thoughts are confirmed when she receives a text from Christen.

_Hey Tobs. Do you want to pick me up so we can ride together? You know your way to the reservoir far better than I do._

Tobin quickly gets ready and drives to Christen’s house honking to let her know she has arrived. Christen gets in the car looking as beautiful as ever with only a small tank top on over her bathing suit. She keeps a hand between Tobin’s legs as they drive and teasingly kisses her neck when she leans over to steal her aviators. It is a miracle they make it all the way to Cicero, despite it being a 15 minute drive. When they arrive Tobin begins putting on sunscreen as they wait for Scott and Jeremy to arrive. Christen grabs the sunscreen from her and begins to rub it in. When she reaches her chest, she slides her hands beneath Tobin’s top and cups her breasts before moving on to her stomach. Tobin finds herself wishing she had invited Christen over the night before, because it was going to be a long day if she was going to be teasing.

As Scott and Jeremy arrive, Tobin is pleasantly surprised to see that Jeremy brought some moonshine. It has been too long since she has had moonshine, which in her opinion was the main perk of going to college in the south besides better weather. As the day progressed, Tobin was increasingly peeved at Scott and Christen. It seemed that every time Christen and Tobin floated away from him, he would suddenly appear and desperately attempt to drag Christen away from her. After a while, Christen seemed to give in and her and Scott left Tobin to talk with Jeremy. Although Jeremy was nice, it became increasingly apparent that Scott had led him to believe this was some sort of double date situation. He kept hinting that they should go get dinner or hang out alone one night. Tobin kept hinting about being a lesbian until he finally seemed to get it. After they had all sobered up, Christen and Tobin got back into her jeep to drive back from the lake. Finally, Tobin found the courage to bring up their relationship.

“So, I’m not mad or anything but it seems to me like Scott thinks that you two are dating and was trying to set me up with Jeremy. I get it that we haven’t really talked about things, but just so you know I like you as more than just a friend. I don’t want there to be a question in your mind about how I feel about you. If you need to decide between me and Scott then you have the freedom to do so, but I just wanted to officially put it out there that I’m up for more than just friend with benefits if you are. You are my best friend Christen, but you and I both know that the chemistry we have is intense and has been for years before we even did anything other than talk. I think it is worth a try.”

Tobin felt tense as Lady Gaga played in the background. Suddenly, she regrets choosing the car to bring up this conversation. There is no way to escape it now. She should’ve done it on the lake where she could float away if it went badly. Christen sighs and looks over at Tobin before starting to speak.

“I know that I told you that night in the hot tub that I wanted fun and not complicated. I think that was true at the time. It wasn’t a ploy to try and get you in bed or anything. I know you well enough that you believed it would be just fun between us that night too. The truth is the only reason I talk to Scott and hang out with him is because I got scared. I’ve never felt this with anyone. I caught feelings and that usually doesn’t happen. There are all these reasons that you are too good for me and it scares me.”

“Chris—don’t say I’m too good for you. You amaze me at how strong you are. You went through rehab and an abusive relationship at 18 and managed to get yourself together enough. You are the bravest and strongest person I know.”

“Just hear me out Tobs, please. It scares me how good you are to me. It scares me that you think so highly of me. I don’t know if I’m ready to call this an official relationship, but I want to continue what we are doing and agree to be exclusive and not see other people while we figure it out. Can we go slow?”

“You have no idea how relieving that is to hear. We can set the pace however you want. I don’t need a label as long as you say it’s just me then that’s good enough for me. I trust you.”

 

The rest of the drive is spent with Christen dancing to Lady Gaga with a move she calls "the puppet" and insisting they take a selfie even though Tobin hates pictures. They reach Christen’s house and share a quick kiss before Christen heads into her house. Tobin lies awake in bed that night and texts Alex all about what happened. Strangely, Alex seems short and nonresponsive that night. Tobin decides she must just be busy and shoots off a goodnight text to Christen before falling asleep happier than she can ever remember being.


	4. Purdon't is Accurate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin and Christen take a trip to Purdue with Scott.

**Summer 2014**

Ashlyn is not surprised when Tobin recounts the conversation that had occurred the other day between her and Christen. It has been a hectic day at work with Tobin pulling a double with Allie and Ashlyn as she always does on the fourth. Since it’s in such a small town, it is the only fast food place besides subway and being located directly across from where they have fireworks, the whole town comes to DQ on the fourth. Their sales nearly triple that day compared to an average day. Luckily, the crown and coke they always sip on at work helps to deal with the scorching heat and bitchy rednecks. Alex isn’t scheduled until the night shift, so Tobin takes advantage of the time with Ashlyn and Allie to talk about Christen and bring up how weirdly quiet Alex has been the last few nights.

Ashlyn glares at Tobin when she brings up Alex’s strange behavior.

“You are so fucking clueless Tobin.”

“What do you mean? I’m not clueless.”

“Alex is into you Tobin”

“What no she isn’t?!? You are crazy. For one, we are friends now and she has mentioned wanting a boyfriend on several occasions. She is straight.”

“I don’t buy that. From what I hear, she has already been with a girl once.”

Tobin knows that she is referencing the rumors the girl who was harassing Christen had started and immediately comes to her defense.

“Ash those are rumors and they aren’t true at all. People in this town just don’t know when to shut the hell up. It’s some fucked up person that misconstrued her being nice as her being free to take advantage of. Alex is straight trust me.”

“Whatever you say Tobin, I’ve seen the way she flirts with you at work.”

“She does not flirt. We are both highly sarcastic. Plus, everyone here makes sexual jokes to each other that can’t be considered flirting.”

“True, but I still think she is flirting with you.”

“She’s not Ash. You’re crazy. She’s straight and I am happy with how things are going with Christen regardless”

Allie remains quiet throughout the conversation just laughing at Tobin and Ashlyn’s banter. Tobin hopes that Ashlyn’s crazy theories aren’t shared with Alex by Allie. Their friendship has become extremely important to her and she doesn’t want anything to jeopardize that.

The day finally comes to an end at work after 13 hours of making ice cream and food for people that are drunk and rude. Luckily, Tobin is rather intoxicated herself thanks to the crown and can’t feel how tired her legs are after standing for that long on the tile floor. Despite pulling a double, Tobin ends up helping Alex finish cleaning the lobby to be nice as it is trashed from the amount of business that was done today. They both are laughing as Tobin is singing Party in the USA while sweeping the rugs off. Knowing that Tobin is too drunk to drive, Alex offers to drive her home when they lock up. Tobin gladly accepts knowing that Ashlyn and Ali will likely be too loud tonight for her to get any sleep crashing on her couch. As close as she and Ash are, she still doesn’t care to hear her and Ali have sex. It’s bad enough when Ashlyn tells her stories about the time they fell in the shower or had sex in the back office at work.

As the fireworks start, Tobin and Alex climb into Alex’s green Chevy s10 and head towards Tobin’s house. Kelley and Ann are having a bonfire as Tobin’s parents are likely at one of their swinger parties for the night. Alex still can’t believe that Tobin’s parents are actually swingers. After all, they are the most judgmental people she has ever heard of, isn’t that slightly hypocritical? The worst part is the bizarre pictures and texts Tobin will accidentally see. Alex always laughs at them, but she knows that it is highly disturbing for Kelley and Tobin. Once again Tobin found herself confiding in Alex about these things, even though very few people know about her parental situation other than Ann and Christen.

The car ride is incredibly silently and Tobin feels nervous when she realizes this is the first time that she and Alex have really been around each other in person outside of work. Christen is at her grandma’s for the weekend and couldn’t hang out. Once they arrive, Tobin invites Alex inside to come sit by the fire. She politely declines stating that her mom is expecting her home and up early to help clean tomorrow. Tobin finds herself extremely disappointed that Alex can’t come in, but she chalks it up to not wanting to third wheel to Kelley and Ann all night.

The night ends with Tobin passed out on her bed with a half full beer on the nightstand.

The weekend after the 4th, Tobin finds herself in the backseat of Scott’s car with Christen headed up to Purdue to stay at his apartment for the weekend. Originally, she had been hesitant but Christen had told Scott about their situation and he had seemed surprisingly supportive of their relationship. They still hadn’t exactly labelled anything, but it was agreed that they weren’t going to hook up with anyone else. Plus, Tobin’s parents were actually home for once so she took any chance to get away with Christen that she could. Christen’s mom had never really liked Tobin and barely tolerated Christen’s presence at home most days so her house was not an option. Why the woman adopted children to not want them around Tobin doesn’t know, but she is thankful it led to Christen being in her life.

They planned to hang out at Scott’s to cook dinner and drink. He was inviting a frat brother over to hang out with them for the weekend. When they arrived, Scott went down to the common area to grill the steaks leaving Christen and Tobin alone. Tobin walked out on the balcony to find Christen starting out into the street. She wrapped her arms around Christen’s waist and laid her chin on her shoulder.

“You know, I used to be so jealous all the time when your high school boyfriends got to do things like this. I used to think I just wanted a boyfriend myself. Looking back, I should have realized sooner that I was gay.”

Christen laughed at this and turned around to face Tobin while still wrapped in her arms.

“Remember how everyone at soccer practice would ask if we were dating? I used to think it was so bizarre, but then again I am not a touchy person, but I’ve always been touchy with you. Plus, me always asking you to massage my legs after practice probably didn’t help.”

At this Tobin began to laugh, she glanced at Christen’s lips before taking them in her own. Christen moved to deepen the kiss sliding her tongue into Tobin’s mouth and pushing her against the concrete sides of the balcony. Tobin pulled away slightly and moved to kiss Christen’s neck. She felt Christen’s hands move to her ass and push under her shorts to grab her ass. Before long, they both pulled away with a dazed look and out of breath. Tobin doesn’t know how she ever was just friends with Christen. Every time she kissed her it was like her whole body was vibrating with pleasure.

“Chris—will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes Tobs, I think we finally just label this what it clearly is.”

At this Tobin flips Christen around and lifts her up on to the edge of the balcony. She kisses her again with more force, while running her hands up her shirt to cup her breasts over her bra. Christen moans and breaks the kiss.

“Tobs—as turned on as I get thinking about you fucking me while we are ten stories in the air and on the edge of a balcony. We should probably move inside. I wouldn’t want you to be investigated for the suspicious death of your girlfriend falling off a balcony.”

“Fine, but only because I like hearing you say girlfriend.”

As if he sensed the situation, Scott opens the door to the apartment ruining any chance that it could be continued inside.

The rest of the night goes along quickly. Scott invites his frat brother Chris over and the four of them play beer pong and poke fun at Scott most of the night. After a while, Tobin somehow finds herself alone on the couch as Christen and Scott are somewhere around the apartment or outside still she can’t remember. All she knows is the couch is comfy and soon she drifts off to sleep.

Tobin wakes up several hours later to a dark apartment. She struggles to remember where she is for a few minutes before realizing she is still at Scott’s apartment. The couch is incredibly uncomfortable and she wanders around the apartment looking for Christen. She looks around the whole apartment until the only room left is Scott’s room. She opens the door assuming they had simply passed out or were in there talking so they wouldn’t wake her on the couch. When she opens the door, she at first is not surprised to see Scott and Christen asleep in bed. They are all friends and have passed out next to each other many times. However, she soon realizes a distinct lack of clothing between the two. Tobin quickly shuts the door and tries to process what she just saw. Before she realizes it, she is dialing Alex’s number and quickly pouring another crown and coke. She opens the apartment door and wanders through the complex while the phone rings.

After four rings, the line clicks and Alex’s voice answers incredibly raspy.

“Hello?”

Tobin pauses unsure of what to say. Christen had just said yes to being her girlfriend and now she is asleep in Scott’s bed with no clothes on for some reason. She wants to believe that nothing happened, but she doesn’t know what to think. Her thoughts are interrupted as Alex speaks again.

“Tobin, I can hear you breathing. Are you there?”

“Yeah Lex, I’m here just---um. I don’t know how to start.”

“No, I mean yes. Well I’m not hurt physically or anything.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be away with Christen why are you calling me so late?”

“It’s about Christen.”

“What do you mean what happened?”

“I just…I don’t know. I’ll try and explain let me try and explain give me a minute.”

After a few minutes, Tobin begins to describe the night starting with how they had officially labeled things and ending with how she woke up to find Christen in Scott’s bed barely clothed.

“So Christen cheated on you then?”

“I—I don’t know I mean that’s what I should think right? You find your girlfriend in someone else’s bed and they cheated right? Except, we’ve been best friends for years and I can’t imagine she would ever do that. Especially hours after making it official.”

“Well, I could see why its hard to believe from your point of view. But, will you promise me you ask her about it? I know you like to avoid talking about feelings a lot, but you can’t pretend you never saw. If she did cheat, you need to know. If she didn’t cheat, it will still feel good to talk about it and know for sure.”

Tobin begins to cry as the reality of what may have happened as she slept on the couch sinks in.

“Lex what if she did. I think I am in love with her. What if she cheated because I am not enough for her?”

“Tobs, it’s okay. I know she feels things for you, trust me you’ve told me all about her. Plus, I don’t think anyone starts dating their best friend if they don’t feel anything for them that’s too evil. Do you want me to come get you? It’s only an hour away, I can.”

“No Lex. I don’t want to be a hassle. I’m just going to get drunk and get home and then I promise I’ll ask her. I don’t want to do it around Scott. I’m going to go back in and try and sleep. Thanks Lex, for answering.”

“No problem, Tobs. Also for the record, if she cheated on you she’s an idiot.”

With that, Alex hung up the phone leaving Tobin to gather herself in the hallway before reentering the apartment.


	5. Put Denial on My Resume

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin and Christen discuss what happened at Purdue.

The ride home from Purdue is torture for Tobin. Tobin had reentered Scott’s apartment and proceeded to drink half a fifth of crown until Christen had emerged from his room to pack up for the ride back. If Christen had noticed that Tobin was upset, she had chosen not to bring it up. They all quickly packed up in silence and headed into Scott’s small Volkswagen to make the hour trek back home.

Tobin stared out the window with sunglasses on and headphones in, trying not to make eye contact with Christen in the mirrors. She had no idea how to bring up the situation once she got home. _Hey did you fuck Scott the same day that we finally labelled our relationship._ There was no good way to word this. Tobin was mad at herself for even caring whether or no Christen would be upset for accusing her. She wished that she had never agreed to go to Purdue for the weekend. Even a weekend of being asked if she had a boyfriend by her parents would’ve been better than this.

Tobin’s thoughts are halted as they pull up outside of her house. She expects Christen to make some sort of move to say goodbye to her, but she merely shoots a smile towards Tobin.

“Hey, I need to go to Scott’s to pick up something I left. I’ll text you.” Christen says.

Tobin just nods and forces a smile without responding. She tried to ignore her sudden nausea at the thought of Christen being alone with Scott. She checks her phone to see a text from Alex.

Lex: _Hey Tobs, I know you are probably sleeping it off, but I’m here if you need me. You were here for me before, and I want to do the same._

Tobin couldn’t bring herself to discuss anything further. She strategically avoided the pool area knowing that her mom would try to force a conversation and slid into her room undetected. Collapsing onto her mattress, she shut her eyes hoping that her dreams would provide some respite from her current situation.

Tobin Heath had never been one to be open about her feelings. The few people that she chose to open up to are the only ones that ever saw her vulnerable. She had always been an extremely talkative child, but after several tragedies and growing up in a dysfunctional family, she closed herself off to people.

If she had to guess, she would say it traced back to her best friend and his dad dying in a car accident when she was in 3rd grade. She had never experienced loss, and her parents had never bothered to attempt to explain it to her. She found herself crying alone many nights trying to process things alone. When 4th grade hit, she had changed into a reserved child with very few friends.

Things didn’t improve for her emotionally after that. She became increasingly closed off. She grew to expect tragedy in her life. Her only goals in life were to fly under the radar and go unnoticed by her parents. When her grandfather had died her freshman year of high school, she became even more closed off to the world if that was possible. Sure, she had a few close friends, but she was never one to seek out the company of other people. She was content to close herself off and read a book. She expected to be disappointed by people and she often was.

The situation with Christen shook her emotionally. She closed herself off for several days and barely spoke with anyone unless absolutely necessary. The longer Christen went without trying to reach out to Tobin, the more Tobin began to think what happened up at Purdue had been exactly what it looked like. She was angry and sad and numb all at once somehow. She knew that they needed to talk, but she figured she could put it off for until her girlfriend started actually acting like one and tried to reach out to her.

Ashlyn and Allie could tell something was off, but they knew better than to try and force her to talk. Eventually, Tobin would break down and tell them everything, but she only opened up on her own timeline not anyone else’s.

Three days after the fiasco at Purdue, Tobin finally lost it. She had been at work several hours when suddenly she began to picture Christen partially clothed laying in Scott’s bed. _Fuck. Not this. Not here._

Ashlyn followed Tobin into the stock room when she saw her rush to the back looking upset.

“Tobin, are you okay?” Ashlyn Asks.

Instead of a response, Ashlyn is greeted with a hunched over Tobin hyperventilating and sobbing. Ashlyn place her arms under her shoulders to stand her up and holds her from behind trying to soothe Tobin until she finally catches her breathe.

“You have to talk to me. I know something is wrong. You know you can tell me whatever it is. Whatever it is, you know that I’ve seen worse. It will be okay.” Ashlyn pleads.

“She- I think she cheated on me Ash. The same fucking day, and she fucking was in bed with him as I slept on the couch.”

“I’m going to fucking kill her. What do you mean?” Ashlyn asks.

Tobin explains what she had witnessed to Ashlyn, just as she had recounted to Alex the day that it happened. Ashlyn is pissed. She had been friends with Tobin ever since she had moved back from Florida to help her dad with the store. They immediately clicked despite her being several years older than Tobin. She had witnessed the broken and emotionally stunted girl slowly open up to Christen over the last few months and wanted to strangle her looking at just how broken Tobin was now. Instead of asking for more detail, she just holds Tobin and tells her that she is staying with her that night and not to argue.

Later that night at Ashlyn’s house, Tobin is curled up on the couch with take-out boxes while Ashlyn, Ali and Ali’s daughter Madison watch Frozen. Ashlyn motions for Tobin to follow her outside as she gets up and grabs two beers from the refrigerator. Once outside, Tobin plops down on Madison’s Barbie jeep preparing herself for what Ashlyn will have to say.

“You need to talk to Christen.” Ashlyn states.

Tobin lets out a long sigh knowing that Ashlyn is right.

“I know, but I just want to avoid it. I know she’s going to hurt me and I’m not sure how I feel about things. I’ve always said that cheating is a deal breaker no matter what, but its Christen. She is my best friend and I can’t picture what my life looks like without her.” Tobin admits.

“Look, as your friend I’m probably supposed to say you deserve better and to break up with her. I’m not going to say that though. You know how much Ali and I have been through to finally get to a good place. Even though we both hurt each other at points, we made it through and it was worth it. I’ve seen you around Christen. I’ve never seen you that happy in the entire 6 years that I’ve known you. I’m not telling you to let her off the hook, but you need to talk to her about it and then decide if it’s worth it to try to get past it. If it were me, I’d give it another chance but that’s completely your decision. If I need to kick her ass just let me know.” Ashlyn chuckles as she finally sees Tobin give a slight smile.

“How did I get here?” Tobin groans.

What do you mean?” Ash asks.

“I mean, when did I become the girl with a fucked up relationship? I was pretty much resigned to a life alone only finding someone to hook up with when I needed a release. Now, I’m crying over my fucked up relationship and debating how much hurt I’m willing to accept for the possibility of future happiness.” Tobin whines.

Ashlyn chuckles, “Wow, how philosophical of you. I don’t know, Tobs. I do know that I’ve never seen you light up like you did when Christen came to visit at work that day. But, I also know that you will get through it either way. We may not be family by blood, but you know that me and Allie will be here. Plus, I think my dad may like you better than both of us.”

Tobin grabs her phone out of her hoodie pocket and pulls up Christen’s name. She steels herself before typing out a message. _Hey Chris, we need to talk are you busy?_

Ashlyn and Tobin pass time drinking beer and jumping on the trampoline with Madison, until Tobin’s phone buzzes several hours later with an incoming call from Christen.

“Hello?” Tobin whispers as she jumps off the trampoline and slips into the garage.

“Hey, sorry I just got out of work. Some old lady needed to look at every fucking pillow in Pier One. I was debating whether or not I could get away with it if I killed her and left he body in the scented candle section.” Christen laughs.

Tobin isn’t sure what she expected after not talking for several days, but it definitely wasn’t a lighthearted intro about murdering rich white people that frequent the Pier One that Christen works at.

“Not a good idea Chris. You know that they would question the ethnically ambiguous girl before anyone else. It is Hamilton County after all or as we like to call it WASP heaven. If Hitler had escaped the war, he probably would’ve retired here.” Tobin tries to stop herself but she can’t resist falling into their usually sarcastic banter.

Christen laughs for a minute before clearing her throat.

“So, you wanted to talk?” Christen asks.

“Um, yeah I wanted to talk about Purdue.  I know that I’ve been radio silent for a while and there is a reason why. I probably should’ve told you that day, but I woke up in the middle of the night and went looking for you and when I----“

“Tobs, you don’t have to explain. I know what you’re going to say. You saw me in Scott’s bed with just my bra and underwear on right?” Christen asks.

“Yeah” Tobin whispers as she tries to force herself not to cry.

“As cliché as it sounds, it was not what it looked like. I know you are thinking the worst because that is what you and I expect to happen, but I promise that this wasn’t the worst. I was really drunk and Scott did try to cuddle up next to me, but I stopped him. I took off my clothes to sleep in my drunken haze, but I did not hook up with him or anything like that.” Christen states.

Tobin doesn’t know how to respond. Christen’s voice is even and unfaltering. She thinks about her best friend that she has known since 8th grade. She thinks about how close they are despite Christen’s stint in rehab and several years where she was MIA the majority of the time due to her drug problem. She thinks about how far Christen has come and how good it feels when her lips are on hers. Finally, Tobin knows what to say to her.

“I believe you,” Tobin says, “I am not going to hold it over your head and question it next time we have a fight. If you say that’s what happened, I believe you. I trust you when you say nothing happened. I knew I needed to talk to you, but I think we should just move on from this and leave it at that. Will you come over this weekend?”

Christen lets out a long breath, “Thank god, I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me, but I promise that is the truth. I never want to hurt you. I have to go, but I’ll see you this weekend. I love you.”

“I love you too. See you Friday, Chris.” Tobin doesn’t wait for a response and hits the end button on the cracked screen of her IPhone.

Tobin lays on Ashlyn couch that night thinking about her conversation with Christen. They had said I love you before, but it had always been as friends. She wonders if this was their first “I love you” as a couple. She thinks it is almost typical of them to brush past a milestone like that without even giving it thought. She drifts off to sleep more relieved than she could verbalize and looking forward to her weekend.


	6. Radio Silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin works with Alex again after not talking for a few days due to her sorting through things with Christen. Christen is exhibiting some strange behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: I mention drug addiction in this slightly. Nothing graphic just a reference. Sorry if I haven't been warning of these things before. I will try to more consistently.

Tobin woke up Friday morning to her phone buzzing.

Allie: Hey, are you awake? Someone called in, can you work a double?

Tobin shot off a quick reply and hopped in the shower before throwing on a cut-off and her khaki work shorts and heading to her car with her visor and polo in hand. When Tobin arrived, she was pleasantly surprised to see that Alex was working that morning. She felt guilty for being so distant the last few days while she sorted through everything with Christen, but she was immediately relieved when Alex smiled brightly as she walked in the door as if to say _Don’t worry I understand._

“Hey Tobitch!” Alex yells while laughing.

“Oh Tobitch now? Maybe, I’ll leave you and Allie to suffer alone next time someone calls in.” Tobin states.

“Shut up, Tobin. You know you’d end up coming in for someone either way just so you and Al can talk on the headset about weird shit all day.” Allie interjects.

Tobin blushes and ignores the comment moving to the back room while avoiding eye contact with Alex. Truth be told, she has always found Alex attractive and their friendship has progressed more rapidly than anyone she had ever met. She sometimes wonders what it would’ve been like if she had known Alex before things had escalated with Christen. Nevertheless, she is happy with Christen and as far as she has been told Alex is straight.

Tobin washes her hands and puts on her work clothes and headset. She mentally prepares herself for another day of work at a place that she is nearly convinced is the portal to hell, but at least if she has to be stuck in hell she is stuck with Alex and Allie.

When the 3pm dead spell hits, Tobin finds herself leaning against the counter next to Alex as Allie slices tomatoes in the back room.

“Not to bring shit up, but what ended up happening with Christen? You talked to her right?” Alex asks.

Tobin sighs, “Yeah, we talked. She said that nothing happened and I believe her. I don’t think she would do that to me. We are best friends above anything else. I trust she wouldn’t hurt me. We are still together. She’s supposed to be coming over this weekend.”

“That’s good, Tobin. I’m glad you two worked things out.”

“What about you? Have you found that boyfriend you’ve been looking for yet?” Tobin asks.

Alex groans, “No, I have been talking to this guy named David. I don’t know if I like him though. It’s more just convenient. He wants to talk to me so I talk to him.”

Tobin laughs, “You sound so into him, tell me more. But seriously, you don’t have to settle I don’t know why you are so set on finding someone anyways. In my experience, it will happen when it’s supposed to with who it’s supposed to.”

“I know, it’s just what if there is something wrong with me. I’ve just been so confused lately and I feel like it would help me.” Alex states.

Tobin wants to ask what exactly she is confused about, but the drive thru bell dings and she steps towards the cash register to take the order.

The rest of the day passes without a chance for Tobin and Alex to talk about more than work before Alex gets done with her shift. As Tobin leaves work later that night, she checks her phone to see if Christen has messaged her about when she will be coming over. There are no new messages. Tobin types a message to try and plan things out. _Hey Chris, I just got off work. I know we just said weekend, but are you coming over tonight or waiting until tomorrow? I’ll be up late with Kelley and Ann as usual so just let me know. I hope your work day was better than mine, if not maybe I can make your night better ;)._

When Tobin arrives home, Kelley and Ann are out by the bonfire pit. Kelley is attempting to kick apart the giant portion of old pool deck that you have been using for firewood this summer. Of course, she succeeds as her legs are stronger than Tobin and Ann’s combined. Ann is stilling wearing her _Professional Role Models_ work shirt from the YMCA camp she works for. Tobin chuckles at the irony of her shirt and the level of drunk that Ann clearly is already.

“Hey loser, is Christen coming over tonight?” Kelley asks.

“Maybe, she hasn’t responded to me but you know her she is bad about replying. Although, it is far more consistent than it used to be now that we are together.” Tobin says.

“Didn’t she like completely disappear all the time in high school?” Ann asks.

“Yeah, I didn’t know at the time, but she went to rehab multiple times. Her ex-boyfriend got her hooked on heroin and pills. One day, I showed up to school and everyone kept asking me where she was. I had no idea and didn’t hear anything from her for months until I got a text from an odd number. We kind of just always accepted it as how life was though. I knew she still cared even if it took her years to explain why she even was gone. Our relationship has always been a no judgement and let you come to me sort of thing. It seems different now though. She is much more dependable and consistent.” Tobin states.

Their conversation is interrupted as Kelley yelps. Apparently, she had kicked the deck, but part of it flew back and cut her leg open.

“Come on Kell, I’ll clean it for you. Night, Tobs. There is more beer in the garage, if you need it.” Ann says.

With that Tobin is left alone by the fire, she checks her phone to see a new message from Alex but nothing from Christen still. Oh well, she must be asleep and is coming tomorrow instead. She opens the message from Alex.

Alex: Vodka and fruit punch Gatorade is repulsive. Why didn’t you warn me?

Tobin: Who are you even hanging out with that would suggest that? That’s just sick.

Alex: I’m alone watching Harry Potter.

Tobin: Too bad, if you were sober, you could come over here and watch Harry Potter with me. Why are you drinking alone? Where is Allie?

Alex: Allie is with her boyfriend. Seeing as she is the only person I hang out with, I’m alone.

Tobin: Well, the way I see it is you only hang out with her because you never ask to hang out with me.

Alex: You never invite me. Plus, I don’t want to interrupt your Christen time. Isn’t she supposed to be over?

Tobin: Yeah, I think she’s waiting until tomorrow. I haven’t heard from her. We will have to have a Harry Potter night at some point. It’d be nice to actually hang out some place other than work. Speaking of which, what were you talking about today about being confused?

Alex: Um, it’s nothing just was having a weird day. I’m going to pass out soon. Good night.

Tobin: Okay, good night Lex.

Tobin checks one final time for a response from Christen. With her messages still blank, she types a short text telling Christen goodnight and heads to bed. Today has been weird on many levels with Christen being a no-show and Alex being cryptic about something she is “confused about”. Tobin decides not to dwell on it as she slides under her comforter and quickly drifts off to sleep.

 

 

The next morning, Tobin rubs her eyes and checks her phone to see if Christen had replied. She frowns as there is still no response and Christen definitely should’ve been wide awake by now after finishing her usual 7am run.

Tobin: Hey Chris, text me when you get this. I will be around the house so feel free to come over whenever. Just let me know when you get this, I’m a little worried you haven’t responded yet.

If Tobin was a little worried when she woke up at 10am, she is mother with a missing kid worried by the time 10pm rolls around. Kelley and Ann had left earlier that day to go up to Michigan and visit Ann’s family. So Tobin is sitting in the pool alone and debating trying to contact Christen’s sister. She jumps out of the pool and dries off when she sees her phone light up.

Lex: Hey Tobs, I know you are probably with Christen, but do you have a minute?

Instead of replying, Tobin opts to call Alex. After one ring, Alex picks up.

“Hey, I didn’t expect such a quick response much less a call. What are you and Christen up to?” Alex says.

“Actually, I’m kind of worried. Christen hasn’t come over or responded to me. I tried to call her a few times today. We were supposed to hang out, but at this point I just want to know that she’s breathing and okay,” Tobin says.

“I’m sure that she’s okay. Maybe she had a family thing come up or something and just hasn’t had time to explain it yet.”

“Hopefully you’re right. So what’s up Lex, you asked if I had a minute?”

“Yeah, so you know that girl that has been harassing me? I think she was at my house today. I found a box next to my door with stuff that I had let her borrow in it. Do you think this is just a normal returning things gesture or should I be creeped out?”

Tobin hums before replying, “You tell me. All I know is what you’ve told me, but she sounds pretty unstable from what I’ve heard.”

“I don’t know I’m worried that she will keep randomly dropping by. It could be her finally putting things in the past, but she honestly scares me. She isn’t stable at all. Her life has been really rough and I think that she kind of pinned all of her hopes into me reciprocating her feelings. I honestly feel bad about not talking to her anymore.”

“Lex stop, she tried to force herself on you. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not wanting anything to do with her after that. Let me know if she tries to contact you again, but I wouldn’t worry just yet.”

“Okay, thanks Tobs. I should get off the phone and go shower, but I wouldn’t worry about Christen just yet. Just let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks Lex. Try not to die in the shower, we both know how clumsy you are.”

Tobin clicks the end button and decides to try calling Christen again. When she gets voicemail after one ring, she is confused to say the least. _Forwarding my calls maybe something did happen with her family and she can’t talk._ She decides to leave a voicemail for her. _Hey Chris, sorry for all the calls but I’m worried about you. I just wanted to see if you were okay. I know we didn’t have set in stone plans so it’s no big deal that you couldn’t come this weekend. I hope everything is okay. Let me know if you need anything. I love you._


	7. Can we cancel my birthday?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin's birthday doesn't go as planned. (Side note--I know that Tobin's bday isn't in July, but it is an AU after all).

It is Wednesday and the only response that Tobin has gotten from Christen is a text late Sunday saying that nothing was wrong and work has just been busy, but she would see her the next weekend for her birthday. Tobin had rented a hotel room downtown Indianapolis that weekend for her 21st birthday and was planning on going out to the bars to celebrate at midnight with Kelley, Christen, Ann, and Ashlyn. Tobin was baffled by Christen’s lack of communication ever since they had talked about what happened at Purdue. However, she tried not to let her paranoia get the best of her and chalked it up to her just being busy. After all, she did say she was still coming to Indy with her this weekend.

Alex and Christen had been in near constant communication due to Tobin’s considerable free time from Christen being so distant. After barely working together in the beginning of the summer, they were suddenly scheduled for every shift together. Sometimes, they would even trade shifts just so they could work together. Everyone at work had begun making fun of them saying that they need to just date already. Alex had for some reason decided to go along with their joke and had been saying that Tobin and her were secret lovers on the low. Tobin good naturedly went along with the joke knowing that it grossed Allie out anytime they would fake flirt in front of her. At least, Tobin was pretty sure it was fake. After all, Alex was straight and despite the weird behavior she and Christen were still together. Although, she didn’t quite understand why Alex found it necessary to go so far as to whisper in Tobin’s ear and get extremely close any time they were using the blizzard machines at the same time or why Alex felt the need to lightly trace Tobin’s palm with her fingers while Tobin took drive thru orders. She must really love grossing Allie out.

The week passed slowly, with no communication from Christen other than the text the prior Sunday. On Friday as Kelley and Ann packed the car to drive to Indy, Tobin texted Christen to let her know that they were leaving and she’d text her the room number once they got checked in so that Christen could find it when she got there. Tobin had a bad feeling about the weekend already. Ashlyn and Ali had to bail because both had gotten food poisoning. In response, Tobin had decided to invite Allie and Alex to come hang out at the hotel and pregame. They couldn’t come to the bars since they were a year younger, but she figured drinking in a hotel room downtown Indy would be fun for them still. They had a concert to attend that night but were supposed to try and come later on. Tobin was hoping it would be a fun night, despite the unsettled feeling in her stomach.

They arrived at the hotel and as promised Tobin texted Christen with the room number letting her know that they were leaving for the bars at midnight, but she could show up whenever to pregame. Kelley and Ann got ready for the night as Tobin laid on the bed mentally preparing herself for the possibility that she may throw up from drinking for the second time in her life tonight.

Around 10pm, Christen still hadn’t contacted Tobin or shown up. Allie and Alex had called saying that they weren’t going to be able to make it through traffic to meet up before the bars, but they wished Tobin happy birthday and said they would see her on Sunday. Tobin was disappointed, but she tried not to let anything ruin her night. After all, it was still early and her birthday wasn’t until midnight.

At 11:30pm, Kelley is pissed off that Christen still hasn’t contacted Tobin. Tobin is upset although she has been trying to think of reasons that Christen hasn’t shown or called. Kelley paces the hotel room ranting about Christen being “fucking sketchy” and how she’s going to “kick her ass”. After a while, Ann is able to calm Kelley down as she can tell it’s not helping Tobin at all.

When 11:45pm rolls around, it is quite clear that Christen isn’t going to show or call. Tobin is hurt and angry that somehow her weekend of fun with her girlfriend and friends for her 21st birthday has ended up with her third wheeling to Kelley and Ann. She decides to leave Christen a long voicemail. _Hey Chris, so clearly you aren’t showing tonight. I don’t know what’s going on. I thought that we were going to move past all of the disappearing acts now that we are together. I believed you when you said that nothing happened with Scott and I thought that we were in a good place. Clearly, something is going on with you that you didn’t even show up for my birthday. I hope you are okay. I wish you were here. It hurts that you wouldn’t even call me, even if you couldn’t come downtown. I’m headed out with Kelley and Ann. We need to talk about things after tonight. I don’t know what’s going on with us anymore. I want to be with you, but you have to let me in if this is going to work. I love you. Please just tell me what’s going on._

Tobin steels herself not to cry as she hits the end button on her phone. It’s her fucking birthday and she can finally legally drink. She is going to have fun even if her only companions for the night are her sister and her sister’s girlfriend.

Despite her best efforts, it is hard for Tobin to enjoy herself that night. She ends up mostly playing pool and sipping on sweet tea vodka and lemonade in the back of a bar. She is soberer than she would be on an average day at work. Around 3am, they finally head back to the hotel and Tobin falls asleep with one unread message on her phone.

Lex: Hey Tobs, I know you are probably plastered and dancing away at a bar or something right now, but I just wanted to say that you have become one of my best friends the last month or so. I am so glad that I decided to finally hit Allie up for a job. Meeting you is worth dealing with annoying customers every day. Sorry for being sappy, I got a little drunk at the concert tonight. Happy Birthday!


	8. When I said fuck me, I didn't mean fuck me up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin and Christen finally talk about her behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Mentions of drug use and addiction.

The night after Tobin’s birthday bar crawl downtown, she is sitting at dinner in a Mexican restaurant with Kelley and Ann when her phone buzzes. She opens it to find a message.

Christen: Happy Birthday!

Tobin nearly snaps her phone. She can’t even speak she is so angry. Instead she simply hands the phone to Ann knowing that she will tell Kelley.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!?” Kelley yells.

“Babe, there are children!” Ann exclaims as the soccer moms a table over eye them.

“I don’t care. That bitch thinks that she can be distant for a week then blow you off for your birthday plans and then she has the fucking nerve to text you ‘happy birthday’ with no explanation.” Kelley continues to yell as she wildly moves her hands in exasperated motions.

Tobin is just as angry, but she is less vocal than Kelley. She doesn’t even know what to say. Clearly, Christen was trying to pretend like she didn’t just blow her off. Tobin thought about not even replying for a second, but she knew she would cave eventually as she had been worried about Christen despite being mad. It would be better to plan what she was going to say.

“What should I say?” Tobin asks.

“Clearly, you need to talk to her about it, but I think you should let her know how it feels to be distant for tonight. Just say ‘thanks’ and let her question things for a change, you can call her tomorrow.” Ann states.

Kelley scoffs at this probably thinking that she should drive to Christen’s house and slap her, but she surprisingly doesn’t verbalize her thoughts for once. Tobin takes Ann’s advice knowing that she is far more level headed and very similar to Tobin in relationships. She simply responds with “Thanks” and takes another sip of her margarita. She cringes at the taste. For some reason, the bartender always makes it super strong when Kelley comes with her.

Later that night, Tobin receives a phone call from Alex. She thanks her for telling her happy birthday the night before and only slightly teases her about being so sappy. They spend hours on the phone discussing the ins and outs of Tobin’s relationship with Christen and then diverging into any topic that crosses their minds. After realizing that it’s nearly 3am, they both sigh and say good night before hanging up. Tobin feels like the talk she has with Christen tomorrow is less daunting now that she has discussed it with Alex. Before falling asleep she sends a quick text to Alex. _For the record, I'm glad I met you too._

The next morning at work Alex brings Tobin her phone in the back room showing her that she just got a text from Christen.

Christen: Can I come over tonight? I miss you.

Afraid Christen might flake if she gets serious, Tobin simply replies that she can come over at 8pm that night.

“Please tell me you aren’t letting her off the hook for everything.” Alex says.

“No, I just want to make sure she shows so that we can talk.” Tobin responds.

“Good point, you know I would have skipped the concert had I known she was going to bail on you. I get that she’s your girlfriend, but I don’t know how she can treat you that way and just expect an I miss you can I come over text to solve everything. Let me know if you need anything tonight.” Alex huffs as she turns to walk back towards the front counter.

It is 7:59pm and Tobin is a nervous wreck. Christen is supposed to come over at 8pm and she has no idea how this talk is going to go. As naïve as it may be, she still thinks that she wants to try and work things out with Christen. She refuses to accept that all their chemistry and friendship over the years has led to a break up only a few weeks from finally making it official. She has no intention to break things off as she knows she is in love with Christen.

At 8:30pm a car finally pulls into Tobin’s drive way, she is shocked to see Scott pulling in with Christen in the passenger seat. Christen stumbles out of the car and shuts the door as Scott reverses back out of the drive way. When Tobin leads Christen to her room, Christen approaches Tobin and kisses her roughly while reaching around to grab her ass. Still in a state of shock, Tobin doesn’t even have time to register what is going on before her clothes are being removed and Christen is pushing her down on to the bed. Any thought of resistance is silenced by Tobin’s desire as Christen slips a finger inside of her and bites at her collar bone. The only words that Tobin can form are incomprehensive mumbles and moans as Christen begins to pump in and out of Tobin quickly adding another finger and using her other hand to play with her breasts. The unexpected sensory overload is too much for Tobin and she comes minutes later. She is still trying to get a grip on herself when Christen finally speaks.

“God, I missed you.” Christen sighs as she cuddles next to Tobin laying her head on her chest.

The words seem to trigger something in Tobin as she quickly gets up and throws on shorts and a t-shirt. When she looks up, Christen is just staring at her with eye brows furrowed looking confused.

“What are you doing Tobin?” Christen asks.

“We need to talk about things, and I couldn’t focus like that. Although, I’m guessing that’s why you were so adamant about jumping me the minute we got into my room. You are supposed to be my girlfriend and right now it feels like I’m just a booty call! Did you even bother to think how worried I have been that you have been so distant? Putting our relationship aside for a minute, I was genuinely concerned that you had relapsed for a few days. It’s not that I don’t believe in you, but historically when you disappear on me that is what happens.” Tobin states as her voice softens to nearly a whisper.

Christen’s face moves from confused to hurt and then to angry in seconds as she stands up from the bed.

“This is exactly why we should’ve just kept things at fun. You would never have reacted this way in the past. We are supposed to never judge each other remember? Aren’t you the one that said ‘we both will make mistakes, but we will always be there at the end of the day’? Where is that now? I made some fucking mistakes and now I’m getting judged and accused of relapsing?” Christen yells now visibly shaking with anger.

Tobin lets out a long sigh before sitting on the edge of the bed. She eventually gets Christen to sit beside her after several attempts to pull on her hands. She wraps her in a firm hug before pulling back and resuming their conversation. Both of them have tears in their eyes at this point.

“I’m not judging you, Chris. I promise, but I am sharing how I felt about how you acted the last week. I was hurt when you blew me off on my birthday, but I was worried about you more than anything. If this is too much for you, we can take a step back. The last thing that I want is for you to feel pressured and have a slip up in your sobriety because of our relationship. I love you and I just want you to be happy.”

“So that’s it one week of mistakes and you are breaking up with me? You know what, I can’t do this with you. I fucked Scott at Purdue that weekend. Honestly, if dating you means that you are going to join your parents with their judgmental bullshit, then I don’t want any part of it. Have a good life, Tobin.”

Tobin is still sitting in her room on the bed alone after Christen leaves the house. She heard the door slam several minutes ago and she honestly isn’t sure how much time has passed. Tears are streaming down her face, but she can’t even describe her emotions at this point. Is empty an emotion? Whatever this is, it seems familiar and new at the same time. The sun is setting outside of her window and she sees that she has several missed texts from Alex. She can’t bring herself to move from her spot. As the sun goes down, she looks up at her walls filled with posters and whispers, “I never said break up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me, I know it's sad.


	9. Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mention of emotional and physical abuse. Again, no graphic details, but the subjects are brought up.

Two weeks have passed since Christen left Tobin’s house. Tobin fell asleep sobbing that night, but she strangely hasn’t cried since. She doesn’t know if it is shock or denial, but she can’t bring herself to cry any more. She simply chooses to block it all out and feel numb. Alex has been there for her since she showed up at Tobin’s house the day after the break up. When Tobin had woken up, she gathered enough courage to send a quick text to Alex and the next thing she knew her doorbell was ringing.

They had talked in depth about everything that happened, but still Tobin did not cry. She refused to give Christen that power over her. The person that she trusted the most had torn years of friendship and a new relationship apart in one conversation. Still, Tobin can’t help but blame herself for the situation. Was she wrong to expect Christen to change her known flakiness when they began dating? Did she push her away by asking to be official? What did Scott have that she didn’t? Tobin shares these questions with Alex one night while closing up at work.

Alex groans, “Tobin, it is not your fault. She cheated on you and that was her decision. I know it hurts and you may never know why, but that still doesn’t mean it’s your fault. If you ask me, she was just too dumb to realize what she had. You are smart and funny and a sarcastic ass, what’s not to love?”

Tobin glares at her before they both bust out laughing.

“I think you meant sarcastic with a good ass, but I’ll let that one slide, Lex.” Tobin says through her laughter.

“Whatever, maybe it was your ego that sent her running.” Alex jokes as she leans against the exit door.

“That must be it. I’ll see you tomorrow, text me when you make it home,” Tobin replies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

When Tobin gets home, Kelley and Ann are watching a documentary in the basement as usual. They know that Christen and Tobin broke up, but they haven’t really talked about it. Tobin and Kelley were extremely close, but they both had struggles with communicating emotions thanks to their emotionally and sometimes physically abusive father. Growing up, their names were synonymous with “worthless bitch” in their house. They both coped with the situation by repressing emotions and even now that they are older discussing feelings with a family member seemed too strange to attempt. Most of their heart to hearts included an empty bottle of alcohol and recounting all the shitty things that their parents had done to them over the years. Like the time Kelley had called her dad a fat ass during an argument and he had proceeded to hit her several times. Tobin was seconds away from dialing 911 when her mom got him to stop.

Tobin settled wordlessly into her favorite chair after opening a beer and turned her attention to the documentary. A few minutes late, she felt her phone buzz.

Lex: I made it home. Can I talk to you about something?

Tobin: Sure, do you want me to call?

Lex: No, don’t call I don’t think I can say it out loud quite yet.

Tobin: Okay, is everything okay? You can talk to me.

Tobin waits several minutes and watches the 3 dots on the screen indicating that Alex is still typing. She is nervous at what Alex might say. Given her luck, she will probably be down another friend after this conversation. When Alex finally responds, Tobin is in disbelief.

Lex: _I don’t know how to even start talking about this. Remember when I said that I was hoping talking to David would help me be less confused? Well, it didn’t I’m even more confused and I’m so scared to even talk about it out loud. You are the only person I feel comfortable even talking about this with at all. I think that I may be confused about my sexuality. I’m not sure what to do about it. I question it more every day and I always thought that I was straight, but now I’m just confused. What should I do Tobs?_

Tobin’s head is spinning. Alex is potentially not straight and for some reason her heart has sped up at this new information. She finds herself reflecting on their flirtatious interactions at work. They were all supposed to be joke, but now she isn’t sure if they were a joke or the joke was an excuse to test the waters. She scolds herself for immediately assuming that Alex sharing this with her means that she is may be interested in her. She carefully words her message to make sure that it comes off as supportive friend and not as trying to hit on a sexually confused friend.

Tobin: _It’s okay to be confused. I know that you just met me a few months ago, but if you had known me before you would’ve witnessed just how long I was confused myself. Looking back at it now, it is laughable to think I ever thought I was straight but it was a real struggle at the time. I’m not saying that because you are confused you must not be straight, but I am saying that it is okay to be confused. It is okay to question things. I’m glad you talked to me about this. I was very depressed when I was going through this situation and I know it can be isolating._

Lex: _Thanks, Tobs. I know that it’s okay to question things, but I guess I’m asking how I should figure it out?_

Tobin: _Well, if you are comfortable you could experiment._

As soon as she hits send, Tobin realizes that it sounds like she’s implying Alex should experiment with her. She scolds herself again and quickly tries to rectify her mistake.

Tobin: _I did not mean to sound so creepy. I didn’t mean like “hey, come over and experiment with me, your friendly neighborhood lesbian”. I just meant you could find someone that could help you sort through things. Just be sure to be open with them about being confused if you do._

Lex: _Tobin calm down. I know what you meant. Seriously, friendly neighborhood lesbian? I’m crying laughing. I think you may have a point about experimenting. I’m going to go to bed. Good night, my friendly neighborhood lesbian. P.S. I’m definitely making that your contact name in my phone. Let’s hope my mom sees it._

Tobin chuckles and looks up from her phone to see Ann and Kelley staring at her.

“Who are you talking to you’ve been engrossed in your phone all night?” Kelley asks.

“It’s just Lex, Kelley. She had a question about something.” Tobin replies.

“What was her question? ‘How long should I wait after your break up before hitting on you?’” Ann asks.

Tobin lets out a load groan and gets up from her chair.

“We are just friends.”

“That’s what you used to say about Christen.” Kelley laughs.

Tobin decides not to dignify that with a response and heads to bed. She tosses and turns that night. For the first time in weeks, she falls asleep going over the words of Alex in her head and not Christen.


	10. Push-Ups and Sunsets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex stays over at Tobin's house.

Throughout the next week at work, Alex and Tobin are scheduled together nearly every day. With the town schools starting back up soon, they are pretty much dead during the day as half the town is on vacation. The only rush they get is during lunch and the rest of the time is spent cleaning and talking to each other. If Alex is confused about her sexuality, Tobin is equally as perplexed by Alex’s behavior ever since their late night text conversation. Saying Alex is touchy at work would be an understatement. While before Tobin had always assumed Alex was just trying to mess with her and the other workers by being flirtatious, she is now beginning to question whether or not Alex is into her as Ashlyn suggested a while ago.

During a rare morning that Tobin works with Ashlyn and not Alex, she decides to bring up the situation to her friend.

“So, Alex is kind of touchy with me. Is she just like that?” Tobin asks.

Ashlyn bursts out laughing. She nearly drops the full bucket of sanitizing water that she was using to clean the ice cream machines. When she finally gathers herself, she has tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.

“Tobin, I don’t understand how you can be so book smart but common sense dumb. Alex has been flirting with you since you two started getting scheduled together. She doesn’t just act that way with anyone. She has been friends with Allie for years. I pretty much grew up with her over at my house. Trust me, she’s into you. Now go talk to my dad, he is in the barn area drinking and asked for you.”

As Tobin heads from the stock room in to the adjacent barn, she sees Tom taking a shot of tequila at the bar he set up in back. The building was originally a DQ and auto repair shop attached, but Tom simply used the attached barn area as his “man cave”. There was a large bar set up that had previously been used at the restaurant he owned before the DQ and the rest of the area was full of tools and different projects that he was working on. When Tom saw Tobin, he got out another shot glass for her.

“Hey BOS, how are you today? Do you know what BOS means?” Tom asks.

“Yes, Big Ol’ Slut. You’ve used that one before. You must be slipping in your old age.” Tobin mocks.

Tom was the strangest person that Tobin had ever met. She was terrified of doing something wrong around him when she first started, but over the years he has become like a father. He was the only male in her life that she felt cared about her besides her grandfather who passed away several years ago. As long as they got stuff done and no one complained, he let Ashlyn, Allie, and Tobin run the business while he was content to drink tequila and smoke pot in the barn area all day.

“Here,” he says as he slides her a shot glass, “have a shot with me. It’s patron so no arguments. I don’t share with just anyone.”

Tobin downs the shot and cringes. She hates straight tequila no matter the brand.

“So Ash said that you wanted to talk to me?” Tobin asks.

“Yeah, Allie told me about your girlfriend. Are you okay?” Tom asks while giving Tobin a sympathizing look.

“I’ll be fine. I’ve had much worse happen. I think she just needs to get her shit together. I don’t really get what even happened. It was a fight, but I was willing to solve things. I even think I would've forgiven her cheating on me,” Tobin explains.

“Well, don’t tell Ash and Allie that I said this but in my experience with their mom, it’s always the crazy ones that keep you caught up on them for a long time. Even if it isn't healthy. She seemed to be a special kind of crazy just like my ex-wife from what I’ve heard.”

“Yeah, she was something. I guess it doesn’t matter anymore though. I’ll see you later. I need to start the ice cream machines for the day.”

Tobin walks back in through the stock room and opens up the industrial refrigerator to start hooking up the ice cream to the machines. After attaching the ice cream mix to the hose, she flips on the power switch. Suddenly, chocolate sprays everywhere. Tobin is covered by the time she thinks to flip the switch back. Ashlyn opens the door to the cooler to see what is taking so long and busts out laughing at the sight of Tobin covered in chocolate ice cream mix.

“Hose break again?” Ashlyn Asks.

“Ugh, yes. Why does this only ever happen to me? I swear that I’m cursed. I’m going to run home and change. Are you good for a while?” Tobin asks as she starts to exit the cooler.

“Yeah, go ahead. I’ll just tell Allie to drag Alex in with her. I think she spent the night last night.”

When Tobin returns back to work after running home and changing, she is greeted with bright blue-eyes and a smirk.

“So I hear that you were covered in chocolate this morning and not in the good way. I’m sorry I missed that,” Alex smirks and shoots a wink at Tobin.

Tobin just sighs to herself as Alex walks away recalling Ashlyn’s earlier comments about Alex definitely being into her. She can’t help but let her eyes wander to Alex’s ass as she walks back into the stockroom. She scolds herself for being creepy towards her friend and turns around to help the old lady approaching the front counter. It was going to be a long day.

Later that day, Tobin is mixing up a blizzard at one of the machines when she feels someone press up behind her. Alex presses her chest into Tobin’s back as she reaches around her for a towel that could’ve easily been retrieved without this physical contact. Tobin freezes as her whole body tingles at the contact. As Alex retrieves the towel, she backs away from Tobin, but she runs her index finger down the length of Tobin’s back as she walks away. Tobin finds herself disheveled and missing the feeling of Alex pressed up against her. When she turns to walk towards the drive thru with the now finished blizzard in hand, she makes eye contact with piercing blue-eyes and can’t help but smile. _Maybe, Ashlyn was right about Alex._ Tobin shakes the thought from her head. _No, don’t start thinking that way just because Alex confided that she is questioning things. After all, there is no way someone as gorgeous as Alex would be into the strange older girl at work. Sure, they were friends, but she was far out of your league._

When Friday arrives, Tobin decides that she wants to have people from work over for a bonfire that night since Kelley and Ann are out of town again. She invites Allie, Alex, Ashlyn, and Ali to her house that morning at work. When Ashyln, Ali, and Allie all cancel for vague reasons, Tobin grows suspicious that they may be trying to force Alex and her to be alone. While she doesn’t appreciate being bailed on, she would be lying if she said she wasn’t slightly thankful to get a chance to truly hang out with Alex alone. Alex has been even more flirtatious at work after the towel grabbing incident. She has been finding any excuse she can to physically touch Tobin. The other night, Alex had even gone as far as to grab Tobin’s ass while she was taking an order on the headset for the drive thru. Tobin had yelped and missed half of the man’s order by the time she got her heart rate under control. Alex simply walked away smiling back at Tobin and calmly turning to start making the customer’s order. Despite her best efforts to keep their friendship platonic, Tobin can no longer deny her physical attraction to Alex. It seems to have grown exponentially the last several days. She finds herself struggling to focus on anything other than how inviting Alex’s lips look while her mouth forms words. Tobin has always been a good listener, but she finds herself asking Alex to repeat nearly everything she says to her these days.

In the shower, Tobin gives herself a pep talk before Alex arrives. _Don’t be creepy tonight. You get handsy when drunk, and you can’t do that with Alex tonight. She is your friend. Trying anything with her would be creepy and inappropriate. You don’t want to take advantage of knowing she is in a vulnerable and sexually confused state. Don’t even think about touching her._

Tobin brushes out her hair and throws on some Nike shorts and an old soccer T-shirt. As she brushes her teeth, she hears a knock on the back door. She opens the door with her toothbrush in her mouth and nearly swallows all of the toothpaste at the sight in front of her. Alex is wearing high-waisted jean shorts that show off her toned, tan legs and a sleeveless white blouse that is transparent enough for Tobin to see the black bandeau that she has on underneath. If Alex catches Tobin ogling her, she doesn’t let on as she quickly enters the door and opens walks into the kitchen opening up the refrigerator.

“So where are these push pops that you promised would change my life?” Alex asks.

“It’s push-ups, Lex, and trust me I used to drink a gallon a night second semester of college and I still think they are delicious. Get out the orange juice and Big Red. I’ll go grab the vodka.”

When Tobin returns to the kitchen with the vodka in hand, she sees Alex sitting on top of the counter top in the corner. Tobin tries to ignore how much she wants to place herself between Alex’s legs and kiss her as she moves towards the orange juice and big red on the counter. As she reaches for the glass pitcher in the cabinet next to where Alex sits, she nearly drops the glass pitcher when she feels a hand tug at her shorts.

“Hurry up,” Alex whines, “I want to watch the sunset outside.”

“I know hang on. I just have to mix it together. You can go outside and I’ll bring it to you.”

“Hmmm, okay. Hurry up though, I get bored easily.” Alex states as she hops down from the counter. The force of hitting the floor propels her slightly forward and she grabs Tobin’s hips to steady herself as she slides past her and out of the kitchen. Tobin lets out a long breath when she hears the door to the patio open and close. _Don’t be creepy Tobin._

Tobin focuses on the task at hand and pours half a gallon of orange juice into the pitcher, half of the fifth of vodka, and tops it off with some Big Red. She tastes it to make sure it is okay, and sighs at how delicious the concoction tastes. She pours two glasses and walks out to the patio where Alex is already sitting. Tobin smiles at Alex perched on top of the hot tub cover despite the full table and chairs next to her. She finds it cute that she will find the strangest place to sit in a room full of chairs. It seems like a very Alex thing not to sit in a chair because it is the expected thing to do. She moves towards her and hands her the cup of push-ups. She hoists herself up on the cover next to Alex and _waits_ in silence for the sun to set.

“You know, everyone at work legitimately thinks we’ve been sleeping together all summer,” Alex states. 

Tobin nearly spits out her drink at the sentence. She stares straight forward towards the sunset refusing to make eye contact and takes a large sip from her cup in order to buy some time before she responds.

Tobin lets out a nervous laugh, “Um, I knew they liked to joke at how close we are. Honestly, it’s kind of bizarre to me. We are just friends.”

Tobin doesn’t see the slight frown that forms on Alex’s face at the word ‘friends’. She is too busy congratulating herself on controlling her urge to say, “I wish,” to Alex’s statement. _Nice Tobin, you are doing so well. You can’t come on to her. She’s just your friend. She probably doesn’t even realize how flirty she is. It’s just her personality._

A few hours later and Tobin is significantly drunk after drinking the majority of the gallon of push-ups. Alex had complained that they were too sweet and switched to beer. She and Alex had given up on starting a fire when they realized all the firewood was still wet from the storm a few days earlier. Instead, they chose to retreat inside to the large sectional in Tobin’s living room and turn Harry Potter on the ridiculously expensive TV that Tobin’s dad had purchased, despite his outright refusal to give her a dime for college. Tobin was proud of herself for keeping things together so well throughout the night. She can’t quite remember everything, but she knows that she has maintained an appropriate physical distance and verbally pointed out that they are just friends any time Alex mentions the rumors at work. Tobin sprawls across the sectional and attempts to watch the movie. Although, she is finding it increasingly hard to watch when Alex is sitting perpendicular to her on the couch with her bare legs in Tobin’s view of the screen. Tobin drifts off to sleep and is stirred awake after the movie by Alex gently rubbing her back.

“Come on Tobs, let’s go to bed.”

Tobin simply nods and follows Alex through the hallway to the bathroom. They are both silent as they brush their teeth. Despite Tobin offering her guest room to Alex, Alex shrugs off her clothes and grabs some shorts and a t-shirt from Tobin’s drawer. Tobin immediately looks down at the floor and turns to run to the kitchen and grab some water. She isn’t confident enough in her drunken state to keep from touching Alex as she undresses in her room. When Tobin returns, Alex is laying on the right side of the bed looking at her phone. Tobin moves across the room and slips under the covers on the left side. She is careful to leave room between her and Alex. She isn’t sure if it is the booze or the sight of Alex in her clothes that is making it hard to form thoughts. Tobin’s internal debate on the cause of her light-headedness is interrupted by Alex.

“Hey, switch me. I always sleep on the left side.”

“Wha—yeah okay, hang on I’ll get up,” Tobin replies thinking that Alex would have a preferred side of the bed.

“Not necessary, I’ll climb over you,” Alex says.

Before Tobin can respond, Alex has sat up and swung leg over Tobin’s body. She seems to have lost her balance and she falls forward slightly. She places her arms on either side of Tobin’s head to catch herself and makes no move to climb over to the other side. Instead, Alex sits back and lets her weight rest on Tobin’s hips. Tobin’s whole body is on fire. She hasn’t moved for fear that she will reach up to grab Alex’s neck and bring her lips to her own. The alcohol and the feeling of Alex straddling her is too much to process. She simply stares blankly up at Alex hoping that she can’t see exactly how turned on she is right now. After a few moments, Alex sighs and flops off of Tobin landing on the left side of the bed.


	11. Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin is oblivious and makes horrible decisions while drunk.

The next morning, Tobin is woken up by Alex’s phone ringing.

“Lex, wake up. Your mom is calling you.”

Alex groans and rolls over to retrieve her phone from Tobin.

“Hello…Yeah mom, I’ll clean it when I get home. No mom, I’m at Tobin’s. She’s the one I told you about from work. Yeah, I’ll be there soon. Bye.”

Tobin blushes at the thought that Alex has been talking to her mom about her. She knows that they are close and telling her about Tobin seems to solidify their friendship somehow. She vaguely wonders what it would be like to have a mom that was interested enough to ask about her life for purposes other than pointing out everything she is doing wrong. As Alex gets dressed, Tobin gets up and heads into the bathroom to wash her face and get ready for the day. She stares at herself in the mirror trying to remember all of what happened last night. She remembers talking with Alex outside and throughout the movie, and she remembers the way Alex had paused while straddling her hips before eventually moving to the other side of the bed. If Tobin didn’t know any better, she would think that Alex wanted her to make a move. However, Tobin quickly pushed that thought away. Alex was her friend and there was no way that she was into her. She deserves far more than the emotionally unavailable 21-year-old from work that can’t articulate feelings and has a somewhat serious drinking habit. She turns when she sees that Alex is leaning against the entry way to the bathroom.

“Hey Tobs, I have to go but I’ll see you at work. We should do this again soon. It was nice getting you alone for once.”

“Okay, we can actually get a fire going next time when the wood is dry. You know my parents are never home in the summer so just let me know when you want to come over,” Tobin says.

Alex simply nods at this and steps forward wrapping her arms around Tobin’s waist and pulling her in for a hug. She nuzzles her face into Tobin’s neck and pulls back slightly whispering into Tobin’s ear.

“Sure, we can even invite everyone else if you want, but I call dibs on sleeping with you.”

Tobin lets out a nervous laugh and walks Alex to her car. She waves goodbye as Alex drives down her long gravel driveway and turns towards the direction of her house. _My bed just must be really comfortable or something._

~

The next day at work. Tobin is leaning against the counter scrolling through her phone when Alex comes over and rests her head on Tobin’s shoulder. She lets out a deep breath. Tobin still hasn’t gotten used to the feeling that overcomes her body every time Alex is this close to her. She tries to ignore it and focus on which high school classmate is now pregnant or selling health products online.

“Hey Tobs, do you think that you will date again after everything with Christen?” Alex asks.

“Yeah, I mean I don’t think I’m going to seek anything out for awhile, but I think that I would still try it as long as I knew that I could trust the person. I think that everything that happened with her just solidified my belief that trust is the most important part of any relationship,” Tobin says while standing upright and turning to look Alex in the eyes. If anyone understands how deeply Christen’s actions had hurt Tobin, it was Alex. She had spent countless hours listening to all of Tobin’s thoughts and feelings on the situation.

“Do you trust me, Tobin?” Alex asks as her eyes seem to search for something in Tobin’s, expectantly waiting for an answer.

“Of course, you’re my best friend.”

Unlike the night before, Tobin doesn’t miss the frown that forms at her mention of friends to Alex. She is curious about her reaction, but she quickly concludes that Alex must not believe that she trusts her.

“I’ve shared more of myself with you than anyone that I’ve met before, including Christen. I don’t know why, but I think I trusted you before I even really knew you,” Tobin admits.

At this, Alex smiles and takes Tobin’s hand in hers gently squeezing it.

“Me too,” Alex says as she turns to the cash register and clicks a button on the headset, “Hi, what can I get for you today? No sorry, we don’t have a dollar menu. No I’m sorry, I am not sure why. No we don’t have tacos either, sir. I apologize, have a good day.”

Tobin is covering her mouth and laughing when Alex turns around. Somehow, people getting irate about fast food is still funny no matter how often it happens. Alex begins to laugh too as the truck squeals its tires on its way towards the exit.

“Fucking idiots,” Alex says as she walks towards the back room to find Allie and warn her that an angry redneck might call to complain later on.

Tobin leaves work later that day and heads over to Ashlyn’s house. Ali is out of town with Madison for a family thing and Tobin has promised to come over and hang out. When she arrives, there are several cars in the parking lot that she doesn’t recognize. Apparently, Tobin isn’t the only person that Ashlyn has invited over as Ashlyn and three other people are sitting on the couch already a bit drunk. Tobin recognizes two of the people from work as Kya and Casey, and the other is introduced to her as Ashlyn’s cousin Austin.

Several hours later, Tobin is hammered and sitting on the couch between Ashlyn and Austin. In her drunken haze, Tobin decides that Alex should be hanging out with them. She pulls out her phone and starts to type out a message. On the other side of town, the message stirs Alex from her sleep.

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: _Lex, come over to Ashlyn’s house._

Alex: _I can’t, Tobs. I’m already at home for the night and in bed._

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: _Bed with me is better._

Alex: _How drunk are you Tobs?_

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: _Not relevant. You sure you can’t come?_

Alex: _No, I’m sorry. Don’t drive anywhere, goodnight._

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: _You’re cute, goodnight._

Tobin closes her phone and decides to drink more in the hopes she will quit wishing that Alex was with her tonight. A few minutes later, when Kya suggests that they go over to her house and swim, Tobin is the first one to agree to the idea. When they arrive at Kya’s, a normally body self-conscious Tobin drunkenly rips off her clothes and jumps in the pool naked. Everyone else follows and drinking games ensue despite how drunk everyone already is.

After it begins to rain, they all head inside and get dressed. Tobin isn’t even sure whose t-shirt she has on but she can care less as she sits down on the couch next to Austin. When Tobin feels Austin shift and lean in to press his lips against hers, she doesn’t pull away. Her college friends always tease Tobin by saying that she would kiss anything that has a heartbeat, if she’s drunk enough. Tonight is no exception to this rule. She allows Austin to continue to press his lips against hers despite the fact that his idea of kissing is more mild suffocation. She gets bored of his attempts to coax her into a pleasurable response and switches their position so that she can climb on top of him. When Austin pulls back and begins to trail kisses on her neck, she freezes as her thoughts wander to a person with pale-blue eyes that she wishes was underneath her right now. As quickly as it began, Tobin climbs off of Austin and straightens up her clothing.

“Sorry, man. I just am not into you that way, and I’m a little too drunk to think straight,” Tobin says chuckling at how she probably should've said I'm so drunk that I'm acting straight.

“Hey no worries, I probably shouldn’t have tried it in the first place, but my cousin didn’t warn me how hot her friend is,” Austin says.

“Well, that’s probably because Ashlyn pretty much goes through life with Ali tunnel vision,” Tobin replies and at this they both start to laugh.

The next morning at work, Ashlyn is sitting in one of the booths of the lobby working on next week’s schedule while Tobin and Alex are behind the front counter. Tobin is wiping down one of the counters with a towel when Alex comes up to her.

“So how drunk were you last night?” Alex asks.

“I’d say it’s in the top 5 of drunkest I have ever been. Why did I talk to you last night?”

Alex sighs at this and shifts her weight to her other leg before responding, “Yeah, you told me that being in bed with you was better when I said that I couldn’t come over.”

Tobin groans, “Shit, Lex, I’m sorry. I was so hammered last night I probably didn’t know who I was talking to.”

Alex laughs, “Tobin, it’s okay. I didn’t say I minded. Apparently, drunk you thinks that I’m cute as well.” As Alex says this, she steps towards Tobin and starts brushing off some of the chocolate that has accumulated on her neck with a towel.

“Still, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. You have to understand I was so drunk that I made out with Ashlyn’s cousin, Austin. I wasn’t thinking clearly,” Tobin explains desperately hoping that she didn’t cross some sort of line with Alex last night and make her uncomfortable with their friendship.

As soon as Tobin finishes her sentence, Alex immediately backs away from Tobin.

“What the fuck, Tobin, why would you do that?” Alex nearly screams and walks away from Tobin into the back room. Ashlyn has left the schedule unattended on the booth as she watches the interaction between Alex and Tobin. Alex is clearly pissed as she storms off and Tobin looks confused.

Ashlyn shoots a text to Tobin so that Alex doesn’t over hear.

Ash: _What did you do? She is mad._

Tobin: _I don’t know. I was talking about how I was so drunk that I kissed your cousin last night and she got mad. I have no idea why. I think maybe I made her uncomfortable when I texted her asking to come over last night._

Ash: _Tobin, you are oblivious. She isn’t mad at you texting her last night. She’s mad and jealous that you kissed Austin last night._

As if on cue, the door to DQ opens and Ashlyn’s cousin walks in. _Fucking great, at least Alex is in back._

“Hey you, I am surprised you are still standing after last night. I just rolled out of bed and still feel like shit,” he says. Alex emerges from the backroom with a stack of cups in her hand and glares at the two of them from her perch by the drive thru window. Tobin sees her reach for the button on the headset and hears Alex's voice in her own headset, “Is that him?”

Tobin doesn’t answer Alex, but her visible blush at the comment confirms that the man in front of her is Austin from last night. To make matters worse, Austin has noticed the death glare from Alex and is smart enough put two and two together.

“Who is the girl giving me a death stare is that your girl? I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were taken.” Austin shifts nervously looking back and forth between Alex and Tobin.

“What no? Um, that’s Alex she’s just my friend. I guess she’s somewhat protective.” Tobin replies and begins to sweat nervously when she hears Alex scoff at her statement.

“Hmm, that’s too bad she’s hot. Although, I don’t think she likes sharing her 'friends' with me by the looks of it,” Austin replies loudly enough for Alex to hear and emphasizing the word "friends" with air quotes. After this, he turns and walks out the door waving goodbye to Alex on his way. Tobin feels her phone buzz again.

Ash: _Now, do you believe me that she is jealous?_

Tobin: _Okay, maybe she is jealous, but how was I supposed to know she liked me._

Instead of a response, Ashlyn just laughs loudly and mutters something unintelligible about “oblivious” before getting up from the booth and heading into the back office, leaving Alex and Tobin alone. Tobin debates on how to proceed from here. It seems that Ashlyn may be right about Alex’s feelings for Tobin, but she is suddenly nervous at the thought of facing an angry Alex. She never would’ve been near Austin that night had she known that Alex was even a slight possibility. She knows that she needs to make it up to Alex if she is ever going to get a chance with her or remain friends at the very least. With a new found confidence, she walks over to where Alex is playing on her phone and avoiding any eye contact with Tobin.

“Hey, Lex. I’m sorry about Austin. It didn’t mean anything to me. I was just extremely drunk and to be honest I wasn’t thinking. I am not sorry that I told you about it. I always want us to be honest with each other. Will you come over tonight so that we can talk and hang out? Kelley and Ann are still gone.” Tobin looks up to see Alex still avoiding eye contact with her. Without thinking, she lifts Alex’s chin with her hand to gently bring her eyes up to meet hers. She is comforted to see that Alex looks more scared than mad right now. Her eyes shift nervously unwilling to meet Tobin’s eyes still. When Alex still hasn’t responded, Tobin brings her hands up to rest on Alex’s shoulders and gently massages her muscles with her hands.

 Please Lex, will you come over?” Tobin asks again.

Alex sighs and relaxes into Tobin’s touch, “Fine, but only if we get to watch Harry Potter again.”

Tobin smiles at her response, “No complaints here.”

When the night comes around, the confidence that Tobin had shown to ask Alex to come over is long gone. She has texted Ashlyn several times freaking out over what to do, say, and even what to wear, which Tobin usually doesn’t give a second thought to. Although they didn’t say the word “date”, Tobin knows that things have shifted after Alex got jealous about Austin. Ashlyn is no help to Tobin as her only response is to “calm down and just go for it.” When she hears a knock on the door, she checks to make sure that she hasn’t sweat through her 2nd V-neck of the night before going to get the door.

Tobin opens the door to find Alex in her familiar work uniform. She still doesn’t understand how she can make a unisex DQ polo look attractive. Alex’s hair is up a bun and Tobin lets out a chuckle at the chocolate sauce dried on her neck.

“Judging by the chocolate sauce, I’m guessing the second half of the day was busy?” Tobin asks.

“I don’t even want to talk about it. Two words, softball teams,” Alex states as she walks into the door and takes off her work polo to reveal the sports bra she is wearing underneath.

“Can I use your shower?” Alex asks turning around to look back at Tobin who is still standing at the door and quite obviously checking Alex out. Alex smirks at this and repeats her question as Tobin clearly didn’t hear her.

“Huh—oh yeah, you know where it is. Towels are in the closet at the end of the hall and take whatever clothes you want. I’m going to um, set up the movie downstairs,” Tobin says failing miserably to pull her eyes away from Alex’s exposed abs.

Alex just laughs and turns to head towards the bathroom, “Okay, try not to miss me while I’m gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Alex/Tobin things are going down. Don't kill me for stringing on the tension for so long.


	12. Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut. Sorry, not sorry.

Fifteen minutes later, Alex travels down the basement stairs to see Tobin snuggled up with a blanket and hoodie in the oversized arm chair with her feet propped up on the ottoman. She smiles at the sight and laughs as Tobin attempts to throw popcorn into her mouth and misses.

“Don’t laugh at me. You’re the one that walked in on a customer in the bathroom last week,” Tobin jokes.

“Hey, I maintain that it was his fault for not shutting the door completely. Besides, I had been holding it for half a shift and I wasn’t about to wait on the old lady to get out of the other one. At least he was done already, it could have been much worse,” Alex chuckles remembering the look on the guys face as she barged into the men’s room with her shorts already unbuttoned.

Tobin just shakes her head and pulls up the DVR on the television screen. Thankfully, Kelley had recorded every Harry Potter film during one of ABC Family’s Harry Potter Weekends.

“Which one do you want to start with?” Tobin asks as Alex climbs into the oversized chair next to her. Tobin tries to calm her heart rate at how close Alex is to her and how good she looks with her hair still damp from her shower and wearing Tobin’s Kentucky hoodie. The blue brought out the color of her eyes even more than usual. Alex reaches for the remote from Tobin’s hand and Tobin doesn’t even bother to see which movie she is selecting on the screen as she tries desperately to calm her nerves. _Relax, it’s Alex. Beautiful, intelligent, and witty Alex. She looks so good right now. Fuck, not helping. Relax, Tobin just channel your inner Ashlyn and go for it._

Tobin’s thoughts are interrupted when she feels Alex’s hand grab hers on the chair between them. Alex intertwines their fingers and gently rubs Tobin’s hand with her thumb. She doesn’t look over at Tobin and still seems focused on the movie. Tobin relaxes at Alex’s touch and decides to settle in and try to attempt to watch the movie, which apparently is Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Tobin makes it to the scene makes it until the scene where Harry’s Name is spit out of the Goblet of Fire before she can’t take it anymore and has to break the slow building tension from Alex absentmindedly drawing patterns in her palm. She turns to look at Alex sitting next her and decides now is probably the best moment she is going to get.

“Hey Lex, can I ask you something?” Tobin asks as she becomes increasingly aware of her palms sweating and hopes that Alex doesn’t notice.

Alex turns in the chair to make eye contact with her, “Sure, what is it?”

_Fuck, Tobin you really should have planned past the can I ask you a question part. Oh shit, she’s waiting for me. Okay, here it goes._ “Um-well, I- I just wanted to ask if you wanted to um—if you wanted to go to the kitchen with me to get some more snacks?” Tobin sighs and internally scolds herself for bitching out.

Alex seems to know that wasn’t Tobin’s original question, but she plays along anyways.

“Sure, let me just pause the movie.”

They both make their way up the stairs and Tobin thinks that having a view of Alex’s ass directly in front of her on the stairs but not being able to touch is some form of a punishment for her bitching out a moment ago. Tobin has never been good at verbalizing her emotions, but she is upset that she can’t find the courage to tell Alex how she feels about her. In typical Tobin fashion, she reaches for a beer from the refrigerator once they reach the kitchen and takes a few large swigs to calm her nerves. Alex must be feeling the same things as she opens the liquor cabinet and takes several pulls from the whipped cream Smirnoff before putting it back. Normally, Tobin can’t stand whipped cream, but she finds herself wanting to taste it on Alex’s lips. Alex lifts herself up to sit on the corner of the counter and smiles at Tobin waiting for her to break the silence.

Tobin struggles to find words and when she finally speaks, she can only manage to get one word out.

“Strawberries?” Tobin asks.

Alex’s brow furrows confused as to what Tobin is even talking about until she watches Tobin pull a carton of strawberries from the refrigerator and a tub of Dolci Frutta chocolate from the pantry. Finally, Alex figures out that Tobin was asking a question and not having some form of aneurysm.

“Sure, but don’t you hate strawberries?” Alex asks.

Tobin just smiles as she places the chocolate in the microwave to melt, “Yeah, but I know that you love them."

Tobin and Alex spend the next several minutes dipping the strawberries into chocolate and setting them on a baking sheet. Once they are done, Tobin places them in the freezer in the garage to set. They spend the next hour talking in the kitchen with Alex still sitting on the counter and Tobin standing next to her leaning against the counter. At some point, Tobin’s hands had begun tracing patterns on the side of Alex’s thigh, but neither of them have acknowledged the movements too afraid to vocalize the shift in their relationship that is occurring. Eventually, Tobin recalls the fruit and leaves to retrieve it from the garage freezer. She is considerably more at ease after talking with Alex for so long. She decides to relax and just enjoy the rest of the night. If things were going to happen tonight, she was going to let them naturally occur, and if things didn’t happen tonight, it was still a good night in her opinion.

When Alex lets out a yawn as Tobin returns from the garage, Tobin decides to bring the strawberries into her room so that they can lay down and watch a movie in there before bed. She gathers their supplies and moves them into her room before joining Alex in the bathroom to brush her teeth. Alex finishes before Tobin and moves to her room. Crawling into her preferred left side of the bed this time, she rests her back against the headboard and grabs the plate of chocolate covered strawberries from the nightstand. She takes a bite of one of the strawberries and moans at the taste just as Tobin enters the doorway to her room.

Tobin’s face flushes red at the sound of Alex’s moan. _Fuck that isn’t fair._

“Tobs, these are amazing. You have to try one even if you don’t like strawberries.”

Tobin climbs into bed next to Alex and hesitantly glances at the half eaten strawberry that Alex is holding up for her. She leans in to take a bite and slowly closes her mouth around the strawberry while making eye contact with Alex.

“Amazing,” Tobin says.

“See I told you, they are delicious. I knew you’d change your mind.” Alex states as she places the plate back on the night stand and scoots closer to Tobin resting her head on her shoulder.

“Nope, I still don’t like strawberries,” Tobin says.

Alex sits back up and raises an eyebrow at Tobin.

“What do you mean? You just said that it was amazing.”

Tobin pauses for a moment glancing down at Alex’s now strawberry stained lips and then back up to her eyes. She starts to lean forward slowly and whispers, “I wasn’t talking about the strawberries, Lex,” before finally pressing her lips against Alex’s.

The kiss is soft and slow. Tobin can sense Alex’s nerves and pulls back despite every nerve ending in her body screaming at her to keep going. Tobin thinks that if one thing could make her like strawberries, it might just be the lingering taste of them on Alex’s lips.

“Lex, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I just couldn’t stop myself from doing that at least once. Please talk to me. What are you feeling?” Tobin takes Alex’s hand in her own and waits for a response patiently.

Alex just shakes her head and leans forward to take Tobin’s lips in her own. This time there is no hesitance in the kiss. Alex’s left thumb brushes against Tobin’s jaw as she pulls her closer to deepen the kiss. Tobin contains her hands for as long as she can, not wanting Alex to feel pressured. She knows that as exciting as kissing a girl for the first time is there is also a chance that she will freak out as soon as her brain starts to process what is going on. Tobin’s carefully controlled behavior is abandoned when she feels Alex’s tongue slide across her lips and into her mouth. She moans into the kiss and moves her hands to Alex’s hips, gripping tightly. When air becomes a necessity, Tobin pulls back slowly and rests her forehead against Alex’s.

“Just trust me,” Tobin whispers, “and tell me if you want me to stop.”

When Alex simply nods in understanding, Tobin moves her lips to Alex’s neck and traces a lazy line from her throat to the side of her jaw with her tongue before moving to suck the skin beneath her ear. Alex lets out a soft moan and lowers her head to place a forceful bite on Tobin’s shoulder. Tobin lets out a small yelp and Alex laughs.

“What was that for?” Tobin asks.

“Nothing, I just felt like it,” Alex chuckles before tugging at the hem of Tobin’s hoodie to signal for her to remove it.

“You are a strange creature Alex Morgan,” Tobin states as she lifts her arms to allow Alex to remove her hoodie and shirt leaving her in just a Nike sports bra and shorts.

Alex doesn’t respond and simply moves to place another bite on Tobin’s collar bone this time without the clothing as a buffer. Instead of a yelp, she is rewarded with a moan from Tobin this time. Alex sucks on Tobin’s collar bone soothing the skin that she had bit before moving back to Tobin’s mouth and pressing her lips against hers again. Their lips separate briefly as Tobin removes her now favorite Kentucky hoodie from Alex leaving them both in only sports bras and shorts. When Alex moves to press kisses against Tobin’s jaw, Tobin can no longer control herself and she grips Alex’s hips maneuvering her until Tobin is laying down on the bed with Alex straddling her. She briefly remembers the familiarity of the position from the first time Alex came over and becomes even more aroused at the thought that Alex probably wanted this that night.

Alex dips her head to kiss Tobin again before whispering in her ear.

“Quit holding back on me, Tobin. You have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about this. I’m not going to freak out, I promise.”

At this, Tobin leans up and takes Alex’s face in her hands before kissing her roughly and immediately sliding her into Alex's mouth. She feels Alex lightly grind down on her hips and moves her hands to Alex’s back before sliding them under her shorts to grip her ass. Alex moans at the contact and her hips buck down against Tobin’s hips harder this time. She tugs at Tobin’s bottom lip with her teeth before pulling away from her to sit back on Tobin’s hips. Tobin whimpers at the loss of contact, but the noise stops in her throat when Alex removes her sports bra and tosses it off the bed. Without a second thought, Tobin takes one of Alex’s nipples in her mouth and gently sucks as she flicks her tongue at it. She removes one hand from Alex’s ass to massage her other breast and nearly groans when she feels that the nipple is already stiff with arousal. Alex’s head falls back as she lets out a loud moan.

“Fuck, Tobin that feels so good,” Alex says as she moans loudly again, “Look at me.”

Tobin flicks her tongue against Alex’s nipple a final time before looking up to make eye contact with Alex.

“Are you okay?” Tobin asks growing concerned that maybe this was too much too fast.

“Yes, I just—I want you to touch me,” Alex says as she grabs the hand that is still placed on her ass and guides it down the front of her shorts so that Tobin can feel how wet she is.

Tobin moans at the feeling of Alex’s warm center on her fingers and removes her hand to flip their positions. She places Alex down on the bed and hooks her thumbs under the waistband of Alex’s shorts before pulling them off slowly. Alex watches as Tobin removes her shorts pulling at the band of Tobin’s shorts hoping that she gets the hint. Tobin quickly complies removing the last of her clothing and placing herself between Alex’s thighs letting her weight rest on top of Alex’s body as she moves to kiss her already swollen lips. Tobin begins to trail kisses down Alex’s body starting with her neck and moving slowly down to her breasts and defined stomach. She pauses at her hips and softly bites at one of her hip bones sucking the spot after to soothe it. Alex has been reduced to incomprehensive mutterings and moans as Tobin continues to work her way down until her face is level with Alex’s center.

Tobin pauses waiting for Alex to look up at her and when she does Tobin runs her tongue along the length of Alex’s wet center for the first time. Alex’s head falls back against the pillow as she and Tobin moan simultaneously. Tobin goes slowly at first running her tongue through her folds several times before moving to her clit to draw lazy circles. Alex grows impatient with Tobin’s pace and reaches down to fist a hand in Tobin’s hair and pull slightly. Tobin takes the hint and stiffens her tongue to flick against Alex’s clit as she enters her with her with two fingers. Alex gasps at the new sensation and her hips buck against wanting more. Tobin begins to pump her fingers in and out slowly until she feels Alex squirm underneath her and she picks up the pace. She sucks gently at Alex’s clit at the same time and begins to tremble slightly at how turned on she is at the taste and feel of Alex. Tobin reaches up with her other hand to massage Alex’s breasts and Alex moves her hand to clutch at Tobin’s interlocking their fingers and keeping her hand firmly on her breast. Tobin begins moving her fingers more forcefully, curling them upwards and can feel Alex tightening around them.

“Fuck, I’m close. Tobin, I need you to—,” Alex doesn’t finish her sentence as she comes with a scream and squeezing Tobin’s still interlocked hand as her back arches off the bed and she trembles until collapsing back down on the bed. Her breathing is loud and unsteady as Tobin slowly removes herself from Alex’s center and moves up to kiss her again. Alex hums in satisfaction at the taste of herself on Tobin’s lips. Tobin collapses beside Alex on the bed laying on her back and motioning for Alex to come cuddle with her. Alex rolls towards Tobin and gently kisses her neck as she nuzzles into her side feeling Tobin’s arm securely around her back.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Tobin speaks softly after several minutes.

“I’m thinking that I should’ve hit Allie up for a job years ago.”

Tobin chuckles and places a kiss against Alex’s head before replying, “Goodnight, Lex.”

“Goodnight, my friendly neighborhood lesbian,” Alex laughs before closing her eyes and drifting to sleep.


	13. The Morning After Pill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex fears she is pregnant after her night with Tobin. (Totally kidding, not sure how to summarize this one).

Tobin wakes up the next morning to an empty bed. She begins to panic that Alex had freaked out about last night and left. Her breathing becomes ragged as she thinks about where she could have misread the situation. Was she wrong to take things that far? Alex had told her what she wanted, but maybe she was more unsure than she let on. Tobin thinks of Christen and how wrong she had been about her. Maybe she was just that bad at reading people. Is it possible that Alex could just walk away? She doesn’t realize she is crying until she feels the wetness on her pillow. Her chest feels heavy as she struggles to breathe with the crushing thoughts filling her head. She doesn’t even notice that someone has entered the room until she feels the bed dip and suddenly there are tan arms wrapped around her.

“Shhh, Tobs, just breathe. What’s wrong? What happened?” Alex asks in between placing soft kisses on Tobin’s shoulder.

Slowly, Tobin begins to regain her senses as she catches her breath. _She didn’t leave me._ Several minutes pass before Tobin is able to respond to Alex.

“I—I just thought that you had left. I thought you woke up and changed your mind,” Tobin whispers too afraid to turn around and face Alex.

“Tobs, I wouldn’t do that to you. Come on, I’ll make some breakfast and we can talk about it,” Alex says as she climbs out of bed and stands waiting for Tobin to follow. When Tobin stands up, they both make their way into the kitchen. Alex quickly pulls eggs from the refrigerator and turns on the stove. Tobin sits on the counter content to watch Alex as she makes breakfast and mentally processing the events of last night and what they mean. She knows what Alex means to her, but what does she mean to Alex? What happens if Alex is just experimenting and is straight? What happens either way when they leave to go back to college in a few weeks? Tobin is interrupted from her thoughts by Alex appearing in front of her with a plate of scrambled eggs extended out for her. Tobin takes the plate from Alex and follows her into the dining room to eat. They both eat in silence at first, until Alex can’t take it anymore.

“Tobin, do you like me?” Alex blurts looking back down at her eggs slightly blushing at how desperate she sounded.

“Yeah Lex, I do,” Tobin says and hesitates before adding, “But I’m terrified.”

Alex smiles at Tobin’s response, but her brows knit in confusion at Tobin’s confession of fear.

“Why are you scared?” Alex asks trying not to let her voice waver with her own fear of what Tobin might say.

“There are so many questions and I know that you’re still confused and I don’t want to force you to decide on something that you are going to wake up and not want one day.” Tobin says while pushing the remnants of the eggs around her plate unable to look up at Alex.

“Tobin, I’m not confused. I’ve liked you even when you were with Christen,” Alex starts, “I may not know what that means as far as my sexuality but honestly I’m not concerned about what label I fall under. I just know that I like you and I really liked what happened between us last night. Do you trust me, Tobin?” Alex asks while reaching for Tobin’s hand across the table.

Tobin lightly squeezes Alex’s hand in lifts her head to see that Alex is already gazing at her. She looks into Alex’s eyes as she replies, “I trust you, Lex. I do, but what happens now?”

“I don’t know. I know that Christen hurt you and that you may need some time to recover still, but I do want to move forward in some way. I don’t know if I can go back to just friends after last night. How about we take things slow?” Alex asks.

“I can do slow, but just to be sure, what exactly is slow to you?” Tobin asks squeezing Alex’s hand again.

“Good point, I think slow is we still spend time together and do whatever feels right to us during that time. We don’t label anything, but we both promise not to pursue anyone else romantically until we figure things out for sure.”

Tobin lets out a breath, “I think I like slow. I just have one last question.”

“What’s that?” Alex asks as she stands and grabs both plates and walks into the kitchen putting them in the sink. Tobin follows Alex and wraps her arms around her from behind pulling her closer.

“Does slow include you coming back to bed with me until it’s time for work?” Tobin asks as she places a kiss to Alex’s neck. Alex turns in Tobin’s arm until she is facing her. She wraps one arm around Tobin’s neck and lets the other wander behind her to squeeze her ass.

“As good as that sounds, we have work soon. How about you join me in the shower instead?”

Tobin doesn’t answer. Instead, she bends down and lifts Alex up throwing her over her shoulder and walking towards the bathroom.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 4:45pm, Alex and Tobin pull into the DQ parking lot in separate cars. They figured it was best to keep things on the down low, since they got enough heckling at work before anything happened. Allie is standing at the counter when they get in the door and glaring at them both.

“You guys are late,” she states looking slightly pissed.

Alex and Tobin mumble apologies and both move to clock in. As Tobin types in number 17 and punches in, she is startled by Allie shrieking from her spot next to the counter.

“Oh my fucking god, you guys are ridiculous!” Allie screams as she moves closer to Alex and pulls on the collar of her polo to reveal dark purple marks on her neck.

Tobin shifts nervously and tries to play it cool, “Wow, Lex. What did you do last night? Who is the lucky guy?”

Allie scoffs and moves over to Tobin pulling down her polo to reveal equally dark marks on her collarbone. “Seriously, don’t play coy with me. I’m not dumb. You both show up late with hickeys and I’m supposed to believe you haven’t been hooking up this whole time. Christ, you two have been all over each other for months and that’s just what I see at work. Everyone already knows, you might as well fess up or learn how to control yourself better.”

Tobin blushes unwilling to look up at Alex. _Fuck, this is not helping the take it slow plan._

“Fine, we had sex, but it hasn’t been happening all summer. We just did last—“ Alex starts but is interrupted by Allie shrieking again.

“Ew. Okay no, I don’t need details. Tobin is like my sister, but seriously you two are not stealth at all.” Allie says as she walks away into the back room.

Tobin looks up to see Alex rolling her eyes at Allie and she can’t help but smile.

“She acts like I’ve been fucking you in the stock room. She’s so dramatic.”

“Well, I can’t say I haven’t thought about it,” Tobin laughs as Alex smacks her arm.

“Never going to happen,” she says walking back to follow Allie and leaving Tobin at the front counter alone.

“We’ll see about that,” Tobin calls after her as she turns to start stocking everything for the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few weeks seem to fly by and soon it is two days before Alex has to move back down to IU for school. Alex and Tobin have been nearly inseparable the past few weeks. They bribe Allie and Ashlyn to schedule them together for every shift and hang out nearly every night after work. They both know that they will have to talk about what is going to happen while they are at school, but neither one wants to bring it up while they enjoy as much time as possible together. It seems cruel to Tobin that she and Alex have been a town apart for years and only met when they are living in different states for most of the year. They even figured out that they used to play soccer against each other and frequent the same places. The idea that their paths seemed to be intended to cross eventually was both exciting and terrifying to Tobin. She had never experienced such an intense connection with someone in a short amount of time. After all, she had only known Alex for a summer and they barely spoke at first.

Alex and Tobin had plans for Alex to stay over at Tobin’s tonight and both worked together tomorrow night before Alex had to head down to Bloomington early Monday morning. Tobin was nervous as she showered and got ready for Alex to arrive. She knew that she and Alex needed to talk tonight, but she didn’t know what to say. She knew that her feelings for Alex had only grown over the last few weeks, but she was nervous about how being 3 hours away from each other would change that. They still hadn’t labelled their relationship, but the promise stood that they weren’t going to get involved with anyone else. Tobin was content to let Alex dictate how their relationship would progress for now, but the impending move was starting to make her nervous.

Tobin saw headlights flash through the window signaling that Alex had arrived. She heard a car door shut and then the back door to the house open. Tobin headed towards the kitchen and was greeted with a smiling Alex holding a 6 pack of Oberon in her hand.

“Damn, my favorite beer. What’s the occasion?” Tobin asked as she moved to give Alex a soft peck on the lips and then placed the beer in the refrigerator.

“It’s pretty much the last night of summer break for me. I wanted to celebrate,” Alex says as she takes her usual spot up on the corner of the kitchen counter.

Tobin frowns to herself as she opens one of the beers. She didn’t want to think about that right now.

“Hey Tobs, will you make me a cosmo?” Alex pleads giving her best puppy dog eyes to Tobin from across the kitchen.

“Lex, you’re so high maintenance. Tom taught you how to make them at the same time as me,” Tobin states as she moves to stand between Alex’s legs on the counter and places a hand on her hip.

As Tobin moves to take a swig of her beer, Alex tugs Tobin forward by the waistband of her shorts and slips her hand down the front of Tobin’s shorts cupping her over her underwear. Tobin coughs and nearly spits out her beer struggling to choke it down and setting the bottle down on the counter. Alex begins to rub Tobin over her underwear and Tobin groans before leaning in to kiss Alex. Alex lets Tobin deepen the kiss before she quickly withdraws her hand from Tobin’s shorts and places her hands against Tobin’s shoulders to slowly push her away.

“Now, about that Cosmo,” Alex smirks turning Tobin around by her shoulders and nudging her gently towards the liquor cabinet.

Tobin huffs and slowly walks over to the cabinet grabbing some citrus vodka and the triple sec, “That was completely unfair,” she complains as she walks to the refrigerator and grabs the cranberry juice and lime juice.

Alex just laughs and hops down from the counter. She places a quick kiss on Tobin’s cheek before walking towards the living room.

Tobin walks into the living room several minutes later and sets Alex’s drink on the coffee table. Alex quickly downs the drink and sets the empty glass down as Tobin sits down next to her on the large sectional and flips the TV on. Tobin is about to ask what Alex wants to watch when suddenly Alex is swinging a leg over Tobin and straddling her.

“Hi,” Tobin laughs at Alex’s behavior.

“Let’s play a game,” Alex responds placing her hands on Tobin’s shoulders.

Tobin gulps knowing that whatever game Alex has in mind she is definitely going to lose. Alex is fiercely competitive and Tobin isn’t going to be able to focus for long with Alex in her lap.

“Okay, what game?” Tobin asks knowing that it is futile to try and say no to her.

“If you can go the next 5 minutes without touching me, you can get whatever you want tonight. If you can’t, I get whatever I want,” Alex says as she leans forward to place a chaste kiss on Tobin’s lips before grabbing her phone and setting a timer.

Tobin groans, “You are seriously the devil.”

Alex just smirks and starts the timer before taking off her shirt and giving Tobin a direct view of her breasts in the black lacy bra she is wearing. Tobin’s eyes widen as she twitches to touch Alex. _Alex Morgan is going to be the death of me._

_Minute 1._

“Remember, I never said I couldn’t touch you,” Alex says as she dips down to place open mouthed kisses to Tobin’s jawline and massages Tobin’s breasts over her shirt.

_Minute 2._

Tobin leans her head back against the couch trying to remain focused and places her hands in between the couch cushions to try and gain some form of control. Alex has yet to let up attacking her neck with kisses and occasionally nibbling at Tobin’s ear.

_Minute 3._

Tobin is nearly certain that this is hell or heaven or something. She wants to pass out. She knows she is going to cave soon. Alex now has Tobin’s wrists pinned behind her head on the couch and is grinding down against Tobin’s hips while she sucks at the skin under Tobin’s ear. Tobin thinks she might get a moment of relief when Alex lets go of her wrists, but she feels Alex reach to remove her shirt and lets out a loud moan as Alex runs her hands up and down Tobin’s sides before removing her bra and leaning down to take one of her nipples in her mouth.

Tobin makes it 3 minutes and 15 seconds before she simply decides that at this point it would take a sudden death for her to have a chance at winning this game. She firmly grips Alex’s ass and squeezes roughly causing the younger girl to moan and stop her ministrations on Tobin’s breasts to sit up and meet Tobin’s eyes. Tobin leans in and kisses Alex roughly immediately slipping her tongue into her mouth and reaching up to unclasp Alex’s bra. Just as Tobin is about to unhook it, Alex grabs Tobin’s hand behind her back and pulls away from the kiss.

“Excuse me, I believe that I just won,” Alex says with a smirk on her face as she hops off of Tobin’s lap and stands up grabbing her shirt as she walks out of the living room.   

Tobin groans loudly and leans her head back into the couch shutting her eyes and trying to regain her composure. When her breathing returns to normal, she throws her clothes back on and gets up to find Alex. Tobin smiles when she finds Alex outside on the pool deck sitting on one of the lounge chairs and leaning against the back looking up at the stars. Alex turns her head when she hears Tobin approaching motioning for Tobin to sit with her and wrapping her arms around her as she sits pulling her back flush against her front and leaning back against the chair again letting Tobin rest against her chest.

“I wish the stars were this clear at my house. I like that you live out in the middle of nowhere. It feels like it’s just us and no one else exists,” Alex says.

Tobin simply hums in agreement as Alex begins to run a hand through her hair.

“Hey Tobin, I think I know what I want my reward from the game to be,” Alex says.

“Well, it was supposed to be whatever you want. What is it?” Tobin asks.

“I want you to be my girlfriend."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions, comments, and concerns are welcome. These chapters are getting harder to write as I try not to think about a lot of the memories that I tied in from my life a lot. It may take me a bit longer to update. I'm curious, which parts do y'all think are real vs. made up? Also, I laughed at this title for like five minutes not going to lie.


	14. Gas Station Drug deals and Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Tobin both have to leave to go back to college.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Press is going to make an appearance next chapter. Definitely going to take me awhile to write that one so may not post tomorrow considering there is a game and I have a test.

“I want you to be my girlfriend,” Alex whispers.

Tobin turns in Alex’s arms to place a desperate kiss to Alex’s lips. She pulls away after a few moments and looks at Alex.

“Is that a yes?” Alex asks slightly out of breath.

“That’s a yes, but I’m a little mad you asked first,” Tobin smiles and moves to stand up holding a hand out for Alex to grab. “Come on, It’s starting to get cold. I don’t want my girlfriend to get sick for her first week back to classes.”

Alex smiles at Tobin’s use of the word girlfriend and takes Tobin’s hand as she pulls herself up out of the lounge chair. When Tobin turns to walk towards the house, Alex doesn’t move and pulls Tobin back by her hand. Alex leans forward to place a lingering kiss on Tobin’s lips before moving to whisper in her ear.

“I think I know what else I want for winning,” Alex says as she turns to walk towards the house removing her shirt as she walks towards the patio and dropping her shorts before she steps through the door into the house. Tobin nearly trips down the stairs of the pool deck as she rushes into the house after Alex.

Tobin enters the house and walks towards her bedroom expecting to find Alex. She frowns slightly when she reaches her room and doesn’t see Alex. She is about to turn around back into the hallway when she feels two arms slide around her waist. Tobin’s heart begins to beat more rapidly as Alex unbuttons her shorts and pushes them down her hips until they fall to the floor. Alex then moves to pull up on Tobin’s shirt and Tobin is eager to assist her immediately lifting her hands so Alex can pull it over her head. She feels Alex place a bite on her shoulder and unhook her bra. Tobin sucks in a breath and shivers as Alex slides her bra straps off her shoulders letting it fall to the ground. She can feel herself getting wetter as Alex moves a hand up to her chest to massage her breasts lightly pinching a nipple between her thumb and forefinger. Alex moves both hands to firmly grip Tobin’s hips and maneuvers her towards the bed.

“Lay down,” Alex orders her voice raspier than usual. Tobin complies and lays down on the bed looking up at Alex still standing at the foot of the bed.

“Tell me what you want, baby,” Tobin says as her eyes move up and down Alex’s body.

Alex blushes looking away from Tobin and suddenly growing shy. She moves to lay down next to Tobin and nuzzles her face in her neck.

“I—I just feel bad. You always take care of me, but I haven’t done the same for you yet,” Alex admits nuzzling further into Tobin’s neck as she feels her arm wrap around her.

“Lex, trust me. It’s not like I’m keeping score. I am more than satisfied just taking care of you. I know you’ve never done that before, and I’m not going to make you do something you aren’t ready for,” Tobin states as she runs a hand through Alex’s hair.

“I know, it’s just—I want to—I’m ready, but I don’t want to do anything wrong since I never have before. I just want to make you feel as good as you’ve made me feel so many times,” Alex’s voice trails off at the end.

“Trust me, nothing you do to me could be wrong,” Tobin says placing a kiss to Alex’s head.

Tobin’s words seem to have given Alex more confidence as she moves from her place in Tobin’s neck to lean up and kiss Tobin. She immediately deepens the kiss and moves her hand down Tobin’s body playing with the waistband of her underwear. Alex slowly moves her hands back up Tobin’s body skimming her hand across Tobin’s abs until she reaches her breasts. She gently massages them feeling Tobin’s already hardened nipples when she brushes her thumbs across. When Tobin lets out a soft moan, Alex takes advantage sliding her tongue into Tobin’s mouth to explore. Tobin reaches behind Alex to unhook her bra and breaks the kiss momentarily to whisper, “Off.”

Alex complies sitting up briefly to remove her bra and moaning loudly when Tobin immediately moves to put her put her mouth around one of Alex’s nipples flicking her tongue at it and sucking until it’s hardened before moving to do the same to the other. Alex nearly forgets her objective as she can feel the wetness soaking through her black lace panties. She moves her hands to Tobin’s shoulders pushing her back down on the bed gently. She nudges Tobin’s legs further apart and places herself in between them letting her weight rest on top of Tobin relishing in the feeling of their breasts pressing against each other as she moves to place kisses on her neck. She pauses to suck on her pulse point causing Tobin to arch her back and move her hands to squeeze Alex’s ass causing them both to moan.

Alex begins to move down Tobin’s body placing open mouthed kisses along the way and playfully biting and sucking. “Fuck, Lex that feels so good.” When she reaches Tobin’s center, she tugs at the waistband of Tobin’s underwear with her teeth before using her hands to slowly remove them. She licks her lips at the sight of Tobin naked underneath her and reaches a hand out to rub up the length of her thigh before placing herself back between Tobin’s legs and biting roughly at the inside of Tobin’s thigh.

“Mmm, fuck Lex,” Tobin says as her chest heaves up and down with her ragged breathing.

Alex places a kiss to the spot, “I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Alex asks.

“No, just don’t stop please,” Tobin pleads.

Alex smirks at this sucking lightly at the inside of Tobin’s thigh again before tentatively dipping a finger into Tobin’s entrance. Alex moans at how wet and warm Tobin feels gaining enough confidence to run her flattened tongue along the length of Tobin’s center. The taste is sweet and intoxicating and Tobin’s hips squirming at the feeling and her hand moving to run through Alex’s hair is all the encouragement she needs. Alex thrusts two fingers into Tobin without warning and reaches up with her other hand to knead at Tobin’s breast. Tobin moans loudly and her hips buck off the bed. Alex moves her mouth to Tobin’s clit sucking gently and stiffening her tongue to flick against it. She continues to work over Tobin until she is grinding her hips against Alex’s fingers wanting more. She gently sucks at Tobin’s clit one last time before moving her face up to Tobin’s and placing a searing kiss on her lips. “You taste so good,” Alex whispers before continuing to move her fingers in and out of Tobin and moving her thumb to brush against where her mouth had been seconds ago. Tobin’s chest is heaving and her brow is glistening with sweat as she feels herself getting closer. “Lex, don’t sto—,” her words are interrupted by Alex adding a third finger and Tobin tumbling over the edge biting down on Alex’s shoulder as her body writhes with pleasure. Alex gently removes her hand from her center as Tobin starts to come down and brings her fingers to her mouth licking them clean. “Fuck, you’re amazing,” Tobin says still breathing heavily. Alex smiles placing a gentle kiss to Tobin’s lips. “Well, I did have a pretty good teacher,” she says as she rests her head on Tobin’s chest.

Tobin chuckles lightly, “I guess I’ll have to reward you for being such a quick learner.” Tobin rolls Alex onto her back determined to make her remember tonight when she leaves for school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tobin merges onto I-74 east towards Cincinnati on Tuesday with tears threatening to spill over at any second as she thinks back to her goodbye with Alex after work on Sunday. Saturday night had been amazing and she was still somewhat in awe that Alex was her girlfriend. For the first time, she was regretting choosing Kentucky over IU. She would even tolerate wearing hideous Cream & Crimson if it meant she could see Alex more often.

Saying goodbye was painful even knowing that she and Alex already had plans for her to come to Kentucky during Fall Break. They both had stood in the parking lot of DQ long after they were closed. Tobin held Alex tightly as she softly sobbed into Tobin’s chest. Tobin had held herself together in front of Alex knowing that if she cried as well that they would probably never be able to leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Flashback to Sunday Night_

“I don’t want to leave,” Alex says squeezing Tobin even tighter.

“I know, Lex. We both have to go back though. It could be worse. I wanted to go to UNC originally,” Tobin says rubbing soothing circles into Alex’s back. “Just try not to be mad at me when we kick your ass in basketball this year,” Tobin says.

Alex smiles at this and lets out a small laugh. “Shut up, I’m going to convert you into an IU fan. You and I both know that I can be very persuasive.”

Tobin simply laughs at this pulling Alex back into her chest. They are finally forced to leave when a sketchy white van pulls up to the gas station across the street and men in lab coats walk out carrying boxes into the store and shutting the blinds.

“Um, we should probably go before we get murdered,” Alex says as she opens the door to her truck.

“Unfortunately, I think your right,” Tobin frowns as she shuts the door after Alex climbs into the truck. She leans through the open window to kiss Alex letting her deepen it before forcing herself to pull away.

“Bye Lex, I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

“Bye, Tobs,” Alex says tears welling up in her eyes again as she shifts into reverse and backs out of the parking lot.

Tobin gets in her own car and makes it two turns towards home until she breaks down. She lets her tears fall freely the entire way home and doesn’t stop until she is lying in her bed and her phone lights up.  

Lex: Please tell me I’m not the only one that just sobbed the entire way home

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: Nope, I bawled like a baby to Thomas Rhett’s “It Goes Like This”. I don’t even like that song.

Lex: I’m glad you were at least as pathetic as me.

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: I know. Goodnight Lex, I miss you already.

Lex: Goodnight, I miss you too.

~~~~~~~~~~~

As Tobin pulls up to her apartment in Lexington, three hours later she checks her phone and sends a quick text to Alex letting her now she made it safely. She grabs some of her suitcases out of the car and heads into her apartment. She opens the door to find Sydney half naked in the kitchen drinking a glass of wine.

"Seriously Syd, do you ever wear clothes? I haven't even been here 5 seconds and I've already seen you half naked," Tobin laughs setting her suitcases down. Tobin and Sydney have been friends ever since they were assigned to be random roommates freshman year. They didn't talk hardly at all over the summer with both of their schedules being hectic and Tobin was looking forward on catching her up on everything that happened between her and Christen and now her and Alex.

"Toby!" Sydney yells moving forward and giving her a hug. "I have a surprise for you go look in your room. You're seriously going to love it."

Tobin glares at her for a second hoping this isn't a prank. She moves to her bedroom door and hesitantly twists the handle before gently pushing it open. When she opens the door and sees what her surprise is, she debates closing it and driving up to IU and transferring.

"Hi Tobin."


	15. Pressured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin and Christen talk. Alex has her own surprise for Tobin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I accidentally slept 15 hours. Let me know what you think.

Tobin froze in the doorway to her room at the sight of Christen on her bed with her back propped up against the wall. She stares silently at the scene in front of her wanting nothing more than to get back in her car and never return. Tobin’s phone buzzes and pulls her out of her state of shock.

“Um---I have to um, help Syd with something. Hi?” Tobin says as she closes the door to her bedroom before she can see Christen’s reaction.

Tobin turns and walks through the apartment to find Sydney unpacking her clothes.

“Hey Tobs, what are you doing in here shouldn’t you be naked in your bed with Christen right now?” Sydney asks as she continues to fold clothes and place them in her dresser.

Tobin closes the door to Sydney’s room finally gaining Sydney’s full attention. Her face must look as bad as she feels because Sydney stops and sits down on her bed.

“Syd, I—Christen and I aren’t how we were when I left school in May,” Tobin says hoping that Sydney can remember to keep her voice down as Christen is probably still in her room.

“What do you mean? She showed up talking about surprising you. Why would she do that if you two aren’t still a thing?” Sydney asks confused.

Tobin sighs and quickly recounts everything that went down between her and Christen that summer. She tells her about them actually officially getting together, then the events of Purdue, and she ends with how Christen had walked out on her and they hadn’t spoken since. She leaves out Alex for now just in case Christen is lurking in the apartment within earshot.

“Holy fuck, I’m sorry I would’ve pretended you didn’t live here anymore had I known. What do you think she wants?” Sydney asks as she gets up to resume unpacking.

“Honestly, I have no idea, but I think I should hear her out. I don’t know what she will do if I kick her out. Driving to Lexington to surprise someone you haven’t talked to at all doesn’t exactly scream ‘I’m emotionally stable’,” Tobin says as she open Sydney’s door prepared to face Christen. Before entering her room, she remembers her phone had gone off earlier and checks it.

Lex: _Glad you made it safe. Call me when you get all unpacked. I have a crazy idea._

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: _Sounds good, I’ll call you when I can. I think I may have something equally as crazy to tell you about._

Tobin sighs and turns the door knob to her room again walking fully in this time. Christen hasn’t moved still casually sitting with her back against the wall with Tobin's giant UK flag hung up behind her. She smiles when Tobin walks in.

“Hey Tobs, is everything with Syd okay?” Christen asks.

“Wha—oh yeah, she’s fine just needed something,” Tobin says shifting uncomfortably at Christen’s casual behavior. “What are you doing here Chris?” Tobin asks not wanting to play any of Christen’s games.

Christen pats the space on the bed next to her, “Come lay down, I wanted to talk to you.”

Tobin lets out a loud sigh and clenches her fists in anger trying to keep her voice even, “I’m not doing this shit with you anymore. You walked out on me when I was trying to talk things out and now you show up after no contact for over a month. It’s too late for that.”

“Tobs, this is you and me we are talking about. When has it ever been too late for something? You were the only person there for me when I got back after disappearing for 6 months to go to rehab. You didn’t even question where I went. This is just what we do, we screw up a lot but always end up coming back,” Christen says as she gets up from the bed and approaches Tobin. Tobin backs away moving to the desk in the corner of her room and leaning against it.

“It’s different this time,” Tobin says, “This time it wasn’t watching you disappear knowing that it was your addiction controlling you. It wasn’t me watching my friend walk away and hoping it was to get better. It was me putting everything out there and you intentionally walking away from that and trying to hurt me in the process. We’ve fucked up a lot. I know I’m not perfect, but we’ve never intentionally hurt each other like that. You slept with Scott the same day you became my girlfriend. Why?”

“Tobin I’m sorry, I don’t know why I did that. Everything was so perfect and it scared me. I was drunk and scared and Scott was the perfect way to sabotage everything. I regretted it immediately and it felt even worse after you so easily believed my story that I started to ignore you. I felt too guilty after that. Please, I just want another chance. I don’t know what my life looks like without you in it. You’re still my best friend. I know we can’t jump right back into things, but can we just start again and be friends?” Christen asks as tears start to form in her eyes.

Tobin tries to stay angry at Christen. She has nearly convinced herself to tell her to leave without responding, but when Christen begins to openly sob she can’t bring herself to do so.

“Look, you hurt me more than anyone ever has. To be honest, I don’t think you deserve another chance,” Tobin pauses, “You don’t deserve one, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t care about you anymore. Even when I am pissed at you, I still care about you. We can try to move past this, but there are two conditions.”

“Okay, anything you want. What are the conditions?” Christen asks having controlled her sobbing now and wiping her eyes dry.

“First of all, you are going to leave after this and going to wait until I contact you before we talk again. You just ambushed me and while I’m willing to try this I haven’t forgiven you yet,” Tobin says waiting for Christen to protest. When Christen simply nods, Tobin continues, “Second, you should know that the only thing that this will ever be again is friendship. I am with someone, and I am happy.”

At Tobin’s second point, Christen looks up in surprise. “Who is it?” Christen blurts before quickly composing herself. “I mean, I’m glad you’re happy, Tobin.”

Tobin just sighs and begins to walk to her bedroom door opening it and motioning for Christen to follow. “Her name is Alex. I told you about her this summer a little bit. She worked with me. We became really good friends after—well after you to be honest and things just started to grow from there.”

Christen laughs softly, “That sounds familiar.” When Tobin just glares at her, she moves to correct herself, “I’m sorry, it’s just I wasn’t expecting that. I’m good being just friends, really. I’m just glad you’re giving me a chance.”

Tobin chooses to ignore Christen’s comment and just shrugs, “Well, I figure driving to another state at least earns a conversation.”

Christen smiles at this as they have now reached the front door to the apartment. She steps towards Tobin nervously and looks down at the floor before asking, “Can I get a goodbye hug?”

Tobin scratches the back of her head nervously before stepping forward and wrapping her arms around Christen briefly. Before Christen can react, Tobin is already stepping away and opening up the door.

“Bye Chris, take care of yourself. I’ll reach out when I’m ready.”

“Bye Tobin, I’ll be patient. I love you,” Christen says looking Tobin in the eyes as she walks out the door.

Tobin doesn’t respond. She gives Christen a weak smile and waves before closing the door. She sighs not knowing how Alex will react to this. She is about to take out her phone when Sydney pops her head around the corner.

“So how was the talk with crazy?” Sydney asks walking towards the couch and flipping on the TV.

“It was okay. I’ll tell you about it tonight, but I think I should call Alex,” Tobin says walking back towards her room.

“Okay, but you aren’t allowed to skip tonight it is mandatory roommate bonding. I already bought the vodka and Dom is on his way,” Sydney yells.

"Oh, so Dom is a roommate now?" Tobin questions raising one eyebrow at Sydney. They both insist that they are just friends, but Dom had drunkenly confessed to Tobin that he had feelings for Sydney.

"Well if its anything like last semester, you know he will show up so we may as well invite him this time," Sydney says.

Tobin just laughs and waves her off pulling out her phone as she walks into her room and lays down on the same bed Christen had occupied a few minutes ago. It vaguely smells like the coconut scented lotion that Christen uses. Tobin frowns at the thought as she hits the call button on her phone. After a few rings, she hears the line pickup.

“Hey, Tobs. That was fast, how did you already unpack all your things?” Alex asks.

Tobin laughs, “Honestly, I haven’t even started. I have to tell you the craziness that I just walked into. Are you alone?”

“Yeah, I’m in my bed. Do you want to know what I’m wearing?” Alex asks teasingly and lets out a loud laugh.

“Unfortunately, I think I need to tell you this, but we can come back to that question,” Tobin says, “It’s a long story so just let me finish and then I’ll answer your questions.”

“Okay, I won’t interrupt,” Alex agrees growing nervous about what Tobin is going to tell her.

Tobin gives Alex the details of the entire ordeal from her walking into her room to find Christen all the way to her hugging Christen goodbye. She doesn’t want to hide anything from Alex. When Tobin is finished, Alex is quiet for a second before speaking.

“So you are friends again?” Alex asks her emotion unreadable to Tobin through the phone.

“Yeah, I mean not right now. I did tell her I haven’t forgiven her yet, but I imagine that we will be again eventually,” Tobin says.

“Okay, now can I tell you my idea for this weekend?” Alex asks excitedly.

“Wait, so you are okay with me being friends with Christen again?” Tobin asks somewhat surprised Alex was so okay with everything.

“Yeah, I mean to be honest I am not surprised. I know how you are. You are loyal almost to a fault and Christen was a huge part of your life. She doesn’t deserve you, but you having a big enough heart to give her another chance and be friends is something only you would do. Honestly, I’m not mad or anything like that. You wouldn’t be the girl I know if you didn’t give her another chance,” Alex says, “Now let me tell you my idea, I’m so excited I can’t hold it in anymore.”

Tobin laughs, “Okay, okay. What is this idea?”

“Well, you know that Monday is MLK day right? So I was thinking, and I don’t have Friday classes this semester and neither do you so essentially it’s a 4 day weekend. I know that you go with Sydney every year to a black frat party for MLK today, but I was thinking since it’s such a long weekend and I only live 3 hours awa—“

“Holy shit, yes please come down here for the weekend that is the best idea. I should’ve let you go first,” Tobin yells into the phone.

“Ow, you didn’t let me finish,” Alex laughs at Tobin’s excitement.

“Well, there is a first time for everything. Now back to that original question, what are you wearing?” Tobin asks her voice dropping seductively low at the end.

“As much as I would love to have this conversation, I have to go but we will continue this in person this weekend. Bye, Tobs. I miss you.”

“Bye Lex, I miss you too. I’ll see you on Friday.”


	16. MLK Jr. Weekend_Day 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex arrives from IU to spend the weekend.

On Wednesday, Tobin could hardly contain her excitement as she sat in Accounting 302. The professor droned on and on about this being the toughest intermediate accounting class, but she could care less as she was anxiously awaiting Friday. Thursday was no different as she barely can remember a word out of her business law professor’s mouth. On Thursday night, Tobin found herself out at Two Keys for their weekly punch card Thursdays, which was basically 10 dollars for all you could drink since the bartenders were often too busy to bother for your punch card. She was incredibly intoxicated off something the bartender called “Mattressed”, which at this point she can’t even remember the ingredients other than vodka. Around 2am, she finally stumbled home with Sydney and her other two roommates Savannah and Sarah excited to pass out and for Alex to arrive the next day. When they reached the apartment, Tobin said goodnight and stripped off all her clothes before getting into bed and sprawling out in jumping jack formation under the covers.

Friday morning, Tobin woke up to the sound of laughter above her bed. In her still drunken state, she took several minutes to recognize the raspy voice that accompanied Sydney’s boisterous laugh.

“Oh my god, Tobin if you are going to sleep naked at least lock your door,” Sydney yells while backing out into the hallway to leave Tobin and Alex alone.

Tobin merely groans still feeling the effects of last night and bordering between hungover and still drunk.

Alex laughs, “Wow, here I drove 3 hours to find my girlfriend naked. You’d think this would be more romantic than you groaning from a hangover.”

Tobin smiles her eyes only slightly open starting to drift to sleep again.

“C’mere I missed you,” she mumbles out while lazily reaching towards Alex and pulling at her wrist.

Alex complies quickly kicking off her flip flops and getting underneath the covers with Tobin wrapping the older girl in her arms and kissing her forehead.

“I missed you too. Now, go back to sleep I want a nap too. The traffic on 65 through Louisville was horrid,” Alex says stroking Tobin’s hair and closing her eyes.

A few hours later, Tobin wakes up finally sober and comprehending that Alex is in her bed for real. She had drunkenly thought that this morning’s encounter was just a dream before she woke up to feel Alex’s arms around her. She carefully removed herself from a still sleeping Alex and headed into the kitchen to steal some of Sarah’s coffee supply for Alex. When she walked into the kitchen, Savannah was sitting on the couch watching reruns of Bad Girls Club.

“Hey Tobs, I heard your girl came down for the weekend,” Savannah said smiling.

Savannah was Sydney’s sister and a year older than Tobin, Sarah, and Sydney. She and Tobin got along really well and part of the requirements for Savannah living with them was that she got to be on the same side of the apartment as Tobin. They both were incredibly laid back and enjoyed having random philosophical talks on sexuality and race issues late at night.

Tobin smiled, “Yeah, she had a long weekend same as us so we figured why not. Are you the only one up yet?”

“Yeah, Sydney may or may not be breathing and you know Sarah will bitch about her hangover all day,” Savannah said rolling her eyes at the last part.

They both had a certain dislike for Sarah as they had slowly put together that she was a compulsive liar. She often made up stories that were completely false only to contradict them later on with another story. It didn’t help that she had been born in an incredibly small town in Southern Indiana and had yet to rid herself of her prejudiced habits, which was a cause for many fights living in an apartment with two biracial sisters and a lesbian.

Tobin laughed at Savannah’s statement, “Oh god, I’ll make sure to be all over Alex today maybe I can get her to hide out in her room so you don’t have to hear it.”

“Why are you going to be all over me?” Alex asks as she sleepily stumbles into the kitchen/living room area of the apartment.

“Just to piss off my slightly homophobic roommate,” Tobin says handing Alex a mug of coffee and giving her a peck on the cheek, “Lex, this is Savannah. Savannah, this is my girlfriend Alex.”

“Hi Alex, it’s nice to meet you. Well, I’m going to go shower. I’ll see y’all later,” Savannah says walking into her and Tobin’s shared bathroom.

Alex moves to sit down on the small gray couch and Tobin joins her putting an arm around Alex as she sips her coffee.

“Mmm, fuck me this coffee is good. Where did you get it? You hate coffee,” Alex says.

“I may or may not have stolen some of Sarah’s, but I figure it’s worth her complaining if she notices. I know you can’t function without it,” Tobin says while placing a soft kiss to Alex’s shoulder, “What do you want to do today?”

“How about you show me campus and Lexington. Then later, we can go out with everyone,” Alex says taking another sip of her coffee.

“Sounds perfect, I’m going to go get changed. You can use Syd and Sarah’s bathroom if you want to get cleaned up. I doubt they will be awake anytime soon.”

~

Later that day, Tobin walks hand in hand with Alex through campus. IU may have been pretty based on Indiana standards, but Kentucky put it to shame. The whole campus was full of red brick, green grass, and large trees. Tobin walked her through campus pointing out the different buildings and walking her over to the massive library referred to by most as Willy T. before she circled back towards North Campus and downtown Lexington.

“Okay, I get it now why you wanted to come here,” Alex says, “It’s beautiful.”

Tobin smiles, “Honestly, I love it. I considered IU for a long time, but I think getting out of state was necessary for me. I don’t know if I ever would’ve come out if I had gone somewhere with a bunch of people that knew me and my family lurking around campus. I needed to be out of my comfort zone and free to redefine myself. Wow, that sounds cheesy,” Tobin chuckles while shaking her head.

“It’s not cheesy. I get wanting to get away. It still kind of scares me that there are so many people at IU that know my family. I don’t want my parents to find out about us yet. You know my dad will go insane and people from my hometown love to gossip even after highschool,” Alex says.

Tobin simply squeezes Alex’s hand knowing that Alex’s extremely catholic father probably wouldn’t take it well considering the frequent homophobic rants he went on. To be honest, Tobin was terrified of Alex's dad and had avoided meeting him for that reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a long day of walking around campus and downtown, Tobin and Alex returned to the apartment to find Sydney and Sarah awake finally and sitting on the couch. Tobin formally introduced them both to Alex and they all began to discuss where to go that night.

“I know the Alphas are having a party, but they always get shut down by the cops before we even get there so that’s out,” Sydney says, “Wait, Alex you are only 20 right, so no bars?”

“Well, that depends are there any that I could get away with using a fake at,” Alex questions.

“McCarthy’s,” Sydney, Tobin, and Sarah say in unison laughing.

“Well, I guess that settles what we are doing tonight,” Tobin says as she gets up from her seat on the floor, “I’m going to go shower.”

A few minutes later, Tobin is in the shower when she hears the bathroom door open. She peaks her head around to find Alex bent over and pulling off her clothes.

“Fuck, you’re hot,” Tobin says.

Alex turns around now completely naked and smirks climbing into the shower with Tobin. She pulls Tobin into a passionate kiss letting her hands run down her bare back and traveling down to firmly squeeze her ass. Tobin moans at the feeling and gently turns Alex around so that her back is facing Tobin’s front. She begins to place open mouthed kisses on Alex’s neck and shoulder while letting a hand skim down her abs and settle between her legs rubbing soft circles on her clit.

“God, I missed you,” Alex whispers sinking back into Tobin.

Suddenly, a slight knock at the door occurs and Sydney opens the bathroom door soon after leaving Tobin and Alex no time to respond. Tobin’s eyes go wide as she and Sydney make eye contact through the opening in the shower curtain.

“Hey—oh fuck oh my god, shit I’m sorry um—I just need to borrow Savannah’s mascara,” Sydney stutters out.

“Just take it and get out Sydney,” Tobin says sternly quickly shifting so that she is blocking Alex’s body from view.

Sydney grabs the mascara and nearly runs into the door frame in her haste to leave. Alex rests her head in Tobin’s neck laughing hysterically at this point.

“Ugh, I swear I’m going to kill Sydney later. If I pulled that shit on her, she would never let me live it down,” Tobin says.

“It’s okay. We can finish this tonight with the door locked. Now, turn around I’ll wash your hair,” Alex says grabbing the shampoo off the side of the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, they all pack into an Uber and head out to McCarthy’s downtown already a little buzzed from pre-gaming. Tobin was finding it difficult to keep her hands to herself as Alex looked insanely good in the little black dress she had chosen to wear. It didn’t help that they had been interrupted in the shower before either could get their fill of each other. Alex had opted to sit on Tobin’s lap to pack into the black Prius and Sydney and Savannah sat next to them in back with Sarah up front. The ride passed painfully slow as Tobin and Alex snuck sips from the road beer she had taken with. Despite it being a roughly 5-minute drive downtown, Tobin felt like it was an eternity. Her whole body was tingling at the feeling of Alex sitting on top of her. To make matters worse, Alex had slyly grabbed Tobin’s hand as they pulled out of the apartment complex and moved it to rest on her inner thing where her dress had ridden up. Tobin nearly choked on her beer, but Sydney and Sarah seemed oblivious to the interaction luckily. When they finally arrive to McCarthy’s Alex gets right in with the rest of them without a second glance at her fake ID by the bouncer. Tobin had ordered them both LIT’s from the bartender upon arrival and they all migrated to the back patio area to hang out. It was crowded as usual with a significant amount of frat boys that frequented the bar.

Alex and Tobin kept mostly to themselves while Sydney, Sarah, and Savannah mingled with Dom and some of his friends that Tobin vaguely recognized. Awhile later, Tobin was startled as someone wrapped their arms around her from behind.

“Hey Toby! I haven’t seen you since May, you should’ve told me you were out tonight,” the girl slurred out clearly wasted and her hands remaining wrapped around Tobin. Alex glared at the blonde girl whose dress seemed to have shifted at some point tonight as most of her chest was popping out unnoticed by the drunk girl. Alex cleared her throat to gain her attention.

Tobin failed to remove herself from the girl’s grasp as she gave Alex an apologetic look, “Hey Sam, this is my girlfriend Alex she’s visiting for the weekend. Lex, this is my friend Sam she is an accounting major as well.”

“Hi Sam,” Alex says unexcitedly and glaring at the girl who is now drunkenly resting her head on Tobin’s shoulder.

“Oh wow, I didn’t know you had a girlfriend Tobin. I must say she’s almost as hot as you, nice job,” Sam says giggling.

Tobin cringes at her words and finally manages to remove herself from Sam’s grasp. Alex grabs Tobin’s hand leading her to the less crowded side of the large patio without saying goodbye to Sam. She forcefully pulls Tobin behind her not saying a word as they reach the back fence in the shadows underneath the stairs that lead to the second level of the patio. Alex forcefully pushes Tobin against the fence and kisses her roughly wasting no time in sliding her tongue into her mouth. Tobin is taken aback but quickly reacts to the kiss and grips Alex’s waist to pull her closer. When Alex ends the kiss out of breath, she leans to whisper in Tobin’s ear.

“Sam better not put her hands on you in front of me again,” Alex says with anger in her voice.

Tobin chuckles, “I’m sorry she’s a mess when she’s drunk. I was trying to get away. Although, you are pretty hot when you get jealous.”

“Shut up and take me home. I want to have the apartment to ourselves so that I can make you scream without your roommates hating me,” Alex says sucking lightly at Tobin's neck.

“Fuck, Lex. Okay, I’ll go tell Sydney that we are leaving and not to come home before the bars close. I’ll meet you outside. Here, use my phone to request and Uber,” Tobin says handing Alex her phone and running off to find where Sydney had wandered to with Dom.

The ride home is far more torturous than the ride to the bar as Alex kisses Tobin’s neck the entire way unbuttoning her jeans and teasingly playing with the waist band of Tobin’s underwear occasionally dipping her hand below it before quickly retracting it. Tobin is sure that the Uber driver is getting a show, but she is too turned on to stop Alex.

As soon as they get in the apartment, Tobin is on Alex pulling her dress over her head and leading her towards the bedroom. Once inside, Tobin lifts Alex up wrapping her legs around her waist while moving to place her down on the bed. The rest of the night is spent with moans and each other’s names escaping their lips as they explore each other freely until the slamming of a door and loud laughter signals that the others have returned from the bar. They both are collapsed still out of breath from the activities of the night and Alex laying on Tobin’s chest.

“Did I mention how much I hate not being able to do that to you when I’m in Bloomington?” Alex asks.

“Lex, we’ve technically only been apart for like 3 days, but I miss it too,” Tobin chuckles lightly rubbing circles on Alex’s bare back.

"It's crazy to think that I didn't even know you existed a few months ago. When I'm with you it just feels, I don't know the word for it exactly. Inevitable? Like, it was going to happen at one point or another," Alex says turning to rest her chin on Tobin's chest so she can look up at her.

"I know what you mean. I was always so pessimistic about things like that, but there really is no explanation. It may be totally random and our brains are just rationalizing it by calling it fate or inevitability and thinking that something larger is at work, but either way I know that I've never felt this connected to anyone before," Tobin says leaning up to kiss the top of Alex's head. They both drift off to sleep soon after, content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a filler chapter. The weekend will be mostly fluff, but I will time skip a little bit after that and the drama will pick up. Also, I have no idea why but people from Kentucky call Long Islands "LIT's" in case you were wondering what the hell Tobin was ordering at the bar.


	17. MLK Jr. Day Weekend Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Tobin's long weekend comes to an end.

Tobin woke up the next morning to an empty bed. Confused, she got up and threw on shorts and a t-shirt. When she walked into the living room, Sydney was sitting on the couch, but Alex wasn’t in there.

“Hey, where is everyone else?” Tobin asks while throwing her hair up in a bun and sitting down on the couch next to Sydney.

“Sarah went home for the rest of the weekend. Savannah went to Richmond to stay with her boyfriend, and Alex stole your car and said something about Starbucks. She seemed barely awake so I didn’t question her much,” Sydney says chuckling lightly. Just as Sydney finished her sentence, Alex came through the door with Starbucks in one hand and Tobin’s keys in the other.

“God, I take back what I said about understanding why you live here. Is everything in the south this slow? I nearly died of caffeine withdrawal in the drive thru,” Alex says exasperatedly sitting on the arm of the couch next to Tobin. Sydney and Tobin laugh at her antics.

“Babe, don’t act like Bloomington is any better,” Tobin says nudging Alex lightly.

“Fine, you’re right. Next time, I am just going to wake you up to steal me more of Sarah’s coffee,” Alex says putting her arm around Tobin and placing a kiss to the top of her head.

“Y’all are fucking adorable. It’s disgusting,” Sydney says, “Speaking of which, Tobin you still haven’t told me how you two got together.”

“Lex, you tell her while I make breakfast,” Tobin says while getting up from the couch and moving into the kitchen area after kissing Alex's cheek.

Alex takes a long sip of her coffee before sliding into the now empty spot on the couch, “Well, let me just preface this by saying that Tobin has absolutely zero game and is completely oblivious to me basically throwing myself at her. We got super close after everything that happened with her and Christen, and we both just opened up to each other about a lot of things. Of course, Tobin still didn’t get that me being all over her all the time and telling her that I thought I was into girls was me trying to get her to make a move. Hell, she didn’t even kiss me when I made up a lame excuse about needing to sleep on a specific side of the bed just to physically crawl on top of her. Finally, she figured it out and kissed me though and the rest just followed. Honestly, it is weird how quickly it all happened probably to other people since we haven’t known each other long, but it just feels right. No part of our relationship has seemed rushed. If anything, I feel like I’ve wanted it for so long that it should’ve happened earlier,” Alex says as Sydney is now dying laughing at Alex’s story.

“Seriously Tobin, the girl is on top of you and you do nothing?” Sydney asks through her laughter.

“Hey, I was being respectful. She was my friend,” Tobin says indignantly.

“You are an idiot. We are friends and last time I checked neither one of us has ever straddled each other in bed,” Sydney says still laughing.

“Ugh, I knew I should’ve told the story and made one of you cook breakfast,” Tobin says pouting while setting plates on the table.

“Awe, don’t pout. It was kind of sweet how clueless you were. Sexually frustrating, but sweet,” Alex says getting up and giving Tobin a kiss on the cheek before moving to sit at the table and eat.

“Alright, no talk of sexual frustration. Some of us don’t have a significant other and I’d rather not be reminded,” Sydney says.

“From what I have seen, Dom may be able to help you out with that,” Alex says smirking.

“Ha! See I told you that he is into you. Alex has been here like a day and already picked up on it. You have no room to call me oblivious,” Tobin says grabbing her water bottle from the kitchen and sitting down with them to eat.

“Shut up,” Sydney says blushing slightly and for once not trying to get the last word.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After breakfast, Alex and Tobin decided to go on a run. They took a long route running from the apartment to campus and doing a loop around it before heading back. On the last half mile back to the apartment, Alex had challenged Tobin to a race and both collapsed on the grass outside the apartment after. When they regained their breath, Alex got up holding her hands in the air and shouting that she had won.

“Bullshit, you got a head start. I didn’t know you were going to try and race,” Tobin said staring up at Alex from the grass with her forearm up to block the sun.

Alex laughs and removes her shirt using it to wipe the sweat off her face, “Whatever you need to think to make yourself feel better.” When Alex finishes wiping her sweat, she looks back down and notices Tobin checking her out.

“My eyes are up here, you know,” Alex says smacking Tobin on the leg with her t-shirt.

“I know, but you are distractingly hot. It’s not my fault,” Tobin says standing up from the grass and moving to place her hands on Alex’s waist.

“Flattery will get you everywhere,” Alex says placing a lingering kiss to Tobin’s lips, “Come on, let’s shower while Sydney is at work and can’t interrupt us this time.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

An hour later, Tobin and Alex emerge from the shower breathless and having used up all of the hot water. Tobin winces as she inspects the dark purple mark on her shoulder in the shape of Alex's teeth.

“Ouch, babe you really need to find a different spot to bite next time. I think you drew a little blood,” Tobin says while looking at Alex in the mirror.

“You never seem to complain about that during,” Alex says wrapping her arms around Tobin from behind and placing a kiss to the mark, “See, I can be gentle when I want, but the other is much more fun.”

Tobin places her hands on top of Alex’s that are wrapped around her and sighs contently.

“Oh trust me, I am not complaining but maybe next time try for somewhere people can’t see. Although, the looks I get when I wear a tank top to class should be pretty entertaining,” Tobin says laughing at the thought of getting side eyed by people trying to not so subtlety inspect the mark or the professor trying to pretend like they don’t notice.

“Noted,” Alex says placing another kiss to the spot before backing away and walking into Tobin’s room to get dressed. When she returns, she is wearing a pair of Tobin’s shorts and an oversized t-shirt.

Tobin notices the attire and smiles at the sight. “Thank god, I was afraid you were going to want to go out. I just wanted to have a quiet night in with you.”

“Me too, I like your friends, but I want a night to ourselves like we had this summer,” Alex says, “I’m going to fire up the Roku. Meet me in the living room when you are ready.”

Tobin quickly changes and shoots a text to Sydney confirming that she is staying at Dom’s that night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During their third episode of intervention with Alex laying down on the couch with her head propped against a pillow and Tobin comfortably on top of her with her head resting on her chest, Alex runs a hand lazily through Tobin’s hair and sighs.

“Tobs, can I ask you something?” Alex says.

“Of course, Lex. What is it?” Tobin asks her eyes slightly closing at the feeling of Alex running her hands through her hair.

“When did you know you were into me as more than a friend?” Alex asks.

“Hmmm, you know I can’t exactly pinpoint it. I think it kind of snuck up on me. I do know that I was intrigued by you before even knowing you, which is odd for me. Usually, I don’t give strangers much thought,” Tobin says.

“What do you mean intrigued?” Alex asks confused.

“I don’t know really. It was just like I wanted to know more about you, but I couldn’t really understand why. I was just kind of drawn to you for some reason and then we became friends. I knew I was attracted to you, but I was too afraid of betraying Christen to really question how I felt about you for a while. Now, I look back and even I think I was being oblivious. I think that I’ve pretty much been into you since that night that you opened up to me about that girl that used to harass you. You had no reason to trust me and barely knew me, but you were so open and honest and then we just started talking and it was like new and familiar at the same time. I was so interested in learning more about you, but at the same time, I just felt like I could talk to you about anything like we had known each other for a long time. Does that make any sense?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve never just clicked with someone liked this. I think I was into you far before you were into me, though,” Alex says.

“I doubt that. Why when did you know?” Tobin asks.

“The first day that I met you. When you didn’t say anything and basically threw the headset at me,” Alex says laughing softly at the memory.

“What? You didn’t even know me. How could it be then?”

“I don’t know. It confused me more than it confuses you. I just had this feeling about you and found myself thinking about you more and more after that. The only explanation that I came up with was that I was into you. Then when you were with Christen, I was your friend but also wanted to murder her because I knew I would treat you better,” Alex says leaning up to place a kiss to Tobin’s head.

“I didn’t know you wanted me when I was with Christen. You should have said something,” Tobin says.

“I couldn’t. As much as I hate to admit it, you were happy with her before everything happened. Besides, if you never tried things with Christen you’d probably still wonder what it would be like. You loved her. I wasn’t going to interfere. I just had to wait my turn,” Alex says.

“I don’t like when you talk like that, Lex. I know that we got together kind of quickly after Christen, but I don’t want you to talk like you are some rebound after her. I know that you heard more than anyone about my feelings for Christen after the break up, but I don’t want you to ever think that this is just some sort of comfort thing for me after getting hurt. I may have had serious feelings for Christen, but the way I feel about you does not compare. I need you to trust me when I say I’ve never felt this way about anyone,” Tobin says taking Alex’s hand and giving it a soft kiss.

“I’m sorry. I trust you, but It’s just hard sometimes thinking about how long you two knew each other. I think I just get jealous that you have such a long history together,” Alex says.

“Hey, no need to apologize for how you feel. Just know that you are who I want to be with and this isn’t a rebound for me,” Tobin says.

“Okay, I believe you. I’m just still scared sometimes. All of this is new to me. I mean I had boyfriends, but I’ve never really had a serious relationship before. I think it was more of a convenience thing, because I definitely never felt for them what I feel for you,” Alex says turning her attention back to the screen while drawing patterns on Tobin’s hand with her thumb.

Alex wakes up later that night to the feeling of Tobin lifting her off the couch. She hums groggily and nuzzles into her neck. Tobin carries her into the bedroom laying her down on the bed and climbing in next to her. Alex snuggles next to her wordlessly and drifts back to sleep as Tobin wraps her arms around her.

~

Monday morning came entirely too quickly for Tobin and Alex. Sunday night was spent at a house off campus where the Alphas were throwing a party. Alex had never been to a black frat party before and spent most of the night observing what Sydney had told her was called “strolling” and sticking next to Tobin not wanting to waste any time together. They had left the party somewhat early to spend some time alone knowing that they probably wouldn’t be able to see each other Again until Alex’s fall break. On Monday morning, they found themselves in a similar position to the one they were outside the DQ after Alex’s last shift a week earlier. Both were standing in Tobin’s room with Alex’s bags packed in the corner, Tobin had her arms around Alex’s waist holding her firmly as Alex cried silently into her chest.

“Babe, don’t cry,” Tobin says while rubbing Alex’s back, “Come on, look at me.”

Alex slowly pulls back from her place in Tobin’s chest to look up at Tobin with tears still sliding down her cheeks. Tobin brings her hands to rest on either side of Alex’s face and wipes the tears away.

“You’ll see me soon. I promise, and we can FaceTime and call each other. We will be okay,” Tobin says kissing Alex’s forehead.

“I know, but I am going to miss getting to see you and fall asleep with you every night,” Alex says still sniffling slightly.

“I’ll miss you too but think of it this way—we get to have insanely hot ‘I missed you’ sex whenever we actually get to see each other,” Tobin says moving to place a soft kiss to Alex’s lips.

She is about to pull away when Alex moves pulls her by the back of her neck and deepens the kiss. She kisses Tobin passionately moving a hand down her body and sliding it underneath the waistband of Tobin’s shorts abruptly. Alex immediately shoves two fingers inside of Tobin and winces as Tobin bites roughly down on her bottom lip in response. Tobin moves away from Alex’s lips slightly out of breath and rests her head on Alex’s shoulder placing kisses on her neck. Alex falters slightly at the feeling of Tobin kissing her neck but regains control and begins to move in and out of Tobin slowly. Tobin grows impatient at her shorts impeding Alex’s hand and quickly drops them to the floor. Alex chuckles at this moving to nibble at Tobin’s ear and whispering, “Lay down on the bed.” Tobin moans at this quickly getting onto the bed and growing wetter as Alex’s words give her déjà vu of their first time together.

Tobin removes her shirt and sports bra not wanting to give Alex anything to waste time on. “Take off your clothes. I want you to sit on my face,” Tobin says biting her bottom lip at the thought of tasting Alex. Alex hastily removes her clothes at Tobin’s words nearly tripping on them as she crawls into bed. She positions herself over Tobin’s face letting Tobin move her hips to position her exactly how she wants her. Alex is quite literally dripping with anticipation and when she feels Tobin’s tongue dip tentatively into her center she places a hand against the wall knowing that she isn’t going to last long. Alex loses all concept of time and coherent thought asTobin works her tongue against her. What feels like hours or perhaps minutes later, Alex comes undone and Tobin gently licks at her center while letting her come down and still firmly gripping Alex’s hips. Still struggling to breathe, Alex swings her leg over and collapses on the bed next to Tobin. “Holy fuck, I’m never leaving,” Alex says still struggling to think straight. Tobin chuckles and moves to place a kiss to rest her head on Alex’s shoulder and lets a hand drape lazily across Alex’s stomach. “I guess it’s a good thing you look so good in Kentucky blue then,” Tobin says.

Alex chuckles softly, “Hmm, on second thought I think I’ll start trying to convince you to transfer right now.” Tobin is about to ask how when Alex flips her onto her back and quickly moves on top of her wasting no time in placing a searing bite to Tobin’s hip before moving down to her center. Tobin is already close from getting Alex off and it doesn’t take long for her to come. She is still catching her breath hardly aware of her surroundings when Alex moves from her position beside her to place a kiss to her lips and get up from the bed.

Tobin groans loudly, “Okay, okay. Maybe, I will transfer. I look bad in Crimson, but we can just never wear clothes.”

Alex laughs while putting her clothes back on, “As much as I would like that, I think we might both fail out from never leaving our room.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Tobin says finally getting up and putting her clothes on to walk Alex out. She finishes getting dressed and grabs both of Alex’s duffel bags before taking her hand and leading her through the apartment out to her truck. She places the bags in the passenger seat and shuts it before turning to face Alex. Tobin feels the tears forming in her eyes and unsuccessfully tries to blink back the tears. The roles from earlier are reversed as Alex pulls Tobin into a tight hug letting her cry into her chest for a little before pulling back and wiping the tears from Tobin’s eyes.

“Hey, I’ll see you soon. I’ll miss you, Tobs.”

“I’m sorry, I know I’m being dumb. I’ll miss you too, Lex. I think It’s my turn to come up there next.”

“I’ll see if I can squeeze you in to my schedule,” Alex jokes smiling when Tobin grins at her response.

Alex moves to open her door and climbs inside. She turns the ignition and rolls her  window down pulling Tobin by the collar of her shirt through the window to place a long kiss to  her lips before pulling away.

“Bye, Lex. Be careful driving back,” Tobin says reaching to squeeze Alex’s hand before backing away.

“Bye, Tobs. I lo—um, I’ll let you know,” Alex says shifting into reverse and backing out. She glances in her rearview as she puts it into drive to see Tobin waving at her as she drives off. She smiles and shakes her head to try and clear it. _Did I really just almost tell her I love her?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the longer waits, finishing up summer class in the next few weeks and shit is getting crazy. I'll probably start to time skip some soon to get through the long distance parts and into the summer again/into the drama. I was too lazy to re-read this one to edit it. so if there is an increased number of typos or fucked up sentences that's why. apologies, but I am far to tired to read it through. Let me know what you think.


	18. The Lake Trailer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin surprises Alex with a trip over the weekend during her Fall break.

Over the next few months, Tobin and Alex had managed to become even closer despite the distance. They both were somewhat sleep deprived as they often FaceTimed and talked on the phone until early in the morning without realizing it. They would share nearly everything with each other about their pasts in an attempt to know each other better. Despite Alex nearly saying ‘I love you’ to Tobin the weekend that she visited, she had refrained from saying it to Tobin despite both of them lingering at the end of long phone calls internally debating whether it was too soon to say anything. Tobin had visited Alex in Bloomington in September finally meeting her friends and spending most of the weekend in bed with Alex who claimed her bed was far more exciting than anything Tobin would find in Bloomington. Tobin didn’t argue this point content to pass the time under the covers with Alex. It was now the first week of October and Alex’s second visit to Lexington for her Fall Break was just days away. Alex was unaware that Tobin had actually planned an outing to her family lake trailer that was a little over an hour north in Southern Indiana.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” Tobin asks Sydney for the millionth time that day.

“For god’s sake Tobin, she is going to like it. Please quit asking me that,” Sydney groans smacking Tobin on the arm from her place on her bed.

“I know. I just want everything to be perfect the times we do actually see each other. Are you good with driving the second car with Sarah, Savannah, and Dom?” Tobin asks.

“Yeah, I would rather drive anyways and this way you and Alex can get all your sappy love confessions out of the way in the car,” Sydney jokes, “Seriously, you should just tell her this weekend.”

Tobin had walked into the apartment after Alex had first visited Lexington and gone straight to Sydney’s room. She had walked in ignoring the fact that Dom was in bed next to her as he slept over often despite them both still claiming they were just friends and stated that she thought she was in love with Alex. Sydney had merely laughed telling her that she was probably the last one to figure that out besides Alex. Ever since, Sydney had been pestering Tobin to just tell her despite it being early in their relationship. Tobin maintained that it was too early and she didn’t want to scare Alex away being that it was her first serious relationship and her first time ever dating a girl. Despite Tobin’s resistance to Sydney’s suggestions, she was considering telling Alex during their trip to the lake.

Over the next few days, Tobin decided that she could no longer contain the surprise and called Alex to tell her where they were going. She dialed the phone after leaving a particularly grueling 302 class over bonds while walking back to the apartment. After several rings, Alex answered out of breath.

“Hey,” Alex says struggling to catch her breath.

“Hey, Lex. Are you busy?” Tobin asks chuckling at Alex’s panting into the phone.

“No, my phone was in my room and I was downstairs. What are you up to?” Alex asks regaining her breath.

“Well, I just got done with class, and I have a surprise for you about this weekend,” Tobin says grinning through the phone.

“Oooh, surprise tell me more,” Alex says, “Wait, is it the thing that we talked about trying last time you came to visit?” Alex asks her voice dropping to a whisper.

“Unfortunately, no but I will keep that on my list next time I’m online shopping,” Tobin says, “Do you remember how I told you that my parents own that lake trailer in Southern Indiana?”

“Yeah, it’s right on the lake in a super small town?” Alex asks not putting things together.

“Yeah, I can’t even remember how you spell the town name there are so many vowels in it. Anyways, I’m surprising you by taking you there this weekend with Sarah, Sydney, Savannah, and—“

“Really?!? Oh my god, I need to start packing. How many bathing suits should I take? Fuck it, I’ll take all of mine. I need options. How redneck is this town? Can we go 4 wheeling? Wha—“ Alex interrupts rambling on about her plans until Tobin gets her attention.

“Lex, slow down. Does this mean you like my surprise?” Tobin asks chuckling slightly at Alex’s rambling.

“Yes! I can’t wait to take the boat out. Plus, it’s perfect bonfire weather at night right now. Eh and I guess you are okay too,” Alex teases.

“Good to know I come in right after boats and bonfires,” Tobin replies sarcastically.

“Maybe, you can attempt to move up on that list this weekend.”

“Hmmm, I think I’ll take that challenge. I have to go and let my parents know that we are for sure going. I’ll see you in a few days, Lex.”

“Okay, I’m going to start packing. Bye, Tobs,” Alex says hanging up the phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later, Tobin and Alex pull into the drive way for the trailer in middle of nowhere Southern Indiana as Ed Sheeran plays in the car. Alex has her shoes off with her bare feet on the dash and the window open taking in her surroundings with one hand intertwined with Tobin’s and resting on the center console of the car. Tobin stops the car and detaches her hand from Alex’s momentarily to shift the car into park.

“What do you think?” Tobin asks turning to look at Alex.

“I thought you were kidding when you said 'lake trailer' like when people say 'I’m not rich my parents are' or something,” Alex says smiling as Tobin has her head thrown back in laughter.

“Nope, it’s legitimately a trailer that happens to be on a lake. My grandpa bought it before he sold off all of his farm land to developers and made the big bucks. It’s not much but it’s in the same town he grew up in and it’s nice to come down and get out on the lake,” Tobin says trying not to let the emotion show in her voice at how much she missed her grandfather.

“You really miss him,” Alex says squeezing Tobin’s hand.

“All the time. I hate that he never got to see me go to college or anything. He was everything my dad never was for me. Enough sadness though, I’m going to go get the key that’s hidden,” Tobin says getting out of the car and walking over to the stairs of the porch and reaching underneath to find the keys on the hook.

Just as Tobin grabs the keys, she drops them on the ground at the noise of a car honking and quickly approaching. Sydney has her head out the window singing horribly to Trey Songz.

“Hey, bitches!” Sydney yells as the car rolls to a stop. Dom is in the driver’s seat shaking his head at her.

“What happened to you driving Syd?” Tobin asks laughing.

“I just couldn’t fully perform while still driving so I made Dom switch,” Sydney says.

Savannah and Sarah emerge from their car and roll their eyes at Sydney.

“I think we all need a beer after that car ride,” Savannah says grabbing her bags from the trunk.

Tobin leads them all inside and shows them around. She gives herself and Alex the addition room that was built onto the side so that they would have some privacy and let the others argue over who got the pull out couch and who would share the other bedroom. They all quickly changed wanting to get on the water for the day. Dom and Tobin loaded up the coolers and packed them onto the golf cart to drive down the hill to the dock and went ahead waiting on the boat for everyone else to get ready.

“So Dom, have you figured things out with Sydney yet?” Tobin asks knowing that Dom is far more likely to fess up than Sydney about what is going on between them.

“Maybe, she is just hard to read. We act like we are dating without actually dating to be honest. We both get jealous when either of us even so much as talks to other people,” Dom says opening a beer and handing another to Tobin.

“Thanks. I wouldn’t rush it. She is really independent and stubborn as you probably know. Just stick around, she will come around I think,” Tobin says as she opens her own beer and takes a long sip.

“I hope so. Also, why did you get Busch Light? It’s disgusting,” Dom says frowning at his beer.

“Drinking with my ancestors,” Tobin says laughing, "It’s tradition. My grandpa always drank Busch Light when we were here and would steal my parent’s bud light claiming it was ‘expensive stuff’. So when I got older we would always steal the Busch Light knowing he’d never drink it.”

“I feel like you’ve been drinking since you were five,” Dom says chuckling, "All your stories with your family are alcohol related.”

Tobin laughs loudly at this, “Well, I did start at like 13 so I guess I kind of have. I don’t know it’s just what we do. Drink and secretly hate each other for the most part. It’s like redneck WASPs. We have to drink to be around each other.”

Finally, the rest of the group comes down the hill and boards the boat. Tobin fires up the engine that thankfully starts the first time and backs out of the dock heading towards what the locals refer to as “party cove”. There are only a few other boats out since most people only come here in the summers. Tobin turns the boat off in the center of the cove as Dom drops the anchor down.

“Alright, so the only rules are keep your beer in a coozie in case the preservation cops come by and if they ask we have enough life jackets on board for everyone. Also, Sydney don’t be loud as hell and they won’t come bother us,” Tobin says.

Sydney glares at Tobin as everyone else laughs knowing that she is always loud. After her rules speech, Tobin quickly tears off her shorts and t-shirt smirking when she sees Alex staring at her body and jumps off the side of the boat into the water. She emerges from the water to see Alex standing on the side looking down at her and smiling.

“I swear, you are a child,” Alex says taking off her shorts and t-shirt to reveal her black bikini.

Tobin doesn’t even respond as she takes in how good Alex looks with the sun hitting her and her black bikini leaving hardly anything to the imagination. She is suddenly dunked under the water and comes back up sputtering while Sarah laughs next to her.

“You totally set me up. I’m so betrayed. How could you?” Tobin says dramatically looking up at Alex.

Alex just laughs and jumps down onto a waiting raft in the water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a long day on the water, everyone besides Tobin is drunk and sun burnt as Tobin drives back to the dock. Alex is standing behind her with her arms around her waist as she drives and drawing extremely distracting circles on her hip. By a small miracle, Tobin manages to dock the boat without crashing into the dock and kills the engine.

“Hey, you all can go in and get showered and start dinner. I want to show Alex something and then we will be back,” Tobin says.

“Ew not in the boat Tobin. Seriously, you have a whole room to yourselves,” Sydney says causing the others to laugh.

“Shut up, that isn’t even what I meant,” Tobin says shooing them away.

“Why not?” Alex whispers in Tobin’s ear as she bites at it softly. Tobin sighs turning to face Alex and kissing her briefly before turning back to the wheel.

“Later, I promise. I really do want to show you something,” Tobin says taking the keys out of the ignition and stepping up on to the dock before holding out a hand to help Alex out of the boat. Alex stumbles slightly as she steps on the dock as she is still a little drunk from the day and Tobin grabs her hips to steady her. Alex wraps her arms around Tobin’s neck pulling her into a heated kiss. Tobin gets lost in the kiss until the sound of people walking towards the dock forces her to pull away. She gives an awkward wave to their neighbors and bites her lip hoping that they didn’t see anything that they will mention to her parents next time they are here.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk,” Tobin says grabbing Alex’s hand and leading her up the hill and out towards the road. They walk in a comfortable silence until Tobin crosses the bridge across the lake and walks into the yard of a house with a for sale sign outside.

“Tobs, I don’t know if we should be trespassing considering I am still underage and I've been drinking,” Alex whispers.

“Don’t worry, the house is my Great Uncle’s or was until he passed and now my godmother owns it until it sells,” Tobin says pulling Alex forward by her hand through the yard and up the large hill in the back. At the top of the hill, there is a wooden bench that faces towards the lake overlooking the water.

“It’s so pretty out here,” Alex says sitting down on the bench and pulling Tobin down beside her and cuddling into her side. The sun is setting over the lake and the colors are reflecting off the surface.

“I know. My great uncle used to sit out here all the time. I think he may have been out here more than he was ever in the house,” Tobin says softly, “He died shortly after my grandpa. They were really close. He was actually not even technically related to us. My grandpa’s family just kind of took him in when he was in high school. It was a small enough town I don’t even think they even bothered with making the adoption legal ever.”

“That’s kind of sweet that they took him in,” Alex says.

“Yeah, he was one of my favorite uncles,” Tobin says tightening her arm that is around Alex’s shoulders to pull her closer. They watch the sunset in silence content to finally be physically with each other. Tobin gently grazes her fingertips up and down Alex’s arm as they watch loving the tingling feeling she still gets just from simple touches. Alex grows bored of the sunset and moves to swing one leg over Tobin and straddle her waist pulling her in for a kiss.

Tobin hums into the kiss welcoming the surprise and moves to run her hands up Alex’s shirt slipping her tongue into her mouth when she gasps slightly at the feeling of Tobin’s cold hands against her sun kissed stomach. Their tongues clash both attempting dominance until Tobin ultimately relents letting Alex have her way. When Alex needs air, she breaks the kiss tugging at Tobin’s bottom lip with her teeth before moving to place open mouthed kisses on her neck. Tobin’s breath hitches at the feeling letting her hands wander further up to cup Alex’s breasts over the thin fabric of her bathing suit. Alex moans against Tobin’s neck sucking a mark into it and moving to nibble at her ear.

“I need you,” Alex whispers her voice extra raspy.

“Babe, kind of in public,” Tobin says moving her hands to push the top of Alex’s bathing suit up leaving her chest bare under her t-shirt and continuing to massage her breasts without the fabric interfering this time.

“Please, I can be quiet,” Alex begs moving to kiss along Tobin’s jaw. Tobin doesn’t respond and Alex groans when she removes a hand from one of her breasts thinking that she is going to stop completely until she feels Tobin’s hand skim down her abs and move under the waistband of her shorts and bathing suit bottoms immediately beginning to rub circles against her clit.

Tobin moans at how wet Alex is overwhelmed by the feeling as it feels like forever since she has actually gotten to feel this instead of imagining what it feels like over the phone as she touches herself.

“Babe, you’re so wet. You feel so good,” Tobin whispers.

Alex simply moans moving back to Tobin’s lips and kissing her roughly as her hands come up to tangle in her hair. Tobin moves from Alex’s clit down to enter her with two fingers slowly beginning to move in and out and bringing her thumb up to continue to rub circles on her clit. As Alex begins to grind her hips into Tobin’s hand, Tobin picks up the pace and curls her fingers upward. Alex moans loudly breaking her lips from Tobin’s. Tobin pauses momentarily not wanting anyone to hear on the off chance there are Amish people in the area or people on a walk by the lake like them.

“Babe, don’t stop,” Alex hisses.

“Bite down on my shoulder,” Tobin says moving her fingers in and out again slowly, “I don’t want people to hear.”

Alex doesn’t question it as Tobin begins to pick up the pace again and when she adds a third finger Alex bites down into Tobin’s shoulder hard to stifle the scream in her throat as she feels herself begin to tremble against Tobin. Moments later as Tobin curls her fingers upwards Alex comes undone biting down even harder on Tobin’s shoulder too far gone to hear the slight hiss Tobin lets out at the feeling. Alex turns her head and nuzzles into Tobin’s neck placing kisses on it still too out of breath to speak. Tobin removes her hand from Alex’s center and brings her hand to her mouth licking her fingers clean and humming at the taste.

“Fuck, you taste so good,” Tobin says.

Alex moves from her place in Tobin’s neck to kiss her wanting to taste herself on Tobin’s lips. She lets the kiss linger for a moment before moving to stand up.

“As much as I hate to say this, we should probably get back before the others think we got kidnapped,” Alex says reaching for Tobin’s hand.

~

When they arrive back to the trailer, everyone is sitting on the patio drinking as Dom cooks on the grill.

“Where the hell have you two been?” Sarah asks as they approach.

“Nowhere, I just wanted to show her my Uncle’s property and watch the sunset," Tobin says walking up the stairs and stepping into the light of the patio.

“Holy shit, what’d you do to your shoulder? Is that blood?” Sydney asks getting up from her seat to inspect the mark.

Alex blushes and quickly pulls Tobin into the house before Sydney can get a better look.

“Um, she ran into something at her uncle’s. Come on, I’ll clean it up, Tobs,” Alex says walking through the door and pulling Tobin with her.

Once inside, Tobin struggles to contain her laughter as Alex is still blushing at Sydney nearly discovering what the mark is actually from.

“Shut up, it’s not funny. I don’t want your friends thinking I’m some sex crazed freak. I’ve met them like twice,” Alex says smacking Tobin on the arm. This only makes Tobin laugh louder as she walks towards the door that leads to the bathroom.

“Come on, I thought you said you wanted to clean me up,” Tobin says winking at Alex as she disappears into the bathroom.

Alex walks into the bathroom to find Tobin already naked and turning on the shower. She smacks Tobin’s ass playfully before removing her own clothes and turning to lock the door to the bathroom. She joins Tobin in the shower letting the warm water wash over both of their bodies as she wraps her in a firm hug.

“I’m sorry I bit you so hard that you bled,” Alex says running her fingers over the mark.

“It’s okay. I told you to, plus it was extremely hot,” Tobin says kissing Alex’s forehead, “Now, get under the water and get your hair wet. I want to wash it.”

“You’re weird. You always want to wash my hair,” Alex smiles not admitting that she secretly loves the way Tobin massages her scalp as she does.

“Says the girl that just nearly bit a chunk out of my shoulder because she couldn’t wait until we were back for me to fuck her,” Tobin says smirking.

“Hey, I didn’t hear you put up much of a fight,” Alex says.

“True, I guess we are both weird,” Tobin says as she places shampoo on her hands before beginning to massage it into Alex’s scalp. Alex closes her eyes at the feeling a slight smile on her lips.

Tobin smiles at the sight her chest feeling warm and tight and suddenly she can’t hold it in any longer as she blurts, “I love you.”

Alex opens her eyes at this looking into Tobin’s as her eyes are wide with the realization of what she just said.

“You don’t have to—I didn’t mean to say—Fuck it, I love you,” Tobin stutters trying to read Alex’s emotions as she finally gives in to what she’s been feeling for Alex.

Alex grins broadly before moving to kiss Tobin and placing her hands around her neck.

“I love you too,” Alex says before pulling her into another kiss. They both pull away unable to contain their smiles and begin to laugh.

“We really are weird. I can’t believe I just chose in the shower while you have shampoo in your hair to tell you that,” Tobin says as they both bust into a fit of laughter.

When they finally get out of the shower and get dressed, Alex is about to leave the room to go get some food when she notices Tobin's phone buzzing with an incoming call on the night stand. She quickly moves to answer it before looking at the contact name thinking that it's probably Tobin's parents wanting to know if the property was okay as Tobin had mentioned earlier in the day they might call.

"Hello," Alex says.

"Thank god, you finally answered. Look I know that I was supposed to wait, but I miss yo--"

Alex clears her throat loudly to interrupt the caller, "I'm sorry, this isn't Tobin. I mean it's Tobin's phone, but she is in another room and I answered for her. I can go get her and tell her that you are on the phone. Who is this calling?" Alex asks as her head spins from what the person was saying.

"Uh, no it's okay. I'll try back later," the person says and quickly hangs up the phone.

Alex frowns as she hears the line go dead and finally moves the phone from her face. She doesn't know how to react when she sees the contact of who just called. _Christen._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5 presentations and 3 papers due in a week. So I have no idea how often I'll be updating until that's over, it depends on how much I want to procrastinate. Let me know what you think.


	19. Unexpected Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrap up of Tobin and Alex's lake visit. Someone visits unexpectedly during winter break.

Later that night as Alex and Tobin laid in bed both adequately tipsy from the round of Kings that Sydney had started, Alex finally approached the topic of the call she had answered.

“Hey, I need to ask you something,” Alex says burying her face into Tobin’s neck and placing a soft kiss.

“What?” Tobin asks humming contently and setting her ‘bed beer’ down on the nightstand.

“So I answered your phone before we went to eat, because you weren’t inside and I thought it was your mom,” Alex says unsure of how to approach the topic.

“Oh, okay that’s good you know she gets weird if I don’t answer. What’d she say?” Tobin says not noticing the hesitancy in Alex’s voice.

“Well, it turns out it wasn’t your mom. Do you and Christen talk a lot?” Alex asks.

“What, no I mean I told you what happened when she came and that I was going to try and forgive her, but I haven’t talked to her since. Wait, is that who called?” Tobin asks finally understanding what Alex was getting to and starting to rub Alex’s back with her hand.

“Yeah she called and she started talking before I could say it wasn’t you. She sounded relieved you answered and said she was sorry but she missed you before I cut her off,” Alex says not moving from her place nuzzled into Tobin’s neck to see her confused expression.

“That’s really weird. I mean not surprising she broke my rules, but I’m sorry if it upset you. I told her not to contact me and that I would reach out to her when I was ready to forgive her and try and be friends again,” Tobin says still confused as to how Christen managed to pick the one time her girlfriend answered her phone to break the agreement and call.

“Do you still have feelings for her?” Alex asks quietly.

“No, I mean I will always care about her as a friend, but the more I spend time with you the more I realize that what I felt for Chris wasn’t the same. I am so in love with you, and I’m so sure of that. With her, I cared deeply and I thought it was love, but now I know what love feels like and it wasn’t what I felt with her. I think that her and I being friends for so long made everything feel so serious before it really was. I don’t know how to explain it, honestly. Does it bother you that I want to try and be friends with her still?” Tobin asks while placing a kiss to the top of Alex’s head.

“A little bit. I mean it’s not my place to tell you who you should be friends with, but I don’t trust her. I don’t mean that in the jealous girlfriend way although it does make me a little jealous thinking about you with her. I just mean that I don’t trust her not to hurt you again even if she is just going to be your friend,” Alex says moving to prop her weight on her elbow and meet Tobin’s eyes.

“I don’t know if I trust her either, to be honest. That is why I haven’t reached out to her yet, but I will be honest with you when I finally decide what to do about her. In fact, hand me my phone. I just want to let  her know that I still haven’t figured out if I forgive her. I mean her calling must mean it’s bothering her. I don’t want to seem spiteful,” Tobin says.

Alex reaches over to the nightstand to hand Tobin her phone and watches as she types out a message. _Hey, Alex told me you called. Sorry if you were expecting me to talk to you much sooner. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, but I just wasn’t sure if I was ready still. I will let you know as soon as I feel up to it and we can talk. I hope you’re doing well._

Just as Tobin hits send and sets her phone back down, Alex presses a kiss to her lips.

“What was that for?” Tobin asks.

“I just don’t get how you can be so kind to people. You’ve been hurt a lot more than most people I know, but you still are so kind. It’s probably my favorite thing about you,” Alex says placing another kiss to Tobin’s cheek.

“I love you,” Tobin says.

“I love you too,” Alex says leaning down to kiss Tobin again before laying back down and nuzzling into her neck. A few minutes later she hears Tobin’s breathing even out as she slips off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning Alex wakes up before Tobin. Her face is on Tobin’s chest and she can feel her steady breathing underneath her. Alex debates on getting up to make coffee before she decides that she wants to take advantage of waking up first. She places soft kisses to Tobin’s neck and moves her way carefully down Tobin’s body before reaching her shorts. When she reaches her shorts, she carefully moves them down before removing them completely trying not to wake Tobin although she knows that she is a heavy sleeper. With Tobin’s shorts gone, Alex moves back to Tobin’s center before swiping her tongue through it and beginning to work her over while she sleeps. After a few seconds of Tobin still sleeping, Alex decides to step it up a notch and moves one hand up under Tobin’s shirt to massage her breasts. Finally, she feels Tobin begin to stir underneath her and let out a nearly inaudible gasp as she reacts to Alex’s actions.

“Mmmm, Lex,” Tobin says softly still not fully awake.

Alex laughs softly against Tobin’s clit before continuing to draw circles with her tongue and suck gently. She enters Tobin with two fingers now that she is awake and begins to move in and out slowly. Tobin moans and whispers incomprehensively her hips beginning to move restlessly in response. Alex begins to move her fingers in and out more quickly as Tobin starts to match her rhythm with her hips. Alex adds a third finger and before long she can feel Tobin start to tighten around her fingers and she comes with a loud moan as Alex gently removes her fingers and moves up her body nuzzling back into her usual place at her neck and placing soft kisses as Tobin pants underneath her.

“Fuck. Lex, I love you,” Tobin says still out of breath.

Alex laughs loudly placing a small bite to Tobin’s neck before responding, “I love you too. I take that as you being happy I chose to wake up to the taste of you rather than coffee.”

“Mmm, more than happy. I need to wake up second more often,” Tobin says finally regaining her breath.

Alex chuckles moving to the side of the bed and sitting on the edge. Tobin quickly sits up as wrapping her arms around Alex from behind and kissing her neck. Alex removes herself and gets up from the bed grabbing a towel before turning back to face Tobin who is still on the bed.

“Come on, I want to shower before we get dirty in the lake again. If you’re lucky, I’ll let you shampoo my hair,” Alex says winking at Tobin before walking into the hallway that goes towards the bathroom. Tobin quickly follows not bothering to grab a towel of her own as she pulls off her shirt on her way to the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the day passes nearly the same as the day before as they all float in the water on the lake until sun down. Sarah has been uncharacteristically silent after accidentally walking into the bathroom as Tobin dried Alex off with the towel after a long shower that morning. She would occasionally glare in their direction, but they both were too happy to care about her homophobia at the moment.

Dom and Syd had spent most of the day floating far away from the rest of the group appearing to be discussing something intensely. Savannah simply floated around the others and occasionally rolled her eyes at Sarah for Alex and Tobin to silently laugh at.

After another long day, they all turned in early after dinner knowing that they would have to drive in the morning. Alex snuggled into Tobin’s side that night relishing in their last night together before she would have to make her way back to Bloomington after they drove back to Lexington the next day. The next morning, they climbed into Tobin’s car and spent most of the ride content to hold hands over the center console and sing along to whatever was on the radio.

Once again, Tobin found herself holding Alex outside her truck when they arrived in Lexington. Surprisingly, there were no tears this time, but they both simply held one another not wanting to move.

“I love you,” Alex says, "No forgetting that between now and Christmas break.”

“I love you too,” Tobin says placing a kiss to the side of Alex’s head,” I won’t forget. I already can’t wait until then.”

Reluctantly, Alex pulls away and gives Tobin a long kiss before getting into her truck and backing out. Tobin watches and frowns at the redundancy of goodbyes in their relationship, but she knows that it’s still worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The time between Alex’s fall break and Christmas break dragged on. Tobin and Alex talked every day in some form. Tobin had begun speaking with Christen periodically just to check up and try and reform their friendship, but they hadn’t approached any subject deeper than ‘how is life’. As promised, Tobin had kept Alex in the loop on her friendship with Christen not wanting her to feel as if she was keeping secrets. Unfortunately, Tobin and Alex were unable to see each other during Thanksgiving as Tobin was in Chicago staying with family and Alex was at home in Indiana. However, Tobin had seen Christen over Thanksgiving as she was in Chicago as well. They had a quick lunch filled with small talk and an awkward hug goodbye.

After thanksgiving, it was too crazy trying to finish up the semester for either Alex or Tobin to make the trip for a weekend. Finally, Tobin was done with finals after the first week of December and on her way back home for break. Alex had already headed home earlier that week as she didn’t have any late in the week finals like Tobin.

Tobin’s parents were in Mexico for the next month and Alex had used the spare key to let herself into Tobin’s house wanting to be there when Tobin arrived in a few hours. She was sprawled on Tobin’s bed half asleep when she heard a knock at the backdoor. Alex checked her phone confused as to who would be knocking as Tobin wasn’t due for another 2 hours at minimum. Hesitantly, Alex got up from the bed and opened the back door that led to the garage. She was greeted by none other than Christen, whose smile slowly faded as she realized it was not Tobin answering the door. Alex froze uncertain of what to do or say and trying to remember if Christen had always been this attractive in pictures or if she was hallucinating.

“Sorry, I guess I should have called. Is Tobin here?” Christen asks confidently as she steps past Alex and into the mudroom. Alex doesn’t register the question for a minute until she notices Christen glaring at her expecting a response.

“Huh—no, Tobin isn’t here she isn’t back yet. I’m just waiting for her,” Alex says avoiding eye contact and growing increasingly uncomfortable with how at ease Christen seems as she steps through the room and into the kitchen.

“Oh, okay. I’m Christen by the way. I take it you are Alex?” Christen says extending her hand and smiling at Alex who is still in slight shock as to what is occurring. Eventually, Alex recovers and gives a weak smile as she shakes Christen’s hand.

“Yeah, I’m Alex. Is Tobin expecting you?” She asks finally gaining some confidence in the situation.

“No, I just knew she was coming back today. I thought I would stop by,” Christen says leaning against a counter in the kitchen comfortably.

“Look, I am not trying to be the bitchy girlfriend here, but I think it’s best if you leave,” Alex says growing increasingly annoyed at Christen’s presence.

Christen scoffs at this, “Why should I leave?”

“It’s not my house and Tobin isn’t here. You can come back when she is here, which isn’t for a few hours,” Alex says trying to keep her voice calm.

“It’s not a problem. I basically lived here most of high school. She won’t mind,” Christen says pulling out her phone and scrolling through it barely acknowledging Alex’s presence in the kitchen.

“You shouldn’t be here, and I think you know that,” Alex says her voice wavering with anger.

“Why is that? As far as I am concerned, you are the one that is the most out of place here. You have been dating a few months? I’ve known Tobin for years, and I know she may be upset right now but she will forgive me. She always forgives me. She isn’t going to be able to walk away from me after everything. You are just a placeholder until she's ready. I'm fine waiting,” Christen says smirking at Alex who is visibly flushed with anger.

“Get the fuck out,” Alex screams, “I may not have known Tobin for as long as you but at least I know better than to hurt her. I always thought she deserved better than you when you were together, but you acting like this when she is happy with me just confirms it. Now get the fuck out!”

Christen merely smirks again at Alex and slowly moves towards the door, “It’s cute how jealous you get. Don’t forget that you wouldn’t even be around if I hadn’t made one mistake. After all, you were just ‘Alex from work’ not that long ago.”

Alex punches the wall in anger as Christen steps out of the house and closes the door. She knows that she shouldn’t have snapped, but she couldn’t help herself after hearing Christen talk so nonchalantly about hurting Tobin and then wanting to go right back to where they were. She retreats back to Tobin’s room as she hears a car pull back out of the driveway and closes her eyes knowing that she will have to tell Tobin what happened when she arrives. She begins to mull over Christen’s words. She is trying not to let them get to her but failing as tears roll down her cheeks at the thought that she might just be a 'placeholder' like Christen said despite Tobin’s reassurances.


	20. What's my name again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is upset about Christen's visit. Alex meets Kelley and Ann.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, life got busy with moving, finishing summer classes, studying for exams, and work. This is basically 85% smut because I'm debating how much time I want to skip to get into the more angsty and dramatic parts. Let me know what you think/if I should skip to closer to the break up you all have been speculating about.

When Tobin opens the door to her house and drops her suitcases in the entry way, she is surprised to find the house dead silent. She makes her way to her room to find Alex passed out on her bed in one of her hoodies. Tobin smiles at the sight of Alex until she notices the multiple Kleenex littered around her and puffy red cheeks as if she had been crying. Instead of going to grab her suitcases, she slides her flip flops off and sits on the bed next to Alex gently rubbing her back and shoulders to wake her and placing a kiss to her head.

“Lex, wake up. What’s wrong? Have you been crying?” Tobin asks softly.

Alex finally begins to stir awake and blinks her eyes trying to focus on Tobin. She doesn’t respond and simply sits up wrapping her arms around Tobin and letting tears fall until they drip down and fall against Tobin’s t-shirt.

“Babe, what happened?” Tobin whispers growing more concerned by the second as she squeezes Alex tightly letting her continue to cry. After several minutes, Alex finally regains her composure still sniffling as she pulls back to look at Tobin.

“Christen was here,” Alex says, “She was saying all of these things about how I’ll never know you like her and how I’m just a placeholder. I just got so upset. I am so scared. I know I’m supposed to trust you when you tell me it’s not true, but it’s so hard to do when she just does what she wants. She shows up or she calls you and she made it clear she wants you back. I just don’t want to lose you.” Alex starts to cry again at those words still reeling from what Christen said to her.

“Shhh, I’m sorry. You aren’t going to lose me Alex. I promise,” Tobin says placing her hands on Alex’s cheeks and wiping her tears with her thumbs. _I’m going to fucking kill Christen._

“I can’t deal with her. She’s fucking unhinged,” Alex says.

“I know. I’m sorry, but she has been through so much and—“

“Don’t fucking do that, Tobin. I can’t stand watching you defend her. You have been through a lot too and you don’t hurt people like she does. What does she have over you that you keep giving her all these chances?” Alex yells pulling away from Tobin and standing up from the bed.

“She’s my oldest friend. I thought that you understood that. Do you want me to just give up on her? I’ve been given up on enough in my life to know how much that hurts. I’m not going to do that to her. You don’t get it. You didn’t know me before. You’ve only seen me happy, because you make me happy. She was there when I couldn’t even find a reason to get out of bed every day,” Tobin says her voice trailing off as she tries to blink away the building tears before they fall.

“Funny, that’s exactly what she told me. She said I’d never understand. I guess I’ll just fucking let you two be then, since I don’t understand. I guess it’s true, because I will never understand why you would want to let that toxic bullshit in your life. Someone being there for you in the past doesn’t mean they can walk all over you in the present. Fuck it, you can go have fun with Christen tonight,” Alex yells as she removes Tobin’s hoodie and throws it towards her on the bed.

Alex is already striding through the kitchen towards the backdoor when Tobin finally reacts to what happened. She quickly gets up from the bed and nearly falls as she hits the door frame with her shoulder on her rush to get out of her room.

“Lex, wait!” Tobin yells, “Don’t leave, please.”

Alex pauses halfway through the kitchen not turning around to face Tobin and gripping her car keys firmly in her right hand. Tobin approaches her from behind and reaches for her hand attempting to take her keys away. Alex resists at first, but she finally gives in on Tobin’s third attempt. Tobin tosses the keys on the counter and wraps her arms around Alex’s waist resting her chin on her shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Lex. I didn’t mean it like that. She’s just been around for so much. It’s sometimes hard not to jump to her defense. You’re right. I shouldn’t put up with her behavior towards me and especially not now that she has hurt you as well. I’ll do anything you want but don’t leave please. Let’s talk,” Tobin says squeezing Alex tightly.

Alex remains frozen in place not reacting to Tobin’s touch and lets out a long breath.

“Okay, then talk,” Alex says moving away from Tobin and walking into the living room to sit down. Tobin follows taking a seat across from Alex letting her have some space.

“I’m sorry that I told you that you don’t understand. It just came out, and I wasn’t thinking. It’s hard to turn off the part of me that defends her. She’s been my friend for a long time. You were right though. She doesn’t deserve to keep getting chances when she keeps finding new ways to hurt me. It is inexcusable for her to even show up here and say anything to you. I’m so sorry. I never want to fight with you. I feel so bad about what I said, Lex,” Tobin pleads trying to read Alex’s blank facial expression.

“I know you’re sorry, Tobs. What now? We can’t just keep fighting over her every time something happens. She clearly wants you back,” Alex says her voice stern and unwavering.

“If you want me to choose—“

“No, I’m not saying that. I don’t want to give you some ultimatum and you wake up resenting me for it one day,” Alex says, “I’m not going to dictate who you can be friends with, but I am not going to hold my tongue about how I feel about how she treats you. I also don’t like you throwing in my face the fact that you two have so much history that I don’t understand when I tell you how I feel about her.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s just hard not jumping to her defense when I’ve done it for so long. You are right though that isn’t fair of me. I love you and your feelings are my priority now, not hers. I can’t promise I’ll never see her or talk to her again, but I’m going to distance myself since she clearly wants more than friendship from me,” Tobin says.

“Okay, I’m not asking you to never talk to her. I get it that you were friends for a long time, but you have to let me in. I know you don’t like talking about your past, but I am never going to understand unless you do. I want to understand so that I can be here for you like she was back then,” Alex says moving towards Tobin on the couch to hold her hand.

“Are we okay?” Tobin asks rubbing circles on Alex’s hand with her thumb.

“Yeah, I’m sorry that I tried to leave,” Alex whispers shyly.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I said those things to you. Call it even?” Tobin asks smiling slightly at Alex.

“Deal,” Alex says as she leans in to take Tobin’s lips in her own. Alex deepens the kiss almost immediately as her body seems to recollect that it has been over a month since she was able to touch Tobin. She climbs on top of Tobin straddling her waist and her heart beats rapidly as Tobin’s tongue slides into her mouth while she moves her hands to grip Alex’s ass. Tobin breaks from the kiss to move to Alex’s neck placing open mouthed kisses and sucking gently behind her ear.

“Fuck me, I missed you,” Alex says as she tangles her hands in Tobin’s hair.

Tobin chuckles slightly mumbling against her neck, “I was planning on it.”

Alex has no time to come up with a witty response as Tobin has already lifted her up and started carrying her towards the bedroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several hours later, Alex and Tobin are still naked in Tobin’s bed breathing heavily after countless orgasms. Tobin is still lying on top of Alex with her head resting against her chest unable to muster up the energy to move.

“Holy fuck, that was amazing. I might have to thank Christen for causing that fight, because if that is how we make up then I may just start yelling at you for no reason,” Alex says mindlessly running her fingers through Tobin’s hair.

“I’m sorry, who is Christen? What fight? I can’t even remember my own name right now,” Tobin says as she moves to rest her chin on Alex’s chest and look up at her.

“I’d usually give you shit for that comment, but I am far too blissed out right now to even attempt,” Alex says still out of breath and her voice deeper than usual.

“Good, then my plan worked,” Tobin says smirking and sucking playfully at the skin above Alex’s breast until it leaves a mark.

“It’s a good thing that it’s cold as fuck outside. I’m definitely going to have to wear a sweater to hide that tomorrow,” Alex says moving her hands to trace circles on Tobin’s lower back.

“I vote you just stay in bed with me all day and then you don’t have to hide at all,” Tobin says humming contently and laying her head back down against Alex’s chest reveling in the sound of her heart beating underneath her.

“No argument here. I plan on making up for the last month and a half over break. I hope you’ve been working out,” Alex says lightly smacking Tobin’s bare ass and chuckling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning Alex wakes up to the sound of loud clanging coming from the kitchen and a string of curse words. She groggily rolls over and stretches before throwing on Tobin’s t-shirt and walking towards the kitchen. Alex bursts out laughing at the sight as she turns the corner. Tobin is naked and hunched over on the floor picking up a pan of dropped bacon. Alex is in tears from laughter as Tobin looks up from her place on the floor still perturbed.

“Oh my god, what are you doing?” Alex asks still struggling to quit laughing.

“Shut up, I wanted to make breakfast, but I also didn’t feel like putting on clothes. Let’s just say frying bacon naked was not my best idea. Bacon grease may or may not have splattered into some interesting places making me knock the pan off the stove,” Tobin says struggling to maintain a glare as Alex is now laughing hysterically again. Tobin tosses the pan into the sink not bothering to salvage breakfast. She is about to turn around to start making pancakes when Alex comes up behind her cupping her center with one hand while the other moves her hair to one side. Tobin bites her lip closing her eyes at the feeling as Alex begins to kiss her neck and moves both hands to massage her breasts.

“Mmm, Lex. That feels so good,” Tobin says placing her hands on the counter to keep up right as Alex continues to tease her nipples. Alex continues to kiss Tobin’s neck making sure to nibble lightly on Tobin’s ear knowing that it drives her crazy. She wants Tobin to beg for her to touch her as she continues slowly teasing her breasts. As usual, Alex gets what she wants a few minutes later.

“Lex, please,” Tobin says her breathing uneven.

“What do you want me to do?” Alex asks as she scrapes her teeth against Tobin’s neck.

“I want you to fuck me,” Tobin says not hesitating to beg for Alex.

Alex places a bite to Tobin’s shoulder blade and steps away leaving Tobin to groan at the loss of contact. She walks away back towards the bedroom smugly smiling to herself as she loves to tease Tobin. Alex is so pleased with herself that she doesn’t hear footsteps behind her until she is being spun around and shoved against the wall at the end of the hallway. She grunts as her head smacks the back of the wall.

“Shit, babe. I’m sorry. Are you okay? I didn’t think I was that strong,” Tobin says placing both of her hands on Alex’s cheeks tilting her head in her hands and looking frantically for any sign of injury.

“Don’t be, it was hot,” Alex says pulling Tobin roughly into her for a forceful kiss before pulling away tugging at Tobin’s bottom lip with her teeth.

“Kelley and Ann are staying at their apartment today?” Alex asks as she pulls of Tobin’s t-shirt she had thrown on earlier.

“Yeah,” Tobin says letting her eyes rake over Alex’s now bare chest.

“Good, do you remember right before I left on MLK weekend?” Alex asks moving into the bedroom and laying down on the bed. Tobin licks her lips at the sight of Alex laid out on her bed completely naked nodding her head in response to her question as she remembers the taste of Alex as she rode her face.

“Good, this time though I want you to sit on my face,” Alex says her eyes gazing intently at Tobin’s body as Tobin quickly moves towards the bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later on, Tobin is collapsed in bed next to Alex her body still slightly trembling with pleasure.

“Lex, you are way too good at that,” Tobin says tiredly.

Alex just smiles lazily watching Tobin’s chest rise and fall with her breathing. She moves to rest her head on Tobin’s chest sighing contently.

“I missed how you taste,” Alex says tracing circles against Tobin’s stomach with her hand.

“I missed you too,” Tobin says sighing, “You made me forget that I have a surprise for you.”

Alex perks up at this placing her weight on her elbow to lean up and look at Tobin, “What is it?”

“Go look in the side pocket of my black duffel bag,” Tobin says.

Alex gets up hastily excited to see what Tobin’s surprise is. She squeals when she opens the bag.

“Oh my god, you should have told me before. You finally bought a strap on? I seriously can’t wait to fuck you with this. It’s going to be so hot,” Alex says immediately putting on the harness and adjusting the straps to secure the purple dildo. Tobin bites her lip at the sight of Alex. Tobin had intended on being the one to wear it but she doesn’t complain as she feels herself getting turned on again just at the sight of Alex.

“You look so sexy,” Tobin says huskily not being able to contain herself as she moves her hand to her own clit and starts to rub circles.

“Don’t be impatient. I won’t tease this time,” Alex says, “Get on your hands and knees.”

Tobin moans at Alex’s words and quickly complies as Alex climbs on the bed behind Tobin. Alex runs two fingers through Tobin’s center rubbing her clit momentarily before slowly entering Tobin with her fingers. They both let out moans at the feeling of Tobin already soaked in anticipation.

“Tell me if you don’t like it,” Alex says as she moves the dildo to rub against Tobin’s center before slowly entering her.

“Fuck, Lex,” Tobin gasps gripping the grey sheets beneath her. Alex pulls back out completely before entering Tobin again slowly.

“Do you like it?” Alex asks moving Tobin’s hair to one side so she can see her reaction as she begins to thrust slowly in and out. Tobin doesn’t respond as her jaw goes slack and she lets out another moan.

“Harder,” Tobin pants out as Alex continues to thrust against her as Tobin’s hips match her rhythm.

Alex scratches down Tobin’s back with one hand still gripping her hips with the other as she begins to thrust harder and deeper into Tobin. She can feel her own clit throbbing with arousal at the sight of the dildo thrusting into Tobin and the sweat glistening on her skin. Tobin is already close as her hips buck wildly back against Alex thrusting into her. As Tobin begins to shake with arousal, Alex pulls the dildo out completely before thrusting hard back into Tobin repeatedly.

“Fuck, Le—“ Tobin screams not finishing her sentence as she comes shuddering uncontrollably. Alex is enthralled with how hot Tobin looks and as she still slowly moves in and out of Tobin.

“Too sensitive,” Tobin breathes when Alex reaches around to softly rub Tobin’s clit after a few minutes and Alex pulls out completely collapsing on the bed next to Tobin who merely rolls over off her knees and elbows collapsing as well.

Tobin is still panting her eyes closed as her head is resting on Alex’s bicep. She feels Alex move her arm as her head hits the pillow and hears a thud hit the floor before she feels Alex start to rub her hands up and down her abs and place kisses to her shoulder.

“Tobs,” Alex whispers in between kisses, “I need you. My clit is throbbing. I’m so wet that was so hot.”

“I know, babe. Just give me a second. You did so good. I need a minute,” Tobin says still too exhausted to open her eyes.

Alex shifts uncomfortably aroused and needing a release. Tobin’s eyes open as Alex takes her hand guiding it between her legs. She licks her lips when she feels how wet Alex is wanting to taste her.

“C’mere, sit on my face. I don’t know if I can move, but I want to taste you,” Tobin says moving her other hand to sweep Alex’s hair out of her face and looking into her eyes. Alex whimpers nodding and moving to situate herself over Tobin. She is so close just from getting Tobin off that it doesn’t take long for her to come and to collapse in a sweaty heap back beside Tobin nuzzling into her side.

“I love you,” Alex says softly.

“I love you, too,” Tobin replies as her phone buzzes from somewhere on the bed. She manages to find it wedged under a pillow and unlocks it to find a message.

 _Ann:_ Hey, we are on our way to your house. The power at our apartment is out and won’t be back on for a few days.

Tobin gulps as the message is from 45 minutes ago and Kelley and Ann live about 30 minutes away.

“Shit, Lex. We have to get dressed,” Tobin says handing her the phone to read.

“Oh my god, do you think they are almost here? I didn’t hear the door at all,” Alex says rolling out of bed trying to locate shorts and a t-shirt.

“I didn’t either but we were kind of distracted,” Tobin says slowly getting up and throwing on the first clothes she finds, “Come on, let’s go see if they are here.”

Tobin and Alex walk softly down the hallway. They both let out a sigh of relief as they find the house empty, but the relief quickly fades as Kelley knocks on the glass door leading to the patio flipping them both off through the glass. Tobin then notices the keys and bags sitting in the living room and knows that they definitely had to hear something. She grabs Alex’s hand as she can see how flustered and nervous she looks considering she is about to meet her sister for the first time after she probably heard them having sex. She leads Alex outside to the patio where Ann and Kelley are sitting.

“Hey,” Tobin says awkwardly gripping Alex’s hand tighter, “Alex this is my sister Kelley and her girlfriend Ann. Guys, this is my girlfriend Alex.”

Alex smiles weakly only able to make eye contact with Ann as she has heard how protective and intense Kelley can be about Tobin, “Hi, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Weird, I thought your name was ‘fuck, Lex’ from what I’ve heard,” Kelley says as she and Ann burst into fits of laughter. Tobin and Alex both turn bright red as Tobin quickly pulls Alex back into the house flipping them off as she leaves. She pulls Alex back through the house and to her bedroom shutting the door again. Both of their cheeks are still flushed red from embarrassment as they make eye contact still holding hands tightly. Suddenly, they both burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"I can't believe your sister and her girlfriend heard us the first time I meet them," Alex says still laughing slightly.

Tobin struggles to quit laughing as she pulls Alex in for a tight hug, "I can't believe she actually admitted she heard. I told you she was weirder than me."

"Well, I guess since they already heard us then they won't mind if we shower together," Alex says pulling back and kissing Tobin's on the lips softly.

"I guess not," Tobin says smiling.

"Come on, I'll let you wash my hair," Alex says as she reaches to gently smack Tobin's ass.


	21. Sunshine and Whiskey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spring Break.

As the end of winter break is only a week away, Tobin and Alex have been spending nearly every minute together. They both had agreed to pick up shifts at DQ over break as long as they were scheduled together. It was so dead in the winter that they would often end up the only two working the last few hours before closing up. Tobin’s parents were in the Bahamas or Mexico or somewhere Tobin can’t remember. Since today was New Year’s Eve, the owner had agreed to let them close up at 8pm as they hardly made any money last year on this night.

Tobin and Alex were currently closing up shop as Alex had just locked the doors and was leaning against the counter waiting for Tobin to finish cleaning the ice cream machines and count the registers.

“30, 75, 68,” Alex says giggling as Tobin’s brow furrows trying to concentrate on counting.

“Shit, you’re just mean, Lex. I was almost done. You know I’m technically your boss here,” Tobin says pouting.

“You know you love me,” Alex says hopping up on the counter and letting her feet dangle off the edge.

“No argument on that,” Tobin says smiling up at Alex as she places the receipt for the register around the stack of cash and puts it into the deposit bag zipping it shut. She walks to the stock room to drop the bag into the safe and returns back to the front where Alex is sitting on the counter standing between her legs and rubbing her hands up and down Alex’s thighs.

“Almost,” Alex says as she wraps her hands around Tobin’s neck and pulls her closer and takes her lips between her own. Tobin moves to deepen the kiss pressing further into Alex, but she feels Alex pull away and pulls back herself opening her eyes to look at Alex.

“I think my mom knows about us,” Alex says.

“I doubt it. How we should know? The only people at home that know are people that work here and they are either our friends or don’t know your family at all,” Tobin says soothingly rubbing Alex’s thighs as she talks.

“I kind of told her that I wasn’t interested in guys when she unexpectedly asked me if I was seeing anyone. She just said I will change my mind when I meet a guy I like. I don’t think she knew what I meant then, but she is starting to get suspicious. She keeps asking about you and has noticed that we are always together. I’m scared she knows,” Alex says leaning in to rest her forehead on Tobin’s shoulder.

“Honestly, she might be suspicious, but she will wait for you to tell her if she is. From what you’ve told me, she won’t care either way. It’s your dad that may not be alright about it,” Tobin says.

“I know. I’m scared she will share her suspicions with him. He once made us pray the entire rosary in the car because we missed church and he goes on homophobic rants all the time. What if he kicks me out?” Alex says her voice faltering as she tries not to let the tears in her eyes spill over onto Tobin’s shirt.

“Your mom wouldn’t let that happen. Besides, you are only home a few months a year and you could live with me if you had to for that time. It’ll be okay, Lex.”

“I just don’t get how this is still so confusing for me. I’m so mad at myself,” Alex says.

“What do you mean? Like how you feel about me is confusing?” Tobin asks trying to keep her voice level despite being terrified of the answer.

“No, the only thing I understand is how I feel about you. It’s just everyone keeps asking me what I am or calling me a lesbian, which like yes I’m dating a girl so I get why they think that. I just don’t know who I am at all and it makes me feel like shit about myself. I hate that I can’t figure it out,” Alex says sniffling as the tears begin to drop onto Tobin’s shirt unable to hold them back any longer.

“Babe, it’s okay. You don’t have to know. You don’t need a label to know who you are. You are Alex Morgan and you are a lot of different things. One thing doesn’t determine who you are. Yeah, I consider myself a lesbian, but I’m other things too. You don’t have to label yourself for me or anyone one else. You love me right?” Tobin asks moving her hands to rub Alex’s back.

“Of course I love you,” Alex says still sniffling.

“Then that’s all that matters. Focus on what you know, everything else will come in time or it won’t. Either way, it’s okay if it doesn’t. I’ll still love you no matter what and you’ll still be you even if you don’t know who that is.”

“How did you get so smart?” Alex laughs giggling as she lifts her head to place a kiss on Tobin’s cheek.

“You learn a lot of what not to do or think when your entire life is full of dysfunctional relationships,” Tobin says, “Let’s go home. I need to shower off this DQ smell.”

“Ugh, fine. Will you carry me to the car?” Alex asks leaning back to give Tobin her best pouty face.

Tobin just rolls her eyes and turns around so Alex can jump onto her back. She struggles to lock the door to the DQ, but she eventually makes it to her car dropping Alex into the passenger seat before walking around to her side to get in and starting the car. She pulls out of the parking lot as Alex takes her hand that always dangles off the center console and traces up and down her forearm with the other.

“I love you,” Tobin says smiling as she watches the road and the sound of John Legend’s “All of Me” coming on the radio.

The calm moment is soon over as Alex decides to do her best opera version of the song and Tobin is nearly in tears from laughter by the time she puts the car in park in her driveway.

~

The rest of break passes uneventfully as Tobin and Alex try to spend as much time together as possible. They leave to go back to school in a familiar long embrace outside the car that leads to Alex pushing Tobin into the backseat of her car and them both leaving an hour later than they intended for the drive back to school.

They both know that it will be longer than last time before they can see each other again. Alex and her roommate Paige were convinced to do spring rush by some of their friends that are in a sorority despite them being sophomores. The girls had begged until Alex finally gave in stating that she needed more friends at school or she would just sit around miserably missing Tobin. Tobin remained someone quiet on the matter as sororities were not her thing, but she supported whatever made Alex happy. Tobin would also be increasingly busy as she tried to bring her grades up from the impact of her second semester of college when she had barely passed due to being too depressed to get out of bed to go to class. She is honestly surprised she even managed a 2.0 that semester as she was either drunk or asleep. Luckily, the 4.0 the other two semesters had balanced it out, but she needed good grades if she was going to get an internship at a Big 4 accounting firm. The next time that they would see each other wouldn’t be until Tobin’s spring break.

~

Despite their hectic schedules with Alex now pledging Phi Mu and Tobin still buckling down with school, the distance still hadn’t affected their closeness. They talked on the phone as much as they were able to and would always respond to texts even if their schedules made them delayed by hours. Alex had recently taken up sending Tobin pictures of her half naked after the gym or getting out of the shower exactly when she knew Tobin was in a meeting and couldn’t do anything about it. Although, Tobin eventually had gotten revenge waiting until she knew she was at a sorority event to send her own pictures. Even though Tobin missed being able to physically touch Alex, she had managed to fall even more in love with her somehow.

Recently, Alex had been bringing up the future a lot and Tobin couldn’t help but smile as Alex listed off cities that she thought they both would like after graduation and sent her random links to apartments in Portland that were ‘within budget for a new hire at a CPA firm’. She had forced Tobin to apply to all the best graduate programs threatening her by saying she’d withhold sex all year if Tobin got into a good one but didn’t go because it was far away. Tobin had scoffed at this claiming that as much as she hated to admit it IU had a good business program and it had her so it would be a win-win for her to go there for her Master’s degree to get her last 30 credit hours and be eligible to sit for the CPA exam.

The week leading up to Tobin’s spring break is torturous. Classes are becoming harder day by day and she misses Alex desperately. Alex’s spring break was this week and she had gone on a long planned cruise with Allie. She didn’t have access to a phone all week and the few times she had access to Wi-Fi Tobin had been in class and missed her trying to contact her. Tobin had still been texting her even knowing that her phone was off. The number of times she had drunkenly ranted about how much she loved her after only 3 nights was slightly embarrassing.

On the day that Alex gets off the cruise, Tobin wakes up to the sound of her phone ringing. She struggles to orient herself not knowing when she had finally fallen asleep. The phone cuts off after many rings but starts up again just as quickly. Tobin tiredly reaches for the device whispering hello lowly into the phone still exhausted.

“Good you’re awake, I can’t stay on the phone Tim is taking us to breakfast, but stay awake so you can at least text me. I missed you,” Alex says rushing to get all her words out.

Tobin’s eyes open alertly at the sound of Alex’s voice, “Wait, Lex. Don’t hang up yet, I missed you so much. I love you.”

“I love you too. I wish I could talk right now but I really have to go. Text me,” Alex says hanging up the phone before Tobin can get another word in. As quickly as the line goes dead, Tobin feels her phone buzz in her hand.

Lex: Sorry, Tim is freaking about leaving for breakfast and then driving back. I missed you so much. I have to give you something later. Also, you sound so sexy when you first wake up.

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: I missed you too. I’m already excited for this gift. Did you get all my messages? I wanted to send so many more but I started to feel a little pathetic at how much I missed you.

Lex: Yes, I wish I could just stop in Lexington on our way back to Bloomington. They made me cry. It was weird knowing I couldn’t talk to you. Next time, you come with on the cruise.

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: I would be more than okay with that. How was it?

Lex: Fun, I tried to speak Spanish to some people but it did not work. I needed you as my translator.

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: Mine is probably as bad as yours by now. I’m out of practice. Did you at least get a good tan?

Lex: Yeah, I spent most of my time just laying out and drinking while Allie snuck off with some weird guy she met on the cruise.

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: Allie could find a boyfriend in a nunnery. I have to shower before I go on campus. Call me tonight? I love you.

Lex: Yeah, I’ll call you tonight. I love you.

Lex: Something for you to think about in the shower ;)

Tobin groans out loud when the attached image loads of Alex in only a tiny blue bikini. _Cold shower it is._

When Tobin gets out of the shower, she checks her phone to see that she has an email from Alex with the subject “What I wanted to give you…”

~

_Tobin,_

_I’m sitting on the cruise ship right now laying out and Allie is bitching at me for typing something on my phone that doesn’t even function. I didn’t expect to miss you this much. I feel like we just met and have known each other forever at the same time. I know it’s healthy not to talk all the time, but something about knowing I can’t is messing with me. It’s crazy really how quickly you worked yourself into my life and became such a huge part of it. I can’t imagine not knowing you or having you in my life even though I haven’t even known you an entire year._

_I’ve been thinking a lot about things lately. I think you were right when you said that I don’t need to label myself. I know that I love you and that’s more than enough for me. You are somehow always right (although I will adamantly deny ever admitting this to anyone else).  I can’t promise you that I’ll be ready for my family or everyone at school to know about us any time soon, but I can promise you that no one has ever meant as much to me as you do. I knew I loved you so long ago, but I don’t think I ever took a minute to contemplate the depth of my feelings for you. I don’t even know how to articulate how much I love you. You are so patient and kind with me. You know exactly when I’m in a shit mood and need space or when I’m feeling vulnerable and need smothered. I love you so much, and I miss you so much right now. I want so many things with you that are probably crazy to other people to be talking about this soon, but I know somehow that you and I are going to be together for a very long time. In fact, I don’t want to picture a time when we aren’t together._

_I’m going to send this to you when I get back. I wanted to try and tell you how much I love and miss you._

_Love,_

_Alex_

_~_

Tobin is crying by the time she gets to the end. She has never felt this loved by anyone platonically or romantically. She cries at how lucky she feels to finally feel happy after fighting for so long just to feel not miserable. Opening up her messages, she types a quick text to Alex.

Friendly Neighborhood Lesbian: _I’m crying like a baby right now. I read what you wrote. I love you so much and I miss you too. For the record, I feel like we will be together for a very long time too. I can’t wait to see you next week._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to skip time after this probably, but I wanted to show how invested Alex is in the relationship as well because I think it will be helpful for understanding later on. Title has no significance. I couldn't think of one and that song was on.


	22. Spring Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin goes to IU for spring break to see Alex. They really need to stop getting overheard by people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Get a little hint as to why they will break up this chapter. I keep saying I'm going to skip time and then not. I honestly don't know if I will still debating it in my head.

A week after Alex returns from the cruise Tobin is driving up 65 on her way to Bloomington for her own Spring Break. She lets her mind wander as she drives well over the speed limit trying not to feel anxious at the amount of semis surrounding her. When she pulls into the narrow driveway and parks in the gravel lot behind the duplex Alex lives in, she sighs relieved to finally have arrived after a long drive. As she opens the door and pops the trunk, she is reaching for her suit case when she hears a familiar voice yell her name.

“Tobs! You finally made it!” Alex yells running down the wood steps that lead to the back door.

Tobin turns quickly bumping her head on the lid of the trunk as she tries to stand up.

“Ow, fuck,” Tobin winces rubbing the back of her head as Alex laughs pulling Tobin into her arms.

“Are you going to live?” Alex asks still laughing.

Tobin just chuckles moving her hand grabbing the back of her head to reciprocate Alex’s hug and burying her face in her neck. Neither of them say anything for a few minutes as they relish finally seeing each other after several months.

After a few minutes, Alex moves back placing a quick kiss to Tobin’s lips and turning back towards the house.

“Come on, let’s take your stuff inside,” Alex says moving to grab a duffel bag and waiting on Tobin to retrieve the other before shutting the trunk. She opens the back door letting Tobin walk into the kitchen first. They silently trudge through the kitchen and the living area heading up the steps where the 3 bedrooms are. Tobin walks straight for the last bedroom opening the door and flinging her bag down before flopping on the bed and sighing.

“That was the drive from hell. Come cuddle with me. I missed you,” Tobin says patting the space next to her.

“Let me just shut the door first. I think Makayla gets home soon,” Alex whispers as she moves to close and lock the door before joining Tobin on the bed. She lays down on the bed motioning for Tobin to move closer so that she can be the big spoon.

“I missed you too,” Alex says kissing the top of Tobin’s head, “Why was the drive awful? Semis?”

“Ugh, yes. I can’t stand the interstate sometimes it’s terrifying when all those giant trucks drivers that are probably a second away from drifting to sleep and murdering me are around me. It took me so long to be able to drive a car without freaking out about it,” Tobin says as she relaxes against Alex’s chest.

“You are a good driver though. Why does it scare you so much?” Alex asks genuinely curious as Tobin has always insisted she hates cars but never explained why. Tobin is silent for a few moments before she begins to speak.

“Do you remember the lady that would come through drive thru every once in a while in the green jeep that I always talked to?” Tobin asks breathing deeply.

“Yeah, what’s that have to do with it?” Alex asks as she runs her fingers through Tobin’s hair mindlessly.

“Well, she used to be like my second mom pretty much. Growing up, I was always at her house and was best friends with her son. We spent all our time together and our parents were really good friends,” Tobin pauses taking a deep breath again, “Then, the summer before 3rd grade we were at a family reunion in southern Indiana. I was playing horseshoes with my grandpa when a park ranger pulled up and my mom went over to talk to them. I didn’t know what was going on, but I saw that she was upset and then my dad and Kelley went over there too. I went to go see what was going on and everyone just kind of looked at me not knowing what to say. Finally, my mom told me that my friend, Jeffrey, and his parents had been in an accident. I still didn’t get really what was going on but we immediately packed up and drove home. Kelley sat in back with me and held me the entire way home. I didn’t even know what was happening really but everyone was being so weird that I knew it was bad,” Tobin pauses again sniffling at the memory.

“You don’t have to talk about it now. I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have asked if I knew it was bad,” Alex says guiltily as she rubs Tobin’s back softly.

“No, it’s okay. I want to tell you. I just need a second,” Tobin says regaining her composure before speaking again.

“We got home and everything was weird. My parents went to the hospital and left me and Kelley with one of their other friends. I don’t even remember who told me that Jeffrey and his dad died in the accident and the mom, Kim, survived. I just remember the funeral. I had never been to one before. It was a double funeral for Jeffrey and his dad. I don’t even know if I cried at it. I think I still didn’t get it. No one close to me had died before. It was closed casket because the wreck had been so bad. I went home and cried alone in my bed after. After that, my parents didn’t really see Kim much as she was in a rehab center learning to walk after having to get a bunch of pins and rods in her legs to reconstruct them. I found out much later that Jeffrey’s dad had a heart attack while driving and passed out causing him to go into oncoming traffic. Kim hadn’t noticed because she was reading a book until they were hit. Jeffrey was in back asleep. I never really talked about it. I would cry a lot alone, but typical of my family they just kind of let me do whatever. They didn’t try to explain it to me. I just kind of figured it out on my own from overhearing things. Kelley and I both didn’t really know what to do so we just followed them and didn’t talk about it. After that, it seemed like everyone I knew was always dying. My grandpa, several uncles, and countless relatives that I was close with. I went to so many funerals growing up that I hate the smell of flowers. It just reminds me of funerals. Now, I see Kim and it’s weird to think about. She came to my high school graduation and we both cried. It’s weird to think about what he would be like now if that hadn’t happened. He was like a brother and his parents were like my second family. Then, he and his dad died and Kim stopped coming around. Sorry, this is probably super depressing after finally getting to see you again.”

Alex is in tears at this point hearing how alone Tobin had been left through such a traumatic experience. She doesn’t understand how she is so kind and caring after she has heard all of the bad things that happened throughout her life.

“Don’t apologize, you are so strong all the time. I’m glad you can be vulnerable with me,” Alex says pulling Tobin tighter into her chest, “I love you.”

Tobin smiles from her place in Alex’s chest, “I love you too. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone about that. I usually just kind of blow it off and don’t want to talk about it. No more sad stuff, though. I want to talk about you. How is the sorority stuff going?”

“It’s really fun. I didn’t expect to like it this much. It’s not how I pictured. Yeah, there is drama and annoying shit sometimes, but I found a lot of people that I really like hanging out with. There is always something to do. I don’t think I’ve ever had this many friends before. I met this guy Tom and his friend Jason and they are really good friends with Paige and I both now. Tom is gay. I think him and Jason have a thing although Jason says he is straight,” Alex says as she rambles on about the different parties and events she has gone to so far.

Tobin listens intently glad that Alex is enjoying herself even though she would never enjoy half the things that Alex is talking about. When Alex finishes with a story about Jason and Tom helping her get home and accidentally trying to open the wrong house’s door in her drunkenness, Tobin is simply laughing and smiling at how happy Alex seems.

“I’m glad you like it. Also, I’m glad someone is here to look out for you when I can’t be. It makes me feel better that you are safe. I’ll have to meet Tom and Jason this week,” Tobin says leaning up from her place on Alex’s chest to place a soft kiss to her lips.

Tobin gets up from the bed slowly standing up.

“Where are you going?” Alex pouts stretching her arms above her head and crossing them behind her head.

“Where are the towels? I want to shower off the drive,” Tobin says looking down at Alex as she rubs the spot on her head that is definitely bruised from hitting the trunk lid.

“Closet on the top shelf.”

Tobin grabs a towel and quickly makes her way down the hall to the bathroom that Alex shares with Makayla and Paige. She strips off her clothes and turns on the water stepping in and letting the nearly scalding water burn into her skin and wash off the gross traveled most of the day feeling. She smiles when she hears the door open and the sound of footsteps on the tile before the shower curtain is pulled open.

“Did you really think I was going to make you shower alone after months of not seeing you?” Alex asks stepping into the shower with Tobin. Tobin simply laughs placing her head under the stream of water to wash out the shampoo in her hair.

“I was hoping you’d get the hint,” Tobin says placing her hands on Alex’s hips and pulling her closer before leaning in to kiss her. Alex wraps her arms around Tobin’s neck immediately moving to deepen the kiss as the water streams over her hands and down Tobin’s back. They both sigh as they break apart needing air and Alex kisses Tobin’s forehead.

“Will you wash my hair?” Alex asks smiling as Tobin’s eyes move up and down her body unabashedly.

“I thought you said I was weird for always wanting to,” Tobin smirks as she reaches behind Alex to grab the shampoo of the ledge of the shower.

“We decided we are both weird, remember. Plus, I like it. It reminds me of the first time you told me you loved me every time I wash my hair now. Fuck, that sounds so cheesy,” Alex says blushing at her confession.

“Not cheesy,” Tobin shakes her head as she massages shampoo into Alex’s scalp, “In fact, you thinking about me while naked in the shower is extremely hot.”

Alex smirks at Tobin’s comment grabbing her hips and moving to switch places so that she can wash her hair out. She closes her eyes as she lets the water run through her hair and Tobin moves closer to massage her scalp again. When she opens her eyes, Tobin is biting her bottom lip and staring intently at Alex with lust in her eyes. Alex pulls Tobin into her by her hips and kisses her neck before moving up to bring their lips together wasting no time and slipping her tongue into Tobin’s mouth to explore.

Alex moves her hands to Tobin’s ass grabbing roughly and pulling her closer as they kiss. She moans as she feels Tobin’s breasts press against her own. Tobin pulls back from the kiss moving Alex by the hips until she is pressed against the side of the shower. She begins to place open mouthed kisses against Alex’s neck as she feels Alex’s fingertips digging into her back.

“Tobs,” Alex pants as she is dying to be touched after months of nothing but phone and skype sex to tie her over. Tobin doesn’t say anything knowing exactly what Alex wants she begins to kiss down Alex’s body taking her time to work over each of her nipples until they are satisfyingly hardened before she kneels in the shower in front of Alex and places a few soft kisses to her inner thighs before running her tongue through her center slowly.

Alex moans loudly grabbing the shower wall with one hand and letting the other tangle in Tobin’s hair. Tobin takes her time working Alex up even more with long, slow licks before moving to gently suck her clit and slowly entering her with two fingers. Alex’s breath is ragged as she moans again wanting Tobin to speed up and slow down all at once as she is overwhelmed with the feeling. She is about to tell Tobin to pick up the pace when she hears the bathroom door open and a voice. Tobin freezes two fingers still inside of Alex moving her face to look up at Alex with wide eyes. They both stare at each other not knowing what to do and eyes a mix of desire and surprise.

“Lex, are you almost done in the shower? We want to get Mexican food for dinner. When is your friend getting here? I saw a car out back. Is she here somewhere already?” A voice unfamiliar to Tobin speaks as she still looks up at Alex. She briefly debates removing her fingers but decides to mess with Alex a bit. She slowly moves them in and out returning to drawing circles on her clit with her tongue.

Alex struggles to answer too turned on to try and make Tobin stop and struggling to answer her roommate, Makayla.

“Um, ye-yeah. She um, she went for a um-fuck- nap. She is in my room napping,” Alex stutters out doing her best not to moan loudly as Tobin curls her fingers and continues to work over her clit.

“Okay, are you okay? You sound weird,” Makayla says questioningly.

“Yeah, I just. Fuck, shampoo in my eyes,” Alex squeaks out as she grabs Tobin’s hand that is massaging her breast and squeezes hard trying to control herself. Luckily, Makayla doesn’t question her further and she hears the door close again. She begins to tremble as Tobin flicks her tongue against her clit and adds a third finger at the sound of the door closing. Moments later she is covering her own mouth as she comes and squeezes Tobin’s hand even harder her head slammed back against the shower wall. Her body trembles as she recovers her breathing ragged and the shower barely luke-warm now as it hits her shoulder. Tobin pulls herself up from her knees that are now red from kneeling on the shower floor. She wraps her arms around Alex placing a kiss to her cheek and resting their foreheads together.

“Did I mention how much I missed you?” Tobin asks softly.

“I missed you too. Do you think Makayla knows?” Alex asks as she reaches to turn the shower off.

“I doubt she would’ve stayed in here that long if she did,” Tobin says placing a kiss to Alex’s lips before turning to open the shower curtain and stepping out. Alex is still leaning against the wall of the shower not yet breathing evenly as she watches Tobin towel off. Tobin is about to open the door when Alex speaks.

“Wait, I should go first in case she is in the hallway or her door is open,” Alex says stepping out of the shower and reaching for her own towel, “I’ll tell you if the coast is clear.”

Tobin simply nods knowing that Alex has only told Paige about them and no one else at school.

Alex places a kiss to her cheek and gives her an apologetic glance before opening the door to peak her head out and reaching back for Tobin grabbing her hand and pulling her quickly through the hallway and into her room before Makayla can see.

Tobin shuts the door behind her and pulls Alex hand towards her until she’s close enough to wrap her in a tight hug.

“It’s okay, you know. I understand you need time to tell her. Don’t worry about me. I just need you,” Tobin says kissing Alex’s forehead.

“How do you do that?” Alex asks, “How do you know what I was thinking?”

“I just know you. You feel guilty when you feel like you aren’t giving people everything they want. You shouldn’t though. I don’t care if she knows or anyone here. Until you are ready, I’m perfectly okay keeping things platonic in front of your friends. As long as I still get to fuck you in the shower,” Tobin says smiling as Alex slaps her arm.

“You just had to make a joke,” Alex says failing to hold back her grin.

“It made you feel better. Plus, I couldn’t help myself,” Tobin says still smiling.

“Speaking of not being able to help myself,” Alex says before she grabs Tobin’s towel and untucks it letting it fall to the ground after reaching to lock the door, “I think I need to pay you back for the shower.”

Tobin swallows as Alex begins to kiss her neck. She feels her skin tingle and moves to remove Alex’s towel as it drops on the floor in a soft thump.

“Bed,” Alex whispers in Tobin’s ear. She doesn’t for a response as she bends down and lifts Tobin up tossing her down on the bed. Tobin laughs softly at her antics but quickly swallows the laugh as Alex climbs on top of her pulling her in for a searing kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, Tobin and Alex are at a local Mexican restaurant munching on chips and salsa with Alex’s roommates, Paige and Makayla. Tobin is hungrily shoveling chips in her mouth as the activities from earlier have her starving and unable to wait for their food.

“Damn, Tobin. Are you always this hungry after naps?” Paige asks giving her and Alex a knowing smirk.

Luckily, Makayla is oblivious to her antics as she is flirting with the waiter who brought her a free margarita. Alex just glares at her until Tobin squeezes her hand under the table to reassure her and quickly lets go as the waiter has now left and Makayla’s attention is back to them.

“So, Tobin. Are you dating anyone?” Makayla asks, “From what Alex has told me, you are quite the catch.”

Tobin coughs nearly spitting out the sip of margarita she took and glances at Alex trying to get an idea of how to respond. Luckily, Alex takes the hint and interferes.

“Oh my god, you literally just met her Makayla, but yes, she’s seeing someone,” Alex says.

“I’m not surprised. Alex literally never shuts up about how awesome you are. I bet they are hot. You are beautiful,” Makayla says simply.

“Thank you?” Tobin says not knowing how to respond.

“Excuse her, she has zero filter,” Paige interrupts trying to diffuse the tension.

“What? I’m just trying to get to know her. Seriously, the way Alex talks about you would make me want to date you if I were into girls like that. Sometimes, I think she would too,” Makayla says laughing and taking a big drink from her margarita. She is oblivious to the entire table tensing at her words.

Tobin grabs Alex’s hand under the table to comfort her but frowns slightly as Alex slowly moves it away and stands up from the table.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” Alex says.

“Want me to come with?” Tobin asks slightly worried.

“No, you stay here. Will you order me another margarita when the waiter comes back?” Alex asks not waiting for a response as she turns to walk away.

Tobin glances at Paige who looks up from her phone and they both share a worried look before Makayla interrupts again.

“So, has Alex told you about Tom and Jason? We are meeting them later tonight to pregame,” Makayla says.

“Yeah, she mentioned them. She said they have a thing right?” Tobin asks wanting to permanently shift the subject away from herself.

“I think so yeah, but Jason also acts into Alex so it’s hard telling,” Makayla says.

“Wait what, he’s into Lex?” Tobin asks trying to keep her voice sounding mildly curious and not jealous.

“Yeah, it’s bizarre. He tries to flirt with her all the time, but I am also 90% certain that him and Tom are a thing as Tom always looks furious when he does. Alex is oblivious of course. She literally doesn’t give anyone the time of day. I don’t get it. If I had her ass, I’d have about ten guys lined up by now,” Makayla says laughing loudly at her own joke.

Tobin is about to question her further relieved that Alex doesn’t reciprocate, but she still feels slightly jealous at the thought of someone hitting on Alex, especially if they spend a lot of time together. Time that Tobin is forced to be three hours away from her for. Tobin pushes down her jealousy at someone else getting to see Alex more often than her as Alex returns.

 “Sorry, I ran into someone I knew,” Alex lies as she had spent the last few minutes trying not to hyperventilate in the stall and mad at herself for being scared Makayla would figure out her and Tobin were together. She wished more than anything that she could be strong like Tobin and not care what people thought. She wanted to be able to tell everyone, but she also wishes she could be exactly what her dad wanted her to be the ‘straight catholic girl that marries a good catholic man and has 6 kids’.

Alex is pulled from her thoughts as Tobin waves her hand in front of her face.

“You okay, Lex. Paige just asked you a question like 4 times,” Tobin says her brow furrowed with concern.

“Yeah, sorry. I just spaced out. What’d you ask?”

“What time are we supposed to be at Tom’s house to pregame?” Paige asks for the 5th time.

“He said to come whenever, but I say we leave around 9 that way Tobin can get to know them before the party. Is that good with you all?” Alex asks looking around the table. Makayla and Paige simply nod and Alex turns to Tobin for a response. She nudges her as she looks zoned out about something.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I am good with whatever,” Tobin says pushing thoughts of Alex and Jason out of her head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By midnight, Tobin is sufficiently drunk as she wanders through the frat party in search of Alex. They had lost each other after Tobin went out back with Paige to get some air and Alex had insisted that she wanted another drink first. Alex hadn’t showed outside after 30 minutes and Tobin came back in to look for her worried as she was drunk and alone. When Tobin rounds the corner towards the kitchen, she stops as Jason is standing unnecessarily close to Alex even for a crowded room. Alex seems to be trying to move away but he simply inches closer speaking to her about something as she sips her drink and glances around the room nodding. She finally makes eye contact with Tobin and lightly rolls her eyes towards Jason motioning for her to come over that way. Tobin obliges smiling that Alex seemed to be annoyed by his attention.

“Hey, Tobin. I was just telling Alex that she should come dance with me. Help me convince her?” Jason says giving his trade mark overexcited gap toothed grin that Tobin has grown more annoyed by each time he does it.

“Have you met Alex? No one talks her into anything,” Tobin says trying to come off as joking instead of annoyed because it really isn’t his fault as he doesn’t know that Alex isn’t single. She can’t blame him for hitting on someone as amazing Alex. Luckily, Jason laughs at her response.

“Sorry, I want to dance with Tobin,” Alex says downing the last of her drink and setting the cup down on the counter.

“Okay, I’ll let you have your best friend night,” Jason says holding his hands up in surrender, “Have you seen Tom?”

“He is outside with Paige,” Tobin says pulling Alex’s hand through the crowd and towards the basement stairs where the sound of bass is pumping into the house.

“We don’t really have to dance do we?” Tobin asks looking at Alex who has surprisingly not dropped her hand even though they are in public.

“No, I know you hate dancing. Besides, I don’t think I can control myself much longer. Take me home?” Alex says scooting closer to Tobin and placing a lingering kiss to her lips. Tobin is surprised but quickly reciprocates the kiss and moves to deepen it pulling Alex toward her with the hand that Alex isn't holding.

“Get it Lex!” Makayla yells as she stumbles up from the basement stairs. She approaches them slinging an arm around Tobin’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, Tobs. We’ve all been that drunk. I won’t tell this mystery girlfriend of yours. What happens in Bloomington, stays in Bloomington.”

Makayla walks away leaving a furiously blushing Alex and uncomfortable Tobin in her wake.

“You okay?” Tobin asks as she knows Alex wasn’t ready for her to know.

“Yeah, I just want to go home,” Alex says not making eye contact with Tobin and backing away detaching their hands. Tobin simply nods letting Alex lead the way out of the party. She is walking swiftly and Tobin has to jog to catch up when she gets outside.

“Lex, wait up,” Tobin says as she speeds up and finally reaches Alex.

“I just want to get home,” Alex says her arms crossed and not turning to look at Tobin. Tobin sighs knowing better than to try and force her to talk right now.

“I know, I just don’t want you to walk alone,” Tobin says putting her hands in the pockets of her skinny jeans and walking silently the rest of the way to Alex’s house. The street is surprisingly quiet as they have only passed by a few drunk couples stumbling towards other places. When they reach the house, Alex wordlessly unlocks the door not waiting for Tobin as she heads up stairs to her room. Tobin closes the door and locks it before following slowly behind Alex.

As Tobin enters Alex’s room, she sees that Alex is face down on the mattress and hears the sound of soft sobs are coming through the pillow.

“Lex,” Tobin says sitting on the side of the bed, “I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want her to know yet. I should’ve backed away or something. I knew you were drunk and not thinking about being in public and neither was I. I’m sorry,”

“Stop saying that you’re sorry,” Alex says turning to face Tobin with tears in her eyes, “You shouldn’t be the one that’s sorry. It’s me. I’m fucking this up because I’m not strong enough to tell people. I’m a horrible person. You shouldn’t want to be with me.”

“Lex, you aren’t a horrible person it’s okay. It takes time. It took me years to even admit I liked girls to myself. You’re doing so good. I promise you. It’ll be okay. Makayla is your friend she will understand or we can just say you were really drunk if you don’t want to tell her still. Hell, she may not remember in the morning,” Tobin says moving to lay down next to Alex facing her and rubbing her back.

“I love you so much. Sometimes it scares me how much I love you. What if I’m never ready though? I love you this much but I can’t just tell them. I don’t get it. I’m awful,” Alex says continuing to sob.

Tobin moves her hand to stroke the side of Alex’s face and wipes some of the tears away with her thumb.

“You aren’t awful. This is an adjustment. Unfortunately, we don’t come from somewhere where it’s easy to come out. You’ve spent your whole life being told you are supposed to marry a man and have kids. Add that with extremely conservative suburban upbringing and catholic guilt and you get one very long coming out process,” Tobin says moving to place a kiss to Alex’s forehead.

“I hate that you can make me feel better about this when I know I shouldn’t,” Alex says.

“Stop, Lex. You can’t keep beating yourself up about this. Just give it time. I’m not going anywhere. Now, come on I know you don’t want to sleep in that outfit,” Tobin says getting up from the bed and fetching clothes for her and Alex. Alex slowly gets off the bed removing her dress as Tobin hands her an over sized t-shirt. Instead of taking the shirt Alex reaches out to grab the shirt Tobin had gotten from her bag for herself, she hands the other to Tobin before crawling under the covers of the bed.

“What you don’t like my shirt choice?” Tobin asks as she goes to lock the bedroom door and shutoff the light. She fumbles through the darkness until she reaches the bed climbing in next to Alex.

“Mine doesn’t smell like you,” Alex states as she moves towards Tobin placing a soft kiss to her lips before nuzzling into her favorites spot in her neck and moving her leg over Tobin wanting as much contact as possible.

“No, but I smell like me and I’m right here,” Tobin says chuckling.

“Goodnight, Toby,” Alex says tiredly not responding to her comment.

“Night, Lex.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning Alex wakes up still securely wrapped around Tobin who is softly snoring. She sighs replaying the night in her head. Last night was supposed to be a fun night out with Tobin finally here, and she had messed it up with her own insecurities yet again. She knew she didn’t deserve having someone like Tobin in her life, but she was far too selfish to let her go. Sighing again, Alex places a kiss to Tobin’s neck nuzzling further into her and not wanting to face the after math of Makayla witnessing her kissing Tobin last night. It wasn’t that Makayla was homophobic, but she still just couldn’t handle everyone knowing and possibly judging her. Makayla was a good friend, but she was awful at keeping secrets. Alex knew as soon as she found out that half the campus would probably know or at least half of her sorority.

Tobin had apparently stirred awake at some point during Alex’s inner monologue, because when Alex moves to get up she sees that Tobin’s eyes are open.

“Hey,” Tobin says smiling softly and holding back a yawn.

“Hi, how long have you been up?” Alex asks as she puts some shorts on so that she can head downstairs.

“A few minutes. You seemed deep in thought. I didn’t want to disturb. Besides, I was content to just hold you in the morning. I wish I got that every day,” Tobin says rolling out of bed to put shorts on as well.

“Me too. I can’t wait until summer with you. Fair warning, I’m living at your house basically,” Alex says giving Tobin a quick peck on the lips before heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Tobin follows to brush her teeth as well making weird faces at Alex in the mirror as they brush trying to make her laugh. She succeeds despite Alex grudgingly trying to hold in her laughter at Tobin’s childlike behavior.

“You’re a dork,” Alex says as she spits into the sink.

“I’m aware,” Tobin says as she spits as well letting the sink run to wash down the toothpaste, “Come on, I’ll make breakfast so I can get on your roommates’ good sides.”

Tobin, Paige, and Alex are halfway through their pancakes when Makayla comes down the stairs her hair a mess and groaning at the sunlight shining through the window.

“Rough night?” Paige says laughing.

“You guys were there. How are you not hungover?” She asks as she pours herself some coffee and grabs some pancakes.

“I’m a professional,” Tobin says shrugging as Alex and Paige laugh at Makayla struggling to sit on her stool while holding her plate.

“So, are we going to talk about how you and Alex were kissing last night?” Makayla asks while casually sipping her coffee. 

“Makayla!” Paige yells, “Don’t be rude.”

“I’m not being rude. No judgement here. I’ve drunkenly kissed girls. Sexuality is fluid it’s no big deal. It’s just, don’t you have a girlfriend Tobin?” Makayla asks looking at Alex who has tensed noticeably and is blushing.

“It’s okay,” Tobin says shrugging as she tries to play it off, “She wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh, so you have like an open relationship or something. That’s interesting,” Makayla says.

“Ummm, yeah. Something like that I guess,” Tobin says thankful for the out as Alex hasn’t even moved throughout the conversation.

“No, they don’t,” Alex says finally finding the courage to speak and turning to Tobin, “You’re sweet for lying for me, but I think I’m ready for this.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to, Lex,” Tobin says searching for hesitation in Alex’s eyes.

“Does anyone want to fill me in on what is going on? I’m too hungover for this weird cryptic talk,” Makayla says taking another bite of her pancakes.

“Well, Tobin isn’t in an open relationship. She does have a girlfriend, but she-,” Alex pauses briefly looking up at Makayla who looks confused before proceeding, “Her girlfriend wouldn’t mind that she was kissing me, because I am her girlfriend.”

“Are you fucking with me because I’m hungover?” Makayla asks looking at Alex still confused.

“No, Tobin and I have been dating since last August before school started. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I just wasn’t ready for everyone to know yet,” Alex says growing more confident now that it’s out there already.

“That explains why you have no interest in chasing guys with me. I’m glad you told me,” Makayla says giving Alex a reassuring smile, “Congrats, she’s hot.”

Tobin blushes furiously at the comment as Alex reaches for her hand on the counter.

“Well, she’s mine so don’t get any ideas about drunkenly kissing her,” Alex says laughing at how nonchalant Makayla is about everything. She feels relieved and somewhat idiotic for being so nervous to tell her, “Just don’t tell anyone yet. I’m still not ready for people that aren’t you and Paige to know yet.”

“I understand, but you may want to tell Jason that you are with someone. He seriously is obsessed with you,” Makayla says.

“No he’s not. He has a thing with Tom remember. He was even looking for him last night. Tobin, tell her she is wrong. You’ve met him now and were there last night,” Alex says.

“Sorry, babe. I don’t want to lie. He did seem like he was trying to flirt. Failing to flirt, but he was definitely trying,” Tobin says.

“I’m with those two on this, Al. Sorry,” Paige says as she gets up to place her plate in the dishwasher.

“I don’t think so. I think he is just like flirty with everyone. Besides, my gaydar lit up the minute I met him,” Alex says rolling her eyes, “You all are crazy.”

“I’m not saying he isn’t into Tom. I’m saying he is also into you,” Makayla says.

“Whatever, I’ll tell him I’m seeing someone next time we all go out. I can’t believe you didn’t say something last night, Tobs.”

“Eh, I’m not threatened. I trust you. I was jealous a little but that’s mostly because he gets to live so close by and see you all the time. I'm jealous of anyone that gets to see you everyday,” Tobin says shrugging.

“God, she’s sweet too. I am jealous of you now Alex,” Makayla says, “I’m going to go shower. You two are already too nauseatingly cute for this hangover.”

Alex simply laughs kissing Tobin’s cheek as she is blushing again.

“I’m out too. I’ll let you two have some time alone,” Paige says as she follows Makayla towards the stairs.

“You okay?” Tobin asks as she stands and wraps her arms around Alex who is still sitting at her stool by the counter.

“Yeah, I feel relieved. I didn’t think she would react poorly, but I thought it would be more climactic somehow. I don’t know maybe I’ve just been overthinking all of this too much. It’s dumb to think people will care that much who I am dating,” Alex says.

“I’m glad you feel better. It is kind of relieving,” Tobin says resting her head on Alex’s shoulder, “I don’t want to scare you, because I know you struggle with things already. You should still take it slow though. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be as understanding as Makayla. Even I’m not out to everyone. Just take your time still, I don’t want you to do too much too fast and regret it. I’m proud of you though.”

“I know. I won’t be telling my family anytime soon, but I’m glad I told her. I feel like I can finally be myself in my own house,” Alex says smiling as Tobin kisses her cheek.

“Does this mean we get to shower together without hiding it?” Tobin asks.

“Definitely, although we should probably wait until she is out of the shower. I do think we should go to my room though, because I really want to fuck you right now,” Alex says turning her head to kiss Tobin before pulling away and getting up from the stool.

“God, I love it when you talk like that. It makes me wet just hearing it,” Tobin says pulling Alex in for a proper kiss now that they are both standing.

They pull away and both turn as Paige clears her throat. “Sorry, I just needed water. I’m going to go to my room now and play music extremely loud just FYI. You know, so you can do the fucking you were talking about.”

Tobin’s face is bright red as Alex laughs loudly resting her head on Tobin’s shoulder as Paige runs back up the stairs water in hand. 

“It’s not funny. Your roommate just heard me talk about how wet you make me,” Tobin says still blushing a deep red.

“It’s definitely funny. It’s payback for me having to meet your sister and her girlfriend after they heard us. That was way worse,” Alex says as she moves her hand suddenly to dip beneath the waistband of Tobin’s shorts and cup her center. She licks her lips when she finds that Tobin was not lying about already being wet.

“Besides, it doesn’t seem to have affected you that much,” Alex says as she lifts her head from Tobin’s shoulder to smirk at her before connecting their lips again and removing her hand from Tobin’s center before one of her roommates walk in again. Tobin doesn’t bother breaking the kiss to respond to Alex's comment as she simply grabs the back of Alex’s thighs and lifts her so she can wrap her legs around her. She continues to kiss her as she carries her through the house, only breaking the kiss so they don’t fall down the stairs on the way up to the bedroom. True to her word, Paige is blaring music in her room. Tobin shuts the door with her foot once they reach Alex's room and places Alex down on the bed gently and moving to kiss her neck.

“Tobs?” Alex says softly.

“What, babe?” Tobin asks stopping her assault on Alex’s neck to make eye contact with her.

“I want you to fuck me with the strap on this time,” Alex says biting her bottom lip.

“You talking like that is going to be the death of me,” Tobin groans as she gets up to find the strap on where Alex keeps it in the closet.

“Hey, Tobs?” Alex asks again from her place on the bed.

“Yeah?” Tobin responds emerging from the closet strap on in hand.

“I love you,” Alex says smiling at Tobin and biting down on her lip again when she looks at what is in her hand.

“I love you, too,” Tobin says grinning as she moves to lock the door.


	23. Ex to See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work went long the past two days so posted this later than expected. Didn't edit was too over looking at a computer screen to reread it so sorry for typos etc. Let me know what you think.

After two weeks of endless hours in the library with Sam studying for tax and audit, Tobin was now minutes away from the end of her Junior year of college. Alex was a train wreck as she still had all her finals the next week and was in the midst of the supposed “dead week” that was named just to mock most college students considering in Tobin’s experience most students had tons of papers and projects due in addition to having to start preparing for finals. She had called Tobin nearly in tears from the stress the last few nights. Always supportive, Tobin had repeatedly excused herself from the study table with Sam to sit in the staircase of Willy T. and talk Alex down from her panic. Everything had been a whirlwind since Tobin had returned back from her visit to Alex’s for spring break. After coming out to Makayla, Alex seemed to finally be at ease with herself. She even had on occasion referred to herself as a lesbian to Tobin. Although Tobin was curious about the new found confidence, she decided not to make a big deal about it and simply let Alex use or not use whatever labels she wanted and didn't draw attention to the change.

As Tobin bubbled in the last answer on her scantron, she didn’t check her answers knowing from experience that changing it always ended with her first answer being right and her getting pissed off. She gathered her back pack from the back of the room and slapped the exam and answer sheet down on the front table giving her professor a forced smile and exiting the room as Sam gave her a ‘how the fuck are you done’ look from her seat. Tobin pulled out her phone quickly finding Alex’s contact in her phone and hitting call.

“Hey Tobs, are you finally done?” Alex asks quietly.

“Yep, I am officially done with tax accounting classes until grad school. Thank god. Are you still at the library?”

“Yeah, I think I’m getting too old for staying up all night to finish things, but I can’t sleep when I’m this stressed so I may as well be productive. Are you headed home soon?”

“I’m headed to my car now everything is already packed in it so I’m leaving from here. You should try to get some sleep or at least a power nap. It may help,” Tobin says.

“I just want to be done so I can come home and see you. I should probably try and take that nap though. Let me know when you get home safe. I love you,” Alex says yawning into the phone.

“I’ll let you know. Don’t die of sleep deprivation before you make it home. I love you, too.” Tobin says as she hangs up the phone knowing that Alex will attempt to stay awake if she doesn’t.

Tobin makes it home around 7pm unloading her things and settling immediately into her bed with a beer and flipping on the TV. She sends a quick text to Alex letting her know that she made it. Ten minutes later, she is passed out on the bed fully clothed and a half full beer sitting on the night stand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Tobin jolts awake not knowing where she is until she sees the Mia Hamm poster on her wall that Kelley had insisted it would be a crime to take down after it had stayed up all of their childhood. She opens her phone to find a missed text from Alex telling her goodnight and not to call her until later that night so she had something to look forward to after studying all day. Tobin stretched her arms above her head groaning at the knots in her shoulders from tensing over a study table for two weeks. Not knowing what to do with herself all week, Tobin mindlessly scrolled through her contacts pausing when she got to the “C” section.

Tobin had paused over Christen’s name in her phone several times this month. She wasn’t sure how exactly she felt about what she did anymore. She knew she wasn’t angry, but she wasn’t sure if she had forgiven her either. It was hard to hold a grudge when she was so happy with Alex. In some ways, she thought maybe it was a good thing that Christen had done what she did. After all, if she had stayed with her longer, maybe Alex would’ve gotten over her feelings for Tobin before Tobin and Christen broke up. On a whim, Tobin decided to put things in the past for good quickly typing ‘hey’ and hitting send. Within minutes, her phone lit up with a new message.

Chris: _Hey, long time no talk. How are things?_

Tobs: _I know. It probably took me longer than you were expecting to sort things out. I’m sorry. I’ve been good. How are you?_

Chris: _They are much better now. I’m glad you finally reached out. I missed you. It was weird not knowing what was going on in your life._

Tobs: _It is weird, isn’t it? I missed talking to you too. What’s new in Christen world?_

_Chris: Eh, not much. I’ve been kind of seeing this guy on the soccer team on and off. He wants to get serious, but I don’t think I want that. At least, I don’t want that with him. What about you what’s new?_

Tobs: _I got an internship for the summer in the town over. It’s a small manufacturing business. I’m going to be working as an accounting intern. Other than that, I just have been busy with school and stuff._

Chris: _That’s awesome. We will have to hang out and catch up. I’ll be home a few weekends this summer. Are you still with that girl from work? I’m sorry about what I said to her when I showed up to your house. I was just still upset. I’d love to meet her when I’m not being a mentally unstable mess._

Tobs: _Yeah, we are still together. Her name is Alex btw. I’m not going to lie it wasn’t okay, but I don’t want to talk about the past anymore. Want to just start over? Alex may need some time before hanging out, but she will come around._

Chris: _I was hoping you’d say that. Hi Tobin, I’m Christen_ _J_

Tobin was shocked at how easily she slipped back into easy conversation with Christen they texted throughout the day as Tobin relaxed in the pool day drinking and working on her tan. They caught up on everything from Christen’s soccer team booty call to Tobin and Alex’s relationship. Tobin was relieved to feel like she had put all of her negative feelings about Christen behind her. It felt nice to talk to her like a best friend again, without all the drama and tension. She wasn’t jealous or pining over Christen at the mention of her current boy toy, and Christen seemed genuinely interested in hearing about Alex. As the sun began to set, Tobin headed inside for the day pulling the cover over the pool and toweling off before heading inside. As Tobin walked inside, she was about to call to order pizza when Alex’s face popped up on her screen signaling an incoming call.

“Hey, Lex,” Tobin answered as she shut the door behind her.

“Hey,” Alex said, “I know I said to call me later tonight, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I’m so stressed. I just wanted to hear your voice. What have you been doing all day?”

Tobin swallowed as she thought of the best way to approach the topic of Christen. She didn’t think Alex would be mad, but she also felt guilty that she was potentially bringing up a difficult subject when Alex was already stressed.

“Um, to be honest. I just got out of the pool, and I also decided to text Christen today. I just figured it was time to forgive her. I mean I’m so happy now that it’s hard to hold a grudge. I’m sorry, I know you are stressed. Maybe I should have waited until after finals to tell you. I can just tell her that I still need space and don’t want to talk if you are uncomfortable. In fact let me just—“

“Tobin, it’s okay,” Alex nearly yells to interrupt Tobin’s rambling, “I figured you would text her eventually. I am not worried about it. I am not her biggest fan, but I trust you. If you say she deserves a chance to be your friend again, then I believe you.”

Tobin sighs deeply feeling relieved, “Thanks, Lex. I just feel like we were friends for a long time and its worth a shot. Now, tell me about your day. How was studying?”

Alex groans loudly, “I don’t even want to talk about studying. I’m so exhausted.”

“I’m sorry, babe. It’s almost over though. Just one week and then you’re done. Do you want me to let you go so you can sleep?” Tobin asks as she places Alex on speaker phone stripping off her bathing suit and hanging it on the shower rod in the bathroom before walking to her room to change pulling on a large t-shirt and not bothering with pants.

“No, I feel like we’ve barely talked. Just talk to me until I fall asleep?” Alex asks yawning into the phone.

“I can do that. Just try and relax,” Tobin says lowly as she climbs into bed herself letting the phone sit on her chest as she crosses her hands behind her head and lays back on them.

Five minutes in to Tobin telling Alex about her new boss emailing her what her schedule would be for the first week of her internship, Tobin heard soft snores coming through the phone as Alex had finally passed out.

“Goodnight, Lex. I love you,” Tobin whispered hitting end on the phone and flipping on the TV in her room before drifting off to sleep herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tobin was at home enjoying her week of freedom before she started working at DQ the next few weeks before her internship started in June. She had spent most of her week relaxing by the pool and texting Christen during the day to pass the time until Alex’s nightly phone call that was often just long enough for Tobin to talk Alex to sleep with mindless stories about random events from her life. Tobin floated around the pool drifting off to sleep on the pink raft wondering what time Alex would be arriving home that day and if she would come over later that night.

Alex pulled into Tobin’s driveway and shut the door to her car not bothering to grab her bags. She had opted to come straight to Tobin’s and surprise her a day earlier than she had told Tobin she was coming home. Her mom was under the impression that she was staying the weekend down at school before coming home so she was free to stay at Tobin’s the whole weekend without raising suspicions and causing unwanted questions. She went straight towards the pool knowing that Tobin would be there as she had been all week most likely. Alex chuckled softly as she climbed the steps of the pool deck when she saw Tobin floating against the side of the pool on a pink raft and fast asleep with her mouth slightly open. Unable to pass up the perfect opportunity, Alex stripped off her shirt and slowly lowered herself into the pool in just her running shorts and sports bra. She shivered at the cool water holding her breath as she lowered herself further until it was at her shoulders. Softly, Alex waded towards Tobin’s raft careful not to make any noise and wake Tobin.

When Alex reached Tobin’s raft, she stroked the side of Tobin’s face with the back of her now damp hand. Tobin stirred slightly adjusting but not opening her eyes and mumbling softly still asleep. Alex chuckled as she should have known Tobin could sleep through just about anything. Opting for a different approach, Alex rose on her tip toes to lean over Tobin and gently kiss her lips. Tobin stirred at this finally starting to wake up as she blinked to open her eyes in the bright sun still disoriented.

Realization hit Tobin just as she met Alex’s eyes before a devilish smirk appeared on Alex’s face and Tobin was suddenly falling into the water as Alex held Tobin’s raft with both hands laughing hysterically. Tobin coughed as she emerged from the water having inhaled a large portion of water. Alex was nearly in tears from laughter as Tobin finally regained composure.

“You’re just mean, Lex,” Tobin glared trying to fight off the smile that was forming at having Alex within a few feet from her.

“I can’t help it. It was too good to pass up,” Alex said wiping the tears from her eyes as she leaned back against the wall of the pool.

Tobin rolled her eyes as she waded towards Alex placing her arms around her neck and placing a kiss to Alex’s cheek as she was still struggling to contain her laughter.

“I missed you. Even if you are mean. You weren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow,” Tobin said smiling at Alex.

“I missed you too. I wanted to surprise you,” Alex says as her laugh finally subsides and she leans in to kiss Tobin moving her hands to her hips under the water to pull her closer. Alex’s hands move to Tobin’s ass squeezing gently as Tobin moves to deepen the kiss slipping her tongue into Alex’s mouth and tangling her hands in her hair. Alex’s head is reeling, overwhelmed with the feeling of Tobin’s hands in her hair and the lingering taste of chlorine and sunscreen on her lips. Tobin pulls away out of breath moving to place a kiss to Alex’s neck before looking up at her.

“Let’s go inside. My bed missed you too,” Tobin says placing a soft kiss to Alex’s lips before turning to walk towards the pool ladder.

Alex chuckles softly, “That was by far the worst line I have ever heard.”

“Whatever, it worked. You are following me out of the pool aren’t you?” Tobin said from her place on the deck as she grabbed Alex’s hand to help pull her out of the water.

“Shut up,” Alex says feigning annoyance at Tobin before wrapping her arms around her waist and biting down quickly on Tobin’s shoulder before rushing towards the house at a half sprint while laughing.

“She’s so weird,” Tobin whispers to herself smiling and rubbing her shoulder before heading towards the house to catch up with Alex and making a mental note to remember to make sure the bite marks Alex was sure to leave tonight were covered by her business clothes she would be wearing to work all summer.

Tobin enters the house checking her phone that has several missed texts as she walks through the hallway and into her room.

Chris: _I’ll be home tonight. Want to hang out at your place?_

Chris _: Tobs, you there? I’ll be home in a little bit. I might come by after I drop my stuff off._

Chris: I’m just inviting myself since you’re probably in the pool. See you in a bit.

Tobin glances at the messages but doesn’t read them as she lifts her head to find Alex already naked and laying on top of her bed waiting for her. Tobin tosses her phone on her desk as she scrambles towards the bed while removing her bathing suit and letting it fall to the floor on top of Alex’s discarded clothing. As soon as Tobin lays down on the bed, Alex is straddling her and pinning her arms above her head smirking down at Tobin. She uses one hand to keep Tobin’s pinned to the bed while moving the other to massage her breasts. Tobin wiggles under Alex’s grip wanting to free herself as she feels herself getting wetter at the sight of Alex straddling her and the feeling of her hands playing with her nipples.

“Babe,” Tobin whines, “I want to touch you.”

Alex simply smirks again leaning down to take Tobin’s lips in her own biting softly at her bottom lip before pulling back and moving to place kisses along Tobin’s jaw still holding Tobin’s hands firmly above her head. Tobin struggles against Alex’s grip halfheartedly as Alex traces a line with her tongue along Tobin’s jaw and moves to gently bite at Tobin’s ear. When Tobin’s hips buck upwards into Alex’s center at the feeling, she loses her grip on Tobin’s wrists letting out a soft gasp at the feeling. Realizing her hands are now free, Tobin grabs roughly at Alex’s ass and flips them over letting all of her weight rest between Alex’s legs and placing a brief kiss to her lips before beginning to move down her body. Tobin pauses at Alex’s breasts taking a nipple into her mouth causing Alex’s back to arch as she sucks on it biting down gently on her nipple.

“Tobin,” Alex breathes out moving her hands to knot in Tobin’s hair.

Tobin chuckles softly at the apparent desperation in Alex’s voice kissing down her stomach quickly and immediately moving to taste Alex. Alex has lost nearly all coherent thought as Tobin works her over with her tongue sucking gently on her clit and entering her with two fingers. She can feel herself getting closer as she lets her head fall back against the pillow and relinquishes all control to Tobin. Alex’s head turns to the left as her hips rise off the bed when Tobin adds a third finger. She is twitching slightly feeling as if she is about to come when her eyes meet a pair of green eyes in the doorway.

“Christen,” Alex barely breathes out still unable to form words.

Tobin pauses her movements to look up at Alex from her place between her legs.

“What the fuck, Lex?” Tobin asks confused as to why her girlfriend just said her ex’s name while she was going down on her. Before Alex can respond or move, Tobin interrupts finally recovering from the shock of what she had walked in on and turning her back towards them.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I texted you and said I was coming over. I thought you were in the pool. I’m so sorry. You told me Alex was coming home tomorrow so I didn’t think about it. Fuck, I’m so sorry. I’m just going to go. Pretend I wasn’t here. It was um, nice seeing you. I mean not seeing you, but shit. I’m so sorry,” Christen says as she waves a hand walking away without turning around. Tobin is too shocked to do more than stare still situated between Alex’s legs as Alex is still too turned on to even process what just happened. They hear a door shut and a few minutes later the sound of a car pulling down the drive way.

“Well, that was…interesting,” Alex says as she burst out in laughter a few minutes later as Tobin is simply laying between Alex’s legs with her head resting between her hips still trying to understand what the hell just happened.

Tobin groans moving up to lay her head on Alex’s chest the mood clearly killed after hearing her girlfriend pant out Christen’s name and turning to see Christen in the doorway. Alex’s laughter dies down and she wraps her arms around Tobin holding her tight against her chest.

“As much as I hate to say it, you should probably text her. If you two are going to be friends, we might as well hang out and get the awkwardness out of the way. I don’t think it can get much worse than that. Let’s take a shower and then you can invite her over for a bonfire or something,” Alex says kissing the top of Tobin’s head.

“Fine, but I am making up for this interruption later,” Tobin says sitting up and climbing out of the bed to walk towards the shower.

“Okay, Christen. Shit, I mean Tobin,” Alex says already laughing at her own joke before getting up to follow Tobin towards the shower.


	24. I thought I would hate her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen comes over to hang out with Alex and Tobin. She really needs to learn how to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, been awhile. Beginning of busy season for me at work. This is probably not that great of a chapter to wait so long for, but I feel like I made everyone hate Press way too much in the beginning. I wanted to somewhat redeem her so everything later on makes more sense. Also, I'm pretty sure that I accidentally referred to Christen as the name of the person that I'm basing her off of in this at some points in prior chapters. I'm too lazy to find it and change it so if you see Alicia that equals Christen.

Alex glances across the flames of the bonfire to where Christen is sitting in her lawn chair taking a sip of the 99 bananas and orange juice that Tobin had brought her. On her right, Tobin was rummaging in the cooler undoubtedly for another beer. Alex knew she shouldn’t stare as she was supposed to try and get along with Christen, but she couldn’t help it. It was unsettling for her to watch Tobin and Christen together. Every story they told was nearly indecipherable to Alex due to what appeared to be inside jokes built on inside jokes. It was almost as if they were speaking a completely different language, which they were at points when Christen would throw in a few words of Spanish.

Tobin had been trying to make Alex as comfortable as possible always stopping to try and explain what had happened or what Christen was referring to, but Alex still felt out of place. If she thought Tobin was out of her league before, the feeling was confirmed into fact watching Tobin easily interact with one of the most beautiful girls she had ever seen. She took another large sip of her drink as the feeling of inadequacy seemed to take over. _What am I doing? Tobin should be with her._

Alex’s thoughts were broken as she noticed Christen looking at her expectantly across the fire, it was clear she had asked her something but Alex was far too in her head to hear it.

“Sorry, I was spacing. What’d you say,” Alex said trying to hide her despondence.

“I asked if you wanted another drink. I’m going to the kitchen to get one,” Christen says giving Alex a sincere smile.

 _Of course, she’s even being nice to me. Seriously, she might be perfect._ Alex thinks as she quickly downs the rest of her drink before answering, “Yeah, I’ll take one.”

Christen laughs as she gets up from her seat playfully punching Tobin on the arm as she moves to take Alex’s cup, “Damn, she may out drink you Tobs.”

“I’m a terrible influence,” Tobin laughs shooting a wink in Alex’s direction as Christen retreats into the house shutting the glass door behind her. Alex gives her a weak smile wishing she had another drink already and staring back into the fire.

Tobin stands up from her chair setting her beer on top of the cooler and walking towards Alex’s chair standing between Alex and the fire. As her view is blocked, Alex looks up at Tobin who is now holding a hand out for Alex to take and smiling down at her.

“What’re you doing?” Alex asks taking Tobin’s hand and getting pulled up to her feet immediately.

Tobin just shakes her head and leans forward placing a hand on Alex’s jaw and pulling her in for a kiss. Alex reacts slowly to the kiss letting her lips move slowly against Tobin’s and pulling her closer by their intertwined hands. Just as Alex is about to slip her tongue into Tobin’s mouth, Tobin pulls back smiling.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all night,” Tobin says brushing Alex’s cheek with her thumb before letting her hand on Alex’s jaw fall to her side.

Alex’s chest tightens at this as she feels overwhelmed by how sweet Tobin is to her. She doesn’t know the right word for how it feels when she has Tobin’s full attention. Perhaps it’s safe or maybe loved, but she knows whatever the word is it is impossible to feel insecure like she was seconds ago when Tobin is standing this close to her and saying things like that.

“I love you, you know that?” Alex asks as she studies Tobin’s face lit up by the flames of the bonfire.

“I know, Lex. I love you too,” Tobin says confused as to why Alex is asking that but smiling at the words regardless.

“Why?” Alex asks looking at the ground ashamed of her insecurity creeping its way in to her thoughts even with Tobin right in front of her. Tobin hesitates her brow furrowing with worry at Alex’s suddenly fragile behavior.

“It’s not just one thing. It’s just everything about you and how you make me feel. I just love you,” Tobin says dropping Alex’s hand to wrap her arms around her waist and pull her into a tight hug. Alex doesn’t respond for a while simply burying her face in Tobin’s neck and sighing loudly.

Tobin turns her head when she hears movement in the grass. She makes eye contact with Christen who simply smiles as she sets Alex’s drink down on the cooler next to Tobin’s beer. Christen simply mouths ‘I’m going to bed’ to Tobin who nods in response watching Christen flash another smile and turn back towards the house. Alex stirs from her place in Tobin’s neck turning towards Christen’s retreating figure.

“Where is she going?” Alex asks softly.

“She is going to bed, must be tired,” Tobin shrugs placing a kiss to Alex’s head, “We should head to bed too. I’ll collect on that raincheck from earlier tomorrow.”

Alex simply hums in response stepping back from her place in Tobin’s arms to grab her drink from the cooler and hand Tobin her beer. They head inside silently as the fire is sizzling behind them from the bucket of water Tobin had poured over it. Inside the house, Alex glances at the closed door of the guest room where Christen sleeps trying not to think about all the other times Christen had stayed at Tobin’s most likely in the bed they were headed to.

Tobin heads into the bathroom waiting for Alex and handing Alex her toothbrush before starting to brush her own teeth. Alex’s somber mood is palpable in the small space as she stares into the mirror at herself. After rinsing out the toothpaste in her mouth, Tobin cautiously approaches Alex growing more worried and regretting ever agreeing to have Christen over. She thought that they had gotten along fine throughout the night, but it was clear something about it was bothering Alex now. Tobin moved behind Alex placing a kiss to her neck and resting her head on Alex’s shoulder making eye contact in the mirror with Alex briefly before smiling and heading towards the bedroom.

Tobin is already laying down and under the comforter when Alex enters the room and scrolling through her phone. When she hears Alex close the door, she hits the lock button on the phone and sets it down on the nightstand opening up the comforter for Alex to slide in. Still silent, Alex walks to the bed sliding under the comforter and laying on her back as Tobin immediately cuddles into her side slinging an arm across Alex’s torso.

“What’s wrong?” Tobin whispers into the stiff silence that has settled between them.

“It’s nothing. I’m being stupid,” Alex says just as quietly definitely not wanting to chance Christen overhearing through the thin walls of Tobin’s house.

“It’s not stupid if you are upset by it,” Tobin says propping her head up on her arm so she can look at Alex’s face.

“Yes, it is. It’s nothing don’t worry about it,” Alex says as she tries to shake the recurring thoughts of Tobin and Christen together. For some reason, she had always just assumed that Christen must have been awful to Tobin the entire time they were together. Sure, Tobin had told her about their relationship including good parts last summer, but Alex had just assumed after Christen hurt her so badly that Tobin had been blinded by how close they were to see how bad Christen was to her. Seeing them together tonight, she saw how well they knew each other and how easily they fell into easy conversation even after everything. Alex felt insecure and guilty at the same time. She felt insecure that she could never compare to Christen and guilty for not trusting Tobin enough to quiet her insecurity. Alex tried and failed to quiet all of these thoughts as Tobin studied her face waiting for her to say more.

Instead of words, Tobin’s worry was returned with Alex shaking her head to clear her head before pulling Tobin down by the back of her neck and kissing her forcefully. Tobin hasn’t even processed what is happening still when she feels Alex’s tongue in her mouth curling against her own. At this, Tobin’s body takes over as she responds to the kiss and moves her hand to push Alex’s shirt up running her hand along Alex’s abs before slipping under the band of her sports bra and roughly grabbing one of her breasts.  The feeling makes Alex pull back letting out a low moan.

“Wait, we should talk you’re upset,” Tobin says as logical thought somewhat returns. As quickly as thought returned, it even more quickly disappears as Alex moves to Tobin’s neck biting harshly before soothing it with her tongue.

“I don’t want to talk,” Alex breathes against Tobin’s neck placing one last soft bite before moving back up to Tobin’s lips and silencing her more effectively.

Tobin can’t even attempt to argue as Alex’s tongue is in her mouth again and her hands have moved down her back to slip under her shorts and squeeze her ass before moving to push Tobin’s shirt up exposing her back. They break apart long enough for Tobin to remove her shirt and Alex quickly rips off her shirt and sports bra not wanting to waste any time. Alex moves Tobin by her shoulders until she is on her back with Alex straddling her waist starting down at her while she reaches for the band of Tobin’s sports bra. Tobin sits up slightly letting Alex remove her bra before laying back down both hands gripping Alex’s hips.

“You have to be quite,” Alex whispers as she moves down to take one of Tobin’s nipples in her mouth flicking it with her tongue and lightly sucking while massaging her other breast with her hand. When Alex moves down Tobin’s body and quickly removes Tobin’s shorts before running her tongue through Tobin’s center, Tobin bites her own fist to contain the loud moan she’s fighting at the feeling. Alex doesn’t let up flattening her tongue to lick up Tobin’s center again before stopping to gently suck on her clit and immediately entering Tobin with two fingers and curling them upwards.

Tobin loses control as Alex flicks her tongue against her clit again letting out an audible moan and moving the hand that she was biting down on to tangle in Alex’s hair and groaning when Alex pauses briefly before biting at the inside of Tobin’s thigh.

“You were supposed to be quiet,” Alex says sucking at the spot she had just bitten before kissing back up Tobin’s body. Tobin doesn’t respond as her breathing is erratic and she moves restlessly at the feeling of Alex’s lips and tongue slowly moving up her stomach pausing to play with both of her nipples before reaching her neck and finally her lips. She seems to remember that she can move as Alex deepens the kiss and she clutches at Alex’s back pulling her closer. Alex pulls away biting at Tobin’s lip as she does.

“Lex, please,” Tobin begs, “I need to cum.”

Alex smirks pulling Tobin into another kiss and slipping two fingers inside her again and moves them in and out slowly at first until Tobin’s hips begin to buck up from the bed demanding more.  Alex kisses Tobin lazily, periodically pecking her lips as she feels Tobin’s breath grow harder as she quickens the pace. She feels Tobin tighten around her fingers as she brushes her thumb against her clit and curls her fingers upwards. Tobin buries her face in Alex’s shoulder biting down to stifle her moans as she cums her back arching off the bed and writhing against Alex’s touch. Alex removes her fingers slowly, lazily rubbing Tobin’s clit until she comes down. When Tobin has collapsed down against the bed again breathing heavily, Alex moves her fingers to Tobin’s mouth watching as Tobin takes them in her mouth licking them clean and tasting herself on Alex’s fingers. Alex moans at this pulling Tobin in for a kiss wanting to taste Tobin again.

Alex pulls away brushing the hair out of Tobin’s face that is clinging to it from the sweat and looking into her eyes that are wild and unfocused still, “If you ever want to leave me,” Alex starts pausing as she feels her eyes start to water, “Just don’t leave me,” she gets out before the tears begin to flow.

Tobin’s eyes switch from wild and unfocused to instantly concerned as places her hands on both sides of Alex’s face wiping at the tears.

“Shhh, Lex. It’s okay. I am here until you tell me you don’t want me. Hell, I’d probably still be here even if you did tell me that. The only way I’m leaving is if you tell me to go and that you don’t want me anymore,” Tobin says pecking Alex’s lips softly and tasting the salt from her tears, “Is that what this was about? You think you need to fuck me to get me to stay?”

Alex breaks eye contact not wanting to own up to what they both know is the truth and barely nodding her head in response.

“Lex, you don’t have to have sex with me to get me to stay. I’m already here and I’m not going anywhere. Okay?” Tobin asks calmly not wanting Alex to misconstrue her tone for anything other than concern.

“Okay,” Alex sniffles finally getting the tears to stop flowing, “I just don’t ever want to lose you and it scares me. I’ve never been that person that needs someone or wants someone this much.”

“Is it cliché if I say I want you to want me right now?” Tobin asks smiling when Alex lets out a small chuckle.

“Yes, it’s horribly cliché,” Alex laughs out quietly, “Sorry, I’m being weird and crying after fucking you.”

“We decided we are both weird remember. I just assumed they were tears of joy from how hot I look naked at first,” Tobin says laughing loudly as Alex smacks her stomach fighting a smile.

“Shut up,” Alex says leaning down to kiss Tobin lightly before laying down on her back next to Tobin on the bed and letting a laugh escape her.

“I know how to answer your question,” Tobin says as she rolls over to prop her head up on her hand and look at Alex putting her arm over her torso in the position they had started the night.

“What question?” Alex asks confused.

“Why I love you,” Tobin says leaning down to kiss Alex’s cheek before resting her head on her shoulder and snuggling into her side.

“Oh, that question,” Alex says feeling embarrassed for even asking now and letting out a yawn.

“I love you because even if I got to see you every day you still surprise me or challenge me in some way. You don’t let everyone get to know you and the more you let me get to know, the more I want to know,” Tobin says, “That probably made no sense. I lied I can’t explain it.”

“How about you show me you love me in the morning, instead,” Alex says trailing her hand down Tobin’s back and lightly slapping her ass.

Tobin chuckles at this, “Now, who is the cliché one? Isn’t that the line that every horrible teenage boy uses in movies to try and pressure some poor girl into sex?”

“Oh god, what have I become,” Alex says laughing along with Tobin.

“Goodnight, Lex,” Tobin says as their laughter subsides.

“Night, Tobin,” Alex says already drifting off to sleep as Tobin finds the comforter and pulls it over both of them before cuddling back into Alex’s side and closing her eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning Tobin wakes up before Alex and slips out of bed quickly throwing some clothes on before placing the comforter securely over Alex and slipping out into the hallway quietly. She heads towards the kitchen where Christen is already perched on top of the corner of the counter sipping coffee.

“Morning,” Christen says smiling at Tobin, “Alex still asleep?”

“Yeah, she is not a morning person. I’d rather not risk decapitation by trying to wake her this early in the summer,” Tobin says laughing softly, “Why are you up so early?”

“I wanted to go for a run,” Christen says shrugging, “Did you think that I get this sweaty in bed?”

Tobin blushes slightly trying not to think back to all the times she did see Christen that sweaty in bed, “Too early, didn’t notice,” she says trying to play it off.

“Clearly, it looks like you didn’t get much sleep last night,” Christen says smirking, “Bite marks, eh?”

At this, Tobin blushes more than slightly grabbing at her own neck where Alex had bitten the night before, “Ummm, well no—I mean, shit. Shut up,” Tobin says as Christen is laughing almost hysterically now.

“I thought I’d hate her, you know. I mean I fucked things up and I get it. We are just friends, but I still thought I’d have to tolerate her while secretly hating her for your sake, but I don’t. She makes you happy. I can see it. Last night, when I came outside and you were holding her. I could see it. She’s good for you. She’s making you happy like I was supposed to but couldn’t. I can’t hate her now after seeing that,” Christen says smiling sadly at Tobin, “I’ll kill her if she hurts you, though.”

“Don’t worry, she won’t hurt me,” Tobin says confidently.

“I hate that you probably said that about me before I did. I really am sorry, Tobin. We both know I can’t take it back unfortunately,” Christen says all traces of a smile gone as her voice drops lower.

“It’s in the past. You don’t have to keep apologizing. If it was supposed to work, it would have. I feel like what is supposed to happen, will happen. I feel like for some reason I was supposed to meet her and be with her,” Tobin says shrugging.

“Did I just hear Tobin Heath refer to something as being meant to happen as in some higher power or force happened? What happened to fate doesn’t exist people just make choices and want to rationalize and find reasons for the outcome of their choices?” Christen asks raising her eyebrows.

“I don’t know. She just makes me think sometimes. There are a million things that had to happen for us to meet and for her to be on my radar at all. We just as easily could’ve never come in contact. I mean she lived a town over forever and we never noticed each other, but then I meet her at pretty much the same time things got fucked up between us. It just makes me think sometimes,” Tobin says looking out the window at the barn cats running around in the yard, “Then again maybe that’s me just trying to rationalize the randomness as well.”

“So, are you saying you believe in god now?” Christen asks curiously.

“I don’t know. I mean I still don’t think there is one organized religion that is right and that they know what god wants if there is a god. Maybe there is or maybe there isn’t. Fuck if I know. I don’t think it really will matter in the end. If I try to be a decent person to other people either way, it doesn’t really matter if I believe in god or not to me. Aliens on the other hand for sure exist,” Tobin says looking back towards Christen.

“Oh god, not the alien debate again,” Christen groans taking another sip of coffee about to launch into the debate when Alex interjects.

“I have to agree with Tobin,” Alex says, “I mean really man can only see or know so much through science. I feel like statistically there has to be life somewhere else. I doubt the whole visiting earth thing, though.”

“Yes, I have converted someone,” Tobin says grinning as she pours Alex a cup of coffee and hands it to her kissing her on the cheek.

“Ugh, I can’t handle you two,” Christen says, “I’m going to go home so I can shower and not be around people that believe aliens exist.” At this, Christen hops off the counter setting her mug in the sink and grabbing her things from the laundry room on her way out she waves as she closes the door on her way out. Alex sips her coffee and leans into Tobin resting her head on her shoulder.

“I’m sorry about last night. I think seeing you two together again kind of freaked me out,” Alex says.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. I mean I knew it would probably weird, but I probably would’ve said no if I knew you’d get upset about things,” Tobin says rubbing Alex’s lower back.

“I wasn’t expecting to either, honestly. I guess I just feel insecure around her. She’s beautiful and has this insane body from college sports and she’s known you forever,” Alex says setting her coffee mug down on the counter by Tobin so she can wrap her arms around her waist.

“I wish you could see yourself how I see you. It’s not even a competition, Lex. You’re gorgeous and have an amazing body and are funny and kind and pretty much anything else you can think of. I wish you saw that,” Tobin says pulling Alex closer to her.

Alex simply shrugs, “Ugh, too intense for a morning.”

“Fine, I’ll tell you later how amazing you are. My bad,” Tobin chuckles, “Now, I believe I’m supposed to be showing you something this morning,” she says as she moves her hand beneath the front waistband of Alex’s shorts and begins to rub Alex’s clit with soft circles.

“Shower, now,” Alex says leaning forward against Tobin’s shoulder and her hips moving against Tobin’s hand.

“Shower is too far. I vote table,” Tobin says before removing her hand from Alex’s center and steering her towards the back of the kitchen and into the dining room before pulling down Alex’s shorts and letting them fall to the ground as she lifts Alex up onto the edge of the table. She drops to her knees on the rug and places Alex’s legs over her shoulders immediately moving to tastes her. Alex moans leaning back with her weight on her palms as she arches her back. She is about to tell Tobin to hurry as the soft teasing licks are driving her insane when the back door opens and they both freeze at the sound of Christen’s voice.

“Hey guys, I forgot my—oh shit, oh my god. The table really—actually nope no comment, sorry. Jesus, twice in two days this happens. I am never entering without knocking again,” Christen says as she turns to leave with her hand covering her eyes and turning back to leave without bothering to grab whatever she had forgotten.

Tobin looks up at Alex who is still looking down at her with lust filled eyes despite the interruption.

“Shower?” Tobin says questioningly.

Alex smirks running her hand through Tobin’s hair and using Tobin’s words from earlier, “Shower is too far, I vote table,” as she gently pulls Tobin back towards her center with her hand. Tobin doesn’t even bother commenting as she gladly resumes working Alex over until she’s trembling and carrying her to the bed to continue when she is too shaky to walk and not stopping until they are both too exhausted to move well into the afternoon. 


	25. Early Birthday Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobin celebrates her birthday a few days early. Alex goes out of town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next few chapters are going to pick up a lot more.

The few weeks of May before Tobin’s internship start pass in a blur. She spends days working at DQ with Ashlyn and Alex as they have become the designated lunch crew and nights are spent by the couple at Tobin’s drinking around the fire and late night dips in the pool often times clothing optional. The day before her internship starts Tobin is leaning against the drive thru window entertaining X-rated thoughts as she watches Alex bend down to clean the shelving under the blizzard machines. Her thoughts are broken up by the sound of Alex’s voice in her ear on the headset.

“You know, you could help instead of just ogling me."

Tobin presses the button quickly to reply, “I’m here for moral support. Plus, I don’t think I could keep my hands to myself so I’m sparing the old people from the heart attacks they will have if they see me touching you how I want to right now.”

“I bet Erma would be into it. Maybe she will join us,” Alex says smirking.

“Ew, Lex. That’s just gross,” Tobin says through laughter as she walks over and grabs a towel to help Alex clean.

“What did I say about the two feet rule?” Ashlyn asks as she walks up to the front from the backroom.

“Shut up, we are working. Unlike someone who has been in back texting Ali all morning,” Tobin says throwing her wet towel towards Ashlyn who snatches it midair without flinching.

Before Ashlyn can come up with a sarcastic reply, the attention of all 3 shifts as the old lady, Erma, that frequents DQ raises her coffee cup in the air and rudely shakes it yelling at them, “Helllooooooo, more coffee and less talking girls. You do have customers still.”

Alex rolls her eyes as she heads over to the coffee pot bringing it out to the often times rude old woman that expects 5-star restaurant level service at a fast food restaurant with her 1.69 coffee. She attempts to fill the coffee and leave but gets cornered by Erma questioning her all about her life including whether a ‘pretty girl like her has a boyfriend’.

Ashlyn turns to Tobin who is looking on at the interaction amused by Alex attempting to keep her resting bitch face at bay throughout the conversation.

“So, how are things with the DQ power couple really? I haven’t really checked-in since you’ve been home,” Ashlyn asks nudging Tobin’s shoulder to get her attention.

“Really good, I keep waiting for something bad to happen, but it doesn’t. It’s unsettling. After all, you know my usual luck better than anyone. I think this may be the longest period of my life without a major catastrophe. Is this what normal people have all the time?”

“Fuck if I know. My past has been almost as complicated as yours. Although, you definitely have had worse luck with girls. Until now, it seems,” Ashlyn says as she glances in Alex’s direction where she is still trapped in conversation with Erma about knitting or crocheting or something.

“It seems too good to be true,” Tobin says her voice dropping to serious tone as she finally turns to make eye contact with Ashlyn.

“That’s just the paranoia talking. If anyone deserves to be happy, it’s you. I see how she looks at you. I don’t think you need to worry. She’s not Christen. Speaking of which, you seriously hung out with both of them?”

“How did you know that?” Tobin asks confused.

“Dude, Allie and Alex are best friends. You know Allie can’t keep anything to herself. My sister is the biggest gossip I know,” Ashlyn says.

“What did Alex say to her about it?” Tobin asks curious if Alex had mentioned her insecurities surfacing that night to Allie.

“She told Allie that it was weird but not in the way she expected. She said she was kind of surprised Christen was nice. I guess she expected her to try and hit on you or do something bitchy but she didn’t. She did say she got kind of freaked out by how well you two get along seeing it in person. Did she talk to you about that?” Ashlyn asks not wanting to get in the middle of anything and hoping she wasn’t telling Tobin something she didn’t know.

“Yeah, we talked. I’m glad she has Allie to talk about it with though. How have Kriegs and you been lately?” Tobin asks not wanting to dwell on the subject as Alex is now walking back towards them.

“Amazing. That woman is insatiable, though,” Ashlyn says grinning as she thinks about the night before.

“Unfortunately, I know. You two really have no awareness of who is around or how loud you are when drunk,” Tobin says shaking her head at Ashlyn.

“Just be lucky I let your nomad ass basically live with me all last summer,” Ashlyn says smacking Tobin’s ass hard.

“Hands off the goods Ashlyn, I need her in one piece for after work,” Alex says as she leans over the counter to relax.

“Looks like Ali isn’t the only insatiable one,” Ashlyn says smirking at Tobin as she holds up both hands and dramatically backs away and into the back room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After work, Tobin and Alex head to Tobin’s house as Alex shoots off a text to her mom telling her she is staying at Allie’s tonight. She has been alternating friend’s names the last few weeks not wanting her mom to start questioning why she always stays at Tobin’s. Luckily, Tobin is far more careful than Alex when she leaves marks so she hasn’t had to answer any questions about that either.

“Who am I tonight?” Tobin asks reaching over the console to place her hand on Alex’s thigh as she glances at her phone before focusing back on the road.

“Allie,” Alex says as she sets her phone in the cup holder and leans back placing her hand on Tobin’s.

“I should probably start coming over to your place some. I mean your mom is probably weirded out that we spend all this time together, but I never come around,” Tobin says not letting her eyes leave the road but feeling Alex tense under her hand.

“Um, maybe. I don’t know. Wouldn’t it be weird?” Alex asks looking over at Tobin as they pull into her driveway.

“No, I don’t think so. I think it is weirder if they never really get to know me even though we spend so much time together. I know how to act like just friends. Is that what you are worried about?” Tobin asks turning to Alex as she parks the car.

“I’ll think about it. My mom is the easy part. She already likes you from what I’ve told her. You helping me with editing my papers last semester got you on her good side. It’s more my dad I’m worried about. What if he can just tell what is going on? I’m not ready for that,” Alex says somberly.

“Okay, we don’t have to if you don’t want to. It was just a thought. No pressure. I’m perfectly fine keeping you all to myself here,” Tobin says squeezing Alex’s thigh lightly before climbing out of the car.

Alex leans her head back against the headrest and sighs. _Why can’t I just give her this one thing. She does so much for me all the time. I’m a terrible person._ Tobin looks at Alex who is still sitting in the truck eyes closed and frowns slightly hoping she didn’t make Alex feel pressured. Shaking her head, she walks into the house knowing Alex will follow her eventually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Late that night, Alex and Tobin are cuddled in bed with Tobin as the little spoon on a rare sober summer night due to Tobin starting her internship in the morning.

“Are you nervous?” Alex asks her breath tickling Tobin’s neck.

“A little bit. It’s going to be weird switching from DQ to somewhere that I have to be professional all the time. It’s going to be weird not seeing you all day,” Tobin says yawning.

“I know. I’m going to miss you tomorrow. I wish so many people hadn’t quit. Switching me to night shift means I’m going to barely get to see you during the week,” Alex says softly pulling Tobin closer.

“We will still have nights after work. Plus, I may still work at DQ nights after the internship. It’s extra money and I get to see you.”

“You’d do that just so you can see me?”

“Of course, I don’t want to waste time being far apart when we are both home for the summer. I get enough of that during the year,” Tobin says nonchalantly.

“How are you so giving all the time? I feel like you give so much to people even though you’ve been hurt so many times,” Alex says placing a light kiss to Tobin’s neck.

“When I care about someone, I do anything I can for them,” Tobin shrugs from her place in Alex’s arms, “It’s the least I can do in return for what you do for me.”

“What do I do for you? I feel like I’m needing more than giving,” Alex says curiously.

“You love me. You are there for me. You don’t hurt me,” Tobin says her voice dropping to nearly a whisper at the end.

“I wish I could personally hit anybody who has hurt you,” Alex says growing angry at the thought of someone so loving dealing with getting hurt so much by family and ‘friends’ alike over the years

“Shhh, Lex. I’m fine now. It doesn’t matter. Let’s get some sleep. Do you want me to wake you in the morning before I leave? I put the spare key on the counter so you can lock up before work,” Tobin says her voice laced with exhaustion.

“Yeah, I want to wish you luck before you go. Night, Tobs,” Alex says as she nuzzles her face further into Tobin’s neck and drifts off to sleep as she feels Tobin’s heart beat evenly under her hand that is wrapped around her and cupping Tobin’s breast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tobin woke up to the sound of her alarm at 5:30am, she quickly silenced it wanting to give Alex as much sleep as possible. She noticed that Kelley had already texted her at 5am. _She must’ve worked last night._ Kelley had recently started working night shift as a nurse at a hospital downtown and would often text Tobin late at night when she was at work with random thoughts, like 'I want to take my cat on vacation'.

Kelley: Good luck at work today, nerd.

Tobin chuckled as she grabbed a towel in the hallway and headed into the shower. She got ready in the dark changing into business attire for the first day of what would be a long few months. With any luck, she would get an offer to return the next summer and maybe a permanent offer for after grad school. She slipped on her clothes as Alex was still softly snoring in bed. Tobin finished dressing and sat on the side of the bed gently rubbing Alex’s back to try and wake her.

Alex finally stirred after a minute.

“What time is it?” Alex rasped groggily.

“Six. I’m about to leave,” Tobin says brushing the loose hairs on Alex’s face and tucking them behind her ear.

“Ugh, so early. Good luck, babe,” Alex says eyes closing again still not awake.

Tobin chuckles softly, “Thanks, I’ll see you tonight. I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Alex mumbles already drifting back to sleep as she feels Tobin’s lips on hers briefly before she feels the bed shift and the bedroom door open and shut.

Tobin gets into her car pulling up the GPS and checking the best route to get to her new job before pulling out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 4:00pm, Tobin finally gets off work immediately shrugging out of her blazer and setting it in the passenger seat as she is already sweating in the heat. She takes out her phone that she has been unable to check the last few hours as she was buried in files in the storage room all day. Apparently, IT was behind in provisioning lap tops for all the interns so she was stuck filing all day. She smiles when she sees the multiple messages from Alex.

Lex: Ugh, someone called off so I’m working a double. Is work usually this boring? I miss you already.

Lex: I’m going to kill the new girl that took your shifts. She keeps yelling over the headset. It’s a fucking microphone you don’t need to yell.

Lex: SOS. You are the only person I can handle working with. You’d think making ice cream was rocket science. I hope whatever accounting interns do is more fun than this hell. 

Tobin chuckles at how wound up Alex can get when people don’t know what they are doing at work and shoots off a text letting her know she just got off work. She passes by Chick-Fil-A and gets a sudden idea pulling into the drive thru ordering Alex’s favorite chicken salad sandwich with waffle fries and three packets of mayo on the side and a sweet tea. She adds a chicken sandwich knowing Allie is probably at work as well.

Twenty minutes later Tobin is pulling into the DQ parking lot still in her work attire and Chick-Fil-A in hand. Allie is up front alone with no Alex in sight.

“Toby!” Allie yells smiling and running to give Tobin a hug.

Tobin cringes at the nickname giving Allie a brief hug trying not to drop the food in her hands.

“Hey, Al. Where is Lex?” Tobin asks looking towards the backroom.

“She’s unpacking the order. I didn’t want her to kill a customer. She’s kind of mean when you aren’t here. Now, please tell me you got food for me and not just your girlfriend,” Allie says eyeing the bag in Tobin’s hand.

“Of course, I got your favorite,” Tobin says opening the bag for Allie to grab her sandwich before heading past the counter towards the back room.

“You’re the best,” Allie says already taking a bite of her sandwich as she sits in one of the booths. Tobin doesn’t respond just waving her hand at Allie wanting to surprise Alex still.

When Tobin reaches the back room, Alex has her back to her reaching to put a box of straws up on the top shelf and then checking off something on a clipboard. Tobin sneaks up behind her wrapping her arms around her waist and pulling her into a hug from behind.

“What the hell Al--,” Alex starts as she turns around startled by the contact before she meets Tobin’s eyes smiling when she realizes who it is, “What are you doing here?”

“I saw your texts. Figured you could use some comfort food,” Tobin says leaning forward to kiss Alex softly before motioning her head towards the table where she had set the food down.

“God, I could kiss you right now. I’m starving,” Alex groans moving her arms to wrap around Tobin’s neck.

“What exactly is stopping you?” Tobin asks raising one eye brow at Alex.

“Good point,” Alex says as she presses her lips to Tobin’s until they are interrupted by the clearing of a throat.

“Ew, no making out in the stock room. I just ate,” Allie says rolling her eyes at them and turning on the sink to wash her hands.

“Next time, I’m not getting you a sandwich,” Tobin threatens as she presses her lips to Alex’s again briefly not caring that Allie flicks water at her back before drying her hands and exiting the room.

“I missed you today,” Tobin says as Alex lets go of her moving towards the food and taking a sip of her sweet tea.

“I missed you, too. How was work?” Alex asks as she digs into her sandwich.

“Eh, it was boring. I got stuck filing because my computer wasn’t ready yet,” Tobin says sitting down on a box.

“That sucks. I’m enjoying you in a business suit though. You look hot,” Alex says winking at Tobin and walking over to sit on her lap sandwich in hand.

 “Is that so?” Tobin says leaning forward to steal a bite.

“Yeah, I could get used to coming home and seeing you in this. Makes me feel like you are my sugar daddy or something coming home from a long day at the office bearing gifts,” Alex says running her hand through Tobin’s hair with one hand still clutching her sandwich in the other.

Tobin laughs loudly at this shaking her head, “I don’t think Chick-Fil-A is a sugar daddy level gift, Lex. Please don’t tell me you are that easy.”

“I’m a slut for sweet tea,” Alex says after finishing off the last of her sandwich.

“Noted,” Tobin says smiling as she rubs Alex’s back. They both sigh loudly when they hear Allie yelling from the front for Alex to come help.

As it turns out, there had been a soccer tournament nearby and multiple teams had come in. Tobin ended up staying to work with Alex and Allie luckily having backup DQ clothes still in her car. By 10:30pm, she was exhausted as Allie locked up and they all walked to their cars. Tobin’s eyes nearly drifted closed a few times as she drove home Alex following behind in her own car. As they arrived home, they wordlessly got in the shower washing off the DQ smell and Tobin nearly falling asleep as she let Alex rub shampoo into her scalp not having the energy to do it herself.

“This is a change. Usually, you are washing my hair,” Alex says smiling as Tobin just hums as Alex massages her scalp letting the water run through her hair to rinse out the shampoo.

“I should have you do this more often. It feels amazing,” Tobin says blindly reaching forward to place her hands on Alex’s hips as she steps out from under the stream of water. Alex chuckles moving around Tobin to rinse her own hair out as they both hurry to condition their hair and finish up eager to go to sleep. They barely have time to whisper goodnight before they are both asleep exhausted from the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summer passes quickly as Tobin has ended up working at DQ full-time and her internship full-time. She is glad for the extra money and the chance to see Alex, but she is exhausted. They have gotten into the routine of going back to Tobin’s and showering after work on weeknights and quickly falling asleep. Tobin dresses in darkness every morning before work gently kissing Alex’s forehead before she leaves to begin another 14-hour work day between 8 hours at her internship and 6 hours at DQ. It is draining physically, but Tobin also finds it gratifying knowing that she is working so hard. Alex makes DQ as easy on her as possible essentially doing most of the work herself and letting Tobin simply make ice cream and not have to deal with customers as much.

The long hours will sometimes result in Tobin being crankier than usual at points, but Alex is able to pull her out of her moods easily usually with a long back massage that ends up with them tangled up in bed and collapsed in a breathless heap an hour later. Tobin feels like summer has just started but her birthday is already approaching the coming Monday and August is coming up quickly after that.

On Friday night, Tobin and Alex are at DQ working with Ashlyn and the new girl Marina when Alex’s phone goes off with an incoming call from her mom.

Tobin wordlessly hands the phone to Alex who answers heading towards the back room knowing it must be important since her mom knows she is at work. When Alex comes back up front, she looks sadly towards Tobin giving her a weak smile and motioning for her to follow her into the back as the customers have died off for the night. Tobin follows sighing deeply as Ashlyn gives her a confused look knowing that something is clearly wrong.

“Lex, what’s wrong?” Tobin asks when they reach the stock room.

“So my mom called, and I guess my great Uncle passed away,” Alex says sadly.

“I’m sorry, Lex. Are you okay?” Tobin asks pulling her in for a hug.

“Yeah, I mean it’s sad. I wasn’t that close with him, but my grandma is really upset and my mom. He’s been sick for a long time though and in a lot of pain. I feel kind of like an asshole for not being more upset, but I didn’t really know him as well as they did. I just feel bad my mom and grandma are really upset,” Alex says sighing, “I feel bad for you too.”

Tobin’s brow furrows at this pulling back to look at Alex, “Why would you feel bad for me?”

“Because, my mom said the viewing is on Monday and funeral Tuesday. I feel so bad. You had such a shitty birthday last year. I wanted to make this one good for you, but I won’t be here for it now. I’m so sorry, Tobin,” Alex says sadly.

Tobin shakes her head, “Lex, don’t worry about me. Your uncle passed away that’s not within your control. You need to be with your family. It’s just a birthday. We can celebrate this weekend for it before you leave for Fort Wayne. Just worry about your mom and grandma. It’s okay.”

“I still feel bad,” Alex says frowning at Tobin.

“Don’t feel bad. It’s sweet you are even thinking about my birthday with all this going on with your family. We can make Saturday my birthday. I have to work Monday anyways so this way we have the whole day to celebrate,” Tobin says shrugging and smiling at Alex to let her know it’s okay.

“Okay, but you better be thinking about what you want to do tomorrow. We are doing whatever you want all day. I’m refusing to make any decisions,” Alex says kissing Tobin’s forehead.

Tobin groans, “Lex, I hate making decisions. It’s my birthday how about my decision is to have you make all decisions.”

“Nope, we are doing what you want to do. You always let me choose what to do. I want you to be able to pick all day,” Alex says pulling Tobin in for another hug, “We should probably get back up front before Ashlyn kills Marina for messing something up.”

Tobin laughs following behind Alex already trying to figure out what she wants to do tomorrow. It’s not like Alex never lets her make decisions, but she always tries to get Tobin to pick things. Tobin is simply too laid back and too content to just be around Alex that she prefers to let Alex make decisions on what to do or where to go. In fact, Tobin is so indecisive that she is stressed about having to even decide what to eat tomorrow. Regardless, she starts formulating plans in her head wanting to have a good day before Alex had to leave to face the sadness of her family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Tobin wakes up with Alex still passed out her arms firmly wrapped around Tobin and her breath even against the back of Tobin’s neck. Content to remain trapped, Tobin drifts back to sleep relishing in being able to sleep in having gotten people to cover their shifts at DQ for her early birthday celebration.

A few hours later, Tobin wakes up to Alex placing kisses to her neck. Tobin sighs stirring awake.

“That feels good, Lex,” Tobin says sleepily.

Alex continues to kiss Tobin’s neck moving one hand up Tobin’s shirt to massage her breasts. Tobin moans lightly still not fully awake but already getting turned on.

“I know I said you could make all the decisions, but I think I know how we should start off the day,” Alex says as she gently bites at Tobin’s earlobe and moves her hand out from under Tobin’s shirt down to dip playfully just under the waistband of Tobin’s shorts.

“I think I can let you decide just this one thing,” Tobin says her breath hitching as Alex’s hand dips low enough to feel Tobin’s wet center before moving back up.

“Good,” Alex says as she gets up from the bed as Tobin turns to her back to give her a ‘where the hell are you going look’. Alex simply smirks opening up Tobin’s closet door and emerging a minute later with the familiar purple strap on in her hand.

“You still have a few decisions to make though. First, do you want to wear it or do you want me to?”

Tobin bites her lip mulling it over in her head while Alex looks down at her hungrily from her place beside the bed. She lets her mind imagine both scenarios ultimately settling on one option.

“You. I want you to wear it,” Tobin says sitting up to take her shirt off and exposing her bare chest.

Alex smiles looking down at Tobin and licking her lips at the sight of her naked breasts already eager to take them in her mouth.

“Good choice,” Alex says as she takes off her clothes dropping them on the floor as Tobin watches patiently slipping out of her shorts and laying on the bed studying Alex as she slips into the harness and secures it.

“Fuck, I’ll never be over how hot that looks,” Tobin says as Alex steps closer to the bed.

“You still have another choice to make,” Alex says as she crawls onto the bed towards Tobin and kisses her softly before pulling away again. Tobin simply nods her head waiting for Alex to speak and licking her lips in anticipation.

“What position do you want to be in?” Alex asks leaning in to kiss Tobin again lingering a bit longer this time before pulling back smiling at the dazed look on Tobin’s face.

“On top,” Tobin speaks confidently, “I want to be on top of you.”

Alex hums softly at Tobin’s words, “Good choice, again.”

Tobin doesn’t respond pushing Alex down onto her back immediately straddling her and moaning at the feeling of the dildo pressed between them and leaning down to pull Alex into a heated kiss. Tobin slips her tongue into Alex’s mouth as she moves her hands up to her breasts feeling her already hardened nipples. Alex grabs at Tobin’s hips as Tobin moves to kiss her neck and grinds against the length of the dildo that is pressed between them already soaking wet and sliding along the length of it easily.

“Fuck, Tobs,” Alex says as Tobin bites at her collar bone. Tobin smirks at this enjoying having Alex underneath her and in her control. Tobin sits up slightly on her knees looking down at Alex through hooded eyes.

“Help me guide it in,” Tobin says breath hitching as Alex has moved her hand to playfully tease Tobin’s entrance and rub her clit.

“You’re so wet, babe,” Alex pants out dipping two fingers into Tobin making sure she’s ready before guiding the dildo to her entrance as Tobin gently moves down onto it gasping at the sensation.

“Fuck,” Tobin moans as Alex moves her hips upwards forcing the dildo deep into Tobin.

“You good?” Alex asks placing her hands on Tobin’s hips.

“Yeah, just…fuck,” Tobin says as she leans down to kiss Alex again letting it linger as she starts to move slowly sliding up and down on the toy. Alex’s hips rise up to match Tobin’s pace moving her hands to play with Tobin’s breasts as she rides her.

“You are so hot,” Alex says huskily as Tobin moans above her picking up the pace as she feels herself getting closer. Alex moves her hips up thrusting the toy deeper into Tobin who moans loudly sitting back further and frantically moving her hips needing to cum. Alex’s clit is throbbing as she is close herself just from the sight of Tobin losing control above her. She moves one hand from Tobin’s breasts to rub her clit causing Tobin to let out a string of expletives above her.

“Fuck, Lex. I’m so close,” Tobin moans out. Alex continues to rub Tobin’s clit and thrusts her hips up again as Tobin begins to tremble above her desperately moving her hips. One last thrust upwards by Alex and Tobin comes loudly with Alex’s name on her lips and head thrown back in pleasure.

Tobin sits up briefly sliding the dildo out of her and collapses down on Alex’s chest panting as she recovers. Alex squirms underneath her with her clit still throbbing and needing a release as she can feel Tobin’s wet center against her hips the dildo pressed between them.

“Happy early birthday,” Alex says tracing Tobin’s sweat soaked back lightly with her finger tips and trying to wait patiently for her to recover.

“Mmmm, very happy,” Tobin whispers still not fully recovered.

“Tobs?” Alex asks a minute later still mindlessly rubbing Tobin’s back.

“Yeah, babe?”

“I’m kind of dying here,” Alex whines growing impatient as the weight of Tobin on her chest and the feeling of her soft skin under fingertips has only added to her arousal.

Tobin chuckles and Alex can feel the vibrations against her chest turning her on even more if possible.

“Don’t worry. I’ve got you,” Tobin says as she sits up and moves off of Alex long enough to remove the strap on letting it fall to the floor on top of her discarded clothes. Alex moans in anticipation as she watches Tobin hips moving restlessly.

“Come here and kiss me,” Alex says tugging Tobin back towards her by the arm. Tobin obliges but not before pausing at Alex’s center running her tongue through her center for a quick taste. Alex can taste herself on Tobin’s lips and the it is enough to make her hips buck up in the air and another moan escape. Tobin gets the hint immediately entering Alex with two fingers not wanting her to have to wait any longer.

“Fuck,” Alex pants as Tobin moves to her neck sucking lightly before moving to nibble on her ear lobe and then back to her lips slipping her tongue in her mouth. She moves her fingers faster pushing deeper into Alex and using her thumb to brush across her clit.

“Bite me,” Alex moans as she begins to tighten around Tobin’s fingers. Tobin complies no longer surprised by Alex’s frequent requests for this. She moves down to above her collar bone sinking her teeth into the skin and soothing the place with her tongue before biting down again. She continues this as she curls her fingers upwards adding a third and feeling Alex tighten as she comes clutching at the sheets and back arching up against Tobin. Tobin collapses beside her as Alex breathes heavily her chest rising and falling with each breath. Unable to resist at the sight, Tobin gently traces Alex’s breasts with her hand letting Alex regain her breathing. When she finally recovers, Alex turns to face Tobin causing her to pause her mindless tracing of Alex’s breasts.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Alex says still breathless and voice an octave lower than usual.

Tobin just smiles knowingly, “I couldn’t help myself. You know your boobs are my favorite.”

“Let me at least catch my breath first,” Alex says scooting closer to Tobin and wrapping an arm around her waist pulling her closer before placing a soft kiss to her lips. Tobin hums in contentment.

“What’s your favorite?” Tobin asks curiously when Alex pulls away from the kiss.

“What do you mean?” Alex asks not understanding her question.

“I mean, you know your boobs are my favorite. What’s your favorite part of my body?” Tobin asks again rubbing Alex’s back.

“Hmmm, tough question,” Alex says kissing Tobin lightly again, “Okay, I know actually, but you can’t laugh.”

Tobin raises her eyebrows at this but simply nods in agreement.

“Your triceps,” Alex says sheepishly.

Tobin chuckles lightly despite their agreement earning a light smack on the hip from Alex.

“You weren’t supposed to laugh,” Alex says glaring at Tobin.

“I know, but you have to explain that one at least,” Tobin says trying to contain her laughter.

“I don’t know why really. It’s just your arms in general are hot, but there is something about when I grab at your arm when you’re fucking me and I can feel your tricep flexed in your arm. It’s hot. It was a close call between that and your ass,” Alex says smiling at Tobin’s quizzical expression.

“Lex, I don’t even have an ass,” Tobin says scoffing at the statement.

“I know, but I like your little ass. It’s cute,” Alex says laughing as Tobin sticks her tongue out at her, “Besides, I barely have boobs and you say those are your favorite.”

“Big boobs are overrated. Besides, yours are perfectly...fun-sized,” Tobin says laughing uncontrollably.

Alex bursts out laughing at the ridiculous statement.

“You are such an ass,” Alex says still laughing as Tobin rolls onto her back and pulls Alex with her until she is lying half on top of Tobin with her head on her shoulder.

“Yeah, but it’s a cute ass according to you,” Tobin says smugly still chuckling.

“Oh god, I never should have fed your ego. Come on, lets shower. I want to wipe that smirk off your face,” Alex says getting up from the bed and walking towards the bathroom before Tobin can reply.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later, Tobin and Alex finally emerge from the shower after Alex effectively wiped the smirk off Tobin’s face several times and nearly having to hold Tobin up on their way back to the bedroom to get changed as her legs were still wobbly.

“What do you want to do today?” Alex asks as she looks over the clothing she has stashed in Tobin’s dresser.

“Is it weird if I say that I just want to spend the night in with you? Maybe go get food and bring it back here? I know we do that all the time, but I just want it to be us,” Tobin says as she pulls on a pair of skinny jeans and a V-neck.

“It’s not weird. Sounds perfect, what do you want to eat?”

“Chipotle and Cannolis from Kroger?” Tobin asks her eyes watching as Alex pulls on the same white, sleeveless top she had worn the first time she ever came over.

“Sounds amazing, what’s with the look?” Alex asks as she notices Tobin smiling at her shirt.

“Nothing, it’s just you wore that the first night you came over. I like it,” Tobin says smiling at the memory of her shower pep talk to ‘not be creepy’ when she was still convinced Alex could never be into her.

“I remember you were a mess that night,” Alex says teasingly, “I think you said just friends like 500 times. Meanwhile, I had been trying to throw myself at you for a week. Talk about frustrating.”

“Frustrating was you touching me at work all the time and thinking I wasn’t allowed to do anything about it,” Tobin says rolling her eyes at Alex before walking towards the hallway.

“That was the point, Tobs. I wanted you to do something about it,” Alex says laughing at how clueless Tobin had been to Alex’s very obvious hints.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, Tobin and Alex were cuddled up on the couch Tobin sitting against the corner of the sectional with Alex between her legs and resting her head on Alex’s shoulder while watching _The Help._ Tobin had DVR’ed it earlier that week knowing that it was one of Alex’s favorite movies.

“I still feel bad that I’m going to be gone on your actual birthday,” Alex says diverting Tobin’s attention from the movie.

“Don’t feel bad, this was the best birthday I’ve ever had,” Tobin says kissing Alex’s neck.

“Really?” Alex questions softly.

“Definitely,” Tobin answers confidently.

“Hand me my phone.”

Tobin obliges handing Alex her phone confused at the subject change until she sees Alex open her camera.

“Ugh, you know I hate pictures Lex,” Tobin groans nuzzling into Alex’s neck.

“Please, just one picture,” Alex pouts already holding her arm out with her phone knowing Tobin will give in.

“Fine, just one,” Tobin says lifting her head off Alex’s shoulder to smile as Alex takes the photo.

“Perfect,” Alex says looking at the photo in her gallery before setting it to her phone background.

“Wait, what is that other one,” Tobin says as she looks at Alex’s phone over her shoulder.

“Which one?” Alex says trying to shut her phone but being too slow as Tobin has already grabbed it out of her hand.

“Oh, I don’t know. Any one of these where I didn’t even know you were taking them. Are stalker photos a hobby of yours, Lex?” Tobin asks smirking.

Alex blushes, “Shut up, you just never want to take pictures and sometimes you look really cute so I kind of just take them of you without you knowing. You are kind of oblivious.”

“Cute, huh?” Tobin says her smirk growing as Alex’s face turns redder.

“Shut up,” Alex says taking her phone back from Tobin and turning towards the movie still blushing.

“Hey, Lex,” Tobin says a few minutes later.

“Hmm?” Alex questions still watching the movie.

“I love you. Even if you are stalking me,” Tobin chuckles pressing a kiss to Alex’s neck again.

“I love you too,” Alex says choosing to ignore the stalking comment.

“Also, have I told you how hot you look in my blue UK hoodie?” Tobin questions sucking at the spot behind Alex’s ear and playing with the waistband of her shorts.

“You may have mentioned it,” Alex says leaning back into Tobin as she continues to suck on her neck.

“Let’s go to bed,” Tobin says voice low with arousal.

Alex doesn’t argue as she hops up from the couch not bothering to turn off the TV as she leads Tobin back to the bedroom and shoves her down on the bed.

~~~~~~~~~

On Monday morning, Tobin wakes up and silently gets ready for work already exhausted as she had stayed up late talking on the phone with Alex. She had left for Fort Wayne on Sunday and wanted to talk that night since she knew she'd be at the viewing during the day. Tobin went through the motions at work not mentioning to anyone that it was her birthday. She didn't want to make it a big deal. After all, 22 was not an exciting age.

After work, Tobin returned home relishing in having the night off from DQ since it was her birthday. Unfortunately, Tobin having the night off meant that Ashlyn and Allie had to work so Tobin was forced to spend her birthday completely alone with only beer and movies to entertain her. Around 9spm, Alex managed to step away from her familial obligations and call Tobin.

"Hello?" Tobin answered on the verge of falling asleep already.

"Happy birthday, babe. I'm sorry I can't be there with you," Alex says quietly as she doesn't want her family to overhear the conversation.

"Thanks, how are you holding up?" Tobin asks matching Alex's hushed tone.

"I'm okay. My grandma is really upset though. I may stay an extra day just to help her out around the house. How was your day?"

"Uneventful, I'm drinking beer alone in bed watching Mean Girls and nearly falling asleep."

"Sounds perfect to me," Alex says chuckling, "Oh, I forgot to tell you. So do you remember Jason?"

"Yeah, the guy from school that tries to flirt with you," Tobin says rolling her eyes at the thought of him continually wanting Alex to dance with him when she had visited her at school.

"I don't think he was flirting. He's just, friendly. Besides, pretty sure he is gay remember. Anyways, he lives in Fort Wayne and when I mentioned I was here then he invited me to lunch. So I think I'm going to go with him on Wednesday since I'm staying an extra day now. I mean why not. He lives here and I need to get away from all the sad for a bit."

Tobin sighs trying to calm herself down. She has no right to be jealous as they are just friends but something about knowing she will be spending all day at work while Alex is off at lunch with a guy whose intentions are undetermined at best is bothering her. Nevertheless, she trusts Alex so she pushes her feelings of jealousy aside for now.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. You need a break from everything. I'm sure it's been intense there. I'm really about to pass out though. Call me tomorrow?" Tobin asks not wanting to prolong the conversation and risk a stupid argument because of her bad mood.

"Yeah, I'll call you tomorrow. I love you," Alex says almost inaudible as she thinks she heard someone come outside where she was.

"Love you too," Tobin says hitting end and setting up her alarm hoping that her foul mood would go away in the morning.


	26. Two More Semesters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lead up to Tobin and Alex going back to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been super busy and bad about updating. This is shorter than recent chapters I think. Fair warning next chapter is what you have all been dreading (hint). It's going to get super angst filled and depressing just warning. Keep in mind the ending is not depressing. Anyways, I'm hoping to update again this week. Sorry for the delay, lmk what you think/feel free to yell at me about how depressing it is next chapter.

On Wednesday, Tobin can hardly contain herself from work as she anxiously awaits later that night when Alex returns from her grandparents’ house. During her lunch break, Tobin opens her buzzing phone to a text from Alex.

Lex: _I’m at lunch with Jason and I’m so uncomfortable SOS._

Toby: _Why what’s wrong?_

Lex: _He’s being really weird. He just asked if I was seeing someone. I think he thinks this is a date._

Tobin’s stomach drops as she reads through the text unsure of what to even say at this point. Her first thought is to drive to Fort Wayne and punch Jason in the face, but she thinks better of it as there is no reason to be jealous as Alex is clearly uncomfortable with the situation and it doesn’t matter if he mistakenly assumed it was a date.

Lex: _Oh my fuck, Tobs. Please text me I need an excuse to ignore him and stall. What do I say? It’s not like I can tell him about you. We aren’t that close._

Tobin takes a deep breath as her first thought is ‘just fucking tell him about me’, but she thinks better of it wanting to be supportive of Alex still not ready to out herself to everyone.

Toby: _Hmmm, I don’t know babe. Just say you are seeing someone but be vague about it if he asks who. Just say someone from home._

A few minutes pass before Tobin gets a response as she stares at her phone leaving her salad untouched next to her. Finally, a reply pops up on the screen and her phone buzzes.

Lex: _You’re a genius.  I think he got the hint. We are leaving now. I will be in town around 9 tonight. Stay awake until I get back to your place?_

_Tobs: Of course, drive safe. See you tonight._

Alex doesn’t respond and Tobin takes that as an indication that she should go back to work. It was going to be a long 4 hours of making collection calls while trying not to think about her girlfriend alone with some guy she barely knew that was definitely into her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite her best efforts, Tobin doesn’t manage to stay awake as she waits for Alex to arrive that night. Around 10pm, Alex opens the door to Tobin’s dark and quiet house. Sighing, Alex moves her bags quietly into Tobin’s room where she is passed out on the bed. Alex smiles at the sight of Tobin sprawled out with only one leg under the covers and her arm resting across her bare stomach where she has pushed up her t-shirt in her sleep.

Alex quietly undresses and throws a t-shirt on from one of Tobin’s drawers before sliding under the covers. Tobin stirs from her sleep at the feeling of the bed dipping.

“Lex?” Tobin mumbles still half asleep and not opening her eyes.

“Yeah, it’s me. Go back to sleep, Tobs,” Alex whispers moving to press a kiss to Tobin’s forehead before snuggling into her side and lifting the covers until Tobin is fully underneath them.

Tobin hums already drifting back to sleep as she feels Alex relax into her side.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tobin dresses for work in the dark as Alex sleeps the next morning as usual, stopping to kiss her forehead before heading out the door. Luckily, they had both arranged to have the next few days off from DQ so Tobin only had an 8-hour work day to get through before she could come home to Alex.

The day passed uneventfully and when 4 o’clock hit Tobin punched out saying goodbye to the group of 50-year-old women in the accounting department and headed for her car.

As soon as Tobin opened the door to her house, Alex was wrapping her up in a hug. Tobin responded tossing her keys towards the counter and holding Alex tighter.

“I missed you,” Alex mumbles against Tobin’s neck.

“I missed you too. Although, it seems like I may have some competition,” Tobin attempts to say jokingly hoping that Alex can’t sense how uncomfortable Jason’s advances towards Alex make her.

“Ew, don’t even joke. It was the most uncomfortable lunch of my entire life. I seriously told like 15 stories about ‘the person I was seeing’ until he finally just started talking about random stuff and quit asking me questions,” Alex says leaning back to look at Tobin.

“I can’t stand that kid,” Tobin says clenching her jaw at the thought of him even being near her now.

“He’s harmless. Besides, it’s not even a competition between him and you,” Alex says placing a soft kiss to Tobin’s lips.

“Promise?” Tobin says unable to control her self-consciousness.

“I promise. I can’t imagine not being with you. I don’t think I want to even try,” Alex says placing a lingering kiss to Tobin’s lips and pulling at the collar of Tobin’s button up. Tobin simply hums not wanting to discuss Jason any further as days without physical contact after growing so used to seeing Alex every day this summer has her desperate.

Without hesitation, Tobin deepens the kiss and grabs Alex’s thighs hinting for her to jump up and let Tobin carry her into the bedroom to give her a proper welcome back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a long and hot reunion, Alex and Tobin lay naked and breathless in bed not wanting to move.

“How was your family holding up with things?” Tobin asks as she runs her fingers through Alex’s hair.

“Eh, I think they will be okay. It will just take time,” Alex says, “It felt weird being around them for so long these last few days. I kind of forgot what it was like after being at school and now at your house all the time.”

“Weird in what way?” Tobin asks curiously.

“I don’t know. It was kind of suffocating honestly. I felt like anything I wanted to say I would have to filter first. I just wish I could be myself without worrying.”

“Do you mean you wish you could tell them about me?”

“Yeah, I just hate feeling like it’s some sort of secret. You deserve to be more than that. I hate that I’m basically shoving you back in the closet with me,” Alex says sighing.

“You forget that I may be out at school, work, and to Kelley and Ann, but I am still very much in the closet when it comes to my parents. You don’t have to tell them anything you aren’t ready for. It’s not like I can judge when I haven’t done it. Even if I had, I still wouldn’t judge you for it,” Tobin says placing a kiss to Alex’s head.

“I think I am going to start hinting at it and testing their reaction. Like maybe I’ll start talking about you more to them and mention you are gay and see if they start to piece things together.”

“Whatever you want to do is good with me. I just want you to be happy. Just know, you can talk to me about it.”

“I know. I swear you’re the only person I can talk to about anything most of the time. Also, if I start dropping hints and they figure it out and get mad we only have like two weeks left before school and I’ll be gone,” Alex says as she laces her fingers together with Tobin’s.

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I don’t want to go back to seeing you like once a month,” Tobin says groaning.

“One more year though and you can go to grad school. Maybe you’ll end up at IU with me. Although, I still maintain that I will withhold sex all year if you get in somewhere better and don’t go because of me,” Alex says warningly.

Tobin chuckles, “Somehow, I don’t think you’d last that long without. Remember the lake? Miss, I need you to fuck me on this bench.”

“Shut up,” Alex says not wanting to admit Tobin is right.

Tobin laughs loudly before flicking on the TV for them to watch before they drift off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few weeks pass in a blur of work and Alex for Tobin. Her only focus is on getting through the days so that she and Alex can spend as much time together as possible before they both head back to school. The weekend before they head back, Tobin and Alex lay in bed discussing the upcoming semester and the future.

“What do you think will happen with us after school?” Alex asks running her hands through Tobin’s hair.

“What do you mean, like when I’m in grad school? I’ll probably end up at IU with you.”

“No, I mean after that where do you want to work and live?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I mean you’ll be done with school then. If you could pick anywhere, where would you go?” Tobin asks.

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot. We should go to the northwest. Portland or Seattle or something. I could see us living there. I mean you can go anywhere, right?” Alex asks nervously.

“Yeah, I just didn’t know if you were planning that far ahead with me.”

“Sorry, is it too much?  I know it hasn’t even been a year and I’m planning a head of that, but I just already see myself with you for a long time.  It’s hard not to start making plans in my head.”

“Don’t be sorry. I feel the same way. I just—I just didn’t want to rush you. In case you change your mind,” Tobin admits sheepishly letting out a loud sigh.

“Do you really think I’d do that?” Alex asks, “I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. I love you and it’s still terrifying sometimes, but I can’t imagine not loving you.”

Tobin smiles at Alex’s statement still wondering how she got so lucky.

“I love you too, Lex. Portland sounds nice,” Tobin responds sitting up to place a soft kiss to Alex’s lips before laying her head back down on her chest.

Alex simply hums into the kiss tangling her hands in Tobin’s hair.

“As long as you are there, I’m down,” Alex says before drifting off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next night, Tobin spends apart from Alex who is at home attempting to organize her barely unpacked belongings before she leaves for school in a couple of days. Around 11pm, as Tobin is relaxed on the couch after finishing up her own packing, her phone buzzes next to her on the couch.

Lex: _Can you come get me? I need out of here and I can’t drive._

Tobin: _Yeah I’ll be right there. Are you okay? What’s going on?_

Lex: _I just need you to come get me. Please, just come get me._

Tobin: _Okay, I’m on my way now. I’ll be there soon._

Tobin grabs her keys off the counter not bothering to slip on shoes or turn off the TV and lights in the house. She drives quickly to Alex’s house sending her a text to tell her she has arrived as she parks her car on the street. Seconds after she hits send, her car door opens and Alex quickly gets in tears streaming down her face as the sound of soft sobs fill the car.

“Lex?” Tobin questions quietly.

Alex simply grabs Tobin’s hand across the console intertwining their fingers and pulling it into her lap visibly shaking as she cries.

“Lex, what happened? Are you okay?” Tobin asks stroking Alex’s hand with her thumb brow furrowed with concern.

“No, just drive. I can’t—I can’t right now,” Alex chokes out as she continues to cry.

“Okay, I’ll drive. You don’t have to tell me yet,” Tobin says using her left hand to shift the car into drive not wanting to let go of Alex. She drives slowly through the dark neighborhood going out of the back entrance and driving north further into the country. It feels like it has been hours to Tobin when Alex finally gets her crying under control and breaks the silence.

“He told me that it was disgusting and a sin,” Alex says her voice eerily devoid of emotion considering how upset she was just seconds ago.

Tobin sighs deeply hoping she is wrong about what she is guessing happened. She pulls over into a path made for equipment to get in and out of a field and parks the car before responding.

“Your dad? Did you tell him about us?”

“Yeah, my dad. No, I didn’t tell him exactly. I just tested the waters,” Alex says staring out into the field not turning to face Tobin.

“I basically said something along the lines of what if one of your kids were gay when the movie we were watching had a gay character in it, and he casually said ‘that would be disgusting and a sin’ and ‘don’t even talk about that Alex’,” Alex says as tears silently drip down her cheeks.

“Lex, I’m so sorry,” Tobin says brushing away Alex’s tears with the back of her hand, “He’s wrong, you know.”

“I know, but It doesn’t make me feel any better. I feel like anything I do now would never be good enough. I could do everything he wants me to do, and I would still end up a disappointment if I come out because I’d be a ‘sinner’ and ‘disgusting’.”

“Will you come outside with me?” Tobin asks brushing more tears off the side of Alex’s face before opening up her car door. Alex simply nods letting go of Tobin’s hand in her lap to open her own door and get out. Tobin walks around the car and pulls Alex into a hug just as she shuts the car door.

“I know it sucks, but it’s not on you that he can’t recognize when he is wrong. I know it’s natural to want to please him since he is your dad, but If he can’t love you for who you are then that’s on him, not you. He will come around or he won’t. Either way, his opinion doesn’t change the fact that you are an amazing person, Lex. Being in love with a girl doesn’t change that. He’s just wrong. Don’t ever forget that,” Tobin says voice shaking with emotion as she fights back her own tears as she wishes more than anything that she could fix this for Alex.

“I just wish this wasn’t so difficult. I just wish it could be how it is when it’s you and me alone. I don’t get why people care so much. Why does it affect them if I want to be with you? I just wish it was simple, and I wish people would mind their own business. I’m not hurting anyone.”

“I know, Lex. I’m sorry. I wish I had the answer for you, but you will get through it. I’ll be here for you. He could come around. Sometimes once people come out, then their family’s opinions change once it becomes personal.”

“I hope so. I don't know how you always calm me down so quickly. I love you,” Alex says quietly.

“I love you, too. Want to stay with me tonight?” Tobin asks rubbing Alex’s back comfortingly.

“Yeah, I can’t go back there right now. I’ll just text my mom. I’m sorry that I’m such a mess. I’m so tired of even thinking about this. Can we just move to the woods and never talk to other people?”

“Tempting. I’ll think about it. I don’t know if you could survive that long without Wi-Fi, though,” Tobin says pressing a kiss to the top of Alex’s head.

“Ugh, true. I’m just so tired of being sad and anxious about what people think about us.”

“I know, but it gets easier with time. It did for me, and it will for you too. Now, come on. Let’s go home and do some disgusting sinning your dad was talking about,” Tobin says jokingly.

Alex laughs loudly at this pulling back to open the car door.

“You know anyone else would probably say it’s way too soon to joke about that.”

“Yeah, but you aren’t anyone else. You forget how well I know you,” Tobin says shrugging.

Alex simply shakes her head still laughing slightly and climbs into the car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days, Alex and Tobin spend nearly every minute together before they both head back to school. Tobin has noticed Alex has been unusually quiet, but she figures that she is just taking time to process the stuff with her dad still. On the night before they leave, Tobin brings up Alex’s quietness wanting to make sure she is okay before they are in different states again.

“Lex?” Tobin asks from her place in bed.

“Hmmm?” Alex hums the vibration tickling the back of Tobin’s neck as she has her wrapped up tightly in her arms loving when Tobin lets her be the big spoon.

“Are you okay? You’ve been quiet since the thing with your dad.”

“Yeah, I mean I’m just kind of sad, but I will be fine. Plus, I’m going to miss you. I don’t want to leave. Promise me, you’ll let me visit whenever I want?”

“I promise. You don’t even have to ask. I’ll miss you too. Promise me, you’ll talk to me about things with your dad and stuff? I don’t want you to think you are alone with that. It’s okay to be sad.”

“I will. It’s just that I don’t want you to think being with you is making me sad. You make me happy. Everyone else is the problem,” Alex says sighing deeply.

“I wouldn’t think that. I just want you to be able to talk to me. No matter what. So promise?” Tobin asks again.

“I promise,” Alex says, “I hate that I’m going to be super busy with recruitment for a while. I probably won’t be able to respond to your texts during the next few days.”

“It’s okay. I get it. You will be busy. Besides you like all the sorority stuff, you don’t have to feel bad for doing something you enjoy,” Tobin says.

“I know, but I just hate not being able to talk to you when I’m already far away all the time. I can’t wait until we are living together. Just two more semesters like this. Well, maybe four if you go to grad school somewhere else.”

“I can’t wait either,” Tobin assures her, “It’s weird. I never used to make plans for the day and now I’m making plans for a year in advance.”

“It’s weird how turned on I get thinking about being able to come home to you every day,” Alex says huskily.

“I already know our neighbors are going to hate us. You don’t know how to be quiet at all.” Tobin says chuckling.

“Like you have any room to talk,” Alex says smirking as she dips her hand below the waistband of Tobin’s shorts and cups her center eliciting a moan from Tobin.

“I’m really going to miss you,” Tobin says as Alex begins to rub slow circles against Tobin’s clit.

Alex chuckles placing kisses to Tobin’s neck, “Me too, I think I need something to hold me over for all those nights I’m not going to be able to touch you, though.”

“If you insist,” Tobin says as her hips press into Alex’s hand wanting more pressure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Tobin groans as her alarm sounds two hours after they had finally been too exhausted to continue their activities and passed out. She runs her hand up and down Alex’s arm trying to get her to open her eyes.

“Lex, we need to get going,” Tobin says quietly as she turns off the alarm.

“Mmmm, nope. Dropping out,” Alex says groggily rolling over and burying her face in Tobin’s chest.

After some teasing kisses, Tobin was finally able to persuade Alex to get out of the bed with the promise of a shower together before they went and coffee after. Now, they stood in their familiar spot in Tobin’s drive way with both cars full of their respective belongings and in a tight embrace as Alex cried into Tobin’s shirt.

“Two more semesters,” Alex mumbles from her place in Tobin’s chest.

“Two more semesters,” Tobin confirms letting a few tears of her own fall.

“I love you,” Alex says as she pulls back before kissing Tobin deeply.

When they pull back, Tobin looks at Alex with dazed eyes and a smile on her face.

“I love you, too,” Tobin says as she opens Alex door letting her climb in and giving her one last kiss before she closes it. Alex takes a deep breath before starting the car and pulling out of the driveway waving to Tobin one last time before she is out of sight.

“Two more semesters,” Tobin repeats to herself unaware of what the next two semesters have in store for her as she climbs into her car and pulls out of the drive way to head south for Lexington.


	27. Yes and No

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long dreaded chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair Warning: This is super sad or at least I think it is. Just remember, the story ends happily. I didn't edit, because writing it was bad enough. Also, apologies if I have inconsistent facts in the story somewhere such as dates etc. b/c I'm starting to get confused on what I changed in the story vs. what happened for real and trying to stay consistent with parts I modified is hard. Don't expect much in updates this week as I'll be in Denver.

**Present—September 2015**

Tobin was still lying in bed with her dog nephew cuddled close and continuing to contemplate where everything with Alex had gone wrong. She had expected the greatest summer of her life, and she had been right. There had been no significant fights other than the occasional moody tiff when they both were PMSing as Tobin was especially needy when PMSing and Alex preferred space when she was. There had been no hesitance on Alex’s part as she continued to rattle on about plans to move to Portland after they both were done with college and when each of them would visit during the next school year.

Tobin has been mulling the entirety of their barely under a year relationship for the last 3 weeks, but she has yet to pinpoint any moment where Alex had even remotely pulled away. She continues to contemplate what happened as she cries silently with one hand petting her dog nephew and the other mindlessly rereading the messages that Alex had sent those 3 weeks prior just to torture herself. The only explanation she can come up with so far is that she is insane. Maybe, it was all in her head. Maybe, Alex had never loved her like she said. Maybe, there were plenty of signs and Tobin was too crazy to notice. Maybe, Alex had finally realized that Tobin wasn’t good enough.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Flashback**

Tobin tried calling Alex as she got done with her classes for the day. She got voicemail and decided not to leave a message as Alex would call her back after she got out of her sorority meeting. Right on cue, she received a text from Alex as she walked into her apartment.

Lex: Tobin, I’m so sorry. I’ve been ignoring you all day and you probably don’t understand why at all. I’m so busy with sorority stuff, but I feel so guilty leaving you in the dark.

Toby: Lex, it’s okay. I didn’t think you were ignoring me. I was in and I knew you had a busy week with sorority stuff. It’s not a problem. You don’t have a reason to feel guilty. I understand you are busy.

Lex: Tobs, you don’t understand. I have been ignoring you all day, though. I don’t know what to do about things and I don’t want to hurt you. I feel so bad. I hate myself.

At this, Tobin tries to call Alex again as she is growing worried as to what is happening with her. She doesn’t understand why Alex is getting so upset when they had just talked on the phone for hours the night before and going 12 hours without a text because she is busy isn’t a big deal. She hates when Alex gets down on herself and she just wants to comfort her. The call is ignored and forwarded to voicemail quickly.

Lex: I can’t talk on the phone. There are people around. I’m sorry Tobin. I feel so bad.

Toby: Lex, what is going on? You didn’t do anything. You were busy and I was too. It was one day. Everything is okay. What’s wrong?

Lex: I want to tell you, but I don’t want to hurt you. I’m fucking everything up and I hate myself for it. I’m a terrible person.

Toby: Hey, don’t say that. You are an amazing person. You aren’t fucking anything up. You can talk to me about anything just tell me what’s wrong. Please, just call me?

Lex: I can’t call, sorry. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so confused, but then again I’m not. I just hate myself for being confused.

Toby: Confused about what, Lex? You can tell me. I promise, I just want to help you. No matter what is going on. I want to be here for you.

Lex: Confused about us. Fuck, I’m so sorry Tobin. I shouldn’t have said anything. I hate myself so much for even telling you. I’m fucking it all up.

Toby: Can you elaborate as to what about us you’re confused about? I’m not judging. I’m just trying to understand. Can I please call you? I don’t want to talk about this on text.

Lex: I really can’t call. I’m sorry. I just mean confused about us being together. I don’t know if it’s the best idea right now.

Tobin’s heart raced as she read Alex’s words. She struggled to maintain even breaths and tried to convince herself that this isn’t headed where she thought. Alex loved her she thought. She loved Alex more than anything that was certain. She hesitated before replying.

Toby: You can be confused. It’s okay. I understand. I still love you no matter what. I’m glad you were honest with me. Just please, talk to me about it. I can help.

Lex: I’m so sorry. It’s not okay. I’m fucking up and I know I am, but I don’t know what else to do.

Toby: Lex, you are okay. I love you. It’s going to be okay. Just tell me, what do you need from me? I’m here for you.

Lex: I’m sorry, Tobin. You are so good to me. I just think I need some time to figure things out. I’m so confused. I just need time to get my head out of my ass. I know in the end that it’s you. I know that I’ll end up with you, but I just need time to be not confused.

Tobin’s stomach clenches as she reads Alex’s response. They were perfectly happy and now this. It makes no sense to her but she tries to be supportive. After all, this sounds like Alex just needs some space to figure things out. She trusts her enough to give her that when she says that she knows she will end up with Tobin.

Toby: I mean if you need time then that’s okay. I just want you to be happy. I can wait, but what happens in between. Are you still my girlfriend?

She cringes at her own question afraid to hear the answer to it.

Lex: Yes, and no. I want to say yes, because I love you. However, I want to say no in case I fuck everything up more.

Toby: Okay, I’m not sure exactly what that means… but I love you too. Can I still talk to you while you figure it out?

Lex: Of course, I could never not talk to you. Just please, wait for me to get my head out of my ass. I know that you and I are supposed to be together. I’m just confused.

Toby: It’s okay, Lex. You’re worth the wait. If space is what you need, I can do that. Can you just like explain this to me again? I’m just not really following still. I’m sorry.

Tobin hits send feeling numb despite the tears that are dripping down onto her shirt as she sits on the edge of her bed waiting for response.

Lex: I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s like I know it’s going to be you that I’m with in the end, but I’m just such a mess right now that I’m afraid I’ll fuck things up with you if I don’t get some space. I just need some time to get my head out of my ass and figure things out.

Toby: Okay, I can give you some space. I’m still here for you, though. If you need me. Just promise, you’ll still talk to me if you need something.

Lex: I know you are. That’s why I’m so mad at myself. You are always good to me. I’m sorry I’m fucking this up. Just please, wait for me to figure things out. I’m certain it’s you I’m going to be with in the end.

Tobin blinks her eyes blurry with tears as she reads through the messages. She can’t even formulate a response as she can’t even process what the fuck just happened. Before she can even type out a letter, Alex sends her another text.

Lex: I’m so sorry, Tobin. I have to go to a sorority thing, but I love you.

Toby: It’s okay. I love you. I can wait.

Tobin sets her phone down and lets the tears fall. Everything had been perfect last night and suddenly after she gets home from class Alex needs space. What had even happened? Tobin continues to cry rereading the conversation. She comforts herself by reminding herself that Alex had said yes and no about them still dating and continually said she knew she was going to end up with her but was just confused. It was by no means a good conversation, but Tobin is comforted enough to fall asleep still feeling like her and Alex are somewhat together. After all, space doesn’t mean break up…she thinks. She can be supportive and give her that. Alex had said that she still wanted to talk to each other. It all would be okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day had been truly awful to Tobin. She had overslept through her first class and gotten into a fight with Sarah after she had made some homophobic comment offhandedly at a television. Tobin hadn’t told anyone about her conversation with Alex the night before. She went through the motions of her classes somewhere between numb and hopeful that Alex just needed some time to think. As if the week hadn’t been bad enough, someone had hit Tobin’s car in the parking lot and driven off before she could get the license plate. The day had been shit and all she wanted to do was talk to Alex about it. She tried giving her a call but got voicemail after one ring. Assuming she was busy, Tobin sent a quick text explaining what had happened to her today.

Lex: I’m sorry, Tobs. That sounds like a bad day. I feel like I made everything worse. I’m so sorry.

Toby: It’s okay. I know you said you want space, but I just wanted to talk. I think you said that’s okay.

Lex: It’s okay. I’m sorry you had such a bad day. I always want to talk to you.

Toby: Not to bring it up…but where exactly do we stand? Can I call you? I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m good with space, but we are still together right? I mean you said yes and no, and I’m not quite sure what that means.

Lex: Tobin, we talked about this yesterday. No…we aren’t together. I’m sorry.

Tobin is shaking as her heart races. _Not together? Yes and no? Did that mean break up?_ Tobin’s mind races as she tries to keep her anger and emotions in check. Tears roll down her face and she is fighting the urge to punch her wall next to her bed.

Toby: What do you mean? We talked about space, but you said ‘yes and no’ when I asked if we were together. I assumed that meant yes, but you were just needing space. Can I call you? I don’t want to do this in text.

Lex: I never said yes and no, Tobin. I told you. I just can’t do this. I’m sorry. I can’t talk on the phone there are people around.

Tobin is barely capable of logical thought now as she angrily slams her fist into the wall next to her bed. She can’t even feel the throbbing of her already swelling hand as she struggles to recall the day before.

Toby: What the fuck? Apparently, I am too dumb to even know when you are breaking up with me now. You said space and ‘yes and no’ that isn’t breaking up. Did you think I would be that calm if I knew that was what was happening? You can’t just change your mind the next day. Why didn’t you say in the first place? I feel so fucking stupid. Nearly a year together, and I just get a few confusing texts…

Lex: Don’t talk about yourself like that. You know I hate it when you are mean to yourself. You aren’t stupid. I just thought we talked about this. I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry. I know I’m messing everything up probably, but I can’t.

In an emotional rage, Tobin quickly replies in a near state of shock that apparently they had been broken up but she didn’t even know. _What the Fuck._

Toby: Do you even love me?

Lex: Fuck you, Tobin. How could you even ask me that? How many times have I told you that I do? I thought you would understand. Now, you ask me that? Fuck you.

Tobin sighs realizing that any chance of Alex taking back ‘just needing time’ probably just went out the window with one dumb question. She frantically responds trying to repair the damage.

Toby: Lex, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was just upset. I didn’t even realize that we were broken up. I’m fucking stupid. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I can’t lose you.

Lex: I can’t do this right now. I’m with people and ignoring them. Goodnight, Tobin.

Toby: Okay, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. Please, I hope you don’t hate me. I really want to talk in person or on the phone about this, though. No rush just whenever you can. Goodnight, Lex. I love you and I know you love me. I’m sorry I said that.

Tobin takes a deep breath expecting tears to fall but surprisingly they don’t come. She takes another breath before heading into the common area in search of some whiskey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tobin walked out into the living room where Sydney was sitting on the couch watching Bad Girls Club. She wordlessly moved into the kitchen and opened the freezer grabbing the bottle of Crown she had been saving for a special occasion and pouring it into a glass of ice barely able to add a splash of Coke as it was so full of whiskey.

“Hey, Tobs. What was that loud noise? Did you fall or something?” Sydney asks not turning her head from the TV where two girls are throwing someone’s mattress into the pool.

“Huh? Oh, I um. I punched the wall,” Tobin replies barely remembering that she had slammed her hand into the wall in anger.

Sydney turns at this hearing the weird detached tone in Tobin’s voice. She sees the red swollen knuckles of Tobin’s hand wrapped tightly around the glass of whiskey and raises her eyebrows.

“Um, are you okay?” Sydney asks concerned.

“Alex and I broke up,” Tobin says in a flat voice completely devoid of any emotion.

“Oh shit,” Sydney says eyeing Tobin carefully, “Do you want to talk about it? What happened?”

Tobin just sighs before plopping down on the couch next to Sydney and unlocking her phone before handing it to Sydney.

“No, but you can just read it.”

“Wait, she fucking broke up with you on text? What the fuck?!? I’m going to kill her,” Sydney says growing angry at Alex’s treatment of Tobin, who is possibly the most laid back, caring, loyal person Sydney knows.

“Yep,” Tobin says appreciating the slight burn of the sweet brown liquid as she takes another sip of whiskey trying to focus on the episode of BGC that is on as Sydney reads.

Sydney scrolls through Tobin’s phone trying to find some sort of explanation as to what happened, but she ultimately ends up with more questions. As the episode ends, Sydney speaks up now that she has finished reading.

“Wait, she definitely said ‘yes and no’ the night before. I read it myself. How is she now saying she didn’t say that?”

“I don’t know. I guess I read it wrong or something. I don’t get it. We were fine. We were more than fine. She was making plans for after graduation. We are supposed to dog sit for Kelley and Ann in a couple weeks. She tells me she loves me and she would never want to not talk to me. She says wait for me. I don’t get it,” Tobin says as she relishes the numb feeling that has settled in next to the whiskey allowing her to talk as if it happened to someone else.

“Maybe, she really is just confused. I’ve seen you two together. Hell, I’ve read half your text conversations. I know she loves you. I honestly think she’s going to come to her senses soon. You just have to wait it out. Give her some space, and I bet she will come back,” Sydney says trying to reassure Tobin as this is the only conclusion she can come up with as to why Alex would just suddenly break up with Tobin. Truthfully, Sydney had no idea what was going on and was already worried at how calm Tobin was knowing that she preferred to internalize everything until she breaks down.

“I hope you’re right,” Tobin says downing the last of her whiskey before heading for a refill.

“Pour me a shot of vodka, Tobs. I think this deserves a non-Monday minority Monday drinking session,” Sydney says as she gets up from the couch to join Tobin.

“On that, you are definitely right,” Tobin says getting the pink lemonade Burnett’s that Sydney loves out of the freezer.  

**End of Flashback**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Present—September 2015**

Tobin types out a text to the only person she could stand to talk to besides Sydney lately after finishing rereading the text messages she has almost memorized by now for the millionth time.

Tobs: Hey, did we talk last night? I blacked out.

Chris: Yeah, you seemed really fucked up. You were upset about Alex. Half of it was unintelligible. Do you remember anything that happened?

Tobs: I just remember seeing ‘in a relationship’ pop-up. Please, tell me that wasn’t real.

Chris: I’m sorry, Tobs. It is… you had me look at her profile to see if it said who, because she blocked you right after she changed her status apparently. You tried to look, and you were blocked.

Tobs: Who is it?

Chris: Tobs, are you sure you are okay?

Tobs: Just tell me. It can’t get any worse.

Chris: It’s Jason.

Tobin closed her eyes as a fresh set of tears began to fall. _Apparently, it can get worse._ _Fucking Jason. Alex said he was creepy and weird when he thought their lunch was a date and that she had nothing to worry about. Of course, it was Jason._ Tobin’s thoughts were broken up by her phone lighting up again.

Chris: Tobs, please say something. I’m worried about you.

Tobs: Do you have a meet today?

Chris: No, we just finished practice. I’m free until Monday.

Tobs: Can you come to Kelley’s? I really don’t want to be alone.

Tobin lets out a loud sob after sending the message hoping that Christen can make the drive. Her body aches from crying so hard the last few days. She has been alternating between sobbing and numb for weeks now, and she isn’t sure which one is worse at this point. Her dog nephew sits up on the bed watching her cry before circling and laying back down next to her.

Chris: I’ll be there in two hours. Just hang in there, Tobs.

Tobin doesn’t reply afraid to distract Christen from driving. She cries herself back to sleep wondering if anything between her and Alex had been real or if it was all just a lie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tobin wakes up to Jack barking a few hours later as someone is knocking on the door. She rolls out of bed and slowly walks towards the door not bothering to check who it is as she holds Jack back and opens the door.

“Hey, Chris,” Tobin says looking at the floor now somewhat embarrassed at being so pathetic that she had asked Christen to come.

“Hey, Tobs. Hey, Jack-Jack,” Christen says kneeling down to pet the dog after closing the door behind her. She rubs his ears before standing up and looking at Tobin who is shifting uncomfortably and not making eye contact. Christen sighs as she has seen this version of broken Tobin many times before, unfortunately she even caused it herself before. Wordlessly, Christen takes the few steps to close the distance between her and Tobin and pulls her into a tight hug as Tobin instinctually buries her head in Christen’s chest and begins to sob again.

“Shhh, you’ll be okay. You’ll get through it just like everything else. It’s okay,” Christen soothes her as she strokes Tobin’s hair before pulling away and stepping into the apartment further. Tobin walks around her heading into the kitchen and grabbing two Busch Lights from the refrigerator. When she returns, Christen is on the couch with Jack curled up next to her and his head on her lap.

“Is there any dog that doesn’t love you?” Tobin asks her voice hoarse from crying.

“Only the ones that haven’t met me yet,” Christen says as she pats the open spot next to her with her hand, “Come on, we can continue what appears to be your House binge.”

Tobin walks over to the couch propping her feet up on the coffee table as she sits next to Christen and hits play on the remote. Christen wraps her arm around Tobin pulling her in until she rests her head on her shoulder.

“It’ll be okay,” she whispers as she places a kiss to the top of Tobin’s head before focusing on the screen.

“I know, but I wish it was okay right now,” Tobin says relaxing into Christen and trying to focus on Olivia Wilde on screen instead of the constant stream of unanswered questions about Alex.


	28. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen tries to comfort Tobin.

As the credits to another House episode ends and Tobin finishes off her 7th Busch Light of the day, Christen moves off the couch and turns to look at Tobin.

“Get up, we are going on a walk?” Christen says as she grabs Jack’s leash and harness from the hook by the door as he wags his tail excitedly at the word ‘walk’.

Tobin sighs and downs the last of her beer before getting up from the couch knowing that it is useless to argue with Christen even if she had the energy. Christen manages to fasten Jack’s harness around him before slipping on some flip flops and opening the door waiting for Tobin to exit. Tobin shuffles through the door wordlessly heading down the stairs and out the back door of the apartment building towards the paved path in the park.

Jack happily runs towards Tobin with Christen not far behind laughing as he nearly takes Tobin out unable to stop his run in time. Tobin doesn’t react simply petting Jack on the head lightly and pausing as Christen comes up next to her before they continue along the path slowly. They walk wordlessly until Tobin sees Christen shiver in the cool fall air.

“Here,” Tobin says as she slips off her hoodie and hands it to Christen.

“Thanks,” Christen replies softly as she hands the leash to Tobin before slipping the hoodie over her head, “You need to talk about it.”

“I don’t think I want to talk about it,” Tobin says shrugging as she lightly tugs Jack’s leash to get him back on the paved pathway.

“That’s why I didn’t ask. You need to talk about it. Just trust me. It will help,” Christen says firmly as she watches Tobin clench her jaw and focusing intently on Jack unable to look at her.

“I feel stupid,” Tobin admits after a long silence, “I feel like it was all some huge joke or something. Like maybe, I was the only one that was dumb enough to believe she was actually in love with me and everyone else just felt too bad for me to correct me. I mean she starts dating him the same day we ‘broke up’ according to her. Who does that?”

Christen doesn’t respond just waiting for Tobin to continue.

“Then on the other hand, I still don’t feel like it’s over. I feel like I know Alex well enough, or I think I do, that I can’t even believe she would fuck me over like this. Some part of me still thinks she just got scared and he was there and she’s going to come back. The fucked up part is I know I’d take her back no questions asked. It’s like I can’t even be mad at her and that just makes me mad at myself.”

“Want to know what I think?” Christen asks as takes the leash back from Tobin.

Tobin simply nods for Christen to continue as they approach the gated dog park and Christen lets Jack off his leash after shutting the gate.

“I think she’s the one that should feel stupid. I think one of three things is true. One, she did get scared about coming out and freaked out and sabotaged your relationship the best way she could by hurting you in one of the worst ways she could. Two, she is immature and didn’t know what she wanted and got caught up in things with you without really knowing what she wanted first and let it get serious too fast,” Christen pauses to gauge Tobin’s reaction as they take a seat on the bench. Tobin turns to her with dull eyes waiting for her to continue.

“What’s three?” Tobin asks her voice low.

“Three is she never really cared and she was just looking for someone to use until something else came along and she took advantage of you,” Christen says, “Either way, you’ll be okay.”

“I think you’re right, but I don’t know what to do with any of those 3. Do I wait around on her if it’s the first one? I don’t even know how to begin to move on if it’s one of the last two. I just feel stuck,” Tobin says her voice shaking slightly with emotion.

“I’m sorry, I wish I had an answer. I think you should do what feels right to you. If you aren’t ready to move on then you don’t have to, but I also want you to know that you do deserve better than how she treated you regardless of what happens next,” Christen says, “I know it’s probably super hypocritical for me to judge after how I treated you, but you deserved better then too. What do you want to do?”

“I feel like even if I say I’m not going to wait around her. I still will be secretly. I just can’t make sense in my head of her intentionally hurting me. I don’t know how to not talk to her and I don’t know how to not love her if I’m still talking to her. God this is so frustrating,” Tobin says dejectedly as she watches Jack run in circles around the small, gated area.

Christen reaches over to rub circles on Tobin’s lower-back soothingly.

“I feel like this is partially my fault,” Christen admits staring at the ground beneath her.

“How?” Tobin asks curiously as she turns to face Christen.

“Because if it weren’t for me hurting you, then you might not have even let her in to begin with. I try really hard to not have regrets, because everything that happened has led me to where I am now. But hurting you how I did is one thing that I will always regret,” Christen says still staring towards the ground and unable to face Tobin as she is too ashamed of her actions a year ago. She blinks furiously trying to hold in her emotions, but she loses as tears drip down her face and onto her t-shirt.

Tobin’s brow furrows unsure of how to respond to Christen until Christen finally looks up and Tobin sees the tears in her eyes.

“Chris,” Tobin whispers softly, “It’s okay. I forgive you.”

Christen shakes her head trying to gather herself and letting out a small chuckle, “I’m sorry. Here I am supposed to be comforting you and I’m the one a mess.”

“Well, I’m a mess to so no judgement here,” Tobin says as she reaches up to wipe the remaining tears from Christen’s cheeks before clearing her throat and turning to look for Jack who is running towards them with a stick in his mouth.

Christen shifts her focus towards the dog as well watching as Tobin gets up to reattach the leash before she follows her through the gate and back onto the path.

“I think we both need another beer,” Tobin says as she begins down the path.

“Agreed,” Christen says as she catches up to Tobin and slips her arm through hers grabbing onto her forearm.

Tobin doesn’t react to the contact as she simply walks the remainder of the path back to the apartment in silence.

~

Countless beers and a frozen pizza later, Tobin and Christen are back on the couch with Jack passed out on the recliner to their left. House is on in the background, but neither one have been paying much attention opting instead to play higher or lower.

“Higher or lower?” Christen asks as she glances at the 4 laying down on the table.

“Lower,” Tobin states confidently.

Christen flips the next card and groans at the three, “Seriously? This is bullshit. Who guesses lower on a 4?”

Tobin laughs loudly at this before taking a sip of her own beer, “Says the girl that guessed higher to a Queen and got it right. I had to drink way more than you at least that was only one card before it.”

“Still bullshit,” Christen grumbles as she takes two large sips of beer before setting the cards down, “I quit. You win.”

Tobin smirks before raising one fist in the air in triumph, “Finally, I outdrank Christen Press.”

“Shut up, just wait until I’m not in season.”

“How is cross going by the way?” Tobin asks.

“Eh, good. I’m basically a robot now. All I do is go to practice and study and sleep,” Christen says shrugging.

“What happened to that guy you told me about this summer? The eastern European one that played soccer?”

“Eh, he still is around sometimes. It’s nothing serious just stress relief,” Christen says laughing.

Tobin chuckles at this, “I envy that blasé attitude you can have. I get attached way too easily. It’s like abused puppy syndrome or something. You are so carefree. I want that.”

Christen shrugs as her own laughter dies down, “I’m not always that way, you know. I just don’t invest too much if it’s not worth it, and it is not often that people are worth it in my experience.”

“What about me? Was I worth it?” Tobin asks her mind cloudy from the beer as she attempts to focus her eyes on Christen, “Wait, don’t answer that. Sorry, it’s the beer.”

Christen shakes her head feeling the effects of too much beer herself before answering anyways, “Yeah, you were more than worth it. I just was too messed up to realize it.”

“Do you think she loves me?” Tobin says quietly looking down at her hands.

“I don’t see how she couldn’t,” Christen says squeezing Tobin’s hands before getting up from her spot on the couch.

“Let’s get our drunk asses to bed before we both cry again,” Christen says as she cleans up some of the scattered cans and puts them in the trash.

Tobin heads to the bedroom where her forgotten phone is still plugged in next to the bed from earlier. She checks it noticing three new messages. Quickly opening them, she stares at the phone in disbelief and confusion.

Lex: Hey, how is your weekend going?

Lex: Dog sitting was this weekend right?

Lex: Are you ignoring me?

Christen walks into the room with Jack following close behind and sees Tobin standing over the end table looking at her phone.

“What’s wrong?” Christen questions as she comes up behind Tobin and puts a hand on her back to get her attention.

Tobin doesn’t respond and simply hands Christen the phone letting her read the messages. Christen frowns as she reads.

“What the fuck?” Christen says annoyed, “Is she just trying to act like nothing happened and you are just friends?”

“I have no idea,” Tobin says sighing, “I can’t handle this shit. What do I do? Should I respond?”

“Hmmm, I’d say not, but I know you will. So just keep it short. Let her wonder what you are doing like you have been,” Christen says, “Here, I’ll type it. You hit send if it’s okay.”

Christen quickly types out a reply before showing it to Tobin. Tobin looks at Christen thankfully before hitting send and setting her phone back down pushing down the anxious feeling of wanting a response and not at the same time.  

Tobin: Nope, didn’t have my phone. It’s been good.

“Take my phone,” Tobin says handing it back to Christen, “I know, I’ll text her again if not.”

Christen just nods taking the phone to her side of the bed and placing it in the drawer of the night stand.

Tobin climbs into bed laying down on her back and closing her eyes trying not to think about what Alex is doing right now or why she had texted Tobin or why she would even care if Tobin was ignoring her. Tobin’s train of thought is broken as the bed dips and Christen lays her head on Tobin’s chest snuggling into her side.

“It’s going to be okay,” Christen says softly rubbing circles on Tobin’s torso with her thumb.

“It just hurts, Chris. It hurts or I don’t feel anything, and it’s terrifying. I don’t know what to do,” Tobin says her voice wavering but able to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.

“I wish I could help,” Christen says sighing from her place on Tobin’s chest, “You don’t deserve any of the shit you’ve been through.”

“You are here. That’s helping,” Tobin says softly.

Christen sits up at this placing her weight on her elbow so she can look at Tobin.

“I hate that I ever hurt you like she did,” Christen says, “I know you forgave me, but I just want you to know how much I mean that. I was scared, and I regret it so much. I don’t want you thinking you deserve any of this because you don’t. No one deserves to be treated that way.”

“Then why does it keep happening?” Tobin says desperately.

Christen doesn’t answer as she leans down and presses her lips against Tobin’s softly. Tobin doesn’t know if it is the beer, the vulnerability, or the familiarity of Christen’s lips on hers, but she reciprocates pulling Christen towards her by the back of her neck and returning the kiss. Christen sighs into the kiss and just as Tobin is about to slip her tongue into her mouth the reality of the situation catches up with her. Christen pulls back slowly placing her hands on Tobin’s chest.

“Tobs,” Christen says softly, “We can’t do this.”

Tobin’s brow furrows as she leans up and kisses Christen’s neck sucking lightly, “Why not?”

Christen hums softly her willpower almost fading at the feeling of Tobin kissing her neck.

“Tobs, seriously. We have to stop,” Christen says slightly out of breath.

“What if I don’t want to?” Tobin says in between open-mouthed kisses on Christen’s jaw.

“Fuck, Tobs. Stop, please,” Christen says her voice wavering her hands firmly against Tobin’s chest pulling away yet again.

Recognizing the serious tone in Christen’s voice Tobin stops her attack on Christen’s neck but moving her hands to grip Christen’s hips.

“I want you,” Tobin says softly drawing circles on Christen’s hips with her thumbs.

Christen groans dropping her head and nuzzling into Tobin’s neck before responding, “I wish that were true, but you still wish this was Alex right now, even if you don’t want to.”

Tobin sighs deeply rubbing Christen’s back, “I’m sorry, Chris.”

“I’m sorry. I kissed you first,” Christen mumbles against Tobin’s neck.

“Don’t be, just kiss me again,” Tobin says confidently.

“What about Alex?” Christen says placing a soft kiss to Tobin’s neck.

“She doesn’t care about me,” Tobin says decidedly.

“Maybe, but you still care about her, and I don’t want you to regret anything in the morning,” Christen says leaning up on her elbow again to look at Tobin before placing a kiss to her cheek.

“I won’t regret it, Chris. I promise,” Tobin says slipping her hands under Christen’s shirt and rubbing her hands along her back while leaning up to place a lingering kiss to her lips before pulling away, “I just…I need to be wanted.”

“Tobs,” Christen says desperately.

“Chris,” Tobin says earnestly.

“I need to be wanted too, and I know that you don’t really want this right now,” Christen says softly as she collapses back down onto Tobin’s chest.

Tobin is quiet for several moments before sighing and responding, “I’m sorry, Chris.”

“Shhhhh, it’s okay. I get it,” Christen says placing another soft kiss to Tobin’s neck, “Let’s just go to sleep.”

Tobin doesn’t respond breathing deeply as she feels Christen’s breath even out against her neck and knowing she’s asleep she speaks out loud to herself and tries to push the thoughts of blue eyed girl out of her head, “I wish I wanted this.”

As Tobin closes her eyes attempting to sleep, she hears soft vibrations coming from the drawer where Christen placed her phone and she's suddenly relieved that Christen stopped her as she has no doubt who just messaged her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's weird as hell/oddly entertaining having people comment on shit that actually happened to me. I still don't know exactly where this is going, but I have a slight idea that could change as of now. Lmk what you think.


	29. Smexting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought that said sexting. You heathens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5 beers in so sorry for the spelling mistakes. Work in like 6 hours so didn't want to reread it, but I couldn't sleep so have a chapter.

“Tobs, wake up,” Christen whispers softly as she pushes the stray hairs away from Tobin’s face having woken up with Tobin asleep on her chest, their positions flipped from the night before. Not getting a response, Christen talks louder trying to get a response after a few tries Tobin final stirs.

“Ugh, what Chris?” Tobin asks groggily.

“Wake up, I’m bored,” Christen says, “I’ve been laying here for like an hour watching you sleep.”

Tobin cringes internally at the word choice thinking back to Alex jokingly calling her a creep for ‘watching her sleep’ while she got ready for work while Alex was in bed over the summer. She tries not to remember any more as the dreams she had of how Alex tastes and feels was bad enough.

“Tobs?” Christen asks worriedly as she has been trying to get her attention for a while now.

“Wha—sorry, Chris. I spaced out,” Tobin says apologetically.

“It’s alright. Are you okay? Feeling any better today?” Christen asks as she runs her fingers through Tobin’s hair.

“Honestly, no. I still don’t know what to do or how to act towards her. After last night when she texted—shit,” Tobin says suddenly remembering her phone going off again as she fell asleep and sitting up to reach into the nightstand for it. She hurriedly unlocks it opening up her messages and confirming her thoughts from last night on who was texting her so late.

Lex: That’s good. I’ve had kind of a shitty night. I’m super scared right now, and I don’t really know who to talk to about it.

“Is it her again?” Christen asks unable to see Tobin’s screen.

“Yeah, look,” Tobin says handing Christen the phone to read.

“What does that even mean? Shouldn’t she be asking her boyfriend to talk?” Christen scoffs increasingly annoyed at Alex’s behavior. She freezes when she sees Tobin wince at words.

“Shit, Tobs. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up, but she seriously makes no sense. It’s like she wants you to be her girlfriend and support her, when she is the one who broke up with you,” Christen says rubbing Tobin’s back as she sits up in bed next to her.

“Maybe she just really needs someone to talk to. I don’t want to just leave her hanging. I’d like to think if I really needed something, then she’d still be there for me as a friend,” Tobin says still staring at the phone before starting to type.

Christen rolls her eyes frustrated with Tobin for feeding into Alex’s behavior but knowing that arguing useless as Tobin was too upset and still too in love with Alex to see she was being used. Instead, she rests her head on Tobin’s shoulder watching as she types out a message.

Tobin: You can talk to me. If you want that is, just as like friends. I mean you said we would still talk, but I don’t know if you really want that. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want.

Tobin hits sends and groans at how much of a desperate mess she sounds even through text. She is about to get up for the day when her phone buzzes. Surprised at the quick response, she unlocks it swiftly.

Lex: I want to talk to you, but I don’t want to hurt you. I feel like I shouldn’t.

Tobin: No, it’s okay. You can talk to me. I still want to be your friend. What is it?

Lex: You swear you won’t get hurt?

Tobin: Whatever it is, I’ll be fine. Just tell me what’s wrong, Lex? Did something happen?

Tobin is about to send another text when Christen can’t contain herself anymore and interrupts.

“Tobin, do you really think this is a good idea? You don’t owe her anything right now, even if she does need someone. I don’t want you to get hurt,” Christen says softly not wanting to make Tobin angry.

“I’m fine, Chris. I’m already hurt. It can’t get any worse,” Tobin says as another text comes in.

Lex: Yeah, something happened. I’m so sorry, Tobin. If I had anyone else to talk to about it, then I would. I don’t though, and I don’t know what to do.

Tobin: Lex, just tell me. You obviously need to talk about whatever it is. I’m fine.

Lex: Okay, well. I just took Plan B, but it was like 12 hours after. I just really need to know how effective that is. I’m sorry, Tobin. If I had anyone else to ask, then I would.

Tobin closes her eyes shaking with anger and jealousy at the thought of Alex and Jason together as she squeezes her phone in her hand. Christen is still against her shoulder frozen herself as she rereads the message again. She gains composure before Tobin and demands the phone ready to drive to IU and kill Alex herself.

“Give me the phone,” Christen demands taking it from Tobin’s hand before she can respond. Tobin seems to snap out of her zone at this.

“Chris, please don’t. I’m okay,” Tobin says not even believing herself as she chokes out the words.

“Just trust me, Tobin. I’m not going to do anything bad. Just let me help,” Christen says trying to reassure Tobin wishing that she could cuss Alex out but knowing Tobin is still too loyal to her to allow it. Christen grabs the phone and types a quick reply before shutting the phone off completely.

Tobin: Google it.

“What’d you say?” Tobin asks unable to read it before Christen shuts off the phone.

“I told her to google it,” Christen says smirking at the thought of Alex being pissed off by not getting a reaction out of Tobin, “I know you don’t want to hear this, Tobs. I know you are still into her and you can’t help it because its natural after a year to not be over her yet, but she is fucking with your head and that’s not okay. She clearly just wanted you to know she slept with him. I don’t know her motives behind it, but there is no other explanation. There were a million other ways she could find that out. None of which involve hurting her ex-girlfriend that she told to ‘wait for her’ all while secretly dating someone else for weeks.”

Tobin simply nods unable to meet Christens eyes as she knows logically that she is right, but emotionally she can’t help but hope that maybe there was a good explanation for how Alex is acting. Christen watches for some reaction as Tobin sits still her eyes lifeless as she stares at the comforter on the bed.

“Tobs, please look at me,” Christen pleads after a few minutes of dead silence. Tobin hesitantly turns barely meeting Christen’s eyes. Christen pauses taken aback by how neutral Tobin’s face is as if nothing could affect her, “She doesn’t deserve you. I know that’s the cliché thing to say to someone after a break up, but it’s true. Maybe, if she gets her shit together you can consider giving it a shot if you want, but the way she is treating you right now is toxic. The longer you feed into her games, the more she will hurt you. You have to distance yourself for a while.”

“What if I can’t?” Tobin says her voice shaky with emotion despite her indifferent facial expression.

“You can. I’ll help,” Christen says, “Anytime you want to call or text her just call me. I don’t care what time. I don’t want her to be able to hurt you anymore. You need space at least for now. Will you just try for me?”

Tobin closes her eyes briefly trying to stop the burning feeling and shake the thoughts of Alex sleeping with Jason while she drank beer and watched House. Steeling herself, she finally finds the composure to speak.

“Okay. I’ll try Chris. If you think it will help, then I trust you,” Tobin says letting her head fall forward until it’s resting on Christen’s shoulder.

A few hours later, Tobin is packing up the last of her things from Kelley and Ann’s apartment as Christen takes Jack out for one last walk. As Tobin zips the top of her duffel bag shut, she hears the door open and the sounds of Jack panting heavily in the living room.

“Was he good for you or did he try to chase squirrels the whole time like he does to me?” Tobin asks as Christen places the leash on the hook by the door again.

“He was an angel. He likes me better,” Christen says smirking at Tobin as Jack flops down on the carpet and rolls around.

“You wish,” Tobin says, “He’s my dog nephew. He has to like me more.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, Tobs,” Christen retorts grinning smugly as Jack comes towards her squeaking his favorite toy and wanting to play. Christen tosses it across the room before turning her attention back to Tobin.

“You all packed?” Tobin asks eyeing the packed duffel bag with the word ‘Press’ stitched into the side.

“Yeah, I think I got everything. Come here,” Christen says opening her arms for Tobin to give her a hug.

Tobin smiles softly before taking the few steps forward into Christen’s arms and being wrapped in a tight hug. Tobin can smell the coconut scented lotion that Christen loves and she closes her eyes relishing in the warmth and familiarity of the embrace.

“Remember when we first became friends and you said you hated hugs?” Tobin asks chuckling softly the vibrations tickling Christen’s neck.

“I also hate cuddling, but I guess I can make some exceptions for you.”

“Please, you were the one that laid on me when we got in bed last night. You totally love cuddling. Don’t even lie,” Tobin wrapping her arms around Christen’s waist and nuzzling further into her neck.

“Tobs, about last night…I’m sorry that I kissed you. You were upset and I shouldn’t have,” Christen says quietly.

“It’s okay, Chris. We were both drunk and I was the one that tried to escalate things. I’m sorry for that. Thanks for stopping me. You were right. I’m not ready. I still want Alex as much as I wish I didn’t,” Tobin says her cheeks reddening slightly in embarrassment as she remembers practically begging Christen for more the night before. Tobin pulls away from the hug slowly raising her head up to look at Christen who seems deep in thought.

“Chris? Are you mad at me for last night? I really am sorry,” Tobin says worried she alienated one of the few people that have been there for her more times than most.

Christen shakes her head fervently, “It’s okay. I’m not mad, Tobs. I get it.”

“You sure?” Tobin questions eyeing Christen as her she meets her gaze and forces a smile.

“Positive,” Christen says trying to sound as confident as possible. She hesitates momentarily before finding the courage to press a quick kiss to Tobin’s lips backing away before Tobin can even process it. Tobin blinks almost wondering if she had imagined it for a second before she sees Christen blushing in front of her and glancing back and forth between Tobin and the ground.

“Sorry,” Christen says sheepishly, “I know you aren’t over Alex and maybe you will get back together, but I didn’t want to leave without doing that sober just once.”

Tobin looks at Christen confused her lips tingling slightly, but her mind wandering towards thoughts of blue eyes and a pang of guilt growing. Tobin internally scolds herself. _Why do you feel guilty? You are single, Tobin. Alex doesn’t want you. You don’t have to feel guilty._

“Tobs, please say something. I’m sorry, did I just fuck this all up?” Christen asks panic evident in her voice.

Tobin shakes her head still shaking thoughts of blue eyes from her head and leans forward placing a kiss to Christens forehead, “It’s okay. If I ever get over her, you’ll be the first to know.”

Christen smiles broadly at this, “Promise?”

“Promise,” Tobin says, “Now, come on. We can walk out together.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seven days.

Tobin makes it a total of 168 hours before she caves and tries to talk to Alex. She calls first and of course gets voicemail. Sighing, she hesitates slightly in her contacts before ultimately scrolling past Christen and hitting Lex before typing a message. She knows she shouldn’t but she can’t help herself. _Emotional addiction, is that a thing?_ Tobin questions for the thousandth time as she types out a message.

Tobin: Hey, how have you been?

Alex immediately responds to the text surprising Tobin.

Lex: I’ve been okay. You kind of went MIA on me. You doing okay? It was weird not talking to you.

Tobin sighs not wanting to recall their last conversation and opting instead to ignore it.

Tobin: Yeah, I’m good. I agree, though. Sorry, I just needed some space.

Lex: It’s okay. I get it. I’m so sorry, Tobs. I just want to be able to talk again like we used to.

Tobin: Me too, Lex. How is school going?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days fly by for Tobin. Despite Christen warning her to be careful, it seems that she and Alex have gotten to a good place again. They text daily just catching up on basic things and joking around, neither of them mentioning the elephant in the room a.k.a. the boyfriend. Tobin feels more relaxed than she has since the break up thinking that maybe her and Alex can actually be friends, although she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t still holding out some hope Alex will come back to her.

On Friday afternoon, Tobin is out at a Mexican restaurant for lunch with her friend Sam after a particularly boring lecture in fraud class, when she receives a text from Alex. Smiling down at her phone, she opens it up quickly as Sam orders another pitcher of Margaritas.

Lex: Hey J What are you up to?

Tobin: I’m at lunch with Sam. You met her at McCarthy’s that one time. She has the same major as me.

“Who are you smexting?” Sam asks as she pops a chip into her mouth.

“It’s just Alex,” Tobin says trying to hide the inevitable smile as her phone buzzes again, “I’m not smexting. It was just funny.”

“Sure,” Sam says having been filled in on the break up by Sydney, “Tell that to the smile on your face right now.”

Tobin doesn’t answer knowing that Sam is right. Instead she opens the new message.

Lex: Oh, the hot blonde girl. What are you on a date or something?

Tobin’s brow furrows in confusion. _Why would she even ask that? Why would she care if I was?_

Tobin: No, we just had a rough class. We are friends.

Lex: Whatever, I’m going to go shower. Naked.

Tobin’s brow furrows even further in confusion. _Is she…jealous? No, it can’t be. Don’t even think that way._ Tobin shakes her head glancing up as Sam pours her a margarita from the pitcher and deciding to try and joke with Alex.

Tobin: Generally, I do shower naked.

Tobin chuckles at her own joke as the first pitcher of margaritas has definitely gone to her head a little.

Lex: Oh, so you don’t want me to get naked?

“Tobin, can you quit texting for 5 seconds so we can order,” Sam says looking up at the waiter apologetically.

“Sorry, um. Can I get the arroz con pollo, please?” Tobin says quickly as the waiter nods and takes the menus.

“What’s with the face, Tobs?” Sam asks.

Tobin just shakes her head having no idea how to respond to Alex. She hands Sam the phone letting her read through the conversation.

“What do I even say to that?” Tobin asks frustrated as to why Alex is suddenly acting strange again.

“She’s definitely jealous. Just play it off. It will drive her nuts, trust me,” Sam says taking another sip of her margarita, “I know crazy. That’s me 99% of the time with guys. She wants a reaction. Don’t give her one and it will drive her insane.”

Tobin hesitates before taking Sam’s advice not knowing how else to respond other than the inappropriate response for your ex with a boyfriend of ‘of course I want you naked, but that’s beside the point’.

Tobin: I mean, it is pretty cold out.

Lex: Whatever, I’m going to go get undressed and shower. Have fun with Sam.

“She’s pissed,” Tobin says still shocked by the bizarre behavior, “I really think she might be jealous but that makes no sense. She broke up with me. She’s the one with the boyfriend.”

“From what I have heard, the bitch is crazy. I wouldn’t look for logic,” Sam says turning her attention to her glass as she pours another margarita for herself.

“She’s not a bitch,” Tobin whispers still defensive of Alex after everything but not wanting to argue with Sam.


	30. Was it for real?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter Break. Bit of a time skip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skipped some time because a) I blacked out most of these months in real life so couldn't tell you much about them and b) 10k plus word of the same angst and overanalyzing just gets depressing. No longer making excuses for not editing I just don't most of the time.

As Tobin turns in her last final, she walks down the hall and down the stair well exiting the business building one last time for the semester and taking the familiar route back to her apartment. When she arrives, Sydney is on the couch a wine glass in hand and only her bra and underwear on with her hair up in a towel. It has been a long semester for Tobin as she still struggles with the break up with Alex. She has been withdrawn from her friends nearly all semester rarely leaving her room and opting to drink alone on weekends other than the rare nights Sydney can force her to go out.

“Seriously, Syd. Clothes, we talked about this,” Tobin says rolling her eyes but laughing slightly.

“Eh, you talked about it. I never said that I agreed. I like to air out after a hot shower,” Sydney says laughing loudly.

“Ew, you’re gross,” Tobin says shaking her head as she drops her backpack by the chair in the living room and goes to grab a beer from the refrigerator.

“Any recent developments with Alex?” Sydney asks knowing that if she doesn’t ask Tobin will bottle everything up like she has been most of the semester.

“More of the same shit. She posts on social media every 30 seconds about how awesome Jason and her are together, but she texts me all the time either to be an asshole and hurt me or saying how much she needs to talk and she’s sad and lonely. I can’t figure it out it’s like she treats me all nicely and talks to me 24/7 like I’m her girlfriend still emotionally sometimes or at least her friend, but she flips a switch randomly and just gets really mean and hurtful. Then she randomly ignores me for a bit until she crawls back all sad and needing someone to talk to.”

“Have you tried to distance yourself like Christen said? I think she’s right. Alex is playing head games and it’s hurting you, whether it’s intentional on her part or not. It’s not okay,” Sydney says trying to suppress her anger at how Tobin is being treated as Tobin immediately withdraws anytime Sydney has spoken poorly about Alex, still rushing to defend her.

“I know. It’s just hard. I try to ignore her and I can for a bit but then it’s like she is nice just long enough for me to believe we can be friends or just maybe I have a chance. I still keep obsessing over every minute trying to figure out what happened and she just refuses to discuss it. Every time I bring it up she gets pissed and mean and threatens not to talk to me anymore if I keep bringing it up,” Tobin says ashamed at how little progress she has made trying to move on after an entire semester.

“That’s bullshit. She owes you an explanation as to why she went from wait for me to dating someone and pretending she never said that,” Sydney says shaking her head at how inconsistent Alex’s actions have been.

“I know, but she just gets pissed at me for even bringing it up like we’ve already had that conversation. Then she gets mad and says things to hurt me, like the other week she said--,” Tobin pauses taking another swig of beer.

“What’d she say?” Sydney encourages softly.

“She got mad, when I asked for an explanation just to help me move on. She said…she said she never loved me and no one ever would if I didn’t learn how to not obsess over things,” Tobin says as a few tears fall down her cheek and she wipes them away on her sleeve.

“Fuck that, Tobs. She is intentionally trying to hurt you. Do you want to know what I think?”

Tobin simply nods staring at the wall and trying to keep the rest of her tears at bay.

“I think she’s trying to convince herself that she never loved you and that she’s straight. I saw her with you. You don’t fake a year long relationship with someone. I don’t think anyone is that evil. I think that she’s mad at herself that she can’t convince herself she doesn’t or didn’t love you, and she takes it out on you,” Sydney says finishing off the rest of her wine before getting up to pour another glass.

“That’s what I keep thinking too, because it’s the only explanation that makes any sense to me. That’s why I keep giving her second chances thinking she’s going to quit treating me like shit every other day. I don’t know how to stop talking to her when I think that’s what’s going on,” Tobin says finally looking back towards Sydney.

“You know what you should do. You should give her a taste of her own medicine. At this point, we both know you’ll cave and talk to her, but you don’t have to be nice. Take small steps back. Don’t be so quick to treat her well. Just keep things short and go out and have fun. Let her wonder what you are doing and I bet money she will come running back scared that you are moving on.”

“What happens if she does want me back after that?” Tobin asks uncertainly.

“Then you have a decision to make. You can forgive her or not, but either way I think you should try this. Even if it feels forced and is hard at first it will eventually get easier and you may be able to actually move on,” Sydney says patting Tobin on the shoulder, “I just hate seeing you like this. You’ve been scaring me all semester.”

“I’m sorry, I know I’ve been all over the place emotionally and you’ve had to put up with my mood swings,” Tobin says apologetically as she has picked stupid fights on more than one occasion with Sydney unable to take her anger out on Alex.

“Don’t be sorry. I get it, but you do need to try and if you need help you know that I’m here. Christen will be too I’m sure,” Sydney says nudging Tobin’s shoulder and smirking, “What’s happening with that?”

“Nothing. I mean we talk quite a bit, but she’s busy with cross right now. We are just friends,” Tobin says shrugging.

“Actually just friends or just friends how you were before you came out and would randomly make out when dog sitting?” Sydney asks giving Tobin a knowing look.

“We were drunk, and I was upset. It just kind of happened. I don’t know. I mean I feel like on some level we will always have more than friend feelings, but I am not over Alex. Plus, I forgive her for what she did with Scott, but I don’t know if I could trust her enough to ever give it another chance if I was over Alex, which I’m not,” Tobin says still feeling guilty for even thinking about anyone else even though Alex has been with Jason for months.

“Fair enough, I just want you to be happy. Whether that’s with Alex or Christen or someone else is up to you,” Sydney says pulling Tobin in for a brief hug.

“Ew, Syd. Don’t hug me when you are almost naked. You aren’t my type remember,” Tobin says jokingly.

“Please, I’m everyone’s type,” Sydney says laughing as she goes to her room to get dressed flipping her hair dramatically out of her towel.

~

The next morning, Tobin chugs water as she travels on I74 towards Indianapolis her head still pounding from the hangover thanks to Sydney convincing her to go to Two Keys the night before. Their new method to prevent Tobin from drunk texting Alex being giving Sydney her phone all night had been a success. Tobin wishes she could have just left her phone in Lexington to get rid of the opportunity all together wanting to really try to get some distance over break. Luckily, Tobin would be staying at Kelley and Ann’s house over break so she wouldn’t have to spend it alone with her thoughts.

When she finally pulls into Kelley’s apartment complex, she smiles as Jack and Kelley had been on a walk and Jack was now sprinting for her from half a block away as Kelley ran behind him as Tobin got out of the car.

“Hey, Jack Jack,” Tobin says squatting down to pet him as he tries to lick her face as Kelley puts her hands over her head out of breath from chasing Jack.

“What’s up loser?” Kelley says when she finally catches her breath.

“So hungover, please tell me you have beer,” Tobin says as they begin the walk towards the door to the building and up the stairs to Kelley’s apartment. Jack bounds into the apartment immediately rolling on the carpet hyper from Tobin’s arrival.

“Hey, Tobin. Beers in the refrigerator,” Ann says from the couch taking a sip of beer.

“Thank god,” Tobin says heading for the kitchen and giving Ann a quick wave hello. Kelley laughs as she plops down on the couch next Ann cuddling into her side and putting her feet up on the table. Tobin smiles at them being so comfortable now considering it took Tobin drunkenly asking Ann if she was dating her sister for her to even find out Kelley was gay. It wasn’t like they weren’t close, but their family did not talk about feelings and Kelley didn’t know how to bring it up to Tobin.

Tobin sat down in the recliner as Captain immediately jumped up onto her lap purring and wanting attention. Tobin scratched behind his ears and relaxed watching the television and relieved to only have one semester left of undergrad and time off.

Winter break was passing quickly as Tobin spent time with Kelley and Ann just relaxing and watching documentaries on Netflix most nights while drinking. Tobin was proud of herself as she started making small steps towards getting some distance from Alex by taking Sydney’s advice and keeping texts short and unemotional. It was slightly satisfying for Tobin when she could tell that Alex started to get frustrated with her short replies or non-reactions to comments that seemed intended to try and make Tobin jealous. Although it may not have been a health way to deal with things, Tobin had begun to give Alex a taste of the same games she had been playing and so far it felt like it was working.

As Tobin fixes her hair in the mirror on New Year’s Eve she smirks to herself as her phone goes off with a text from Alex. Right on cue, Tobin thinks as she slides open her phone. Sydney had been right. Any time Tobin was out at a bar or had told Alex she would be doing something Alex was always overly attentive that day as if she was scared Tobin wasn’t simply waiting around for Alex anymore.

Lex: Hey, Tobs. What are you doing tonight?

Tobin is about to type out a reply when she hears a knock on the door and Kelley excitedly talking to whoever has arrived. Before walking to see who is there, Tobin takes one last look in the mirror and smooths out her button up. She turns the corner into the living room and is surprised to see Christen in animated conversation with Kelley and Ann and wearing a simple black dress with a deep V-neck that has Tobin eyes flickering lower than a friends would. Christen turns to Tobin unaware of her lingering glance at her cleavage and smiles brightly walking towards her and pulling her into a firm hug.

“Chris, what are you doing here?” Tobin asks confused, “You said you had plans when we talked yesterday.”

“I did have plans, but they just happened to be the same plans as you,” Christen says chuckling against Tobin’s neck before stepping back from the hug, “Kelley invited me last week and I told her I wanted to surprise you. I hope that’s okay.”

Tobin glances behind Christen to Kelley who smirks at her before following Ann in to their bedroom to continue getting ready. Tobin drops her arms realizing they were still wrapped around Christen and clears her throat.

“Of course, Chris. I was actually going to see if you wanted to come but then you said you had plans. I’m glad we can hang out before school starts up.”

“Me too, I wished I would’ve been around more during break, but you know I can’t stand being around my mom for very long.”

“I don’t blame you. If I didn’t have Kelley and Ann to stay with, then I probably would’ve stayed in Lexington,” Tobin says as she walks away towards the kitchen, “Do you want a drink?”

“Yeah, I’ll take whiskey if you have it,” Christen says taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“Have I ever not had whiskey?” Tobin says as she bends down to get the coke zero out of the refrigerator. When she stands up, she turns towards Christen who quickly looks away blushing. _Was she just checking me out?_

Choosing to ignore it, Tobin finishes making the drink and hands it wordlessly to Christen before making her own her phone forgotten on the bathroom counter until they are headed out the door to the waiting Uber driver.

In the back of the van, Tobin types out a reply to Alex as Kelley and Ann’s friend Dom attempt to freestyle about the Uber driver Derrick as he laughs at them.

Tobin: I’m headed downtown. You?

Immediately, Tobin gets a response from Alex despite taking over an hour to respond.

Lex: Oh, that’s why you were ignoring me then. What bar?

Tobin: Metro.

Tobin sighs already able to tell Alex is pissed due to her waiting so long to respond and trying to stick to short texts as Sydney suggested although it’s much harder since she’s already 3 drinks in.

Lex: Oh, the gay bar. With who?

Tobin: Kelley, Ann, and some friends.

Lex: Fun. Well I’m clearly bothering you so I’ll let you go.

Tobin: You’re not, but okay.

Tobin replies simply not feeding into Alex’s drama tonight and just wanting to have a good time. She stares out the window until the Uber pulls up outside the bar and Tobin climbs out of the back reaching her hand out to help Christen out of the back. Christen accepts smiling gratefully as she stands letting go of Tobin’s hand once she’s safely out of the van and fixing her dress.

Once upstairs, Kelley and Ann immediately head for the dance floor along with Dom and Tobin opts to head to the bar with Christen.

“Hey, are you okay? You were kind of quiet on the way here,” Christen says sliding next to Tobin at the bar.

“Yeah, I’m good just thinking,” Tobin says not wanting to discuss Alex.

“Okay,” Christen says not wanting to push the topic.

Before either can say anything else, the bartender approaches them asking what they want.

~

A few hours later, Tobin finds herself downstairs luckily finding a table to stand at with Christen as they left Kelley, Ann, and Dom who were still upstairs dancing. Tobin was adequately buzzed at this point having had several more drinks, but she paced herself not wanting to get out of control.

“So how is life?” Tobin asks as she moves closer to Christen in order to be able to hear over all the people.

“It’s okay. Just been busy with practice and meets and school. There isn’t much time for anything else,” Christen says as she sets her drink on the table.

“No more eastern European?” Tobin questions curiously.

“Eh, he wanted to get serious. I didn’t. So I thought it was best that I end it,” Christen says drumming her fingers on her glass.

“Well, can you really blame him for wanting that? He’d have to be crazy not to want you,” Tobin says letting herself relax and just enjoy the night.

“Is Tobin flirting with me?” Christen questions raising one eye brow at her and smirking.

“Maybe a little,” Tobin says and for once she doesn’t feel guilty or think of a certain blue-eyed girl as she smiles at Christen, “It’s that dress. I can’t help myself.”

Christen blushes in the dim light of the bar before leaning forward playing with the collar of Tobin’s button up, “Careful, I may not be able to control myself either if you keep it up.”

The moment is interrupted as Tobin feels her phone buzz repeatedly in her back pocket before pulling it out.

“Sorry, I just want to make sure it’s not Ann or Kelley trying to find us,” Tobin says glancing at Christen apologetically before opening her phone.

“It’s okay. I’m going to go the bathroom. Wait here?” Christen asks as she walks away.

Tobin simply nods in response unable to stop herself from watching Christen as she walks away and trailing her eyes down her back before looking back at her phone.

Lex: I’ve had like 2 bottles of Champagne. I wish you weren’t too busy to talk to me.

Lex: I miss always talking to you. I’m just sad L 

Tobin frowns not knowing what to say and too intoxicated to filter herself.

Tobin: Sorry, just out and can’t hear my phone. Why are you sad?

Lex: Do you think I’m hot?

Sighing Tobin types out a reply already frustrated and not wanting Alex to ruin the night.

Tobin: How am I supposed to answer that Lex? That’s not fair at all.

Lex: I don’t know. Do you think I am?

Tobin: I’m not answering that. If I say yes, you’re going to call me creepy because we are just friends. If I say no, it’s going to hurt your feelings.

Lex: Ugh, true. I’m sorry. It’s just I don’t think I am. I mean no one wants to see my nudes. So I must not be.

At this, Tobin grips her phone tightly downing the rest of her drink and what is left of Christen’s. _Fucking Alex, we both know no one means her fucking boyfriend. I can’t handle this shit._

Lex: Would you want to see?

Tobin: I’m not fucking answering that, Lex. You can’t keep saying shit like this to me. It’s not fair. We both know I would, obviously. You wanted to be just friends so start acting like it. Have a good night.

Just as Tobin puts her phone back in her pocket, Christen returns to the table with two more drinks in her hands. Handing one to Tobin, she eyes her suspiciously knowing that something happened.

“What’s wrong?” Christen asks leaning into Tobin so she can hear her.

“Just Alex being ridiculous. Do you want to go somewhere else for a bit?” Tobin asks looking into Christen’s eyes.

Christen just nods letting Tobin lead the way as she quickly types a text to Kelley letting her know they are going elsewhere and abandons their drinks on the table. They exit into the cold night and Tobin reaches back grabbing Christen’s hand as she leads her down Mass Ave. Christen isn’t sure where Tobin is leading her as they have passed several busy bars, but she follows wordlessly until Tobin pulls her into a small dive bar. The place is relatively empty for New Year’s Eve with only a few groups sitting at the back tables. Tobin leads her towards the back and out the door again to where there is a small patio area with a few tables and is essentially empty save for the few people smoking.

“Sorry, I just needed to get away from all those people,” Tobin says finally speaking up since they left Metro.

“It’s okay. Do you want a drink? I can go grab us some,” Christen says studying Tobin’s face and trying to read her.

“No, I’m okay. I just—can we just talk about something? Anything?” Tobin says desperately her voice trailing off at the end.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Christen says knowing from the sound of Tobin’s voice that something had to have gone wrong.

“It’s just a waste of time to even analyze it. I’ll never get it. I’m just more annoyed than anything at this point. Let’s talk about something else,” Tobin says letting out a deep breath and pushing all thoughts of Alex to the back of her mind.

“I may have a job lined up for after graduation,” Christen says shyly.

“Chris, that’s awesome. Doing what and where?”

“It’s in Indy. Essentially working with at risk youth social work sort of thing. I figure it will be good experience and I’ll probably go back to school after a couple of years.”

“I’m so proud of you, Chris. That’s awesome,” Tobin says pulling her into a quick hug before letting go.

Christen blushes, “It’s just a job, Tobin. I’m still playing catch up getting my life to normal after all the stuff from my past.”

“That’s exactly why I’m so proud of you. You could’ve just given up and never gotten better, but you never did. You got clean and you got away from Travis and all the toxic shit in your life. I’ve always thought you were the strongest person and you have yet to prove me wrong,” Tobin says smiling at Christen.

“How do you do that?” Christen asks shyly looking up at Tobin.

“What?”

“Make it sound like I’m this amazing person after everything I’ve done, including hurting you.”

Tobin shoves her hands into her front pockets and shrugs, “You are different now though. I can just tell.”

“Different how?” Christen questions leaning against the fence of the patio.

“Just happier, healthier. You always cared about people, but it scared me watching you not care about yourself all those years,” Tobin looks over at Christen to see tears streaming down her cheeks and immediately regrets her words, “Chris, don’t cry. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. It’s good different.”

Christen shakes her head wiping away the tears, “No, I know. It’s just hard still thinking about how much I hurt people when I thought I was just alone and only hurting myself. You were there the whole time being patient and knowing you couldn’t force me to get better.”

“Loyal to a fault, remember,” Tobin says laughing softly and trying to lighten the mood.

“Whatever the reason, I don’t think I can ever say thank you enough.”

“Just take care of yourself that’s enough,” Tobin says growing serious as she looks into Christen’s eyes.

“I’m still going to try and make it up to you,” Christen says smiling at Tobin and walking away back inside.

“Chris, where are you--?” Tobin doesn’t finish her sentence as Christen is already inside. Tobin shakes her head letting out another deep breath before falling her inside. Christen is at the bar already getting handed two drinks when Tobin gets inside and slides in next to her.

“What are these for?” Tobin asks confused.

“Me, making it up to you,” Christen says smiling.

Tobin laughs loudly grabbing the drink from Christen and clinking it against hers, “You know me too well.”`

~

Two drinks later, Tobin and Christen make their way back to Metro to meet up with Kelley, Ann, and Dom before midnight hits. They enter the mass of people Christen grabbing Tobin’s hand to lead her through the mass of people up the stairs where music is pouring into the main level.

As they reach the top of the stairs, Christen turns smiling at Tobin before continuing to pull her through the crowd towards the dance floor. Tobin follows Christen half-heartedly attempting to pull her back as soon as she realizes where Christen is taking her.

They reach the dance floor Christen pushing through the mass of people towards the middle. Tobin catches a glimpse of Kelley and Ann dancing on the far side, but she has not time to point them out to Christen as she is suddenly inches from Tobin taking her hands and placing them on her hips as she wraps her own around Tobin’s neck and begins moving her hips.

Tobin is overwhelmed by the sudden proximity of Christen taking a moment to react as she begins to move with Christen. She’s overwhelmed in a way that she hasn’t been in months as she feels Christen press further against her as she buries her face into Tobin’s neck. Tobin’s hands move to Christen’s ass pulling her forward. Christen’s breath hitches against her neck and she pulls back her lips brushing against Tobin’s jaw as she moves to look at Tobin inching forward and their lips about to me when the lights change and the music cuts off.

The DJ comes on the speakers and Tobin vaguely registers counting going on in the background as Christen has pulled away looking around and taking everything in. Tobin has no idea what she’s doing as she takes Christen’s face in her hands a faint smile is on Christen’s lips before Tobin presses her lips onto them slow and firm.

Just as Christen begins to move her lips against Tobin’s, they break apart as someone nearly tackles them yelling excitedly. They both look around still reeling from the kiss until Tobin spots Kelley yelling excited next to them as Ann shakes her head laughing.

“Happy fucking New Year Tobs!” Kelley yells again pulling Tobin and Christen in for a group hug. Tobin rolls her eyes as her eyes meet Christen’s who simply smiles laughing and shaking her head. The moment is gone as Kelley pulls them to the bar for ‘New Year Shots’.

The next hour passes in a blur of shots and dancing not leaving Tobin and Christen with much time alone. They pile into the Uber despite the 1.8 times multiplier and head back to Kelley and Ann’s place. Christen’s hand never leaves Tobin as they make the drive as she gazes out the window and Tobin’s eyes tiredly flutter shut from her place on the other side of the seat.

Christen brushes Tobin’s cheek with her hand whispering to wake her as the driver pulls into the apartment complex.

“Tobs, we’re here,” Christen says nudging her awake. Tobin smiles sleepily opening her eyes and yawning before climbing out of the car with Christen.

They stumble up the stairs behind Dom and Ann as Kelley has already sprinted up them babbling about how she missed the animals.

When they reach the apartment, Tobin goes straight for the kitchen snagging two bottles of water as Dom passes out on the couch and Kelley and Ann head outside with Jack. Tobin walks to the guest room aka her room or where Kelley and Tobin’s parents are concerned ‘Ann’s room’ in search of Christen Instead she finds her in the bathroom brushing her teeth and smiling at Tobin in the mirror as she approaches. Tobin sets the bottles down on the counter before grabbing her own toothbrush playfully nudging Christen to the side so she can reach the sink. Christen giggles after spitting into the sink and grabbing one of the waters before walking into the bedroom.

Tobin hurriedly brushes her teeth following Christen and sipping from the water as she walks through the doorway to the bedroom. She barely manages to choke down her water as Christen has removed her dress standing in just a thong with her back to Tobin before slipping on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and turning around to face Tobin giving her a smirk before climbing in bed. The top sheet immediately discarded by Christen at the end of the bed just how Tobin likes it.

Christen watches as Tobin unbuttons her shirt and takes off her jeans pulling them down over her hips. She changes quickly throwing a t-shirt on obstructing Christen’s view of her bare back much to Christen’s dismay. After throwing on some shorts, Tobin joins Christen in bed laying on her back after turning off the lamp on the nightstand.

“Tobs,” Christen whispers into the darkness turning to her side and barely able to make out the silhouette of Tobin’s face.

“Yeah, Chris,” Tobin responds her voice low to match Christen’s.

“That kiss. Was that for real or was that because of Alex making you mad?” Christen says quietly trailing off at the end of her sentence afraid to hear Tobin’s answer.

Tobin turns to face Christen reaching a hand up to touch her cheek in the darkness.

“It was real,” Tobin whispers brushing her thumb across Christen’s lips.

“Promise?” Christen says desperation in her voice.

“I promise,” Tobin says leaning forward to place a soft kiss to Christen’s lips letting it linger for a moment before pulling away sighing heavily.

“Will you promise me something else?” Christen asks scooting further towards the middle and resting her head on Tobin’s chest.

Tobin hums urging her to go on.

“Just promise me that no matter what happens between you and me or you and Alex that we will always be in each other’s lives in some way,” Christen says taking Tobin’s hand that’s resting across her stomach and intertwining them.

“Chris I don’t want Al--,” Tobin starts before Christen interrupts.

“Shhh, it’s okay if you do. I know you haven’t figured things out. Just promise me?”

Tobin lets out a deep breath rubbing her thumb across Christen’s hand before responding.

“Okay, I promise. In case you haven’t noticed, we never stay apart for too long even when we try.”

Christen hums tiredly mustering up just enough energy to lean up and press her lips to Tobin’s briefly before collapsing back down on her chest and closing her eyes her breathing evening out almost immediately. Tobin lays awake for a minute after and only briefly wonders what Alex is doing before she drifts off to sleep to the sound of Christen’s even breathing and the warm feeling from her head on her chest.


	31. Sydney is Always Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't even know how to summarize. Seems long as fuck. Maybe b/c it took me forever to finish it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't have high expectations for a next chapter. My life is going to be hell for the next month until I finish exams and get through round two of busy season at work. Enjoy and sorry for spelling/grammar or fucked up names. Didn't edit again.

The next morning, Tobin wakes up to sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains. She rolls over and groans, feeling around until she finds the warm body next to her. Wrapping her arms around Christen, she nuzzles her nose into the back of her neck inhaling the familiar scent. Christen stirs grabbing Tobin’s arm and wrapping it tighter around her.

“Morning,” Tobin whispers her voice hoarse from sleep still.

“Mmm, Morning,” Christen replies drawing light patterns on Tobin’s forearm causing goose bumps to appear. Tobin giggles slightly at the feeling and holds Christen even tighter.

“That tickles,” Tobin whispers her lips grazing Christen’s neck as she speaks. She inhales as her eyes close lazily taking in the familiar scent of Christen’s skin and not bothering to stop herself from placing a soft kiss to Christen’s neck.

Christen hums lazily and shifts around in bed until she is facing Tobin whose hand is now clutching her lower back.

“That’s not fair,” Christen whispers breathily looking into Tobin’s eyes briefly before leaning forward to rest her forehead against Tobin’s and closing her eyes. Tobin closes her eyes and lets out a loud sigh her heart is racing in a way that it hasn’t in months and she is suddenly overwhelmed with the rush of feelings.

“What’s not fair?” Tobin asks innocently her eyes still shut.

“You know I love it when you kiss my neck,” Christen says pulling her head back from Tobin’s and trying to clear her thoughts reminding herself that she can’t make the first move.

“Chris,” Tobin whispers quietly licking her lips, “I really want to kiss you right now.”

Christen’s heart speeds up at Tobin’s words wanting Tobin to kiss her more than anything even though she has no idea what it will mean if she does. It is one thing to drunkenly kiss the night before when they were in a haze of dancing and booze. It was another thing to want this sober and alone in bed during the morning. Christen’s heart is racing and she doesn’t respond her eyes darting back and forth between Tobin’s lips and her eyes trying to judge Tobin’s motivation.

“Are you—Are you sure?” Christen stutters out trying not to let her voice sound as hopeful as she is right now.

Tobin nods her head slowly, “Do you remember what you said that night you came to dog sit with me?”

“That you deserve better?” Christen questions her brow furrowing in confusion as she tries to remember everything she said that night.

“No, not that,” Tobin says shaking her head again and rubbing her thumb in circles on Christen’s back, “You stopped me from letting things get too far, and you told me that you needed to be wanted too. Do you remember?”

Christen nods her head in understanding unable to form words as Tobin’s thumb continues to rub her back and her chest feels tight and warm as her heart races. _Is she saying what I think she’s saying? She can’t possibly want me for real, not after what I did._

Christen’s thoughts are interrupted by Tobin speaking again. Her voice is low and calm and confident.

“Chris, I remember what you said, and I’m telling you that I want you right now.”

“Tobs,” Christen breathes out unable to form a full sentence and nearly convinced that this is too good to be true.

“Don’t,” Tobin says quietly as she leans forward pressing her lips against Christen’s gently. The kiss is slow and almost teasing as Tobin waits for Christen to react. Her hand hasn’t left Christen’s back and she pulls her closer.

Christen’s brain is frozen and her whole body seems to tense as she is overcome with the feeling of Tobin’s lips on hers without the alcohol dulling her senses. Her brain is frozen until she feels Tobin start to pull away and sees the slight frown and hint of sadness in her eyes as she pulls back. Christen’s brain catches up, finally, realizing that Tobin must think she just rejected her. She grabs the back of Tobin’s neck firmly and lets her fingers knot in her hair at the base of her neck before she leans forward pressing her lips to Tobin’s aggressively.

It’s Tobin’s turn to be taken aback, but she quickly recovers gripping at Christen’s back and pulling her forward until she rolls on top of Tobin. The kiss deepens as Christen slips her tongue into Tobin’s mouth letting it explore as Tobin moves her hands to gently squeeze Christen’s ass. Christen gasps pulling back slightly before placing a few soft pecks to Tobin’s lips and pausing to look down at Tobin. Her lips are slightly chapped and swollen and her eyes are wild as they flicker between Christen’s lips and eyes rapidly.

Christen sits up moving her leg fully over Tobin so that she is straddling her and looking down at her while biting at her bottom lip. Tobin’s hands find Christen’s ass again squeezing lightly and letting her thumbs rub soft circles.

“What are you thinking?” Tobin questions as Christen’s chews on her bottom lip.

“I’m debating,” Christen says sitting back on Tobin’s hips and brushing her hair out of her face with her hands.

“Debating what?” Tobin questions using her hands to rock Christen’s hips lightly against her own. Christen closes her eyes at the feeling and bites her bottom lip harder before opening her eyes again to see Tobin smirking up at her.

Christen shakes her head slightly trying to ignore the wetness growing between her thighs from the feeling of Tobin underneath her and to think rationally. _Debating on whether I should fuck you right now. Debating on whether it’s going to mean as much to you as it will to me. Debating on whether you are wishing I was Alex right now or if you really do want me._

“Chris?” Tobin asks slipping her hands under Christen’s shirt to rub her back and furrowing her brow in concern.

Christen opens her mouth about to respond when a quick knock and the door swinging open startles them as Jack barges into the room wagging his tail and Ann stands in the door awkwardly with an apologetic look on her face as she realizes the situation.

“Um, Kelley made breakfast if you want any,” Ann says quickly turning back out the door and calling for Jack to follow before closing the door again.

Christen groans collapsing down onto Tobin and burying her face into her neck.

“We should probably get out there. You know Ann will tell Kelley and the longer we stay in here the more shit she is going to give us,” Tobin says placing a kiss to the top of Christen’s head. Christen sighs rolling off of Tobin and sliding to the side of the bed. She is about to get up when she feels Tobin tug at her shirt and she turns to face her.

“Chris, can we actually talk first?” Tobin asks shyly.

“Sure. What about Kelley?”

“I’ll have Ann restrain her…or try at least,” Tobin says as Christen laughs lightly glad for a break in the tension she is feeling as she turns around to face Tobin sitting with her legs crossed on the bed. Tobin sits up mimicking her position and fidgeting with her hands in her lap.

“Did you—“

“What is—“

They smile awkwardly at one another before Tobin motions for Christen to go first.

Christen hesitates not knowing if she wants to hear the answer to her question before finally speaking up, “Did you really—I mean—do you really want me?”

Tobin doesn’t hesitate knowing there is no mistaking what she was feeling seconds ago and still is as her heart has yet to slow down to its resting pace, “Yeah, Chris. I do. I think that I always—“

“Don’t,” Christen interrupts closing her eyes briefly before opening them again to see the look of confusion on Tobin’s face, “I’m sorry, I just don’t think I can handle hearing you say something like ‘always’ and then this not happening. Not unless, you know for sure.”

“What is ‘this’?” Tobin asks motioning between herself and Christen, “For you I mean, what is it?”

Christen takes a moment to gather herself before responding, “I want you, and I know that I don’t deserve to want you after what I did but you are asking so I’m not going to lie and say I don’t. Now that I know I’m not a mess anymore. Now that I trust myself not to hurt you again. I want you, for real.”

“Chris, I—“ Christen grabs Tobin’s hand shaking her head to indicate that she’s not done.

“Before you say anything just let me finish. I want you, but I can wait. I don’t want to fuck this up. I need you to be sure, for both of our sakes. If this is going to work, you have to be able to tell me one thing first,” Christen pauses rubbing her thumb across Tobin’s knuckles.

“What do you want to know?”

“Do you still want Alex?”

Tobin swallows wishing Christen would ask a different question, really any question other than that. She’s exhausted emotionally from the last few months and wants nothing more to embrace the resurfacing of her feelings for Christen and let Christen make it all better.

“She doesn’t want me,” Tobin says matter-of-factly.

“I didn’t ask that, Tobs. Just please be honest, do you want Alex?” Christen asks softly looking into Tobin’s eyes.

Tobin closes her eyes letting out a deep breath and trying to contain the tears forming in her eyes.

“I don’t want to,” Tobin whispers as tears finally fall from her eyes, “It’s like some days I’m fine and then other days I do again and I hate that I do.”

“Tobs, it’s okay,” Christen says soothingly as she moves to her knees and pulls Tobin forward into a tight hug.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want you, Chris. I do. I really do. I’m sorry,” Tobin says before letting out a loud sob and burying her face in Christen’s chest.

Christen feels Tobin shake in her arms as she continues to cry. They stay there for several minutes before Christen leans back forcing Tobin to look up at her.

“I know, Tobs. I know, but it’s okay. I can wait for you to figure it out,” Christen says before placing a kiss to Tobin’s forehead and holding in her own tears.

“What happens until then?” Tobin asks her voice hoarse with emotion.

“We go back to school, and you figure things out. We will be friends, until you know for sure what you want.” Christen says trying to stay confident and strong in front of Tobin despite the fear she is undoubtedly feeling that Tobin may not want her after she thinks things through.

“You’re kind of amazing, you know that?” Tobin says smiling at Christen before placing a chaste kiss to her lips, “Come on, let’s go get food.”

Christen smiles back at Tobin as they both climb out of bed and go through the door walking down the short hallway towards the kitchen. Jack runs up to them excitedly immediately licking Christen’s bare leg and wanting attention. She smiles reaching down to pet him as Kelley notices their presence.

“It’s about time. Are you hungry or did you already eat?” Kelley says laughing hysterically at herself as Ann smacks her on the arm. Tobin blushes furiously as Christen pretends not to hear and opts to continue petting Jack instead.

“What did I just ask you not to say?” Ann whines throwing her head back against the couch exasperatedly.

“I can’t help myself. It was too good to pass up,” Kelley says still laughing slightly.

“You’re a saint for putting up with her,” Tobin says to Ann while glaring at Kelley.

“I was drunk in college. It just happened,” Ann says laughing as Kelley pouts next to her.

“Rude,” Kelley says indignantly as Ann cuddles back into her side on the couch.

~

A few days later as Tobin unpacks her things back in her apartment in Lexington, her phone buzzes on the night stand. Assuming it’s Christen checking to see if she made it back, Tobin sets the shirt in her hand on her bed before grabbing her phone from the night stand. Tobin looks down at her phone seeing that it is Alex texting her again as she hasn’t responded to her multiple attempts to start a conversation since New Year’s Eve and ignore the issue.

Lex: I’m sorry, Tobs. I’m going to be in Lexington this weekend. Can we hang out?

Tobin stares at her phone in disbelief. _Months of only getting texts and Alex unwilling to even call me to break up with me, and she wants to hang out? What the fuck._

“Syd, come in here!” Tobin yells.

A few moments later, Sydney walks into her room and Tobin finally looks up from her phone.

“I know that look. What’d she do now?” Sydney asks rolling her eyes.

Tobin silently hands Sydney the phone letting her see for herself. Sydney’s eyebrows raise as she reads the message and hands Tobin her phone.

“What the fuck,” Sydney says.

“I know,” Tobin groans sitting down on the side of her bed, “What do I do?”

Sydney hums for a second mulling it over as Tobin flops back on her bed not caring that she’s laying across all of her yet to be put away clothes.

“Honestly, I think you should,” Sydney says with finality.

“Seriously? Just last week you said fuck her and don’t talk to her,” Tobin responds skeptically eyeing Sydney from her place on the bed.

“Seriously, you need closure or something. Otherwise, you are just going to wonder what happened or what could’ve happened forever. Besides, this could help you figure out the Christen thing too.”

“I hate it that you’re always right,” Tobin says sending a quick response to Alex letting her know they can get together this weekend.

“Don’t worry, you can make her come out with us or come over or something. That way if you freak out I’ll be here. You can always invite Sam just to piss her off if you feel like stooping to her level,” Sydney says as she tosses a discarded shirt at Tobin’s face and walks out of the room.

~

On Saturday night, Tobin is freaking out an hour before Alex is scheduled to arrive as she rummages through her closet grabbing a few shirts and carrying them into Sydney’s room.

“Which one?” Tobin says throwing them on Sydney’s bed and checking the time on her phone nervously.

“Tobs, go get a beer your stressing me out. I’ll pick something out,” Sydney says looking over the clothes on her bed. The front door opens and Tobin freezes in her place before she sees Tenesha walking towards them.

“Damn, Tobs. Just walking around without a shirt on now?” Tenesha says giving her a quick hug before sitting on Sydney’s bed.

“She’s freaking out because Alex is coming over,” Sydney says holding up a shirt to Tobin to see if she likes it.

“Wait, Alex as in THE Alex,” Tenesha says shocked.

Tobin groans taking the denim button up from Sydney and putting it on as she walks towards the kitchen fully intending on getting the beer that Sydney suggested. As she opens the refrigerator, she hears Sydney whisper before turning on music, “Yes, that Alex.”

Tobin plops down on the couch and missing as she tosses the bottle cap from her beer towards the trash barely missing. Her phone buzzes and she checks it instantly.

Chris: Hey, how are you holding up?

Tobin: Kind of freaking out. I wish you were here to talk me down.

Chris: I don’t think that would go over too well with Alex.

Tobin: Good point. Ugh, there isn’t enough beer to prepare me for this.

Chris: It’ll be okay. Maybe you’ll finally get some answers or closure. Just call me if you need me. I’m exhausted from the meet. Night, Tobs.

Tobin: Thanks. Good night, Chris. You can tell me about your meet tomorrow.

~

Half an hour later, Tobin is 3 more beers in as she starts another round of Kings up. Dom, Sydney, Tenesha, Sarah, and Savannah are all huddled around her at the small table when they hear a knock on the door. Tobin freezes with her beer halfway to her mouth and puts it back down on the table instantly feeling nervous for who it is undoubtedly at the door.

Tobin makes eye contact with Sydney and the fear in her eyes must need no explanation as Sydney gets up from the table.

“It’s open!” Sydney yells as she stands up and walks towards the kitchen to pour herself another drink.

“Damn, Syd. That was right in my ear,” Dom whines as he takes a card from the circle, “2 is you….Tobin, drink.”

Tobin takes a quick sip but her eyes don’t leave the door as it swings open and Alex walks in. She thinks she might pass out or throw up or both as Alex stands awkwardly in the doorway playing with the hair tie on her wrist and taking in her surroundings. Tobin swallows nervously as she takes in Alex’s appearance. She looks tanner and her hair is darker than she remembers it being. The skinny jeans she is wearing fit her perfectly and Tobin isn’t equipped to handle how her arms flex as she slips off her jacket to reveal the V-neck t-shirt underneath. _I’m so fucked._

Tobin’s thoughts are interrupted as Alex’s eyes meet hers giving her a small wave and shy smile before looking away. Before she can process what she is doing, Tobin is moving from her place at the table and quickly closing the gap between herself and Alex before she has thought through what she is going to say. She pauses leaving a few feet between them as Alex looks up at her again giving a small smile.

“Hey, Toby,” Alex says quietly her eyes briefly looking Tobin up and down.

The look goes unnoticed as Tobin struggles to think coherently. _I missed that voice. God, I missed her. No, fuck Tobin. You don’t miss her. She’s been treating you like shit. You don’t miss her._

“Hi, Alex,” Tobin responds barely getting the words out and clearing her throat to try and ease the tension.

“Are you going to offer me a drink?” Alex says smirking cockily at Tobin’s nervousness.

Tobin seems to snap out of it at the confident behavior wanting to one up Alex and acting unphased after months of having her emotions played with, “Sure, Lex. You can set your stuff in my room. We are having some people over later.”

Alex wordlessly grabs her things from the chair she had discarded them and heads towards Tobin’s room. Tobin turns hurriedly as soon as Alex is out of sight reaching for the 99 bananas and Orange Juice that she may or may not have gotten at the store knowing that it was one of Alex’s favorites. As she shuts the refrigerator, Sydney nudges her startling her into nearly dropping the bottles on the ground.

“Jesus, Syd. You scared me,” Tobin says setting the bottles on the counter and grabbing a cup from the cabinet.

“You need to be careful,” Sydney says with her eyebrows raised.

“I’m fine, Syd. I can play her game,” Tobin says rolling her eyes.

“Tobs, I love you, but you are the worst at games. You have a heard enough time when she isn’t in the next room. Just be careful and remember what we talked about. Get some answers from her for once.”

“Yes, mom,” Tobin says rolling her eyes and heading back towards the table where Alex has now stolen her previous seat. She pulls up another chair squeezing in between her and Tenesha.

The night goes smoothly for the most part as they go from Kings to Irish Poker until everyone is significantly buzzed. Small amounts of people that Tobin has never met slowly trickle in greeting Sydney excitedly and introducing themselves to Tobin. She can barely remember most of their names as Alex has stuck by her side throughout the night occasionally brushing against her arm as they move throughout the apartment or grabbing her forearm as she asks if she wants another drink. The ease at which they fall comfortably back into a routine around each other is making Tobin dizzy, or perhaps it is the beer.

Tobin excuses herself wanting to get out of the loud noise of the room for a moment, “I’ll be right back, Lex.”

Alex looks at her confused before nodding and engaging Savannah in conversation. Tobin darts through the small mass of people now in their apartment and opens her door to her room shutting it behind her. The music and chatter comes muffled through the door as she sits on her bed with her head in her hands slowly rubbing her temples.

_What are you doing? You were supposed to talk to her. You were supposed to get closure, but you are acting like nothing changed. Like nothing happened. Like she didn’t. Like she didn’t just leave you with no explanation. Like she doesn’t have a boyfriend waiting in Bloomington. Fuck. I’m so fucked._

“Why are you fucked?” a familiar voice asks as they close the door to the bedroom behind them.

Tobin doesn’t look up as Alex sets her drink on the nightstand and takes a seat next to Tobin on the bed.

“Uh, nothing. I think I forgot about online homework due at midnight,” Tobin says proud of herself for coming up with such a believable cover, “So where’s Paige, tonight? You could’ve brought her. I figured you would since you came down here with her.”

Alex sighs running her hand through her hair and turning towards Tobin, “Can we talk?”

“We are talking, Lex,” Tobin says too nervous at where the conversation is going to give a straight answer.

“You know what I mean. Not small talk,” Alex says placing her hand on Tobin’s forearm and briefly swiping her thumb across it until Tobin turns to face her.

Much to Tobin’s surprise, Alex’s eyes are glistening with unspilled tears.

“Fine, we can talk,” Tobin says playing through every awful text or feeling she’s had over the last few months trying to remind herself that Alex hurt her and doesn’t deserve her sympathy.

“I’m so sorry, Tobin,” Alex says rubbing circles on Tobin’s forearm now, “I’m so sorry that I hurt you so badly. I didn’t know what I was doing or I did but I didn’t want to think about it. I made such a mess of everything. God, you should hate me by now.”

“Why are you here, Lex?” Tobin says harshly the anger over the last few months boiling to the surface.

“I wanted to see you. I wanted to talk,” Alex says pleadingly as Tobin moves her arm out of Alex’s reach.

“Funny, you never wanted those things when I was practically begging for them. You ended it after almost a year with a fucking text, Lex. A text? You couldn’t even call me. I didn’t even believe it for the longest time and then some sick fucking twist makes Facebook notify me that you’re with him? Not to mention all the fucking games you’ve playing since then. Plan B? Want to see my nudes? And now you want to fucking talk?” Tobin’s voice shakes with anger and emotion as she gets up from the bed and paces back and forth.

Alex sniffles quietly as the tears spill out of her eyes and down her cheeks. She doesn’t know what she expected exactly after all this time but being face to face with Tobin so broken and so angry is much worse than what she had imagined.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispers again regretfully knowing that it’s not enough to undo anything.

“Is that what you’ll say to Jason when you get back? Sorry, I just needed to talk to my ex. Actually, I bet he doesn’t even know about us. Am I right?” Tobin says her voice a mix of rage and disgust.

Alex shakes her head in shame, “I tried. I tried to tell him, but I was too upset and so he told me I didn’t have to. He knows that I was talking to someone before but that is all.”

Tobin laughs to herself quietly, “Talking, huh? Is that what it was? A year with me and it was just ‘talking’.”

“Tobin, please. You have to hear me out,” Alex says letting out a sob loud enough to draw Tobin’s attention as she stops pacing to look at Alex her arms folding across her chest.

“Why should I? After everything, why do you get to come here unexpectedly wanting to talk about it?”

“Because I—“ Alex pauses letting more tears fall and sniffling.

“You what, Al?” Tobin says growing more frustrated by the second and fighting the part of her deep down that wants nothing more than to comfort her.

“Because, I love you,” Alex says immediately breaking down into uncontrollable sobs and putting her face in her hands.

Tobin is frozen in place. She’s pretty sure she is hallucinating or dreaming or maybe having a nightmare. Her thoughts are flooded with all the times she has heard that before and all the times she has wishes she could hear it again over the last few months. Never imagining that it would be like this with Alex broken and sobbing in front of her at the revelation. Tobin wants to scream or cry or yell, but she simply stands there with arms crossed and watching as Alex cries into her hands. She begins to pace again mulling over her next move in her head and briefly thinking of Christen who is no doubt asleep miles away from here and wondering how different this would feel before their kiss on New Year’s Eve.

“Tobin, I love you. Please say something,” Alex says again with more confidence this time as she wipes the last of her tears with her palms.

Tobin stops facing Alex directly before answering her voice nearly cracking, “How am I supposed to believe you?”

“I broke up with Jason,” Alex says emotionlessly, “Just please, give me a chance. Let me earn your trust back.”

“How, Lex? You just stopped. One day, you woke up and decided that you weren’t going to be with me anymore without even a real explanation. You led me on even when you were dating him with your jealousy and your fucked up comments. How can I ever believe you again?” Tobin asks angrily wiping away the few tears that have fallen.

“Please, Tobin. I’ll beg if I have to, just give me a chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but I’m asking anyways because I love you too much to not try. I’ll do whatever you want,” Alex says standing up to walk towards Tobin but stopping cautiously a foot away.

“Why now? I was just starting to be fine, Lex. Just starting to be okay with just friends or maybe nothing at all after months of obsessing and thinking I was insane. Why now?” Tobin asks looking into Alex’s eyes.

Alex sighs meeting Tobin’s gaze with a pained look in her eyes, “I’m tired. I’m so tired of pretending I’m something that I’m not. I was so scared that I just acted and then I knew that I’d fucked up, but I still was too scared to fix it. I’m so sorry, Tobs.”

Tobin shakes her head and can’t help it anymore as she lets out a loud laugh. Alex looks at her confused and hurt as she tries to process the reaction.

“Why are you laughing?” Alex questions unsure of how to proceed.

“I’m sorry, it’s just—“ Tobin starts before letting out another loud laugh, “It’s just Sydney is always fucking right.”

“Okay…and what was she right about this time, exactly?” Alex asks still confused at the situation.

“She said she thought you were trying to convince yourself that you didn’t have feelings for me and that’s why you were acting so crazy,” Tobin says her laughter dying down finally.

“Acting crazy?” Alex asks indignantly. Tobin shoots her a look and raises her eyebrow.

“Fine, I was acting crazy,” Alex says huffing, “I’m sorry for that too. I was mean and horrible and sadistic. Fuck it, I was borderline evil.”

“You forgot torturous,” Tobin quips smiling at Alex and holding back another laugh.

“Don’t push it,” Alex says teasingly lightly shoving at Tobin’s shoulder and fighting back a smile.

“So what now?” Tobin says as the weight of what just happened sinks in.

“That’s up to you. I’d like to try and make it up to you. Try and earn your trust back, hopefully. It can be on your terms,” Alex says fear flickering in her eyes briefly.

“Can we just go to bed?” Tobin asks quietly. Alex raises her eyebrows at Tobin surprise etched on her face.

“No, not like that. I just need to think it over and sleep. I’m not sober enough for this,” Tobin says blushing at the insinuation.

“Okay,” Alex says, “Whatever you want.”

Tobin moves to her closet grabbing clothes for herself and Alex not paying attention to what they are.

“Why do you have a college track shirt?” Alex says before turning it and seeing ‘Press’ printed on the back, “Oh, you two still talk?”

Tobin bites her lip nervously not knowing why she feels a sudden twinge of guilt at Alex seeing the shirt, “Errr, yeah. We can talk about it tomorrow. We’re...friends.”

If Alex notices the pause before friends, she doesn’t comment as she takes off her shirt. Tobin averts her eyes quickly turning around and changing herself. As she slips on her shirt and shorts, she cautiously turns around and finds Alex already changed and gazing at her a familiar hunger in her eyes.

“You first,” Tobin says nervously, “I know you like the left side.”

Alex shakes her head to clear her thoughts and smiles as she climbs to the left side and lays down, “That was total bullshit. I just wanted to climb on top of you that night.”

Tobin follows pulling the comforter over both of them as she never bothers with a top sheet. They lay there silently as Tobin tries to ignore the small amount of space between them. She debates with herself for nearly 30 minutes before finally giving in to something that she has been missing for months.

“Hey, Lex?”

“Hmmm?” Alex hums tiredly.

“Will you—can you just—will you just hold me?” Tobin whispers her voice laced with vulnerability.

There is a brief pause and Tobin panics immediately trying to retract her request.

“I mean; you don’t have to. It was stupid, never mind. That was weird, I’m so—“

“Tobin,” Alex interrupts turning on her side to face her, “Come here.”

Tobin lets out a deep breath before scooting closer to Alex. She tucks her head just under Alex’s chin as she feels Alex’s arm wrap around her back and pull her into her chest. Tobin breathes in deeply.

“I missed this,” Alex says her voice somewhere between pain, regret, and contentment.

Tobin hums lazily already drifted off to sleep as she is emotionally exhausted from the rollercoaster of the day. She isn’t quite sure, but she thinks she remembers the feeling of a light kiss being pressed to her head as she closes her eyes and falls asleep.


	32. Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PSA: Fucking vote. Donald Trump is a bigot and Mike Pence is just as bad (trust me I'm from Indiana--one word RFRA).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't edit, because I'm exhausted. But I told like several people there would be a chapter like awhile ago and then a bunch of shit went down at work and in my personal life. So have a chapter, and let's all hope 2017 is much better for everyone.

Tobin wakes up to her phone buzzing from its place on the nightstand. She slips out of Alex’s arms carefully grabbing the phone and leaving her room quietly. Tenesha is on the couch so she walks outside careful to look for broken glass as she steps onto the concrete of the entryway.

“Hey, Chris,” Tobin says smiling, “You are up early as usual. Let me guess, just got done with a run?”

“Swim actually, recovery day today,” Christen says, “How did last night go?”

Tobin shifts her footing awkwardly unsure of how to answer Christen as she hasn’t processed the events from last night herself. She decides to just be honest with Christen.

“Honestly, I don’t really even know. Things were unexpected last night,” Tobin says thinking back to Alex’s confession that she was in love with her and wanted another chance and the way it felt to be in her arms again. Christen is silent on the other end taking a deep breath to prepare herself.

“Chris, are you there?” Tobin asks checking the phone to make sure it’s still connected.

“Yeah, I’m here. So what happened?” Christen asks softly.

“You sure you want to hear?” Tobin asks hesitantly not wanting to hurt Christen.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I think honesty is the best policy in this situation,” Christen replies, “Even if it’s hard.”

Tobin takes a deep breath and recounts the whole night from Alex walking in to Alex’s confession and finally to falling asleep cuddling. There is silence on the other end for several minutes as Christen takes everything in.

“Tobs, do you— “ Christen pauses her voice dropping lower, “Are you in love with her?”

Tobin pauses unsure if she knows the answer herself. It used to be such an automatic answer until Alex had left her. Then she thought she had moved on until Alex came over last night. Now, she wasn’t sure if she was in love with her. She knew she felt something just like she felt something for Christen, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready to let either of them in enough to figure out what those feelings were yet.

“I don’t know,” Tobin answers tears forming in her eyes out of frustration and her voice shaky, “I don’t know, Chris. I’m sorry. I don’t know how I feel about anything anymore. I feel so certain and then I have no idea five minutes later. I’m just broken or something.”

“Tobs, it’s okay. Just listen to me, it’s okay. Please, don’t cry,” Christen says desperately, “I just ask because the way you talk about her. I just…it just sounds like you are. I know you. I can tell. Just think about it okay, it’s okay if you want to give her another chance.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Chris. I meant it when I said that I wanted you. I promise,” Tobin says trying to make Christen understand, “I’m just such a mess right now. She makes me a mess.”

“Tobs, I love you and I’d like nothing more than to tell you that you should be with me and not her, but I can’t do that. Can I tell you what I think?”

“Sure,” Tobin says sniffling and wiping away the stray tears.

“I think that I’m what’s comfortable for you. You and me…we will always run to each other when we are hurt or scared or anything because it’s what we know. You came to me when things were over with her, and I know you weren’t lying when you say you want me—“

“Chris, I—“

“Don’t. It’s alright let me finish…I know you weren’t lying, but I also think that you weren’t feeling that way because you’re in love with me. As much as I hate to say it, I think that I’ve always known that you were still in love with her, but I didn’t want to admit it because I wanted a chance to make up for what happened between us so badly.”

“She fucked up too, Chris. She hurt me so bad. How could I possibly love her now,” Tobin says refusing to let tears spill over again as she stares off into the distance.

“Don’t rationalize it, Tobs. I know you are scared and don’t want to admit it, but I think I’ve known for a while now that you still love her. It’s okay to love her, Tobin.”

“Chris…I love you too. I really do.”

“I know you do, but you aren’t in love with me. You’re scared and I’m safe because we never leave each other for too long. Maybe things don’t work out with her, but I don’t want to have you be with me just because you were too scared to give it a chance with her again. Even if you do feel things for me, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation if it wasn’t for her screwing up the first time. You love her, Tobin,” Christen says her voice shaking with tears of her own.

“Chris, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry. I don’t want to hurt you,” Tobin begs frustrated that Alex can wreck all the progress she has made the last few months with one night. In the back of her mind, she knows Christen is right, but she still isn’t ready to admit it.

“I’m okay, Tobs. You’re still my best friend. Honestly, that’s all I ever could have hoped for after everything. I’ll be okay. I just want you to be happy.”

“What do I do now?” Tobin asks still uncertain.

“That’s up to you to figure out. I’ll still be here as a friend. Who knows, maybe we will give it another shot one day, but I can’t let you sabotage things by being with me when you want her. That’s what I did with you and Scott. I don’t want you making the same mistake. Now go talk to her before I change my mind.”

“Okay, I will…” Tobin pauses before walking into the door of her apartment, “Hey, Chris?”

“Yeah?”

“For the record, I have to be fucking crazy not to be in love with you. You’re amazing,” Tobin says honestly.

“Tobs, you say that like you haven’t known forever that we are both a little insane. Bye, Tobin,” Christen says softly as she hangs up the phone without giving Tobin a chance to respond.

“Bye, Chris,” Tobin says to the silence of the line that’s already disconnected. She takes a deep breath and turns the door handle stepping through the threshold of her apartment.

When Tobin opens the door to her room, Alex is still asleep. Tobin sets her phone back down on the nightstand and crawls into bed again lying on her back and trying not to wake her. Alex stirs still half asleep and mindlessly scoots towards Tobin nuzzling into her neck. Tobin hesitates at first freezing slightly but ultimately giving in to the warm feeling radiating from her body at the feeling of having Alex this close again. Tobin drifts off asleep again repeating Christen’s words in her head. _Is it really okay to let her back in?_

~

An hour later, Tobin is stirred awake at the feeling of someone drawing circles on her stomach where her shirt has ridden up exposing her skin.

“Morning,” Tobin says her voice still husky with sleep. Alex withdrawals her hand quickly.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were up,” Alex says nervously.

“It’s okay,” Tobin says awkwardly unsure of how to proceed, “It uh…it felt good.”

“Yeah?” Alex asks her voice hopeful.

“Yeah,” Tobin responds simply.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex asks timidly.

“Is it totally fucked up if I say not right now?” Tobin asks, “I mean I do, at some point. I just need a little bit of time to process. Can we just talk tonight? When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow night, I don’t have class on Mondays,” Alex replies her breath tickling Tobin’s neck from where she is still snuggled into her side.

Tobin closes her eyes and swallows. She tries to ignore the way her body is hyper aware of every infinitesimal movement Alex is making next to her. She curses herself for getting back into bed without the buffer of alcohol to dull her senses like the night before.

“Lex,” Tobin whispers her eyes still closed.

“Yeah?” Alex questions leaning up on her elbow to look at Tobin.

“If we are really going to do this…If I’m even going to consider it. I need you to do this slow. I need to be able to trust you,” Tobin whispers opening her eyes and immediately making eye contact with Alex.

“I know. Whatever you need, I’ll do it. I just—“

“Shhh, Lex. We will talk later. Just slow, okay?”

“Slow,” Alex nods her eyes flickering to Tobin’ s lips and back up to her eyes. Tobin notices the action and she is entirely sure that she has lost her mind at this point. Maybe it is the way Alex is looking at her or maybe she is just horrible at doing things in the right way or maybe she really is somewhat insane. Whatever the case, she finds herself leaning up to brush her lips against Alex’s slowly.

It takes a second for Alex to register what is happening as she had just been told to go slow. When her brain catches up, she takes Tobin’s lips between her own, savoring the way her body seems to burn all over at the feeling. She knows it’s stupid and reckless, and is going against everything Tobin just said, but she can’t help but deepen the kiss as Tobin’s hand moves to tangle in her hair.

When Alex swipes her tongue across Tobin’s bottom lip, Tobin briefly recalls the word ‘slow’ coming out of her mouth moments before. The thought is suppressed as Alex swings her leg over Tobin to straddle her. Tobin’s hands automatically grasp at Alex’s hips bringing her closer as she opens her mouth to let Alex’s tongue tangle with her own. Her hands roam behind to find Alex’s ass giving it a gentle squeeze and earning a slight gasp from Alex who pulls back to start placing kisses on Tobin’s neck.

Alex traces a line with her tongue along Tobin’s jaw before sitting back on Tobin’s hips and removing her shirt. Tobin follows sitting up slightly and removing her own shirt. She throws it on the floor where it lands on top of Alex’s and takes in the sight of Alex’s bare torso in front of her. Before she can take one of Alex’s nipples in her mouth, she is being pushed gently back down on the bed by her shoulders.

Alex has an intense look in her eyes as she moves to kiss Tobin’s lips quickly before moving back down to her neck. She sucks gently before soothing the skin with her tongue and slowly moving towards her chest. Pausing at Tobin’s collar bone, Alex places a soft bite to her skin and suddenly it is all too much for Tobin. The familiarity of the movement has Tobin burning hot and dripping wet as her body has been missing this in ways her mind can’t even fathom.

“Lex,” Tobin says desperately, “Lex, I need you.”

“I know, babe. Just trust me, I’ve got you,” Alex whispers moving down to Tobin’s chest and taking a nipple into her mouth. She sucks and bites gently working over each one until Tobin is practically shaking with arousal underneath her. Finally, she moves down Tobin’s stomach licking and biting until her face is just above her center.

Tobin is a mess at this point her brow shimmering with sweat and her body twitching in anticipation as Alex removes her shorts and discards them on the floor next to their shorts. Alex places a wet kiss to the inside of Tobin’s thigh and wastes no time running her tongue through Tobin’s center. The sight is almost too much for Tobin as Alex hums in satisfaction and Tobin’s eyes shut and a loud moan escapes her.

“You taste so good,” Alex says running her tongue through Tobin again.

“Fuck, Lex,” Tobin says her hips jerking upwards at the contact.

Alex takes the hint drawing circles around Tobin’s clit with her tongue just how Tobin likes it and slipping two fingers inside of her. Tobin moans loudly moving one hand to grip at Alex’s hair and grabbing Alex’s hand that is resting above her hips and guiding it up to knead at one of her breasts.

Alex’s hand moves rhythmically in and out of Tobin as her tongue flicks against her clit and she rolls Tobin’s hardened nipple between her fingers. It doesn’t take long for her to feel Tobin tighten around her hand as Alex sucks her clit gently. Tobin cums loudly screaming Alex’s name and writhing underneath her before collapsing against the bed. Alex slowly removes her fingers swiping her tongue fully through Tobin’s center one last time. Tobin twitches at the action as her chest heaves out breaths and Alex sucks her fingers clean. Alex closes her eyes reveling in the taste of Tobin and smiling when she opens them to find Tobin staring up at her with blown pupils.

“Lex,” Tobin whispers motioning for Alex to come closer by pulling at her hip. Alex obliges straddling Tobin again and they both moan at the feeling of Alex’s soaked shorts pressed against Tobin. Alex leans down to place a long kiss to Tobin’s lips. When she pulls away again, Tobin runs a hand through Alex’s hair before brushing her thumb against Alex’s lips. Teasingly, Alex sucks at the pad of Tobin’s thumb as it grazes across her mouth eliciting another moan from Tobin.

Tobin’s hand moves down to toy with the waistband of Alex’s shorts.

“These should go; don’t you think?” Tobin asks in a low voice. Alex simply nods quickly flopping next to Tobin on the bed and shimmying the shorts down her legs. As soon as the shorts hit the floor, Tobin is on top of her and leaning down to kiss her roughly, immediately slipping her tongue into Alex’s mouth. Tobin doesn’t waste time as her hand skims down Alex’s torso and she runs a finger through Alex’s soaked center. She pulls back from Alex’s lips to move down to her breasts and suck on her already hardened nipples one by one, while she teases Alex’s entrance with her fingers.

“I want to taste you,” Tobin mumbles against Alex’s chest before moving to position herself between Alex’s legs and gently nudging Alex’s legs farther apart. She doesn’t hesitate pushing her tongue into Alex’s entrance and swiping her thumb across Alex’s clit.

“Fuck, babe. Don’t stop,” Alex breathes out as she squeezes Tobin’s hand next to her on the sheets and tangles the other in her hair. Alex’s hip grind up against Tobin’s face as Tobin continues to work her over. She licks her way up to Alex’s clit circles it gently knowing Alex is close. She begins to flick her tongue against it as she dips two fingers into Alex. Rewarded with a loud moan, Tobin begins to pump her fingers in and out adding another finger soon after. With a final swipe of her tongue, Tobin curls her fingers and Alex is now writhing underneath her Tobin’s name on her lips as her muscles contract. Tobin places a kiss to Alex’s thigh before removing her fingers and moving up towards Alex to cuddle into her side. She teases Alex’s lips with the fingers still covered in her and moans when Alex sucks them into her mouth, tasting herself. Tobin lays her head on Alex’s still heaving chest listening to the racing heart beneath her flesh.

“So...slow?” Alex asks quietly.

Tobin laughs loudly as she realizes just how ridiculous of an idea that had been with Alex in her bed and telling her she still loves her. Plans seem futile when it came to her feelings for Alex.

“Tobin?” Alex asks worried at her reaction now that things had settled.

“Yeah, Lex?” Tobin says circling one of Alex’s nipples with her fingertips.

“I love you,” Alex says, “I love you so much. Pretending that I didn’t. That was the hardest and dumbest thing that I’ve ever done. I’m so sorry. I know you probably don’t trust anything I say still, but I really do love you.”

Tobin pauses continue to play with Alex’s nipple while thinking things over in her head. The silence is torturous for Alex but she waits for a response knowing that Tobin is entitled to time to process.

“Lex?” Tobin asks quietly.

“Yeah?” Alex answers.

“I think I still love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I was leaning towards Christen (mostly b/c what Alex did objectively I think is way worse and b/c the person Christen represents in this is my favorite person no question). However, for the story I think I wrote the Alex/Tobin scenes way more intensely and putting her with Christen after that seemed forced. Idk maybe y'all disagree (Yes I say y'all). K bye.


	33. Oh, you graduated? No, I decided I was finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The return of the oh wait, no wait...he didn't say what I think he said, did he?
> 
> Wow, please ignore that awful Eminem reference. I'm sleep deprived and tipsy. Anyways...sorry it took forever. I got distracted and drunk far more often than planned.

Alex feels tears in her eyes at Tobin’s admission having driven here not knowing if Tobin would even see her. She lets them fall down her cheeks as she plays with Tobin’s hair.

“Lex?” Tobin asks worriedly as she hasn’t said anything in response to her confession. She leans up from her place on Alex’s chest to look at Alex and finds tears in her eyes. Tobin sits up on the bed clutching a pillow against her chest and leaning against the wall with her knees pulled to her chest.

“You are regretting this, aren’t you?” Tobin asks quietly. The look on her face is pained as she looks down at the bed ashamed she let herself believe that this could be real. That Alex actually wanted her back and it wasn’t just a fleeting thing designed to fuck with her or hurt her more.

“No!” Alex exclaims sitting up to face Tobin quickly and placing her hands on her knees.

“Then why are you crying?” Tobin asks her voice so small Alex’s stomach clenches at the sound.

“Tobs,” Alex pleads rubbing her thumbs against Tobin’s knees soothingly, “I’m crying because I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say that again and it made me so happy. I’m crying because I don’t deserve for you to, but you do anyways.”

“You promise?” Tobin asks looking up to meet Alex’s eyes.

Alex nearly shudders at how hurt they look. Knowing that she was the cause, she nearly starts crying all over again.

“I promise,” Alex says confidently knowing that any uncertainty or pain in her voice will cause Tobin to doubt her intentions, “Can we talk now? I really think we should.”

Tobin nods slowly, “Yeah, we probably should.”

“Okay, do you want to start or should I?” Alex asks rubbing Tobin’s knees with her thumbs again.

“Um, can we put clothes on first?” Tobin asks eyeing Alex’s bare chest as she leans towards her from her spot on the bed. Alex notices her stare and looks down at her exposed breasts blushing slightly.

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea too.”

Alex crawls off the bed and finds a fresh pair of shorts and a t-shirt in Tobin’s drawers. She tosses some to Tobin after putting on her own. Tobin follows her and gets off the bed slipping the new clothes on. They stand there uncertain of how to begin until Alex sighs and takes a step forward grabbing Tobin’s hand and leading her to sit down on the bed again. They crawl to the far side and sit leaning up against the wall with their legs outstretched and their hands still interlocked between them.

“Why’d you do it?” Tobin asks breaking the silence and turning her head against the wall to look at Alex.

Alex sighs knowing she has to answer but wishing she had a better reason to give. Truth be told she had spent the last few months asking herself that same question.

“I’ve been asking myself that for months, pretty much since I did it. I just freaked out. I know that doesn’t excuse anything I did. I was struggling so much with what other people thought. That night that you picked me up from my house and I was crying do you remember?” Alex asks looking over to face Tobin.

Tobin nods her head.

“It was always in the back of my head after that. My dad saying ‘it’s disgusting and a sin’. It was in my head and I didn’t talk to you like I should have because when I was with you I was fine. I was happy, but then I went back to school and I felt so alone and started to think maybe he is right. Then Jason was there and he was asking and I just thought I would do us both a favor. I thought you deserved something more than me because I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to get past needing my dad’s acceptance. I thought it would be better for both of us. I couldn’t stop though. I tried to drive you away. God, I was so mean Tobin and you still were there for me. I started to resent you because how I felt about you wouldn’t go away. I blamed you, but then I would have days where I needed to know you were there and that maybe you still wanted me,” Alex is crying at this point and she pauses to wipe the tears from her eyes.

“It was so fucked up, Tobin. I knew I was fucking with your head, but I was just so fucked up in my own head. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for that, but I’ll spend every day trying to make it up to you if you let me. I love you, and I’m tired of being afraid to just be myself and let myself want what I want.”

Tobin squeezes Alex’s hand in between them on the bed reassuringly and pauses as she takes in Alex’s appearance. Her eyes are red from crying as she looks pleadingly towards Tobin.

Tobin lets out a deep breath looking away from Alex to stare at the blank wall on the other side of the room.

“You hurt me, Lex. So bad. I don’t even feel like the same person anymore, and I’m not trying to make you feel worse because I believe you’re sorry. I just don’t know how I can just go back to how things were. I don’t know if it’s that easy,” Tobin croaks out as tears collect in her own eyes now and she feels Alex shift closer to rest her head against Tobin’s shoulder and moving their intertwined hands to rest in her lap.

“Do you want to try?” Alex asks quietly.

Tobin pauses thinking back to her conversation with Christen and knowing that she was right.

“I think I’d regret it if we didn’t try,” Tobin says and before she can even register it Alex is straddling her and pulling her into a tight hug as she buries her face in Tobin’s neck. Tobin can’t contain the smile on her face and the quiet laugh she lets out at Alex’s reaction when Alex sits up again to look at her.

“Sorry, it’s just—are you sure?” Alex asks as Tobin’s hands find her hips.

“I am. Just let’s try and go slow…for real this time.”

Alex nods frantically leaning forward to place a light kiss to Tobin’s lips before pulling back again and climbing off of Tobin to sit next to her again, “Okay, whatever you need.”

There is a pause again and Tobin tries to process it all as the last 24 hours seems all a bit surreal. Her heart is racing and her mind is struggling to keep up with it all. She’s excited and anxious and when she looks over at Alex again she sees the look in her eye that had kept her up at night for so many months wondering if she had imagined it. She smiles then not being able to help herself and sighing in relief that she wasn’t crazy after all when she is pulled from her daze by Alex’s voice.

“So…what now?”

“I’m not sure,” Tobin says honestly as she has barely caught up with everything.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” Alex rushes out nervously.

Tobin smiles at this nodding her head, “That sounds like a good place to start.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tobin sighs taking a look around at everyone in Rupp Arena from the hundreds of fellow graduates in their blue caps and gowns to the thousands of family and friends in the stands. Her diploma case is in hand as the real one won’t be mailed for several months. Somewhere in the stands is her family and Alex. They aren’t sitting together, of course, as her family has no idea that Alex made the trip down as she didn’t want to force Alex into the awkwardness of that situation. Sam is next to her as she managed to barely pass cost accounting and was able to graduate at the same time as Tobin.

Tobin feels Sam nudge her arm to get her attention and looks over at her as she motions up towards the stands. They get up quickly having sat through enough of the ceremony after 2.5 hours. Dashing up through the stands, Tobin texts Alex to meet her outside of the back entrance. Ten minutes later, Alex meets them outside the doors with Sarah, Sydney and Savannah in tow. She smiles walking faster towards Tobin and pulling her in for a hug picking her up off the ground before setting her back down.

“Congrats, babe,” Alex gets out before Tobin pulls her in for a quick kiss.

“Okay, enough. It’s my turn,” Sydney says playfully pulling Tobin by the arm and giving her a hug. They all congratulate her and Sam before Tobin tells them she has to go meet her family for dinner as Kelley texted telling her they had just left their seats. Alex hangs back a second telling the others she will meet them at the car and turning to Tobin.

“What’s up?” Tobin asks wondering why Alex hadn’t followed the others.

“Nothing, I just wanted you to myself for a second. I’m so proud of you. I love you,” Alex says stepping forward and pulling Tobin in for another kiss letting it linger for a second before pulling away knowing that her family would be there soon.

Tobin groans at the loss of contact putting her hands on Alex’s hips to keep her from leaving, “I love you, too. I don’t want to go to dinner. Take me with you?”

“I wish. I do want a picture before I leave though,” Alex says pressing a kiss to Tobin’s forehead and pulling her phone out. Alex snaps a quick selfie without Tobin’s usual complaining about hating pictures as she presses a kiss to Alex’s cheek.

“I’ll see you back at my place?” Tobin asks as Alex puts her phone back in her purse.

“Yeah, no promises that I won’t be a little drunk by then. Sydney was talking about pre-gaming during the whole ceremony.”

Tobin laughs at this shaking her head as she isn’t surprised Sydney wants to start drinking as early as possible.

“In that case, we both probably will be. I don’t do dinner with my parents sober. You should get going before Sarah starts complaining,” Tobin says placing one last peck to Alex’s lips.

Alex smiles turning to leave and sending a last wave in Tobin’s direction before she turns the corner.

A few minutes later Tobin’s family appears as Kelley punches her on the arm and says a quick congrats before her parents awkwardly hug her. They head to dinner and Tobin whispers with Kelley at the end of the table as her parents are now chatting with her grandparents about nonsense having exhausted the usual questions for Tobin in the first five minutes of dinner.

“So, you going out tonight?” Kelley whispers.

“Yeah, are you staying? You could drive back with us tomorrow.” Tobin says, “We can make room for you.”

Kelley frowns a this as she has been slow to accept Alex again after seeing everything that had happened, “I better not. I don’t want to ruin your night by fighting with her.”

“Kel, can’t you just give it up? I forgave her. We are good now. I hate having to worry about you two in the same place. She shouldn’t have to prove herself to you all the time. She loves me.”

“I know. I’ll let it go eventually, but you are my little sister. I can’t help it that I’m protective. I’ll let it go when I know she’s here for the long haul. I still don’t trust her.”

“You’re infuriating,” Tobin whispers shaking her head and dropping the subject as she doesn’t want to have this same fight they have had countless times since Tobin told her that she and Alex got back together. Ann had been accepting, but Kelley was still holding a grudge.

They wrap up dinner half an hour later after Tobin has downed two Crown and Cokes to deal with the constant talk of money coming from her parents and her grandpa asking if she had a boyfriend 3 times. She says goodbye as they drop her at her apartment and hurriedly gets out her keys and enters glad that part of the night is over.

When she enters the apartment, her roommates are all gathered in the kitchen in various states of dress as they are doing a shot before continuing to get ready to go out. Tobin searches the room for Alex as Sydney hands her a shot excitedly. Tobin takes it knowing better than to argue with tipsy Sydney and sets the empty glass back on the counter.

“Where’s Alex?” Tobin asks over the music coming from the speaker in the corner. Sydney simply points towards her room, and Tobin turns in that direction walking away before Sydney can force another shot on her. She slips into the room quietly and shuts the door behind her.

“Damn, I think I changed my mind. Let’s stay in,” Tobin says as she is met with Alex in nothing but her black lace bra and matching thong. Alex turns around slowly smiling at Tobin.

“Hi to you too,” Alex says as Tobin eyes roam her body hungrily before she steps forward towards Alex. She rubs her hands up and down Alex’s sides slowly as Alex leans in to press their lips together. The kiss is slow and soft as Tobin’s hands roam bare skin eventually settling on Alex’s ass and pulling her closer. Alex wraps her hands around Tobin’s neck as she feels Tobin’s tongue slip into her mouth and caress her own.

It grows heated quickly as Tobin squeezes softly at Alex’s ass and her tongue explores and without thinking Alex pushes Tobin back towards the bed until her knees hit the edge and buckle underneath her causing her to fall back onto it. Alex chuckles at their clumsiness but the sound of her laughter is stifled in her throat as Tobin sits up on the edge of the bed and leans forward to place open mouthed kisses to Alex’s stomach. Alex’s skin is burning as she feels the wetness pooling in her underwear at the feeling of Tobin’s warm mouth against her skin and just above where she needs her.

Tobin is torturing her as she draws lines across her stomach and hips lazily as Alex’s breath quickens and she tangles her hands in Tobin’s hair.

“How much time do we have?” Tobin mumbles against Alex’s stomach continuing to pepper it with kisses as she moves her fingers to fiddle with the waistband of Alex’s thong.

“Enough,” Alex gasps out as Tobin opts to slide the black lace to the side and dip one finger into Alex. Alex braces herself by holding on to Tobin’s shoulders as she teasingly moves her finger in and out of Alex slowly.

“You’re so hot,” Tobin breathes out as she stops her assault on her torso to look up at Alex as she removes her finger slowly and pulls at the thin fabric in their way. Alex steps out of it as Tobin pulls at her hips moving her down into Tobin’s lap as her wet center presses against the silky fabric of Tobin’s black dress. Alex grinds her hips against Tobin as she presses their lips together and Tobin’s hands reach behind her do undo the bra that she had put on a few minutes ago.

Alex stands up again discarding the bra and smiling at Tobin’s frown as she grips at Alex’s hips and attempts to pull her back down.

“Lose the dress,” Alex says biting her lip as she eyes Tobin. Tobin stands quickly turning her back to Alex. Tobin’s skin tingles as Alex’s hands unzip and push the dress off her hips along with her underwear letting them both fall to the floor. Alex doesn’t waste any more time as she presses sloppy kisses to Tobin’s neck from behind her and undoes her bra and slips it off of Tobin’s shoulders letting it fall on the growing pile of discarded clothes.

Tobin gasps as Alex’s hands move and one plays with her breasts as the other reaches around to rub slow circles against her clit. Tobin lets herself sink backward against Alex closing her eyes and reveling in the feeling of Alex’s hands on her and smiling at the familiarity of a soft bite being placed on her shoulder.

It’s in this position that Sydney finds them as she is too tipsy to realize she should’ve knocked before opening the door and she pauses in the door way covering her eyes with her hand as Tobin turns around and pulls Alex into a hug in a lame attempt to cover themselves.

“Syd, what the fuck,” Tobin yells frustrated at the interruption.

“Sorry, it’s just we are supposed to meet Dom and the guys out soon. I was seeing if you guys are ready, but you clearly aren’t,” Sydney says laughing as she keeps her hand securely across her eyes.

“We’ll meet you there,” Alex says as she moves from Tobin’s grasp and turns Sydney by the shoulders before lightly pushing her out of the doorway and closing it again. When she turns around, Tobin is watching her with an amused expression.

“We need to remember to lock the door. This always happens,” Tobin says shaking her head and moving to close the gap between her and Alex again. Alex stops her before she can press their lips together by pressing her hands firmly against her chest.

“Let’s continue this in the shower. We really should be getting ready,” Alex says leaning forward to kiss Tobin’s forehead.

“Deal,” Tobin says as she opens the door slowly peaking her head around the corner before sprinting across the hall into the bathroom. Alex follows behind her laughing as Tobin nearly falls from the rug slipping on the tile floor before she steadies herself by grasping at the counter.

“It’s not funny,” Tobin whines as Alex bends down to turn on the shower. Tobin slaps her ass playfully and Alex’s laughter dies down again. They step into the shower letting the hot water run over them. Tobin pulls Alex in for a kiss and they pick up where they left off until they are both breathless. The water is nearly cold against Tobin’s back as she holds Alex under it trying to recover.

“Hand me the shampoo. I’ll wash your hair,” Alex says pressing a lazy kiss to Tobin’s jaw and rubbing her hands up and down her back. Tobin hums in response too spent to verbalize her thoughts and simply reaching for the shampoo and handing it to Alex. Alex puts some in her hands before setting it back down and beginning to massage it into Tobin’s hair slowly. Tobin hums again approvingly still not fully recovered from the multiple orgasms. Alex chuckles knowing Tobin is spent as she hadn’t let up until Tobin made her stop because she was too sensitive.

“Tobs?” Alex asks quietly still working the shampoo through her hair slowly.

“What babe?”

“I’m really glad you gave me another chance.”

Tobin sighs opening her eyes to look at Alex and pecking her lips, “Me too, Lex. Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I just end it here? Idk where else I'm going to go with this other than Tobin going to grad school?

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I have only ever shown my writing to one person before and it was poems not a story so be gentle at first. This is based on something that happened to me and will more than likely be long, but I'm not sure how long as I'm not really the outline type. Let me know what you think.


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